“You do, though, that’s the thing. You have the power to make changes in your life, you just have to be brave enough. People live with regrets because they believe the things they want aren’t possible. When you get rid of that way of thinking, you can live a happy, fulfilled life. When we limit ourselves, we limit our lives.”
“Well, you’re quite the motivational speaker,” she sneers. “Do you really live that way, though? Going and seeing and doing as you please is one thing, but that doesn’t mean you’re living a fulfilling life. What about love? Do you believe you will find love?”
Love? Why the hell is she asking me about love?
“I think you’re assuming that finding love is something I want or regret not having,” I snip, unsure why her question has me feeling so flustered and agitated.
“Everyone wants and needs love, Brenden. That’s just basic human nature.”
“Sorry to disappoint, but I neither want nor need love in my life.”
“Trust me, having love and giving love to another person changes you and your life for the better.”
I’m not sure which I hate more, the sadness in her voice as she talks about love or having the conversation to begin with. Either way, I think it’s time to call it a night.
“Are you trying to tell me you’re in love with me?” I tease, being purposely flirtatious. “Although I think it’s a little fast, I would totally give this whole love thing a whirl with you.”
“Hilarious,” she huffs. “No, I’m not.”
“Well, I guess I’ll take my broken heart and go to bed now.”
“Holy crap! It’s almost midnight!” she squeaks. “I should’ve been asleep hours ago. I had no clue how late it’d gotten. I guess being your distraction became a distraction for me too.”
“Glad I could be of service. Anytime you need to be serviced, you just let me know,” I goad, wishing she were in front of me so I could see her expression.
“Oh lord...I’m hanging up now.”
“What? It’s not my fault that you keep turning my innocent statements into something dirty. Perhaps you just need to get your mind out of the gutter.”
“Yeah...” she breathes. “Perhaps, you’re right.”
Fuck. I hadn’t been expecting that response. I don’t want to end our conversation now. I want her to go into more detail about this guttered mind of hers.
“So...I’ll see you Saturday for kickboxing?”
“Are you trying to imply I need to work out, friend?”
She knows perfectly well me wanting her to come to kickboxing has nothing to do with that. I’m asking because I need to know when I’ll see her again.
“I’m implying I need to see your sexy behind working out,” I retort. Her gasp is followed by complete silence, as if she’s stopped breathing entirely, and it only encourages me to continue. “I want to see you all hot and sweaty, your shirt clinging to every delicious curve of your body.”
Smiling in triumph, I wait and listen for her reply while struggling to contain my laughter.
“Okay, on that note, I’m going to go,” she says, clearing her throat. “I’ll think about Saturday. Goodnight, Brenden.”
“Goodnight, Lizzy,” I chirp.
Don’t Overthink It
With a fake smile plastered on my lips and my heart beating against my ribcage, I make my way through the crowd of people to the back of the overly lit room. Two of the four walls have wall-to-wall mirrors, making it harder to hide from myself and prying eyes. Cringing, I question why I hadn’t just stayed in bed this morning.
This isn’t the first time Dr. Gentry pushed me to do something out of my comfort zone, and I’m certain it won’t be the last. I debated not telling her she’d been right—that I’d had a bad day as she predicted. The prideful side of me didn’t want to admit anything, but the rational side knew I needed to talk about it. I needed to be told again that what happened was okay and I would still be all right.
I think the whole conversation could’ve gone very smoothly—if only I hadn’t mentioned Brenden.
“I see. And how was the rest of your week?”
“Good, actually. I just kept repeating what you told me and it worked. I woke up the next morning and started fresh.”
“I’m glad my words were helpful and comforting for you. Was there anything else you did that day you found helpful? I think it can be important to identify these things in case you find you need to repeat them in the future.”
“Honestly, I was pretty much a wreck the rest of the day. I didn’t even go into work. My feelings of loss completely consumed my thoughts until my conversation with Brenden.”
“Brenden?”
