“I don’t know, dumbass,” Allison ridicules, laughing at me. “If you answer the door, you can find out, and I think you should listen to what she has to say.”
I watch as she disappears up the stairs and jump to my feet as Lizzy pleads through the door for me to answer. As if I wouldn’t, as if it even matters what she has to say—I can’t let her go. Allison’s right. I’d rather take the chance on being with her now and losing her than miss out on having her forever.
Never a Choice
My heart slams against my chest as he opens the door, my body twitching as I keep myself from wrapping my arms tightly around him. His features are hard to read. His eyes are soft and lips at rest, but I can’t tell if he’s glad I’m here or upset by it. “Hi,” I murmur when he doesn’t speak or ask me to come inside.
I’m worried it’s too soon for me to be showing up, that maybe he needs more time, but I didn’t want to wait, and the things I need to say should be said in person. When I called Allison to make sure Brenden made it home safely and explained what happened, she said something to me that helped me finally see things clearly.
“Can I come in and talk to you?”
He nods as moves to open the door wider and allows me to step inside without a word. My eyes roam as I walk into the living room, wondering if Allison and Jon can hear us. Brenden shuts the front door and walks over to me.
My head is still swimming from the events earlier, and my chest is aching from the raw emotion I’m feeling, making it hard to remember what I want to say as he looks at me expectantly. The sound of the crickets chirping outside seems to grow louder with each second we stand in silence, my insides trembling as my nerves try to get the better of me.
“I thought you wanted to talk,” he quips, his lips twitching slightly. With a release of breath, I smile, my racing pulse slowing.
Giving in to the pull, I launch myself at him, wrap my arms tightly around him, and press the side of my face into his chest as I inhale his scent. His body goes rigid for a moment, but quickly relaxes as his arms encase me.
“Can we go upstairs to talk?”
“We can,” he scoffs, “but we both know we’ll end up in my bed and skip the talk altogether.”
Laughing, I squeeze him tighter, feeling reassured that I haven’t completely lost him. “Good point. We’ll just talk here,” I agree, pulling back so I can look him in the eyes. “I really want you to hear what I have to say.”
“All right,” he sighs, tensing up again. “Go ahead.”
I take a deep breath and close my eyes, gathering my thoughts in hopes I’ll be able to put them all together so they make sense. “Okay,” I begin, opening my eyes, “I thought about what you said earlier, that I don’t love you the way I love Xander, and you’re right.” His face falls, his eyes diverting from mine.
“Hear me out,” I say, placing my hand on his cheek, and he brings his gaze back to meet mine. “I chose to be with Xander. I worked hard to build our relationship and our love, but things are so different with you. From the second we met, I’ve felt this pull toward you. It’s like there was this invisible force that kept directing me toward you without giving me a choice in the matter. After I lost Xander, I had no hope or desire to ever fall in love again, then you walked into my life. Loving you isn’t something I chose to do, just as I’m sure you didn’t choose to fall in love with a widowed mother of two. Yet, here we are,” I say, my eyes scrutinizing him, gauging his reaction.
Brenden’s features are drawn, his jaw clenched and body tight. He still doesn’t understand where I’m going with all of this. Smiling, I run my thumb over his forehead, trying to smooth his features before wrapping both arms around him again to bring him closer.
“When I was telling Allison all this earlier, do you know what she said to me?”
“No,” he scoffs, his features softening as his lips curve into a small smile. “What did your new best friend have to say?”
“She said, ‘what’s the difference between the love of your life and your soulmate?’” I let out a sigh of relief when the Mud Vein quote causes his face to lighten, his smile widening as he begins to see my point.
“One is a choice, and one is not,” he replies, finishing the quote in the same way I had when I spoke with Allison.
It’s crazy how something as simple as a quote from a book helped me put everything into perspective, but Brenden hadn’t been the only one comparing my love for him to my love for Xander. I knew they were different, I just couldn’t exactly explain how or why and felt uncertain as to what one love meant for the other. The love I have for Brenden made me question the love I shared with Xander. I almost felt guilty for loving him so much. While the love I still feel for Xander made me question whether my heart was fully with Brenden.
“You were right. Xander was the love of my life because I made a conscious choice to love him. But loving you, Brenden Scott, was never a choice. You’re my soulmate. I was always supposed to end up with you.” My voice wavers with emotion and I pray he’ll believe he has me, heart and soul—that being with him is exactly where I want to be.
My head spins, the sound of my rapidly beating heart echoing in my ears as I try to absorb everything Lizzy just said. An hour ago, I was sure I’d lost her forever, and now she’s back in my arms telling me I’m her soulmate. Soulmates. I like the sound of that.
Speechless, a smile so big it threatens to split my face in two spreads across my face and her face begins to blur as my eyes become wet with tears. I want to tell her how happy I am, but there are no words to describe how I’m feeling right now.
Soulmates. That means Lizzy is mine, was mine, and will always be mine. Our souls are tethered; we share a connection she has never and will never share with anyone else. I’d have thought it silly to believe such a thing before, but now the very idea made me feel better—it gives me the explanation I’ve been searching for since that fateful day in the library.
