Behind the Mask

by Linda Winstead Jones

  She shattered, from the inside out, her body twitching while she cried out and clasped John against her. His already hard body tensed, and he trembled above her with his own completion. A low moan escaped from his throat as he pushed himself deep inside her, one last time.

  When he collapsed atop her, keeping his weight from her with the arms that bracketed her head, Tessa did not move away, but wrapped her legs around his.

  “I meant what I said,” she whispered. “I love you. I love you so much that already I can’t imagine not being your wife, not spending every day of the rest of my life with you.” Tears filled her eyes.

  He lifted his head and looked down at her, fingers brushing a strand of hair away from her face. “I love you, too.”

  She smiled as those same fingers wiped away her happy tears. “Was it the pie?”

  He gave her a wide smile of his own. “No.”

  “The lavender dress,” she said.

  John shook his head.

  She wanted to know. She had to know. “When did you fall in love with me?”

  He kissed her softly, brushing his tongue lightly against her bottom lip. “Yesterday, when you were sitting on the fence and I told you I wanted to stay here, even if it meant we’d have no money. I tried to tell you how hard it might be, what we might have to face, and you just looked at me and smiled and said, ‘We can do it, Johnny.’ Something grabbed my heart at that moment.” He kissed her again. “It was you.”

  Tessa ran one hand along John’s arm, loving the feel of him there and everywhere. “You could have saved yourself a headache if you’d told me so last night,” she teased.

  “That’s what Nell was waiting for?” he asked, sounding truly surprised. “She wanted me to tell you that I loved you?”

  “Not exactly. She wanted us to love each other before... before...”

  “You know,” John finished with a wicked grin. “So, when did you fall in love with me?”

  “I started falling six years ago, I think,” she whispered. “But I knew without a doubt that I love you madly and always will yesterday while I was waiting in the parlor and you were up here, trying so hard to make everything right for me. I tried to imagine being married to someone else, and I couldn’t. I didn’t want to.” She touched his face. “And I don’t think I’m through falling. I think I’m going to love you more every day.”

  He cocked his head and squinted one eye. “You knew what she wanted. You knew why Nell was tormenting us.”

  Tessa caught her bottom lip between her teeth, then let it go and relaxed. “I figured it out yesterday.”

  “And you didn’t tell me.”

  She shook her head slowly.

  “Why not?”

  “I wanted to make sure that when you said you loved me you meant it. I wanted to make sure it was real and true, not something you said in order to rid ourselves of a pesky ghost.”

  “It is real,” he said softly.

  Tessa smiled. “Yes, it is.”

  Sunlight lit this faded room, lit John’s back and the leg she had lifted to rest over his. It was a moment so beautiful, she closed her eyes and savored it, making sure she would remember it always.

  “Tessa, darling?”

  She grinned. “Yes, Johnny?”

  She felt him grow inside her, and when he rocked back and forth, she closed her eyes and sighed.

  “I’m still falling, too,” he whispered. “I want to spend a lifetime falling.”

  “That sounds wonderful.”

  John moved against her, inside her. “We have a little lost time to make up for,” he said softly.

  Tessa rested her hand on his hip and caressed with curious fingers as she surged gently against him. “Yes,” she said softly. “We most certainly do.”

  10

  John rolled over, expecting to bump into his wife’s warm body. Instead, he found only bare sheets, and a pillow still warm. He raised his head and listened, and then he heard her voice, a whisper from across the hall.

  “What do you want?” she asked, the question more curious than frustrated.

  The last light of day lit the room with a warm glow; the fire Aunt Nell had sparked to life flickered low.

  Neither of them, the sun nor the flame, was as warm as the glow John felt deep inside. The future held more promise for him at this moment than it ever had before, all because of Tessa.

  “I don’t understand,” she whispered again.

  John crawled from the bed that sat low on the floor, grabbing his trousers and quietly stepping into them. He couldn’t find his shirt, but then, there was no telling where it had been tossed. One of his boots was on the floor. The other, as he recalled, had been tossed out the window.

  In bare feet, wearing only the trousers, he stepped into the hall and followed the sound of Tessa’s voice. She was across the hall, in the bedroom they had attempted to occupy last night.

  No wonder he could not find his shirt. His wife wore it, and nothing else, as she walked toward the dresser in Aunt Nell’s room. The shirt covered her to her knees, the sleeves hung much too long, and she was absolutely, positively, breathtakingly gorgeous in it. John shook his head. He had it bad, and for his own wife! He never would have imagined.

  Tessa obviously saw something he could not, the way she gestured and whispered, her eyes on one spot near the dresser. “Here?” She pointed to the top drawer and waited for an answer, before pointing to the second drawer. “Here?”

  She must have gotten an affirmative answer, because she bent forward and very slowly opened that drawer.

  “What are you looking for?” John asked.

  Tessa squealed and popped up, spinning around to face him. She brought a small, pale hand to her chest, which was only partially covered by his shirt. “You scared the life out of me. I guess I’m going to have to get accustomed to people sneaking up on me in this house.” That said, she smiled widely. “What are you doing up? I thought maybe you’d sleep a while longer.”