“What?”
“You said you were consumed by your feelings until your conversation with Brenden. You’ve never spoken of a Brenden before. Who is he?” she asks, sitting up straighter, her pen ready for note taking.
“Oh, he’s no one. It’s nothing,” I reply with a wave of my hand. “No big deal. Just someone I met a few weeks ago.”
“Well, I have to say I find that interesting. For one, you say you’ve known him for weeks, yet this is the first you’ve mentioned it to me. Not only that, but last we spoke about it, you were still having issues connecting with other people, and now you’re telling me you’ve met and befriended someone new. I would say that is a huge deal, so why have you kept such a positive thing from me, and why are you downplaying it now?” Her gaze begins to feel intrusive as her eyes narrow, waiting for my explanation.
“I don’t know. I guess I’m just concerned this friendship is inappropriate,” I answer, shifting on the couch so I can fold my legs underneath me.
“Because it’s a friendship with a man?”
“Yes.”
“And you’re afraid it could be a betrayal to Xander?” she asks, raising an eyebrow.
“Yes. I suppose I am,” I answer, tugging on my earring to distract myself with pain and keep my emotions at bay.
“I see. And have you offered anything more than friendship to this man at this point? Would you like to?”
“No,” I answer, guilt twinging in my chest knowing that isn’t entirely true. I may not want to attempt a relationship with Brenden, but I’m attracted to him and the way he makes me feel. It’s that attraction and the pull I experience that makes it seem like a betrayal to Xander.
“Do you believe this friendship will benefit you in your healing process?”
“I believe it already has.”
“Do you not believe that is something Xander would want for you?” she asks, tilting her head as she lays her pen down.
“Of course he would,” I reply, my chest aching for air as the lump in my throat grows bigger.
“Then try not to overthink this. It’s a good thing and a huge deal for you. Don’t let your fears hold you back.”
So, here I am waiting for Brenden in his kickboxing class. Truth be told, the conversation I had with him has more to do with me showing up than Dr. Gentry’s words. He may not have been very forth coming with information about himself, but I still feel like I got to learn more about the type of person he is, and I liked it.
I wish there had been another way for me to see him, though. I’m certainly questioning my decision to come here. The room is full of women—beautiful, fit women—no doubt primarily here to ogle Brenden. The couple of men in the back of the room with me, where I’m trying to hide, are clearly here to check out the women. I feel like an idiot. I don’t belong here.
My hands shake as I join the other participants and begin stretching my muscles, my eyes continuously raking through the people in the room. The man directly to my right is watching me a little too closely, a smile playing on his lips. My stomach churns and I move to create more distance between us. Everyone quiets as the door at the front of the room opens, all the women turning to look as Brenden walks in.
My pulse races, the air around me feeling too hot as I watch him take his place at the front of the room
. Politely smiling, he says hello to a few women in the front row and I find myself grinding my teeth in irritation, like their actions are a personal affront to me in some way. His eyes skim the room as he begins instructing the class, but they never land on me. Feeling well hidden now, my eyes become greedy, taking him in from head to toe. As his movements become more involved, his muscles begin contracting in a mesmerizing way, sweat beading along his skin.
An agonizing ache builds in my lower abdomen as I continue to watch him alongside the rest of the women, my subconscious nagging at me, telling me a friendship with Brenden can never work. With our obvious strong attraction to one another, there’s sure to be lines crossed and mixed signals. All of this feels too risky, and I’m usually never one to take risks, but I haven’t been able to fight this draw, which scares the hell out of me.
Having Brenden in my life feels like playing with fire. He is beautiful and intriguing, bringing me light in the darkness and warmth in the cold, but fire is also destructive and can burn everything in its path.
Somewhere during the process of gaping at Brenden, I stopped moving altogether, making me stand out in the sea of bodies. A boyish smile lights up Brenden’s face as his eyes fix on me, and my stomach flips. Yep, even the threat of getting burned doesn’t seem to keep me from being pulled in by his heat.
