Who is that bitch and what is she doing here?
What does she want with Jason?
My Jason.
I can’t bear the thought of any of my men wanting to be with another woman. So far, we’ve managed to dodge that bullet, as I’ve been around them nearly all the time since we left Fiji.
As I’m making myself more presentable, it dawns on me that Jordan must have done this on purpose. That’s why everyone is so angry with him today. He knew he could cause trouble by bringing this woman to the house, because she apparently knows them all.
That bastard. I’ll kill him, I swear I will.
But that will have to wait.
I hurry downstairs and there’s nobody at all in the great room. Then I hear footsteps and turn to see this Holly chick coming down the stairs behind me.
“Hi… Kelsey, right?” She’s all eyes and breasts. Well, there’s also a flat stomach and the kind of butt that guys can’t ignore. I want to grab the laces of her top and pull tightly so that those breasts aren’t so visible. I hate the thought of her parading around my men like this. “I was looking for Zilla, have you seen him?”
He’s mine! You can’t have him!
At least that’s what I want to tell her. But since I don’t know who she is or why she’s here, I just shake my head.
“Are there other girls here, or is it just us?” she asks, as if it were the most normal question in the world. “They tend to flock around Jason, because he’s the singer, and Zilla, because of his….” Holly grins, her eyes wide as she imagines it.
Holy shit, she’s a groupie. Of course she is, dressed like that. I should have known all along. I’m insulted that she seems to think I’m just a fellow star-fucker.
“Hey, can you introduce me to Brandon? He played with Harem on the tour, right?”
“What do you want with Brandon?” I’m certain that the question comes out sounding hostile, but she’s oblivious.
“He and Ian are the only ones I haven’t had yet.”
My heart sinks. I’m suddenly feeling sick. I knew that in the past, the guys in Harem had occasionally shared women. I also remember hearing stories about some they all shared.
Still, it hurts to be face-to-face with someone who has been there before me. Especially one who doesn’t love these guys like I do.
“Plus, Brandon’s so fucking hot. You know, that young-American-guy thing.”
Now I want nothing more than to just haul off and punch her right in her slutty face. She’s saved by a loud conversation coming from the kitchen.
“Excuse me,” I bark, strutting away.
As I enter the kitchen I see all five of Harem’s original members having an animated conversation. Voices are raised and fuses appear to be getting shorter, and it’s apparent that Jordan is facing off against the others.
“Fuck all of you,” he says defensively. “I’m gone a few months and you change every fucking rule on me.”
Before I can say anything, Ian looks my way and shakes his head, indicating I’m not allowed to be part of this discussion.
Great. This day is really starting to suck hard. I may have cleaned up my appearance, but I still feel like shit, and now I’ve got a crazed groupie to deal with and my men are pissed off when they’re supposed to be relaxing.
Exiting the kitchen, I walk through the empty great room, stepping over cables and around amps and microphone stands. Holly is nowhere in sight, which sets off all kinds of alarms in my head. The last thing I need is to learn any of my men aren’t as committed to me as they claim to be.
I feel myself slowly unraveling. This woman has had sex with not only Jason, but all the members of Harem, including Jordan. Everyone except Brandon, the young American dream boy that she seems eager to add to her trophy wall.
I walk out into the bright sunshine and head for the koi pond. I need a minute to think, to clear my head. As I round the corner of the rose maze, I’m stunned to see Brandon sitting on the stone bench, next to Holly. Okay, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised at all, considering who she is and what she’s already told me, but I am. And of course, Brandon is still shirtless.
Holly says something and Brandon responds, and she tosses her head back and puts her hand on his bare shoulder as she laughs exaggeratedly. So fucking fake, yet he can’t see it.
Or maybe he can and doesn’t care. Maybe Brandon is taken in by those half-exposed tits and that tight little ass. After all, he’s a young man just beginning to taste the fruits of fame.
Fuck.
Normally I wouldn’t get bent out of shape about a woman flirting with one of these guys, because it happened literally every day when we were on tour. But this one’s different, because Holly has clearly stated she wants to sleep with him, and I know she’ll try to make it happen.
I should intervene. Do something, anything. But what? Brandon, don’t forget you have a girlfriend isn’t going to work. I’ll just look like a jealous idiot.
No, I’ve got to trust Brandon. I just hope that Ian, Jason and the others will put a stop to this nonsense. Hopefully sooner, rather than later, before this woman goes too far with one of my guys.
I return to the house, now feeling like I’m just running around in circles. Before I reach the front door, though, Jordan bursts out with a full head of steam. He looks absolutely furious, and he’s followed by the other men, who appear equally pissed-off.
“You fuckers are going to push this too far,” Jordan seethes, “and it won’t be pretty.”
He notices me and says fiercely, “You think you’re special, but you’re not. There have been others like you, and none last. We get tired of them eventually. All of them.”
He storms past me to his motorcycle. “Holly!” he yells as he straddles the bike and starts the engine.
I join my guys near the front door.
“What did he say to you?” Nick asks.
“Nothing. Just talk.”
