by Ashley Quinn
“I could’ve told you that,” Tiffany cracked. She grimaced as she shifted on the bed and swung her legs over the edge. She carefully stood, batting away London’s offer for help, and held onto her portable I.V. with her right hand. “I have to pee like crazy. These nurses have been flushing me with so many liquids that I swear I’ve been peeing, like, every hour.”
“Thank you for that information,” London called after her jokingly. She sat back in the hospital chair and smiled as Tiffany closed the bathroom door behind her.
Things feel right again she realized. Sure, it’ll be a process with Tiffany and I. But right now? Things are good. We’re where we need to be.
London glanced at the bedside table and idly scanned the books and gossip magazines that Diane had brought yesterday. One of the books caught her eye and she picked it out of the stack for a closer look.
The Wisdom to Know the Difference she read silently. London turned it over in her hands to read the synopsis on the back cover. It’s a sobriety book she realized in surprise. To overcome substance abuse. Good for Tiffany. Maybe she knew things were spiraling out of control.
London flipped open the front cover and glanced through a few pages as the toilet flushed. “Nice book, Tiff!” She called proudly. “Have you looked through it yet? Do you think it will be helpful?”
Her voice trailed off as she noticed an inscription above the first chapter. She froze and read it over again.
Jane: May your journey bring you peace, health, light and happiness. I am proud to be your sponsor and wish you and Celia many years of love as you weave your lives together. Sincerely, Margaret Holmes
London tried to swallow, but her throat suddenly seemed very narrow and dry. She racked her brain to recall if Celia or Jane had ever been introduced to Tiffany, but she knew that their families hadn’t formally met yet.
She glanced at the date next to the inscription. June 16th, 1982 she thought. Before Natalie was born.
“Which book?” Tiffany’s voice roused London from her confusion. She peered into her lap as she gingerly climbed back into the bed. “Oh, that book...” her voice trailed off. “Well, um, I haven’t had a chance to read it yet, but I plan to. It’s one that, um, I’m looking forward to starting while I’m here.”
London’s heart sank as she watched Tiffany stammer nervously. “Did you buy it?” She asked. She couldn’t shake the terrible feeling that she already knew her answer.
Tiffany met her eyes and then shook her head. “I, uh, borrowed it. Someone leant it to me.”
“Who?” London heard herself ask. She traced her finger along the spine of the worn paperback as the punched-in-the-gut feeling exploded somewhere deep in her belly.
“Natalie leant to me, London,” Tiffany admitted with a sigh. “She stopped by the house one morning and gave it to me. You were there.”
London tried to remember the particular morning, but couldn’t think past the betrayal that she felt seeping into her bloodstream. “She came to the house to lend you a book on substance abuse and sobriety?” She asked, her voice shaking.
Tiffany stared at her lap. “We, uh, bumped into each other the night before. She was leaving and I was coming home. You have to understand, London, I was in a really bad state. She knew it and we talked for a while. Well, after I threw up on the driveway in front of her.” She took a deep breath. “She wanted to help. I begged her not to say anything to you. I made her promise.”
London stared at the book. The title and tagline swam before her eyes. “She didn’t say anything to me,” London replied in disbelief. “She kept that from me. During all of the times we talked to each other and talked about our lives and our families, she never once mentioned anything. When I got the call that you were in the hospital and I sobbed the entire way from Haskell to Fort Worth, it never occurred to her to say a word. I was devastated.”
Tiffany swallowed hard and tried to sit up further. “London, I begged her not to say anything. I was so embarrassed and I was scared of what you would think. I didn’t want you to know how bad it was.”
“Why?” London shot back. “I’m your sister! How can you and my...my partner go behind my back and keep something from me?”
Another tear rolled down Tiffany’s cheek. “You have to understand, London,” she tried again. “You came to Texas with...with this persona, you know? You were so closed off and this perfectionist and...”
“I am not a perfectionist!” London interrupted hotly.
