by Serena Grey
Wild Sexy Hurt
Wild Sexy Series #3
Serena Grey
Sweet Acacia Press LLC
Contents
Wild Sexy Hurt
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Wild Sexy Love
About Serena Grey
Books by Serena Grey
Wild Sexy Hurt
He's a sexy, naughty, multiple-orgasm giving, melt-your-insides, sex-god of a man.
* * *
But as far as Daphne is concerned, Jason Wild is also a liar whose feelings for her she can't bring herself to trust. She never wants to see him again, even though she still craves him with every cell of her body.
* * *
Jason is not going to let anything get in the way of his feelings for Daphne. But how can he convince the girl who has been happily alone for most of her life, that they are meant to be together?
Chapter One
Daphne,
My precious Daphne Rose.
I used to think I knew what regret felt like—an inconvenience, a disappointment, maybe a small voice in the back of my mind telling me what I should have done better—but I had no idea, Daphne. Regret is like the weight of the world. It is a sum of all the helplessness of our short existence condensed into a painful blister that never heals.
Every day, I feel it like a scream inside my soul, and nobody can hear it but me. I wish I were stronger. I wish I were powerful. I wish I could somehow stand up to life, science, biology, and nature and demand that my soul should not be torn from me.
But I can’t. I’m helpless against death, and you, my soul, my whole life—I can hardly bear that I am going to be separated from you.
Daphne, from the moment we discovered we were expecting you, you were a source of light and joy for your father and me. You bounded into this world, healthy, excited, eager to experience everything, to see everything, to laugh, to play. Your wonder taught us to see the world through your eyes, and it was beautiful. You were the greatest joy anyone could have asked for. You were everything we wanted, everything we needed.
I’ve told you so many times how much your father loved you. He could watch you play for hours, watch you sleep all night. He listened to you even before you could talk, and he loved every minute of your babbling. He would have given anything to be here for you. I would give anything to remain here for you, to watch you grow up into the beautiful woman I know you will be. I think of the things you will experience, the books you will read, the places you will visit, and I want to be here to hear all about it, because my greatest pleasure would be to guide you through it all, through the joys and the pain. I want to treasure all your moments in my heart—the good, the great, the bad, the worst—because every breath you take, every word you say, every experience you live is a precious gift to me.
Oh, Daphne. I’m dying. Every day, I try to get used to those words. I try to accept it and come to peace with it. I want to tell you I’m sorry, but those words don’t come close to describing what I really want to say and how devastated I am to be leaving you. I don’t have any options left. It’s not in my hands anymore. I’ve asked myself why love isn’t enough. If it were, my love for you would keep me in this world until you take your last breath.
You’re such a beautiful, loving soul, but every day, I sense you getting angry. I feel your pain, your rage. I see you rejecting everything that once made you smile. I see you pushing your friends away and withdrawing into yourself. It scares me, Daphne. I hate to leave, knowing you are losing any of your sweetness, any of your happiness, trust, and enjoyment of the world. Don’t. Your life can still be beautiful, even when I’m not here.
When you’re done grieving, I want you to read these words and remember that I want you to enjoy every second of your life. I want you to live, even though I won’t be here to see it. I want you to face your adult life with the confidence and strength I know you have inside you.
You have so much of your father in you. He was my strength and my passion, and when I lost him, it was you who reminded me that I still had a purpose, that the most precious parts of him remained with me in the form of a precious little girl who trusted me to always be here for her. You breathed new life into me, and I knew I would always belong to you. That knowledge was the anchor that kept me alive and happy.
You will find your anchors, Daphne. They will let you fly and yet provide a connection for you to always find your way home. They will fill you with smiles and happiness the same way you’ve done for me. Don’t withdraw into yourself. Don’t blame the world for the pain. You will feel the hurt, and after a while, it will start to fade, I promise you. It hurts to lose the ones you love, but it is far worse never to have loved at all.
So, love people, build connections and memories, and never hesitate to experience the richness of life.
I don’t know where I’ll be when I’m no longer here, but wherever it is, I will be trying to reach across worlds, to touch you, to love you, to always be your mom.
You are my heart.
Forever and ever,
Mom
I wiped the tears staining my cheeks, trying not to sob as my mother’s words washed over me as if she was right beside me, speaking them. I missed her with an ache that brought tears to my eyes, and I needed her now more than ever, but the letter was all I had.
I folded the paper and held it to my nose. It still carried a faint flowery scent after all these years. Even the envelope was scented, with watercolor drawings of flowers. It was the sort of pretty thing my mother had always liked.
Inside was a picture of my mother, my father, and me as a chubby two-year-old clutching a furry rabbit at a picnic. We looked so happy, and that happiness had been so temporary. Within a few years, my father would be dead, and my mother would be miserable and lonely then miserable and married to someone who wasn’t worthy of touching the ground she walked on. One minute, we were happy, the next, the world had shattered.