Holly and Brandon come around the side of the house. “We’ve got to go,” Jordan tells her. She hurries over to say her goodbyes, kissing each of the guys on the cheek—including Brandon, who tells her it was nice to meet her. I glare at her as she passes, but I also give him the stink-eye. I feel disrespected.
Seconds later, the motorcycle roars off down the drive.
Holly was only here for about two hours, but managed to leave a lot of angry people in her wake.
* * *
I hear drums and bass coming from downstairs in the great room. Actually, I feel them as much as I hear them, especially the bass, which is vibrating all the way up through my feet to the top of my head.
What the hell? I thought this was supposed to be a day off.
So much for the nap I was trying to take. Everyone was in too sour a mood to talk about anything, so I just went upstairs. Now less than twenty minutes later, it looks like that nap won’t be happening.
“What’s going on?” I ask after I go downstairs. Nick and Zilla aren’t actually playing together, they’re both doing their own thing. At the same time, which can be noisy.
“Jordan will be gone for a while. This is the perfect time to start on one of my song ideas,” Ian says, strapping on his guitar and plugging in the cable. As he begins to search for the right guitar tone, the room gets progressively louder.
I see Jason walk out of the kitchen with a bottle of water. He’s still shirtless. Hell, all five of them are, including Brandon standing behind his keyboard stack. This band should be called Barem.
“I need to talk to you,” I say to Jason as he steps into the middle of the cacophony.
“Later. Can’t right now,” he says, obviously not wanting to be distracted.
Great.
“Okay, listen up,” Ian says authoritatively. “The main riff goes like this…”
He proceeds to unleash a fearsome guitar riff. It’s short, heavy and catchy as fuck. Then he stops just as abruptly.
“I’ll play it twice for the intro, then drums and bass ki
ck in for two bars. After that, keys and vocals bring in the verse. Everybody with me?”
Nobody is smiling. These guys are on a mission.
“The chorus is eight bars: One each of D, A, B minor, back to D, then repeat it all. Two sequences of one chord per bar. Got it?” More nods.
“All right, let’s see what we’ve got.” Ian launches into the riff again. When Nick and Zilla join in, it sounds absolutely ferocious. This song has attitude. It’s lean and mean. Brandon starts playing, then Jason begins to walk around, head down, gesturing to himself and occasionally scribbling in his notebook.
“Chorus!” Ian shouts as he changes the chord structure. It’s rocky for a second as everyone tries to find his place, but soon enough they’re all locked together in a driving rhythm. Brandon plays something on synthesizer that sounds amazing to me, and Ian must agree because he looks over and nods enthusiastically.
After a couple of minutes, Ian fires off a guitar solo that’s insane, a nasty, heavily distorted, beautiful mess. My god, these guys are so fucking amazing.
Then at the end it kind of fizzles out as they all just stop playing, one by one.
Zilla’s the first to speak. “Fuckin’ A. I love it. Maybe fade out for the ending?”
“Worry about that later,” Jason says. “Play it again. Hurry.”
Ian re-starts the song and they run through it another time. This time they’re totally feeling it. There’s no hesitation, nothing tentative. It’s breathtaking to watch them in this creative frenzy.
When they finish, Jason lifts his head with a grin.
“We’re going to call it Disruption.”
Everyone seems to love the title.
“Perfect,” Ian says. “What else have you got?”
“Quite a bit. Take it from the top,” Jason says.
The next time through, I’m astonished at what Jason has come up with in such a short time. The lyrics are rough, but the bones of a song are there, and the melody is exactly what the song needs.
The band is thrilled with what they hear, too. This is still in line with the more mature sound of the other new songs, but it’s much edgier. It captures the reckless anger of their early material without giving in to the brattiness of their younger punk-pop years. All in all, it sounds dangerous, and I’m already certain it’ll be a huge hit in their live shows.
It’s incredible that they’ve accomplished all this in just a couple of hours.
As they run through the song again, Jordan struts in through the front door. Holly isn’t with him. He stands transfixed as he listens. When the band finishes, he’s all smiles.
“That’s more like it,” Jordan says, obviously elated. “That’s the shit I’m talking about. What’s it called?”
Everyone just glares his way.
“Disruption,” Jason says. “Speaking of which, it’s time for a break.” He heads for the kitchen as the other guys walk away from their instruments, leaving Jordan standing there wondering what the hell is happening.
I push past him and join Jason in the kitchen, where Ella has started the prep work for dinner.
“Can we talk for a minute?” I ask Jason.
I can see that Jason has once again become testy since Jordan returned. “Ella, can we have a moment?”
The cook nods and leaves the kitchen.
“Is this about Holly?” Jason asks.
“I just don’t understand what’s going on, Jason. Why did Jordan bring her here?”
Jason looks at me sympathetically and his grumpy countenance lightens. Eventually a smile breaks.
“What? What are you smiling about?”
“You. You’re so fucking adorable. Are you afraid of someone coming between us?”
My heart feels like it’s splitting. “Terrified.”
Jason wraps me up in a big hug, squeezing my body against his.
