Harlequin Romance Bundle: Crowns and Cowboys

by Judy Christenberry

  ‘Because I kissed you,’ he said simply.

  ‘I don’t understand.’

  Seb pushed his chair back and stood up. He’d feel better on his feet. It was how he’d done most of his thinking anyway, pacing up and down the floor. Somehow she’d managed to turn the tables on him. When he’d planned this conversation in his head it had run along completely different lines.

  He wasn’t good at saying how he felt. He hadn’t had a great deal of practice—and he wasn’t sure what words to use. Where to start. How you even began to unpack all the thought processes that had led him to this point.

  ‘I kissed you,’ he repeated, his hand rubbing the back of his neck, ‘when I didn’t want to.’

  He knew he’d made a mistake when a frown snapped across her forehead.

  ‘Didn’t mean to,’ he corrected swiftly. ‘I kissed you when I didn’t mean to. I spoke to you in Amiens when I didn’t mean to. I travelled with you to Paris when I shouldn’t have.’ Seb wasn’t sure this was going at all well. Marianne was still staring at him as though he’d gone completely mad.

  ‘What I’m trying to say…is that you…affect me.’ He cringed at such an out dated choice of word. It had come out of nowhere. Affect me. What was the matter with him? He was good with women. Spent a lot of time with lots of very beautiful women and none of them made him feel so tongue-tied and awkward.

  He was trying to say that he was reaching out, for only the second time in his adult life, for what he really wanted. And both times he’d been reaching for her.

  ‘I affect you?’ she said with a slight lift of her right eyebrow.

  He blew out the breath that he’d been holding in one short burst. Yes, she affected him. Deeply and profoundly. And she shouldn’t.

  Seb looked at Marianne with one bare foot crossed on top of the other, her skirt clearly showing the signs of having been slept in, no make-up on and hair that only just merited the description tousled rather than tangled.

  She really shouldn’t affect him. Only she did. He’d spent his entire life surrounded by women with easy access to haute couture and all the beauty treatments money could buy—but not one of them had made him feel so much.

  Just looking at her made him want to re-think his day. Meetings with his mother, his head groom, the estate manager and the diplomatic reception no longer seemed particularly pressing. Marianne made him want to peel her T-shirt away from her incredible body and slip her skirt down and over her hips. He wanted to kiss a trail up the side of her neck and feel her breasts heavy in his hands.

  Seb swallowed painfully. He wanted far more than that. He wanted her in his bed and completely certain she was going to stay there. How did you tell someone that they were filling your senses in a way that defied all logic? From the first time he’d seen her and every time since. When he was with her he forgot everything except that he wanted her.

  And it wasn’t merely lust. He liked her. Genuinely liked being with her. He wanted to talk to her and know all the thoughts that were going on behind her intelligent eyes.

  But he couldn’t ask her to be his long-term lover—because she’d already told him she wouldn’t be happy. Didn’t want that.

  Which left marriage. And it was too soon in their relationship to make that kind of a decision. In all fairness to her, he had to make it clear what a life with him would be like….

  Marianne stood up, leaving her half-eaten toast on her plate and her tea untouched. ‘I think I’d better find my shoes,’ she said quietly. ‘I assume your dressing room is through there?’

  He must have nodded because she walked through to his bedroom and disappeared out of sight. He felt as though something incredibly precious was falling through his fingers and he didn’t know how to stop it.

  Seb pulled a shaking hand through his hair and tried to focus on what had seemed such a sensible proposition last night. He would ‘court’ her, sensibly and openly. She’d have a chance to see what being royal entailed and they could monitor the public’s reaction to her.

  As privately as possible, with no breath of a scandal, they could see where this connection would take them. See whether she’d be a suitable princess of Andovaria. It was reasonable, balanced and adult.

  But that wasn’t romantic. He couldn’t give her that. He couldn’t simply follow his heart and propose to her now. He had a responsibility to his country….

  ‘What I’m trying to say,’ he said as soon as she reappeared with her jumper held protectively in front of her and her shoes on her feet, ‘is that I’m still attracted to you.’