“All right, guys, that’s it for today,” I say, jumping back to my feet as I conclude the class. I’m eager to get to Lizzy. It’s been hard as hell not to stare. I honestly hadn’t expected her to show up today, even though I hoped she would, and I felt an overwhelming sense of satisfaction when I spotted her. “Good job. I’ll see you guys next Saturday.”
My muscles twitch as I force myself to stay at the front of the room while everyone begins to file out. Ryan, one of my regulars, was watching Lizzy a little too aggressively during class, and now, I’m watching him like a hawk to ensure he leaves her alone. The dude has always seemed like a bit of a creep to me, hitting on all the newbies who come through that door. Usually I let them handle him, feeling my intervention would only be necessary if he did something inappropriate, but I wasn’t about to let that shit fly with Lizzy. Just the idea of him trying to speak to her made my stomach twist in anger.
When he moves to approach her, my feet shuffle their way, carrying me through the herd of people before I even fully realize what I’m doing. Neither of them notice my approach. Lizzy is doing her best to brush him off in a polite manner, keeping her focus on her gym bag while he hedges closer, invading her personal space, his gaze roaming over her body. I take a deep breath and shove down the bubbling rage inside me before tapping on Ryan’s shoulder with a little more force than necessary.
“Ryan, they need to see you at the front desk. I think there’s been some kind of issue with your payment.” They both turn their heads toward me, Lizzy’s gaze locking on mine, a smile playing on her lips. For a moment, I lose myself in her, my heart beating at a slower tempo as I bask in the serenity her presence brings.
“Sure, man. Give me just a second. I’m sure it’s a mistake. I’m just introducing myself to the new member here.” I clamp my hand down on his shoulder as he turns his attention to Lizzy, tugging slightly to bring it back to me.
“I’m afraid I’m going to have to insist you go now,” I say, my voice low and threating.
Ryan narrows his eyes at me, then looks at my hand on his shoulder. “Yeah, okay, no problem.”
Removing my hand from his shoulder, I position myself between him and Lizzy. As he tries to make eye contact with her again, I stand straighter and cross my arms. With a curt nod and a tight smile, he spins on his heel.
I keep him in my line of sight until he exits the room, then turn to face Lizzy. She’s standing with her arms crossed, her teeth biting her lip as if trying to hide the smile illuminating her face.
“Hi.”
I take a step closer and for the first time, notice the tiny freckles across the bridge of her nose and cheeks. They make her look even more angelic. A strong urge to kiss every single one of them rushes through me as I admire her beauty.
“Hi,” she replies, chuckling. “They didn’t really ask to see him up front, did they?”
“Nope,” I answer, unashamed as I grin. Ryan will more than likely be confronting me about that later, and then I’ll happily inform him he is never to speak to her again. “Did you have any interest in talking to him?”
“Not even a little.” She shakes her head, her upper lip curling in disgust, and my chest swells with pride.
“I didn’t think so,” I scoff. “So, I figured I could get rid of him one of two ways. I could either threaten him or lie to him.”
She laughs, shifting on her feet as she readjusts her bag on her shoulder. “I think you may have done a little of both.”
“Yeah.” I shrug. “The guy is a creep and I didn’t want him bothering you.”
Her cheeks redden, her eyes darting to the floor. “Well, thanks for coming to my rescue.”
“I guess that makes me your hero today, huh?”
Her eyes snap back up to mine, her eyelashes fluttering. “Yeah,” she replies, shaking her head, as if clearing her thoughts, “I suppose it does.”
The smile on her face doesn’t quite reach her eyes, appearing as if her mind is somewhere else entirely.
“So, want to join me at the juice bar?” I ask, clapping my hands together. “You know, put that whole face to face conversations thing into action?”
“Like, right now?” she asks, her eyes widening as she fidgets with her clothes.
“No time like the present, I always say. Time waits for no one.”
