Guess I should go join Dad and Cass in the living room. This suite is really nice. Pretty small compared to the mansion, but it’s a pleasant change. Sometimes that monster of a house feels too big and empty. If I make it as a rock star, I wouldn’t mind living in a loft with just me, a cat, and a guy I’m in love with. Not the typical rock star dream, but then I’ve never been one to fit into a mold.
Deep breaths. Rolled out shoulders. War face on.
I’m gonna rock this press tour like it’s the first show of my future music career.
Ttyl,
Mads
I plunk down onto the tan sofa by the wall in the living area of the suite and sprawl out, loving the ability to stretch my arms and legs. The flight here wasn’t too long, but it felt longer and more confining because of Raven breathing down my neck. Now that
I’ve agreed to our little deal, she’s not going to leave me alone. I think she’s afraid I’ll change my mind. She messaged me at least seven times after we parted ways at the airport.
My phone buzzes in the pocket of my black jeans, but I ignore it. Instead, I glance sidelong at Dad and Cass cuddled up on the couch opposite me. The TV is going, but they’re not even aware of it. I don’t think they even noticed me coming into the room. They’re still staring into each other’s eyes and whispering to each other.
I guess it’s sweet. Twenty-seven years later, they still see each other as a gift from the gods. I’m getting used to all the mushiness now even though sometimes it creates an unpleasant lump in my throat. After all, they had to watch me with Gio all through the summer, which I’m sure was just as awkward.
Gio…my nose stings and my eyes water up just thinking of him.
I take my phone back out of my pocket to distract myself. Instead of a text from Raven, I see a text from an unknown number. I squint at the phone and realize that the number has an L.A. area code. Then I read the text and smile.
Hey, this is Dalton. Hope you don’t mind me getting your number.
I immediately add his contact info and text him back.
Me: Hey! Not at all! How are things going?
Dalton: They’re going. I hope everything’s going well for you.
Me: Meh, more or less.
Dalton: Glad to hear you haven’t been devoured by the dragon bitches yet.
I laugh out loud.
Me: You’re funny! Nah, so far they’ve been behaving. What’s up?
Dalton: Well I guess I was just wondering if our band plans are still on now that you’re not with Gio and friendly with Raven. I still really want to be in a band with you, but I understand if your feelings about it have changed.
Me: Our plans are still on. My relationship status doesn’t change a thing.
Dalton: Good. I’m relieved to hear it. I’ve been asking around among my music friends lately, but I haven’t heard anyone play yet. I figured we should do that together.
Me: I appreciate that. We can plan on holding auditions as soon as I get back.
Dalton: Perfect. When is that?
Me: It should be around the end of August.
Dalton: Okay, awesome. I’ll let everybody know.
Me: Thanks, Dalton. How’s Dev?
Dalton: She’s doing good. Her panic attacks have eased off a little lately, so I’m able to relax.
Me: That’s great! Tell her I said “hello.” Dalton: Will do. I gotta run, but I have to tell you I’m really looking forward to the end of August. I’ll be waiting for your call.
Me: I’m looking forward to it too. Ttyl.
Dalton: Ttyl!
I lock the phone and slide it into my pocket again. When I look over to my left, Dad and Cass are watching me intently with teasing grins plastered on their faces.
“You talkin’ to a boy?” Dad asks with only a hint of a protective edge in his voice.
“Only in the best way.” I smile, draw my knees up to my chest, and lean against the armrest. “Dalton and I were just talking about starting a band when we get back.”
“Oh, sweetie, that’s wonderful!” Cass’s pretty face lights up with a smile. She bounces up and down in her seat like an excited schoolgirl.
Dad snickers at her girlish enthusiasm and turns to me. “You ready for a roller coaster ride, darlin’?”
My heart rate spikes at the mere thought of it. Every time I think about performing, it sets my blood racing. I see stage lighting and feel the rumble of the music beneath my feet. I hear thousands of screaming fans in the stadium. Dad allowed my Aunt Melissa to sneak me into a few concerts when I was younger, and I’ll never forget the feeling I got from being out in the crowd. But more than anything, I want to be up there on a platform living my dream.