My mouth covers hers and her tongue enters mine without hesitation. Our kiss quickly deepens, as if we’ve been apart weeks instead of hours, both of us desperate for each other. She grips my shirt as my hold on her becomes so tight, I worry I might be cutting off her air supply.
Humming with satisfaction, she pulls back, breathless, her cheeks flushed. “So, does that mean we’re okay?”
“You had me at hello,” I pun, causing the sound of her beautiful laughter to fill the air as she playfully punches me in the shoulder.
“No, really. If you have any more concerns about us, I want to address them now.”
“Honestly, beautiful, I decided I was never going to let you go no matter what before I even opened the door. Though, I’m glad I let you say what you came to say. That tug you described is exactly what I’ve felt since I first laid eyes on you seven months ago.”
“Oh God,” she groans, planting her face into my chest. “I was such a wreck that day.”
“Yeah, you were,” I tease, laughing as her head shoots back up, her eyes narrowing while her lips curve up despite her efforts to keep a straight face.
“I was a mess too,” I confess, my voice low as I remember the emptiness and discontentment I felt before I met her. “Mine was just hidden better.”
Her eyes soften as they begin to water again and a hiccupped sob escapes as she presses her lips together, trying to hold it in. Cupping her face, I kiss her forehead and wipe a rogue tear on her cheek away with my thumb.
“You’ve healed parts of me I didn’t even know where broken, Lizzy. I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to give you everything you’ve given me, but I’m grateful I get the chance to try.”
“Oh, Brenden,” she hiccups again, more tears spilling down her face, “you don’t need to give me anything. As long as I have you, I’m happy.”
Pulling her face to mine, I place a gentle kiss on her lips before dropping my hands and wrapping my arms back around her. “Good, now that we have the talking out of the way, we can go upstairs.” I smi
rk, waggling my eyebrows in suggestion.
“Oh, I’m so game,” she chirps. “There’s just one more thing I want to say.”
“All right, well…don’t hold things up too much longer, beautiful, or I might be tempted to take you right here.”
Laughing, she shakes her head. “You know how you said there isn’t anything you could give me that Xander hadn’t already given me?”
My stomach knots with guilt as I think about how stupid I’d been. “Yes?”
“Well, I’ve given that some thought, and I thought of something.”
“Do tell. Whatever it is, consider it yours.”
A smile spreads across her face so bright, she’s nearly glowing. “You can give me a new last name.”
Epilogue
“Oh, Lizzy, you look so beautiful,” Allison coos, tears in her eyes as I walk into the room with my dress on.
“Thank you, Ally,” I reply, smiling warmly though my stomach is fluttering with nerves.
Emotions overwhelm me as I step over to the full-length mirror to look at myself. It’s hard to believe how much my life has changed over the past year. Our lives are made up of moments, and I used to think it was only the big moments that made an impact, but now I know even the smallest of moments can change your life forever—like a routine trip to the library.
I never thought I’d be wearing a white dress again, never thought I’d find love or someone I wanted to share my life with again. I didn’t get here because of one moment. I’m standing here today feeling like the luckiest woman in the world because of the good and the bad moments.
“Are you ready for your big day?” Julianna asks, bringing me my veil.
“You know me, I hate being the center of attention. I think I’m nervous more than anything, but I’m very excited about tonight.”
“Oh, wow! Really, Lizzy?” Cat groans. “I’m sitting right here, and I don’t want to hear that shit. Geez.”
Laughing, I roll my eyes and stick my tongue out at her. She and Lori have always been bad about over sharing, so it’s humorous that she can handle dishing it out, but can’t take.
“Fine. Can I talk about how excited I am for the honeymoon trip then?”
Brenden, being such an amazing and wonderful man, planned our honeymoon to include the kids. We have tonight together alone in the hotel, but tomorrow we leave for a ten-day vacation at Walt Disney World. I cried like a big baby when he told me what he had planned. He said he wasn’t just making a commitment to me, he was making a commitment to the kids as well, and he wanted to start our lives together the right way—as a family.
Of course, he did book us a suite, so we will be able to have some private time. I hope.
“Yes, that I’m okay talking about,” Cat grins. “And let me just say again, you’re welcome.”
When Brenden finally told me the real story of how he ended up at the coffee shop that day, I wasn’t completely sure how I felt about it, but I believe Brenden and I were destined to be together—with or without Cat’s interference. Although she seriously needs to learn about boundaries, I can’t say I don’t owe her at least a little bit of gratitude. That was the day I finally decided to move forward with my life. I’ve always known Brenden played a role in that, I just wasn’t aware Cat had as well.
“Yes. Yes. Thank you, wonderful sister of mine. I owe you my undying gratitude,” I mock, smirking as I shake my head. “In all seriousness, though,” turning away from the mirror, I look at her, “thank you for loving me and being there for me. You were really there for me during the darkest time in my life. I hope you know I appreciate and love you very much.”
“Damn it, Lizzy...” she huffs, fanning her face as she stands up, “you’re going to make me cry and screw up my makeup.” I laugh as she scurries over to give me a hug. “I love you too, little sis, and I couldn’t be happier for you—even if you’re getting married a second time and I’m starting to think I’ll never have a wedding.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” I chirp, smiling brightly.