“Jordan brought her here because he wanted to start some shit. Who knows why, maybe he’s acting out since he knows he’s no longer wanted.”
“Where is she now?”
“We told him to take her back to London and that he’s not to bring any girls at all to Wolfshire. We made it perfectly clear that he was out of line.”
“She told me she’s slept with all of you.”
He sighs. “We met Holly in Paris a few years ago. She hung out with the band for a week, so yeah, chances are good she fucked everyone. Fucked a few of us, if I recall. As for me, I honestly don’t remember having sex with her.”
I wonder if he’s just saying that to get me to drop the subject, but that’s the least of my problems. What’s worse is that something shifted in this house today. Holly’s appearance, Jordan’s ongoing shenanigans, Brandon flirting, me meeting a woman who has also slept with Harem… it’s all too much, and I feel like I’m losing my grip on something that was well in my control when we arrived here at Wolfshire a few weeks ago.
* * *
Three hours later, Disruption is finished. Or, to be precise, the demo track is finished. Now the guys will analyze it and decide on the details that will make it a polished song. Then they’ll set it aside while they write a few more songs for the album. Lastly, they’ll record the final versions of all the new songs, incorporating any changes they came up with while listening to those demo tracks.
Jordan watched everything, but didn’t actually play on this song. The guys told him he’d have to add his parts when they record the final version, but I know they’re just trying to limit his involvement while they figure out what to do with him going forward.
All in all, it’s been one very shitty “day off.”
After dinner, I tell everyone I’m going to bed early. I can barely look at Brandon without imagining him flirting with Holly. And I still get the feeling Jason is holding back something about him and Holly. Not to mention that I’ve had enough Jordan drama for one day.
Even when I’m alone, though, I can’t get this stuff out of my head. When I think of my future with Harem, I wonder about ongoing incidents like this one today. Maybe it’ll be Jordan again, or Holly, or other former lovers from Harem’s past, or maybe even something as seemingly benign as meddling family members.
Who knows where the next threat to our little arrangement will come from?
If I were with just one man, this is the time I’d start looking for a commitment. But I can’t ask five rich young rock stars to give up other women forever, can I?
And how would that work, anyway? Once this recording is finished, everyone will go their separate ways until the next tour.
I can’t see any way I’ll be able to keep Harem together.
Maybe this was doomed from the start.
11
Three weeks after Holly’s visit, the tension is almost unbearable.
Jordan is still living in the guest house and attending most of the writing and recording sessions. He’s stopped bringing girls around, so at least there’s that to be thankful for. My interactions with him have been limited to him frowning or rolling his eyes at me, or just blatantly staring at my tits. Half the time it seems to me like he’s high, although never so much that the band calls him on it.
And then there are my issues with Jason and Brandon. I haven’t been able to get past what happened the day Holly was here, the way I felt about learning that she slept with four of my five men. I tell myself that was a few years back and these guys have grown up a lot since then, and I certainly know I’m not the only woman who has slept with Harem. But it still hurts.
The thing with Brandon is more complex. I’d already been jealous that Ella, the cook, seems to have an eye for him, so when I saw him flirting with Holly it brought up a problem I hadn’t considered before.
Brandon was a virgin when I met him. I’m the only woman he’s ever slept with.
How on earth am I going to be woman enough to keep him satisfied so that he doesn’t feel the itch to see what else is out there? Surely at some point he’ll want know what it’s like to be with another
woman, to be inside another woman.
My hopes for keeping our five-men-and-one-woman relationship going grow more dim with each passing day. I find myself becoming resigned to the fact that it will have to end at some point, probably sooner rather than later.
And it breaks my heart.
I’ll do what I can to try to prevent that from happening, but I can’t say I’m optimistic.
Despite everything, the boys managed to finish the songwriting part of the process. They now have ten new songs, eleven if you count Little Miracle. They’ve also rehearsed a cover of the Tom Petty classic, American Girl, giving it a harder rock feel and that unmistakable Harem vocal harmony.
To my untrained ear, there are four or five songs that could be hits. With the success of Little Miracle, even one more hit would make this their best-selling album in years. And it’s been mind-boggling to watch it all come together, to see the band start with just an idea and carefully craft a full-blown song around it.
This morning they continue the arduous recording of the actual versions of the song, the ones that will be on the album and that their fans will hear on the radio and Spotify and Pandora.
“Why will this take so long?” I asked Ian last week, when they first started the process. “You know the songs; can’t you just play them once and record it?”
He laughed at my naivety. “That’s not how it works, love. We’ll record the drums and bass at the same time, then each part after that gets recorded separately, as many times as necessary to get them right. Like, I may do a dozen runs through a guitar solo to get the perfect feel, or Jason may need twenty attempts at singing a single line just right. When all that’s done, we still have to do all the vocal harmonies, one take at a time.”
A that point, Jason jumped in. “Harem has always been perfectionists when it comes to the sound on our records.” He grinned and added, “All the hard work is why our songs sound so fucking good.”
I couldn’t argue with that, since I always loved listening to their music, even when the band was merely a sexy poster on my dorm-room wall.
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