It’s all I’ve ever dreamed about.
“Yeah, Dad. I’m ready for anything.”
Dad’s face crinkles with a smile. He reaches over to take my hand in his leathery one and presses a kiss to my knuckles.
“I’m so proud of you, sweetheart. You got this. I don’t have a single doubt in my mind.”
“It’s nice to know my rock star daddy believes in me.”
Dad pulls me into his side and presses a firm kiss to the top of my head. “Always.”
“This place is so not me,” I mutter under my breath as Raven and our personal shopper, Vicki, lead me through the racks at Nothing But Chic Boutique the next morning. All around me I see nothing but a sea of floral print and neon. My rocker chick radar is not picking up even the slightest blip of an outfit that would suit my taste. They might as well have called this store “Nothing But The Latest Trends” because that is literally the only thing they carry. My heart sinks further the more I walk around in here. I’m going to look like an idiot in these clothes—not because of my looks, but because they’re not going to suit my personality at all. “Do you have any questions, Madison?” Vicki asks over her shoulder from about ten feet in front of me. Her yellow stilettos click on the marble tiles as she sashays through like she owns the place.
“Yeah, what’s the ‘rich bitch’ version of a Hot Topic?”
Vicki and Raven whirl around to face me, finally giving me their full attention for the first time since we entered the store. I thought I grumbled that under my breath, but I guess it was a little louder than I thought it was.
“Madison!” Raven’s face has gone ashen. Little Miss Prim and Proper Rich Girl blushes when I use “naughty words” in front of people.
Vicki’s cherry red lips pout as she draws her perfectly waxed blonde eyebrows together. “You don’t like our store?”
Raven jumps in quickly. “I apologize for my sister, Victoria. She was raised on a farm by a retired rock star. Etiquette does not seem to be her strong suit.” She stares me down with her icy blue eyes— exact copies of mine.
Guilt settles in my stomach. “I’m sorry, Vicki. I didn’t mean to offend. It’s not you, it’s just this place doesn’t seem to be my scene.” “‘Scene’ or none, this is where we’re shopping. As Jacie Redinger’s daughters, you and I are among the top trendsetters in the nation. We must look the part.” Raven brushes me off and the two of them continue to discuss our fashion choices without me.
Eventually, I find myself in the dressing room with armfuls of clothes that make me want to gag. I glance up into the full-length mirror to examine my recently changed appearance. Jet-black hair, bright red lipstick, and modest eye makeup adorn a face that once had an identity all its own. Now even my French manicure proclaims to the world that I am Raven Redinger’s exact physical copy. My whole goal in life was to be unique and make something of myself. I feel a twinge of guilt at letting that go, even temporarily, but I’d rather be known as a Redinger-Daley Clone—er, Twin—than the daughter Jacie Redinger abandoned as a baby. As long as I never hear the term “Basket Baby” again, it will be a step up.
I sigh and peel my cute black sundress off my skinny frame, clutching it as I subconsciously struggle to let it go. Then I pull on a gross Granny floral dress that reminds me of Nana
’s forty-year-old couch we tossed out years ago. The white and pink hues wash me out, making me look pale beyond all reason.
I smirk at myself in the mirror as I adjust it around my chest, or lack thereof, and zip it as much as I can. I look basic. I look girly. But I have to admit, the clinging shape of this dress will definitely attract some attention in the clubs.
I turn slightly to examine my partially exposed back. I can tell by the sight of my spine peeking through that I have not been eating as much as I used to lately. The family and breakup stress has made eating nearly impossible, and that’s saying a lot because I used to be a “bottomless pit,” according to Nana. Even my posterior has lost some of its roundness, which flattens my frame to make me look even more boyish.
I sigh with resignation and open the door to be examined by Raven. She stands directly behind me and nods with approval as I turn in front of a three-sided mirror.