  ‘I’m understanding you perfectly.’ Her voice was crisp and dry, clearly misinterpreting what he was trying to say.

  ‘Marianne—’

  ‘Stop it! Just stop it!’ Her brown eyes darted a mixture of anger and hurt. ‘This might be a new experience for you, Your Serene Highness, but you’ve just met someone you can’t buy and who’s not starry-eyed that you’re a prince. What I gave you was a gift. My gift to you because I loved you and I wanted to be with you.’

  She shook her head in apparent disbelief and drew in one long, shaky breath. ‘I’m sure you’ll find someone who’ll affect you equally and who won’t mind that they’re not suitable for anything more permanent. After all, don’t want to taint the stock line, do we?’

  ‘That’s not what I meant.’

  Marianne brushed past him. She felt as though she’d been violated. It hurt that someone she’d loved so deeply as Seb could treat her as a commodity. Little more than a body. How could he believe she’d settle for so little, a tiny piece of his life?

  And she’d told him she couldn’t become his lover. ‘I know exactly what you meant.’

  ‘No, you don’t.’ Seb caught her by the top of her arms, holding her with just enough strength to stop her trajectory. ‘I’m trying to tell you that I want you in my life.’

  ‘And I’m telling you I’m not interested.’

  Seb’s hands refused to let her go. ‘You’re not hearing me.’ His eyes seemed to pin her to the floor. ‘I’d like you to get to know me again. Think about what it would be like to be a princess.’

  Marianne went limp and her eyes searched his for some explanation of what he’d said. His words pooled into silence. Unexpected. Totally, totally unexpected.

  It hadn’t been a question, more a statement of fact. And it made no sense. At least not to her.

  Sure that she wasn’t going anywhere Seb released her arms. He eased a hand round the back of his neck. ‘That’s what I want,’ he said more quietly.

  Seb seemed to be waiting for her reaction, but she wasn’t sure what she was supposed to be reacting to. It could almost have been an academic question for the amount of emotion he’d put into it.

  Not love. He hadn’t said he loved her. Just that he wanted her to get to know him and think about how she felt about being a princess. Did that mean he wanted her to think about being his princess? His wife?

  Or just to think about what it would be like and understand why she couldn’t be?

  Marianne started to speak and then decided she couldn’t.

  ‘What do you think?’ Seb asked, watching her face closely.

  She frowned. ‘I think I don’t understand the question. Has this got something to do with Jessica?’

  ‘No. Yes.’ He pulled a hand through his hair. ‘In a way. Maybe.’

  ‘That’s clear.’

  Seb reached out to take hold of her hand and she let him take it. She’d never seen him like this. Even as a teenager he’d had an aura of confidence about him. It was probably what had attracted her to him in the first place.

  ‘I’ve sat up all night thinking about you.’ His voice was thick and husky, laced with deep emotion. ‘About Jessica. About what my life could have been like…’

  ‘If she’d lived?’

  ‘Not exactly, but yes.’

  Marianne frowned. This felt rather like the verbal equivalent of walking through fog and, all of a sudden, she’
d had enough. ‘Seb, I’m not understanding any of this.’ She rubbed at her arm, trying to get some life back into limbs that suddenly felt cold and heavy. ‘Are you asking me to marry you because you somehow think that’ll be a kind of reparation for what happened with Jessica?’ It didn’t matter whether she was making a complete fool of herself. She just wanted to know. ‘If so, you don’t have to worry. I’m doing just fine.’

  Not entirely true, but true enough. She was surviving—and she’d made a fulfilling and interesting life for herself. In many ways it was good. She lifted her chin and met his dark eyes. ‘I didn’t tell you about her because I wanted you to feel guilty. Certainly not because I wanted you to feel sorry for me.’

  His fingers moved across the back of her hand. It was an incredibly tender gesture.

  She watched a muscle pulse in the side of his cheek; saw him searching for the words. ‘I know that.’