“We’ve never been a part of each other’s lives,” Tiffany went on. “All I’ve wanted is a sister. You know, that love and unconditional support that you can only get from your own sibling. I didn’t want anything to come between us or you looking down on me right off the bat. I was scared of you hating me.”
London crossed her arms. “That’s not fair,” she replied. “I never hated you. Why would I start now?”
She knew I resented her she thought weakly. And that’s why she didn’t want to come to me.
“London, you can’t be mad at her,” Tiffany continued. “Please, think of the world beyond this impenetrable bubble that you’ve created around yourself. I was scared, but I know Natalie loves you. Try to see it from our point of view.”
“If she loved me, there never would have been a secret this big between us for so long,” London replied stonily. “You know, I have to wonder. If I hadn’t happened upon that book, if your mother hadn’t picked it up in a stack to bring to the hospital, would she have ever told me? What else has she kept from me? Lying by omission is just as big of a betrayal as lying to someone’s face. Especially when you and that person are in love.”
“See, you do love her,” Tiffany replied. “She’s someone you’d better hold onto and you know it deep down. You two can get past it.”
“It’s a betrayal,” London responded shortly. “You say I’m closed off? That I don’t vocalize things much? That’s because I’ve been betrayed, Tiffany. I’ve felt like my heart was cut out of my chest and I’ve stayed up all night crying over someone who betrayed me. I’ll be damned if I ever let myself feel that way again!”
Tiffany flopped back against her pillows. “Then be mad at me,” she said simply. “Natalie is good for you. I can’t let you lose her over this.”
London ran a hand through her hair in distress. “And the thing of it all is that I can’t be mad at you, Tiffany,” she continued helplessly. “You’re an addict. It’s a disease and you weren’t in your right state of mind. Natalie was.”
“You sound mad at me,” Tiffany ventured. “It’s okay if you are. I’m sorry. It was totally wrong of me to put your girlfriend in that position, just like it was wrong of me to put you in the position I did at the Rangers game. I realize that there’s a lot of people I need to apologize to. I’ll start with you and Natalie.”
London felt a strange and sudden pressure behind her eyes. It blurred her vision and closed her throat as she stood.
It doesn’t matter how much I tried to protect myself she thought bitterly. I still got burned in the end. And this time, it hurts even more because it’s Natalie.
“I’m going to step out for some air,” London announced. She crossed her arms decisively. “Natalie is going to be here any minute and I...I don’t know if I want to see her right now. I’ll be back.”
With that, she strode out of the room without a second glance. Hot, angry tears were ready to spill and she hated it. I hate that I feel like crying, I hate myself for being weak, I hate... she shook her head as she realized she couldn’t finish the thought. What’s worst is that I don’t hate her.
CHAPTER 25
Natalie glanced down at her phone as she pulled her truck into the driveway of London’s father’s home. Strange that she hasn’t texted she mused. She had already grown used to hearing from her often, even if it was just a silly message with a kissy face. She must be spending quality time with Tiffany. Good. Those two need time together.
She squinted through the bright
afternoon sunlight at the wide porch as she eased her truck into Park. A woman she had never seen before slowly paced up and down the porch. Her thumbs jumped across the wide screen of her phone.
The woman was tall and impossibly glamorous, with large, shining jewels that glinted on her fingers and across her slender neck. Her black hair was wrapped in an effortless chignon and her tailored business suit was sharp and professional. She’s not from around here Natalie thought. She looks a lot like London did when she first arrived.
Natalie glanced at the sleek black Lexus S.U.V. perched gently against the curb. The plate number told her it was a rental. I suppose she could be one of London’s friends or acquaintances, but she never mentioned anything about any visits she thought in confusion.
“Hi, can I help you?” She called as she walked uncertainly to the porch. The woman’s head shot up.
“I hope so,” she responded crisply, enunciating each word.