“But I look...” she trails off, motioning toward her body with her hands.
“Beautiful,” I interject, winking.
“Yeah, sure,” she scoffs, rolling her eyes.
“Did you seriously just roll your eyes at me?” I sneer. “How can you think you look bad? You just had a guy trying to hit on you for Christ’s sake.”
“Oh please,” she says, waving my comment off. “He probably hits on everyone. That doesn’t mean anything.”
“Why can’t you just accept a compliment?” I ask, shaking my head, not understanding how a woman so beautiful can be so clueless. “You look incredible, trust me. I’d go into greater detail, but it would break your friendship rules. Now, will you please join me?”
“Okay, okay,” she concedes, holding up her hands in surrender, a slight blush making an appearance.
Wrapping my arm around her shoulder, I begin leading her out of the room. “Lizzy, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship,” I quip, doing a Humphrey Bogart impression.
Her laughter fills the air, making me feel giddy. It’s officially the best sound in the world.
“Did you seriously just use a Casablanca quote on me?” she asks, lifting an eyebrow.
“Maybe.”
“You’re such a dork,” she teases, shaking her head. “I’m going to run to the locker room. I’ll meet you over at the juice bar in a few minutes.”
Face to Face Conversation
“I hope you don’t mind, but I ordered this for you. It’s great for workout recovery, but it’s also the best tasting drink on the menu,” Brenden says as I approach him. I hadn’t been prepared for him to ask if I wanted to hang out right now and felt the need to at least wash my face, fix my hair, and apply extra deodorant and body spray.
Tilting my head to the side, I regard the cup extended out to me before looking back at him with a furrowed brow. I’ve never liked when someone tries to order for me, and he broke my Dutch rule. My natural instinct is to scold him for this behavior, but instead, I find myself feeling all gushy.
“Don’t worry. It was free,” he says when I don’t take the cup from his hand. “Perks of the job. And if I’m wrong and you hate it, I’ll go order whatever you want. Just try it. I promise you won’t be disappointed.”
Without a word, I reach out to take the cup. My e
yes remain on his as I bring the straw to my lips and take a sip. “Oh my gosh, that is really good,” I hum before taking another small sip.
“Told you so,” he boasts, gesturing for me to take a seat at one of the tables.
I do, and Brenden joins me, smirking as he sips his own drink.
“Yeah, yeah, smarty pants. What’s in it?”
“Oh, you know, good for you stuff, like protein and vitamins mixed with not so good for you stuff, like chocolate and coffee. It’s the perfect combination of good and evil.”
What’s it called, The Brenden? I muse, confused when Brenden bursts out in laughter. My cheeks heat once I realize I’d made the comment out loud, and I groan, wanting to crawl in a hole. Instead, I lower my head and resist beating it on the table.
“No, but you could suggest a name change,” he teases.
As I lift my head, he flashes me a sexy, cocky smile, and I feel instantly more at ease.
Clearing my throat, I change the subject. “So, anything interesting planned for the rest of your weekend?”
“Not really. Jon’s parents are coming over for dinner tonight.”
“You and Jon live together?”
“Yeah, I know,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck as he chuckles. “We are a pathetic couple of bachelors. Jon’s mom is forever scolding us about never being able to settle down with a ‘nice woman’ living the way we do.”
“Are you close to Jon’s parents?”
“Yeah. I’ve known Jon nearly my whole life, and his parents have always been good to me. They treated me like a son.”
“That’s cool. And what about Jon, is he close to your parents also?”
Brenden’s body stiffens, his eyes darkening as he casts them down toward his drink. His jaw works back and forth while he fidgets with his straw, an awful screeching sound filling the silence as it moves in and out of the lid. Shaking his head, he finally replies, “Nope,” a finality to his tone.
I know better than to pry, even if I’m dying to ask more questions—to understand him. I just got another glimpse into who Brenden Scott is and he feels like a kindred spirit—two souls who are a little torn and weary from life.
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