  “I rolled over and you were gone,” he said. “That’s what woke me up.”

  “You missed me?” she asked, her smile fading.

  John nodded once. “I did.”

  The top drawer of the dresser opened and closed with a resounding thwap, and Tessa spun around. “All right,” she said. “Be patient.”

  “You can see her,” John said softly as Tessa opened the middle drawer a bit wider.

  “Of course. Can’t you?”

  His eyes scanned the room. “No.” Just as well. It was bad enough to be harassed by a ghost. He didn’t really want to see her popping up unannounced.

  As if she knew he did not want to see her and was determined to continue her bedevilment, the figure of Aunt Nell appeared. She was nothing more than a hazy white mist for a moment, but the ghost slowly took shape.

  Aunt Nell was not solid, but her form and her features were clear. The wedding dress was misshapen, almost ragged. Her red hair was wild. She didn’t look angry or dangerous, only a little forlorn.

  Tessa reached into the far back of the drawer. “There’s nothing here,” she said, exasperated.

  Aunt Nell nodded furiously.

  “I can’t...” Tessa stopped, went still and quiet for a moment. “I found it,” she whispered.

  “Found what?” John asked as he crossed the room.

  “There’s a secret compartment in the back of this drawer. I don’t know what’s hidden here, but Aunt Nell insisted that I follow her into this room, and then she kept pointing to this chest of drawers.”

  When Tessa drew her arm out of the drawer, she clasped a small book in her hand. “It’s a diary, I think.”

  Aunt Nell nodded and then, with a flick of her fingers, insisted that Tessa open it.

  “But it’s private,” Tessa argued.

  Nell gestured with both hands, more emphatically than before.

  “All right,” Tessa said, walking to the window to catch the last light of day. “If you insist.”

  Nell
, pleased with herself, crossed her arms over her chest and waited.

  Tessa leaned a shoulder against the windowsill and held the diary so it caught the sunlight. John stood close behind her, one hand on her shoulder for support as she flipped through the yellowed pages. “It’s all about parties and her sister.” Tessa glanced up at him. “My Grandmother Kathleen. In this part she writes about their beaus and the parties they attended. Before the war, they threw some grand parties here.” She flipped through a few more pages. “Grandmother Kathleen was several years older than Nell, and very much sought after before she met my grandfather. She married, and oh...” She sighed, once. “After she left home Nell missed her terribly.”

  Nell waved her hand, and Tessa got the message. This wasn’t the reason for digging out the old diary. Tessa obediently flipped through to the end of the book.

  Tessa cocked her head and laid tender fingers on the page. “Nell met a man, and he pursued her. She thought he loved her, but...” She flipped through a few more pages, sniffling. “Oh, Aunt Nell, I’m so sorry.”

  The ghostly figure moved closer, floating toward them slowly, her hand outstretched. She pointed to a passage on the final page.

  Tessa read aloud. “A woman who gives herself to a man who does not love her is the greatest fool of all. I am that fool. I thought that if I laid with Sam, he would come to love me and leave his wife for me, as he has said so many times that he would. I thought we would ride west together, as he has talked about so often. I dreamed of what would be and paid no heed to the present. That was a mistake. He despises me now, and I despise him, and still when he comes to me I... I...” She lifted her head and glanced at him, cleared her throat, and skipped a few lines. “Now, when my prime is past, I meet a man I truly love. It’s too late. I can’t pretend to be the innocent maid I should be and lure an honest man to a marriage bed another has already filled. He deserves better. My life is ruined.”

  Tessa lifted tear-filled eyes as she closed the book. “All this time, she was only trying to save me from giving myself to a man who did not love me.” Tessa looked directly at the ghost. “Thank you.”

  John could not believe his ears. “Thank you?” he repeated.

  His wife turned to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, softening the apology with a smile. “Yes, thank you. You should thank Aunt Nell, too.”

  “I don’t think so. She hit me over the head, and made us wait four days to consummate our marriage.” He wrapped his arms snugly around Tessa. “Why on earth should I thank her?”

  Tessa laid her head against his chest. “I’m glad I was sure of my love for you first, and I’m doubly glad that when we came together you loved me. If we had just... gotten the deed over with that first night, while I was scared and you were tired, we might never be as close as we are at this moment”

  “We would have worked it out—”

  “Maybe, in time,” she interrupted. “Thanks to Nell, our first time as man and wife was perfection. I will never forget it.”

  “The bed floated off the floor,” he reminded her.

  “Indeed it did.”

  “We no longer have a single bed in this house that sits up on all four legs.”

  Tessa lifted her head and rested her chin on his chest. “And still they seem to work quite well, for sleeping and... other things. I’m sure you’ll be able to repair them when the time comes.”

  “I still have a small lump on my head,” he said softly.

  “Which I will kiss and make all better,” Tessa teased. Her fingers fluttered against his bare back. “I love you, Johnny.”

  He did remember how frightened she’d been that first night. If Nell had not interfered, if he had treated their first time together as something that had to be done rather than something beautiful and unstoppable, would Tessa still stand against him this way, with her heart in her eyes and her body pressed to his?