Okay, she’s definitely not from around here Natalie thought with an inward laugh.
“I’m looking for London,” the woman continued. “London Foster. I may be at the wrong house, but I swear this is the address she e-mailed to me. Is this where she’s staying?”
Natalie chewed her bottom lip as she wondered how much information to give away. “I’m sorry, and you are...?”
The woman met Natalie’s eyes and recognition seemed to light her face. “Oh, you must be Natalie!” She exclaimed. “Of course. I recognize you from the photos.”
“What photos?” She replied immediately.
“London’s Instagram account,” she went on. “I tried to tell her that everyone at W.H. Young was following it now, but I don’t think she really believed me. The clip of you line-dancing at the county fair was fantastic.”
Natalie’s mouth dropped open as realization dawned on her. “You must be...Holly?” She was still trying to recover from the shock of this strange woman seeming to know her.
The woman grinned. “The one and only,” she confirmed. “To think, London didn’t even want an Instagram account. I only made her sign up for one so we could keep in touch during her trip. Anyway, I told her I had a client meeting in Dallas tomorrow. I flew down a day early to spend some time with her.”
“That’s nice of you,” Natalie replied lamely. Why do I feel like there’s something big I’m missing here?
“I have to admit, it’s not all with honorable intentions,” Holly replied. “I hate to steal London from her time off, but this client meeting tomorrow is quite important. It’s essential that I brief her on them ahead of time and introduce her.”
Natalie wrinkled her nose. “Her sister is in the hospital,” she replied. It’s not your business to discuss she thought as she drew on the politeness she’d been raised to adhere to. Give Holly the basics and let London decide how much to tell her. “She’s over at Baylor All-Saints. It was an unexpected situation, so she’s been sort of...unavailable. I’m sure she just forgot you were coming in.”
“Oh, no,” Holly gasped. She covered her mouth with her hand and looked genuinely concerned. “That’s terrible. No wonder she hasn’t been answering my calls. I’ll have to figure out an alternative to tomorrow’s client meeting. Surely there will be another once she returns that she can accompany me to.”
Natalie nodded and then blinked in confusion. She talks too fast she thought. I can barely keep up. “Oh, okay,” she replied slowly. This makes no sense. “Why?”
It was Holly’s turn to appear confused. “Well, so we can start easing her into her new role once she’s back in Chicago,” she replied, as though the answer was very obvious. “London was given an incredible promotion. In fact, that’s why she’s in Texas. We agreed that, if she took some time off, we’d transition her into the role once she returned. Honestly, I couldn’t be more proud of her. She’s really on the fast track to a great career with the company.”
Natalie tried to process this, but she felt as though she had been kicked in the stomach. “When...When she returns?”
Holly appeared to clueless to Natalie’s strife as she laughed. “I spoke to her last week and she wasn’t sure on the exact date of her return, but I know she was planning to leave relatively soon. I’ll have to check in with her and find out how her sister is and if she’ll be back once she’s released. Or sooner.”
The rest of the world seemed to go on mute as a tornado of emotions swept through Natalie. She could see Holly’s mouth moving as she continued her rapid-fire speech and she could feel a light breeze tickling her forearms, but all she could understand was the sudden ache that pierced her chest.
“I should get going,” Natalie cut in quickly. “I’m sorry, I have to run.” She placed the bakery boxes gently onto the welcome mat and nodded once at Holly. “Nice to meet you, ma’am.”
She could feel Holly’s stare on her back as she forced her feet back to the truck. “Ma’am?” Holly’s voice echoed behind her. “I’m not that old!”
It’s Southern hospitality Natalie answered silently. You don’t get it and London didn’t get it either. Doubt began to cloud Natalie’s mind as she wondered what else London didn’t get. I’ve been too enamored with her, too busy letting myself fall in love with her, to see if she's sincere she thought.