  ‘I told you about her because she was your baby, too. And because I want you to understand why I can’t have another affair with you. I’m not strong enough.’

  Seb shook his head. ‘I’m not asking you to do that.’ His smile twisted. ‘Come and sit back down.’

  ‘Seb,’ she began wearily, but in the end it seemed easier to do what he wanted.

  He led her back to the breakfast table and waited until she’d sat back down.

  ‘Shall I call for some fresh tea?’

  ‘No.’ Just tell me what you want from me. It was a miracle she’d not said that aloud.

  Seb sat himself opposite. She heard his intake of breath and waited for him to speak. It had almost reached the point where she didn’t much care what he said as long as he said something. Her nerves were stretched so far she thought they might snap.

  ‘I married Amelie—’ he began slowly.

  ‘I know. I saw your wedding pictures.’

  He ignored her, focused on whatever it was he wanted to tell her. ‘Because her father is the Archduke of Saxe-Broden and he was a close friend of my father. Amelie was—is,’ he corrected himself, ‘a very beautiful woman. She’s intelligent, speaks five languages, is used to moving in royal circles and had no breath of scandal attached to her.’

  ‘She sounds perfect.’ Marianne bowed her head so Seb couldn’t see how much his words were hurting her.

  ‘That’s what my parents thought. And the people of Andovaria. They loved her. It was what they wanted—the young prince in his castle bringing home his virginal princess—and our popularity soared. Which was exactly what my father had hoped for when he’d brokered the marriage.’

  Marianne swallowed hard. She knew this. Knew all this. When she’d said she’d seen the photographs, she’d really meant she’d seen them. The horse-drawn carriage pulled by six perfectly matched white horses. The streets filled with bunting and cheering crowds.

  ‘And, I suppose, the truth was I didn’t much care who I married if I couldn’t have you.’

  She looked up at that. Her eyes shimmering with tears she would not let fall.

  ‘You were young, English, with no aristocratic connections. No prince in Europe had ever had such a bride. And we were already lovers…’

  ‘Because I loved you,’ she said through a throat that felt tight and constricted. She didn’t want to hear this.

  ‘Because you loved me,’ Seb repeated softly. ‘But we’d only had five weeks together. So little time. And to marry you would have been to ask my parents to go against everything they knew or had any experience of.

  ‘Everything my father did as the sovereign prince was designed to keep Andovaria a monarchy and to keep it strong. There were voices of dissent even then—people who have a different vision for Andovaria in the twenty-first century.’

  Everything Seb said seemed to have a hateful logic. Amelie had been an inspired choice. The fairy-tale princess.

  ‘But marrying Amelie was difficult. We’d only met a handful of times before our engagement was officially announced and I scarcely knew anything about her other than that she’d been groomed to fill the kind of position I had to offer.’

  Marianne nodded because she did understand. It was easy to imagine the pressure he’d been under to conform.

  ‘But I loved you—and I should never have done it. I remember standing in here on my wedding day, dressed in my ceremonial uniform, wondering what you were doing.’

  Marianne gripped her hands together in her lap. Hard.

  ‘Hoping you were happy. Hoping I was doing the right thing, but knowing it was too late to do anything else.’

  He stopped speaking. The silence sat between them.

  ‘But Amelie is also a quiet and very private person,’ Seb continued suddenly. ‘She hated pretty much everything that being the Princess of Andovaria entails. She doesn’t like talking to strangers, giving speeches, walking into a room and have people watch her…’

  Marianne looked up.

  ‘She found the state dinners an ordeal. She hated being photographed and having her clothes criticised. Hated having bodyguards with her whenever she left the castle.

  ‘And she didn’t love me. Between ourselves we knew very early on that our marriage wasn’t going to work. We were married for five and a half years, but for five of those we were actively working towards our very amicable separation.’

  He stood up abruptly and walked out onto the narrow balcony. Marianne turned in her chair so she could see him more clearly. Seb claimed not to have loved Amelie, but the failure of his marriage clearly bothered him. Offended him deeply.

  ‘What’s Amelie doing now?’