“Good. That’s one down, thirty-five to go.”
“Thirty-five?” My voice squeaks in my surprise.
“I thought we were just shopping for the week.”
“Well, you must look presentable for the trip to London as well.”
I grunt. “Raven, that wasn’t what we agreed on—
”
I’m interrupted by her breath in my ear when she leans in and whispers, “Do you want this alliance or not?”
I swallow hard, gazing into my own terrified eyes in the mirror. Not even one day in, and I’ve already got a bad feeling about this.
“Madison, I’m going to ask you one more time: please keep your eyes open.”
The photographer for UR Teen Magazine flashes me a smile as fake as Raven’s boobs and continues to blast me with the cold air of the fan while simultaneously blinding me with a camera flash. My new eye makeup is making me itch like crazy, plus my contacts are also still a bit new to me, especially when they dry out in blowing air. I feel like they’re glued to my eyes, and the pain from the bright lights isn’t helping any.
Raven groans from behind me. They placed us back to back, and we’re supposed to be smiling like the happily reunited sisters we are. I hear her whisper through her teeth, “Such an amateur.”
I scoff. “I’ve never done this before, okay? Just chill.”
“Hold your eyes open for five minutes, please, so we can move on.” She grumbles something else under her breath, but I don’t catch it.
“What was that?”
“Nothing.” She pushes her body closer to mine and covertly jabs her elbow into me. The pain causes my eyes to pop wide open. I barely close them at all during the multitude of uncomfortable poses we’re arranged into after that, as if blinking would permanently seal my eyes shut. Forty-five minutes later, after my entire face and body have started to ache, the photo shoot is over and they set us free. When I glance over to the side of the studio, I’m flooded with relief to find Dad and Cass standing there watching us. I’ve been in some sort of interview or photo shoot all day, and even though I knew Dad was always nearby, being able to see him makes me feel safe. I’ll never admit that to him in conversation, but it’s true. Most people want their moms when they’re scared. I want my dad.
Dad’s brown eyes sparkle with mischief. “Is this Raven or Mads I’m talkin’ to?”
I throw a playful punch into his arm. “Jerk. You should know the difference after seventeen years.” “You look very pretty, Mads,” Cass assures me. Her sweet smile isn’t quite stretching to her eyes. She looks concerned, and in my head I can almost hear her asking me, “Where did you go?” I swear sometimes she knows me better than Dad does.
“Thanks, Cass.” I give her a helpless smirk.
“You ready for the next stop?” Dad asks. “Yeah, just let me get my things.” I grab my clutch and a water bottle from a nearby table, and after Raven joins us, I follow them out to the limo Jess sent for us.
When we’ve been on the road for about five minutes, I feel a vibration in my clutch and open it to look at a text on my phone.
Ana: Miss you. Hope the tour is going well. I
hate that I can’t come up there and support you!
Her usual barrage of broken heart and crying emojis follows that text. I send a quick text back.
Me: Miss you too. It’s going okay. We’ll visit real soon. Hang in there, love.
Ana: Love you!
Me: Love you too!
Tears sting my already raw and bloodshot eyes as I lock the phone and slide it back into my clutch. Trying to keep afloat in a world like this without my other half just makes it even harder. Earlier this summer, Ana kept me sane, and now I’m lucky to get five minutes a day to talk to her.
“You okay, sweetie?” Cass asks with a sympathetic smile.
I clear my throat briskly. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just missing Ana, that’s all.”
“We’ll go back to Lawrenceburg to see her real soon. Promise,” Dad says. I nod and turn to look out the window, choosing to focus on the new, exciting sights around me instead of the crushing loneliness.
August 2
Tiring Two Days
I never imagined this press tour would be so exhausting. I thought I was going to be sitting down doing nothing most of the time. Instead, I’ve been pinched, probed, preened, and primped until all I want to do is bat everybody’s hands away from me and scream at them to leave me alone. Being a simple Southern girl at heart, I wouldn’t mind showing up to these interviews in jeans and a t-shirt with my hair in a messy bun. That doesn’t pass in NYC. I have to look like some kind of pop princess twenty-four-seven to please these people.