That was exactly how I felt now. I’d thought I could be happy. I’d reached for happiness with Jason, believing I’d found the part of my soul that had been missing for so long. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Now, all I could do was watch the wobbly blocks of happiness I’d built collapse around me.
I’d built them on the shakiest foundation of all—a player, a liar, a man who didn’t deserve my trust.
I never wanted you to be alone again, not when I could be there for you.
Liar.
You don’t have to be alone. Just say the word, and you’ll never have to be.
Liar.
I closed my eyes, still hearing Jason in my head. Every promise he’d made, everything he’d said to make me trust him, and then Amy’s voice like a chorus…
Daphne, I have a confession.
My fists clenched as my eyes fought another wave of tears. More than anything, I needed to stop crying about him. He didn’t deserve my tears. He didn’t deserve my love. All I wanted was to go back to before I met him, to some distant place in the past where thinking the name Jason Wild didn’t make me feel like my heart was shattered into jagged, bloody pieces.
There was a knock on the door. I pushed the picture and the letter back into the envelope and stuck it under a pillow.
“Come in.”
The door opened, and Candace stuck her head into the room.
“Hey.” Her voice was soft and full of concern. She was a friend from work, but we were close. When I left my apartment after Amy’s bombshell, I had no idea where I was going, but when I called her and said I needed a place to stay for a day or two, she’d offered me h
er spare bedroom, no questions asked.
I’d spent most of the day in the room, feeling sorry for myself as I went over Amy’s revelation over and over in my head.
“You okay?” Candace asked.
“Yeah,” I replied, even though it was far from the truth. I wasn’t okay. I felt used. I felt destroyed. I was hovering between stark disbelief that Jason was a liar and a consuming anger that made me want to find him and tear into him until all my rage was spent.
“Janice is making lasagna,” she informed me with a smile. Her girlfriend, Janice, was extraordinarily beautiful and a great cook. “You should come join us.”
I tried to smile. “It sounds delicious,” I said, my voice so wooden it was obvious, even to her, that food was the last thing on my mind.
Candace sighed and came to sit on the edge of the bed. My phone was lying on the nightstand, the screen dark and blank. I’d switched it off once the first call from Jason came in, and it had been off all day. I had no intention of letting him reach me. Finding out I’d only been a challenge to him was bad enough. I couldn’t bear any more lies. I knew I wouldn’t be able to bear the sound of his voice assaulting my senses through the phone. I couldn’t risk it. I’d break.
“Looks like somebody really pissed you off,” Candace said quietly, looking at the dead screen.
I drew in a breath and laughed bitterly. “Mostly myself,” I replied. “I’m such a fool.”
“Come on, Daphne.” She squeezed my hand. “You’re not a fool—far from it. You’re smart, pretty, funny, sharp…no matter how you’ve been hurt, don’t use it as an excuse to put yourself down.”
“I feel like I deserve it right now.”
Her eyes filled with sympathy. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I shook my head. “If I do, I’m going to cry, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop.”
“Oh, darling.” She drew me into a hug. “Sometimes, it’s okay to cry.”
Stay.
As long as you want.
I closed my eyes. “I just can’t stop thinking what a fool I was for trusting…” My voice broke, and fresh tears stung my eyes. “I need to stop thinking about him. How can I stop thinking about him?”
“It’s the roommate’s brother, right? The one from the other day?”
I nodded.
“And he did something you two can’t work out or talk about?”
“I never want to talk to him ever again.” The vehemence in my voice was startling, even to me.
Candace considered me for a moment. “Come to the kitchen. Let’s eat. It’s no use being in here all day glaring at the walls. You’ll just keep thinking about how mad you are at him.”
“You’re right.” I wiped my eyes, drew in a breath, and attempted a smile. “I’ll join you guys.”
After she left, I went to wash my face. In the mirror my eyes were red, my face splotchy, and my hair hung limply around my shoulders. I looked as miserable as I felt, wounded, with a chest that ached as if all the nerves and muscles had been bruised when my heart broke into pieces. Even my head hurt from all the hours I’d spent running every moment with Jason like a reel in my mind, over and over, trying to understand how I’d allowed myself to trust him when I should have known he was nothing but a liar.
I can’t walk away from you.
Well, I could walk away, and I was going to, no matter what he was trying to tell me. I didn’t want an apology, and I didn’t want more lies. I’d been humiliated enough, and now I was going to forget I’d ever considered giving my heart to Jason Wild. I was going to get over him, no matter what it took.
Even though the lasagna was delicious and served with a sweet, full-bodied wine, it might as well have been ashes in my mouth. The old rom-com Candace and Janice chose to watch made me feel even more miserable, and I drank copious amounts of wine. When I finally went to bed, I was tipsy and weepy, and I’m sure I cursed drowsily at Jason until I fell asleep.