It’s been killing me not to tell Cat her boyfriend is planning to propose, but I made a promise to her future groom and want her to be surprised.
“What about me?” Lori asks, crossing her arms. “My baby sister is going to end up married a second time too at this rate, and I am nowhere near my first one.”
Julianna smiles gleefully, but remains silent. I wasn’t around her and Christopher while they were together often or for long periods of time, but I’ve never seen her so happy, and I couldn’t be more thrilled for her.
“Oh, pipe down. I’m sure your time is coming,” I tell Lori playfully. “Julianna said Levi has been hitting on you. That’s always an option.”
Julianna bursts out laughing as Lori flips me the bird. “Funny. That’s real fucking funny. I don’t think he’s even legal.”
“Oh, he is,” Julianna replies between fits of laughter, “but he is still ten years your junior.”
“Nothing wrong with that,” I add. “I think it’s a fad to be a cougar these days.”
Julianna and I are both caught up in a fit of laughter at poor Lori’s expense when my father walks in the room, and my laughter quickly dies out as my nerves kick in.
“You look stunning, baby girl,” my father says, giving me a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek. “Are you ready?”
I nod as my pulse begins to race. Taking his arm, we follow my bridesmaids out of the room, making our way outside to the ceremony.
“You’re shaking,” my father notes as we step up to take our place. “Are you nervous?”
Nodding, I tell myself Brenden is just on the other side of the fence and I’ll feel calmer the second I see him.
“Very,” I breathe, stretching in a failed attempt to see him as the gate parts for my maid of honor.
“Don’t be. Brenden is a great man. A blind man could see how much he loves you and my grandbabies. As your father, I couldn’t be more pleased that you’re marrying him. I know he will do everything in his power to be sure the three of you are loved, protected, and taken care of. I’m very happy for you, sweetheart.”
“Thanks, Daddy,” I choke out, tilting my head back to prevent my tears from running down my face as the gate closes behind the final bridesmaid.
“We’re up,” he says as the beginning melodies of Can’t Help Falling in Love by Ingrid Michaelson play. Brenden and I found this song after we jokingly googled “songs to walk down the aisle to” one day and decided it was perfect.
My heart pounds as I step up to gate. It reopens and my breathing becomes more erratic with each face that comes into view. I’m nearly frozen with fear, and then I see Brenden, my soulmate, standing at the end of the aisle waiting for me. Looking impossibly sexy in his black tux, he smiles as he waggles his eyebrows, and I let out a laugh as a peaceful calm washes through me.
“You are one lucky son of a bitch,” Jon whispers as Lizzy makes her way down the aisle.
There are no words that could ever describe how beautiful she looks right now. Though I already considered her to be an angel, she looks the part today. Her dark hair is pinned up, showcasing the white lace decorating her shoulders and chest, the dress hugging her curvy frame before flowing out into a short train.
“No shit,” I reply, unable to take my eyes off her and fighting every fiber of my being from running toward her.
I still can’t believe this incredible woman loves me and agreed to be my wife. Lizzy may have beaten me to the punch when she told me she wanted me to give her my last name, but this had been my hope for us long before that.
Even though I can’t pinpoint when exactly I fell in love with Lizzy, I know for sure it was long before we were ever dating. I think maybe I’d been falling for her little by little all along, starting that day in the library when I saw the loving way she looked at Sean. I love everything about Lizzy—even the things that drive me crazy—but the fierce way she loves her children is without question on the top of
the list.
Coming to a stop at the end of the aisle, she turns to her father and smiles as the minister asks for his blessing. When Mr. Shea looks over at me with what can only be described as pride and approval, I feel myself getting emotional for the first time today. Her parents being so kind and loving toward me isn’t something I expected, but it’s meant the world to me.
Her father lifts her veil, giving her a kiss on the cheek before taking his seat, and my breath catches. In just a few minutes, Elizabeth Shea will officially be Elizabeth Scott—my wife. As I hold out my hand for her to take, everything except Lizzy fades away—the sounds, sights, our friends and family surrounding us. It’s like we’re the only two people standing here.
“You look beautiful,” I tell her as she places her hand in mine and takes her place beside me.
“Thank you,” she breathes, her cheeks blushing slightly, as if I don’t tell her that every single day, several times a day.
“Are you ready to soak up the rain with me for the rest of your days?”
My heart swells inside my chest as a smile spreads across her face. “So ready.”
Acknowledgements
It would be hard to thank all the amazing people in my life that have helped and encouraged me through this process and life in general, but here’s a few.
First, I would like to thank my wonderful family.
To Adam, my sometimes sweet sometimes annoying husband: Thank you for working so hard to support me and our children. Thank you for allowing me the freedom to chase my dream. Most importantly, thank you for loving me when I didn’t know how to love myself. Your love changed my life, it changed me. If not for you, I would’ve never had the courage to make this happen. “Any yet I love you.”
To my parents: Thank you for teaching me that anything is possible with a little hard work and dedication. You guys are not only my parents, you are my friends and I love you both very much.
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