I guess I shouldn’t be complaining…after all, the free doughnuts and coffee and basically whatever else my little heart desires are nice. However, for a girl who likes her personal space, all the free food in the world won’t make up for the fact that I was touched by nearly fifty people I don’t know today. And according to Raven, this was a good day. I don’t like being touched by people I don’t know. I’m not used to it, especially since I’ve never gone to school. It feels suffocating being hovered over by strangers.
I am done…so done. Right now I’m lying down on the bed in sweats and an old-ass t-shirt I slipped into my luggage. This is my happy place: writing, blasting music in my earbuds, and not feeling a single pinch or squeeze. The best moment of any girl’s day is always taking off her bra in her own room, but that has never felt as good as it does now. Undergarments have become the least of my worries.
Just a few days left in this damn press tour. I think I’m finally starting to understand Dad’s mortal hatred of interviews and the media.
Ttyl,
Mads
The next morning, Raven and I sit side by side on a white minimalist couch to be interviewed by Spill! Magazine. My heart has risen into my throat and it’s pounding like the pendulum in an old-fashioned clock. This is one of the top entertainment news magazines in the nation. Everyone looks to Spill! for the “true” story on celebrities. Whatever they say about Raven and me is about to become America’s opinion.
The interviewer, a fiery redhead in a pencil skirt and silky sapphire blue top, holds a voice recorder in her hand and a printed list of questions. She starts with brief introductions, and then she plunges right in to our interrogation.
“So tell us about this bond you two have. You’re obviously very close. How did it happen after being apart for so many years?”
I glance at Raven, who nods and addresses the interviewer for us.
“Well, I would have to say it originated in the womb. There’s an inherent connection between me and the girl who shares my DNA. When I first touched Madison’s hand, I immediately felt the link.
It’s a bond that transcends time and space.”
I gape at her in shock. That was such an honest, eloquent answer I don’t know what to do with it. She smiles at me, like, Confirm this, please.
“It’s true. I felt it too,” I add. Raven slips her arm through the crook of my elbow.
�
�Have you had any disagreements yet, or are you always in sync?” the interviewer asks. Raven’s low chuckle is ever so slightly sinister. “We have our differences, for sure, but so far we haven’t fought.”
“Well, that’s good to hear!” The interviewer plasters a false grin on her face, but I can read in her eyes she was looking for more juice than that. I swallow against the tightness in my throat. I have a sinking feeling this is going to get ugly.
She asks a few more random questions about adjusting to life as twins, and then she addresses me personally.
“Madison, we have a question for you. This summer, you were seen with Giovanni Abate, who referred to you as his ‘crush.’ What happened?”
Pain burns in my chest. I’ve done so well lately at pushing Gio from my mind, and now he’s front and center in front of someone who is likely committing my every facial expression to memory.
Raven jumps in for me again after five seconds with no response. “She broke up with him as soon as she found out I was her sister and he cheated on me.” “Is that true, Madison?” the interviewer asks. I clear my throat. “Yes, that’s exactly how it happened. Family ties always come first for me.”
“How did you deal with the fact that the two of you went out with the same guy?” she presses.
“Um…” I glance over at Raven, and she nods to me encouragingly. “As soon as I broke up with him, we just sort of put it behind us. It really wasn’t a big deal.”
“You didn’t fight over him or anything?”
“No. Not at all.”
“So did the relationship mean anything to you, or was it just a summer fling?”
My eyes pop wide open. What the hell am I supposed to say to that? Raven’s sitting right here, and if I say, “he meant something to me,” she’s going to be all over me after this interview. I literally have no choice but to lie. I turn my attention back to the interviewer, feeling exposed and dumbfounded. Who even asks questions like that?
“We were just having fun. We never put a label
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