Natalie turned the key in her truck with a shaking hand. This whole time I thought she was scared. I thought she needed someone to show her love and kindness. How sweet it all could be. How do I know she really meant anything she’s said?
Am I that stupid? Natalie wondered as she jerked the truck out of the driveway. To not see that I’m not part of her long-term plan? That she just wanted a Texas fling?
“But she said she loves me,” Natalie whispered angrily. She hit her palm against the steering wheel in frustration. “Would she really say that if she didn’t mean it?”
She glared at the red light ahead of her. The sinking feeling in her stomach kept her circling back to a single thought. If I was really any part of her future plans, she would have said something about the promotion or her job situation. She must think I’m really dumb.
The light changed to green and Natalie hit the gas. “Well, if London Foster thinks I’m just some silly Southern girl that she can use at her convenience, then she has another thing coming.”
---
London could hear Natalie’s footsteps on the white linoleum even before she spotted her walking down the long hallway. She sat in a chair just outside of Tiffany’s room and took a deep breath. She glanced up and was momentarily shaken by the stormy look in Natalie’s eyes as she approached. There was no trace of the easy smile that London had fallen so hard for.
London stood as she racked her brain and tried to figure out why Natalie was so angry. She stopped short about a foot from her, but didn’t reach out for a hug or kiss. London’s heart sank as she realized how used to Natalie’s sweet affection she already was.
They regarded each other warily for a moment. London thought again of the inscription in the book on Tiffany’s bedside table and felt her insides twist with anger and betrayal all over again. Natalie glared at her silently.
“When were you planning to tell me that you gave my sister Jane’s book?” London spoke tightly. “Or even just the simple fact that you knew how addicted she was?”
For a moment, the anger in Natalie’s dark eyes was replaced by shock. Her mouth dropped open. “London, I was planning to tell you...”
“When?” London cut in angrily. “Because it’s too late; she already overdosed. You had every opportunity to say something to me. Any of the times that we spent together would have been fine. Even on the way to the hospital, it didn’t occur to you to mention anything?”
“I didn’t know what to do!” Natalie exclaimed defensively. “I was never expecting to encounter Tiffany the way I did that night. I didn’t know if it was my place to say anything. Believe me, I wish I had. Looking back, I realize I should have said something to you right away.”
London sta
red at her for a long moment. “You betrayed my trust,” she replied simply. “How can I trust you if you don’t know to tell me things like that? Tiffany is my sister...”
“She begged me not to say anything,” Natalie tried again, cutting her off. “I know that not saying anything was a mistake, but you have to understand the hard position I was in.”
“I’m your partner,” London replied coldly. “I can’t trust someone who keeps things from me. Like I told Tiffany earlier, lying by omission is just as bad as lying outright.”
Natalie’s face inexplicably hardened and she took a step back. “You know, London, you’re right,” she replied after a moment. “Lying by omission is just as much of a betrayal as outright lying. Speaking of, when were you planning to inform me that you’d accepted a promotion at your company and were planning to return to Chicago soon?”
London’s mouth dropped open, but she couldn’t find any words to refute Natalie’s accusation.
Natalie watched her for a moment. She shook her head. “Exactly,” she went on angrily. “You can’t even deny it. Were you planning to just up and leave in a few days? A week? You obviously weren’t planning to tell me anything.”
“For the record, I had already made the decision in my heart and in my mind to decline the promotion,” London replied weakly. She hadn’t expected the sudden turning of tables. “I just hadn’t had a chance to tell Holly.”
“You had every chance to speak to Holly!” Natalie exclaimed. “She called at least two times just while we were in Haskell. You were avoiding it because you weren’t sure. Do you think I’m stupid, London? Do you think you’re so much smarter and more evolved than me that you could leave Texas without so much as a conversation? You forget that I’ve been through that once already.”
London took a deep breath. We betrayed each other she thought. I should have realized all along that we would end up hurting each other, just like every other couple and every other love story that starts out with so much promise. Natalie will be better off without me.