  “So you see,” Tessa reasoned, “even though Aunt Nell’s methods were unconventional, the outcome is marvelous. And she did have her reasons for being concerned. She learned her lesson the hard way, and she was protecting me from the same fate.”

  “Even though we were already married.”

  “Even though,” she whispered.

  “All right,” he said. “Thank you, Aunt Nell.” He never took his eyes from Tessa. “And I apologize for calling you a bitch and a hag.”

  “Johnny!” Tessa chastised. “You didn’t.”

  “She kept me from you. I most certainly did.” He dipped his head down to kiss Tessa, but she turned her head at the last minute.

  “Aunt Nell,” she said sweetly. “Would you mind giving us some privacy?”

  John turned his head just in time to see Nell roll her eyes and disappear.

  “Dance with me,” Tessa said, striking a pose with Nell’s diary in one hand and his hand in the other. She tossed the diary to the broken bed in this room and then laid her palm on his shoulder. “I did love our dance this afternoon. Who needs music?”

  He swung her around, once and then again. “Next year we’ll throw a masked ball for Halloween.”

  Her grin grew wide. “That would be marvelous. It would be a shame to waste that lovely ballroom. A Halloween ball, complete with our own ghost. Everyone will want to come.”

  John waltzed his smiling wife into the hallway. “Some couples celebrate Valentine’s Day as the most romantic day of the year, others make a fuss over anniversaries. We will make Halloween our special day.”

  Tessa laughed as he spun her into their bedroom and kicked the door shut. “I cannot remember a time in my life when I have been this happy.”

  “Neither can I.”

  “You make me happy, Johnny. Only you.”

  He spun her around until she was dizzy, then lowered her to the bed. The sunlight dimmed, and for a moment he just stood there, watching. Tessa did not cower; she did not hide beneath the quilt or lock her knees or look at him with fear in her eyes. Today he saw something else altogether there. With a sigh, he dropped down beside his wife and drew her close.

  He had known all along that Tessa was a beautiful woman, that she would make a good wife. He had never expected to love her, so quickly and so completely.

  “Since Nell is such a busybody, I suppose I’ll have to tell you that I love you every day. Just in case.”

  “It wouldn’t hurt,” Tessa muttered as she snuggled against his chest.

  “I love you,” he said softly. “I need you and I want you and I cannot imagine spending a single day of my life without you in it.”

  “You won’t have to,” she said, lifting her face to look at him before the sun dropped and they were lost in the gray shadows of approaching darkness. “You hardly know me, and still you love me,” she said with wonder. “There are a few things I should probably warn you about,” she added softly.

  “Like what?”

  “I love to sing,” she said, “but I’m not very good.”

  John grinned. “I know. That’s all right. I can’t sing, either.”

  “Your brother’s wife gives me the willies.” She wrinkled her nose slightly.

  “Me, too,” he whispered.

  “I like to read,” she confessed. “Novels. Sometimes when I should be doing something worthwhile, I sneak away to my room to read a book that has absolutely no socially redeeming value.”

  “How decadent of you,” he teased.

  “And I have a temper,” she said.

  He laughed at that confession. “You? A temper?”

  “If you don’t believe me, just be around when your father shows up and insists that you travel and leave me here alone.” She nodded once, quite decisively.

  That was her list of her own faults, apparently. None of them were particularly egregious, and he really would like to see her take on his father when the time came. He had a feeling she would win.

  “I’m allergic to blackberries,” he said.

  “How sad,” Tessa said, raking her fingers throu
gh his hair. “When I make a blackberry pie, I will be forced to eat the entire thing myself.”

  “Don’t make light of my faults,” he said. “You confessed, now it’s my turn.”

  “Pardon me,” she said, pursing her lips. “Please continue.”

  “I can be stubborn on occasion.”

  “Stubbornness can be an admirable trait rather than a failing,” Tessa argued. “It all depends on the circumstances.”

  “And possessive. I can be very possessive about certain things.”

  “What sort of things?”

  “You.”

  She smiled. “That’s not a fault at all.”

  He rolled Tessa onto her back, her wrists in his hands pinned above her head. “And I am not a patient man, Tessa. When I want something, I want it now.”

  She smiled and closed her eyes when he laid his mouth on her throat. He kissed her there, let his lips linger for a few moments, until Tessa sighed and lifted one leg to rest a bare foot against his calf.

  “Johnny, is Nell here? I swear the bed is floating again.”

  John peeked quickly to confirm that the bed was still firmly on the floor. He sighed with relief. “No, Tessa darling,” he whispered as he pressed his body to hers. “We’re alone. This time, the magic is all ours.”

  * * *

  The End

  Love’s Light

  Christmas

  1

  Port Wentworth, New Hampshire, 1781

  “How does it look?” Alex asked, his voice more anxious than he would have liked. The creaking of the wheels on the bridge sang a different tune from the drone he had become accustomed to. Hour after hour, day after day, the wagon had crept along rutted dirt paths and lately, as they’d neared the coast, the occasional shell road.