  Seb turned his head slightly. ‘She’s living in the States. Studying for the degree she always wanted.’

  ‘Happy?’

  He nodded. ‘She seems to be.’

  ‘But you’re not?’ Marianne asked hesitantly.

  His shoulder muscles bunched beneath the fine wool of his jumper. ‘I feel I’ve failed. The divorce rate in Andovaria is the lowest in Europe. The people here are traditional and hold traditional family values’.

  He turned. ‘If I marry again—and I have to—there’ll be no possibility of divorce or a second annulment. When I marry it has to be for life.’

  The tell-tale muscle in the corner of his cheek pulsed. Marianne watched both it, and him.

  ‘That’s why I’m saying you need to think about what it would be like to be the Princess of Andovaria.’

  Light burst in Marianne’s head like fireworks.

  ‘I want to get to know you and for you to know me, but it’s not that simple. As soon as the Press get wind of the fact that we’re seeing each other your life will be completely different. The paparazzi will swoop on your family and friends and their lives will change too.’

  He moved back into the room. ‘Whether or not we ultimately decide to marry, you’ll always be known as a former girlfriend of the Prince of Andovaria. Your face will be recognised and your life interesting to people you’ve never met.’

  Marianne swallowed. Yesterday she’d been sure where her life was going; today everything seemed to be shifting about.

  ‘It’s not easy. Isabelle was born to it and she seems to hate every moment. Amelie was hurt by it.’ His smile twisted. ‘I don’t want you to answer me now. I want you to think about it. Really think about whether you would be happy living with cameras aimed at you all the time, knowing that video tapes can be slowed down and analysed so your words can be lip-read.

  ‘Think about the effect it would have on your career. About never being able to express an opinion that might be construed as political.’

  Marianne tucked her hair behind her ears. She was trying so hard to concentrate on what he was saying. ‘So,’ she said slowly, ‘you’re asking to date me?’

  ‘With a view to marriage. Perhaps. If we feel you would…’

  ‘Be suitable.’ Marianne finished his sentence for him. She felt as if he’d reached inside her and had squeezed her heart. At eighteen that had been her dream. She’d loved him. Wante
d desperately to spend her life with him…

  But it hadn’t been possible. In London he’d said…Marianne frowned. ‘I don’t understand what’s changed. Why is it now possible for me to marry you when it wasn’t before?’

  There was a brief tap on the outside door. Seb glanced over at it. ‘That’ll be Alois wanting to discuss today’s schedule.’

  He walked over to the door and spoke quietly. Marianne didn’t try to hear what he was saying. Her mind was a complete mess. She sat in stupefied silence.

  Seb shut the door and smiled at her as though he could see what she was feeling. ‘What’s changed is that princes are now able to marry for love. Denmark, Spain, Norway…even your own country. And in each case the marriage has somehow brought the monarchy more popularity. Made it more accessible to the people. But it’s a huge lifestyle change and you’d have to want to embrace those changes as much as me.’

  ‘Wouldn’t there be a scandal if it was discovered I’d been pregnant with your baby when you married Amelie?’

  ‘Yes.’ He couldn’t lie to her. There would be an immense scandal. Isabelle’s behaviour was offending a huge swathe of Andovaria and he honestly doubted whether public opinion would allow him to marry a woman who’d been his lover. Particularly if they suspected his relationship with her might have been a contributory factor in the breakdown of his fledgling marriage.

  Seb smiled at her. ‘I think if that kind of information was out there it would have surfaced by now. Certainly when I separated from Amelie.’

  He could tell she was still doubtful. Not particularly surprising since she’d grown up with salacious stories about the British royal family in the Press on a nearly daily basis.

  ‘I would trust Nick with my life. And if Beth had wanted to sell our story she could have done it by now.’

  ‘She wouldn’t!’

  ‘Then I think we can stop worrying about it. It’s more important you take the time to think about what marriage to me would be like. Take as much time as you need to be sure. We’ll spend some time together. Talk.’

  But not become lovers.