The next day, Candace was volunteering at a senior home, and I joined her. I spent the morning listening to stories about old loves, body troubles, and a few regrets. The seniors were glad to see a new face, and for a while, I was distracted enough to push my own pain to the back of my mind.
Early the next morning, I finally brought myself to switch on my phone. I knew what to expect, and I wasn’t surprised when the texts and voice messages from Amy and Jason showed up in my notifications. I stared at Jason’s name, and a fresh wave of pain and anger flooded through me. As if that wasn’t enough, my phone started to ring—a call…from him.
I barely resisted the urge to hurl my phone out the window. Instead, I rejected the call and blocked his number, feeling a malicious wave of satisfaction as I did. I didn’t appreciate being lied to, being deceived, and I was serious about never wanting to speak to him again.
I knew I never wanted you to be alone again.
Liar.
He deserved nothing more than my complete silence. He didn’t even deserve to know he had hurt me. As far as I was concerned, he had ceased to exist.
“You’re sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Candace looked worried, like she thought if I went anywhere by myself I might break into pieces or something.
“I’m sure,” I replied, rolling my eyes. “I’m not so fragile that I can’t go to my apartment and change for work on my own.”
We stepped out of the elevator and walked out into the street. “As long as you’re feeling up to dealing with…whatever situation made you leave there in the first place,” she said, far from convinced.
Was I feeling up to dealing with it? I wasn’t sure, but I couldn’t hide in Candace’s spare room forever.
“I am,” I assured her.
She nodded, and impulsively, I gave her a tight hug. “Thanks for everything,” I whispered.
“Any time.” She patted my hand and jogged off in one direction. I turned in the opposite direction and started walking.
It was still very early, and the streets were almost empty. A chilly breeze blew along the sidewalk, making me pull my sleeves over my hands. Farther up the street, a homeless man gathered some cartons from where he’d slept in front of an open grill, and I offered him all the cash in my purse.
“Bless you,” he muttered, not meeting my eyes.
“Thank you,” I replied. I kept walking, determined not to dwell on my pain over Jason, not when there was so much else to be sad about. He was a liar who didn’t deserve the space in my heart he’d occupied.
I let myself into the apartment and breathed a quiet sigh of relief when I found the living room empty. I only planned to spend enough time to shower, change, and leave for work, and I wasn’t looking forward to talking to Amy.
I’d missed her more than I thought I would, and the memory of her tears and genuine regret compounded the soreness I already felt, but I couldn’t bring myself to forgive her, not yet. She’d had no right to talk about my sex life with her brother. In a way, she’d been the catalyst to his whole game, and I couldn’t just sweep that aside.
She’d left a note in my room, and I found it on the floor as soon as I opened the door.
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I know you’re pissed at me and you have every right to be. I wish I knew what to do to make up for what I did. I’ll do anything. Please, you don’t have to leave the apartment. I’ll get out of your face. I’ll be at my parents’ house for a few days. I’m so so sorry.
I swallowed the aching lump in my throat. I’d made a lot of bad decisions, starting from the moment I decided to sleep with Jason. I’d lied to Amy and even to myself. As angry as I was, I hated that she was blaming herself for everything even though she had tried to warn me about Jason.
If I hadn’t lied about not being interested in him, maybe she’d have told me the truth, and I’d have been wary enough to see through his bullshit.
I put the note away, took a quick shower, and then dressed for work, choosing a dress in a dark color that matched my mood. I a
dded minimal makeup, enough to hide the signs that I’d spent the weekend in tears, then brushed my hair until the highlights shone and it fell around my shoulders in a soft curtain.
I never wanted you to be alone again.
How could he say all those things and make me believe he was sincere?
Even though I was determined to stop dwelling on him, I had to take a moment. I was close to tears again, and I sat at the edge of my bed and covered my face with my hands. I was drowning in broken dreams and desires. I’d felt so much, expected so much. Why did he have to make me believe there was a possibility of a future filled with love when all he wanted was to nail his sister’s roommate?
What if that wasn’t all he wanted? What if he wasn’t lying? What if he really wants to be with you?
Hope soared through me like a soothing curse, but I quickly buried it under my pain and disappointment. I knew better than to cling to some unlikely belief that Jason wasn’t a player. Everything pointed to the fact that he had lied to me, deceived me, used me as a challenge. There was no way I was going to be that girl, the one who went around believing a man like Jason would change for her. I was done making a fool of myself.
Downstairs, I found a taxi and tried to keep my mind blank during the short ride to work. Somehow, I almost convinced myself that maybe, just maybe, I could make it through the whole day without any painful reminders. I swiped my card and stepped out into the morning, my heart determined to find some source of hope, any balm for the pain, any way to forget.
“Daphne.”
At the sound of Jason’s voice, at the sound of my name on his lips, my heart thudded in my chest and I almost lost my balance. My senses soared and dived and I started to tremble.