Big, fluffy clouds were floating across the sky on the morning he first saw the couple walking across the field.
At this distance it was hard to distinguish what age they were or whether they were fair or dark. Instinctively he guessed why they were in the empty field on such a brilliant day.
‘Who are you?’ he said quietly to himself, and narrowed his eyes.
It was no good. They were too far away to distinguish features.
Glancing briefly down at his desk, he opened a drawer and got out the binoculars that sat there.
They belonged to Cecil, the company bookkeeper who was also a keen naturalist. Cecil used them to scrutinise the skylarks that nestled in the middle of the field and the horde of grey rabbits that inhabited a multi-holed warren beneath a thicket hedge.
The binoculars were powerful enough for Michael to see that the woman had long black hair and a creamy white complexion. From this distance he could not possibly tell what colour her eyes were, but the dark hair was enough to make him catch his breath.
The man appeared to have a beard. He also wore dark glasses and a kerchief around his neck.
Michael frowned at his appearance. There was something familiar about him, yet also something strangely alien. It was almost as though he had come from another time and been put down in this one.
The couple embraced. He saw them kiss and could almost feel the way their bodies pressed against each other. He immediately imagined what Crystal’s body would feel like against his. He licked his lips then glanced briefly over his shoulder. There was no one else in the office. Everyone was out at lunch. He could safely go on watching.
He put the binoculars back to his eyes. It gave him a strange sensation to be watching what these two were doing. Peeping Tom, he thought to himself, and the thought that he was acting the part of voyeur made his penis harden.
He licked his lips and told himself to concentrate. With the aid of the high-powered lenses, he could see that the young woman’s hands were beneath the man’s shirt. He sucked in his breath. He could almost feel the man’s bare flesh as though it was his own. His stomach muscles tightened as he imagined what the man was feeling. The woman’s hands would be soft, gentle, but also demanding as they explored his flesh. Her fingers would be tracing the outline of his muscles. She would be doing it slowly, enticingly. Her touch would be soft, sensual. Each time her fingertips slid slowly over his flesh, shivers of desire would run over the man’s skin. Michael trembled as though he were sharing that same skin.
Michael licked his tongue slowly over his bottom lip.
His mouth was now extremely dry. Suddenly he had no wish to be alone. He had an urgent wish for a woman to be there in the office with him - preferably Crystal.
But there was no one with him and, in his mind, Michael himself was no longer in the office.
He was out there with them, the girl’s fingers following the line of chest hair as it ran down over his sternum, his stomach, and disappeared beneath his waistband. Her pelvis would be jerking against his so that his penis tapped diligently against her mound.
His heart thudded in his chest, in his head, and all over his body.
Lust was taking him over. His blood was boiling in his veins, turbulent as it rushed headlong throughout his body.
‘Get on with it,’ he demanded quietly.
Before his very eyes, they began doing the things he wanted them to do, the things he would want to do to her, the things he would want her to do to him.
He saw the woman peel the man’s shirt down over his brown arms and off over his hands. He saw her kiss his chest and lick the edge of his pectorals. To watch like this made him shiver. It also made him want that woman who looked so succulent and so familiar to him.
The man took hold of the nape of the woman’s neck.
Her hair tumbled to her waist as she tipped her head back. The man’s mouth covered hers. Michael sucked in his bottom lip, then bit it. He could almost taste what that man was tasting. He could almost feel the tip of her tongue entering his own mouth.
As his own lust mounted, Michael’s breathing became heavier.
He patted his chest. ‘Keep calm, you fool. You’re sounding like an obscene phone caller.’
Or a voyeur, he thought again. A dirty old man in a mac who likes to watch couples doing it in parks - and fields.
But he was past caring.
‘Get on with it,’ he grunted through gritted teeth.
The man made swift movements that told him the woman’s blouse buttons were being undone.
The thudding of his heart was echoing in his ears.
Michael was shocked at his own responses. He wanted to be out there with them! He was out there with them!
Something reminiscent of jealousy came to him.
Everything about what they did seemed incredibly familiar. Michael groaned as the woman’s breasts bounced free. Even now, as he licked his lips, he could almost taste the hardness of her nipples and the soft pulpiness of her; surrounding areolae.
He suddenly wanted this woman himself and again he wondered where he had seen her before. That dark hair reminded him of...
Crystal! No! It couldn’t be.
He snatched the binoculars away from his eyes and’ stared wildly at the couple in the field as if he were seeing them for the first time.
It couldn’t be! Not Crystal. His lover with another man! No! She wouldn’t do that. She wouldn’t!
He put the binoculars on the desk and told himself not to panic. But that did no good at all. His heart was still pounding in his chest as though it were trying to escape.
Was it really Crystal? And if so, who was the man with her?
Even though Michael was looking at them now without the field glasses, he could easily see that they were sinking to their knees. It was as though they were melting into the grass. Soon they would be lying out among the greenness. Their clothes would be off and the man’s penis would be invading the woman’s body. Dandelions would be squashed beneath them, and their juice would smear across their naked backs and limbs.
The thought of it made Michael tremble and swallow hard. He had a terrible urge to get his penis out from his pants and pull on it until the couple in the grass had finally got up and gone home.
But he couldn’t do that - could he?
Again he glanced over his shoulder. No one was around yet.
‘Damn it. I’ve got to get rid of this!’ he exclaimed, then started to unzip his fly.
Binoculars in one hand, penis in the other, he went close up to the window so that the tip of his naked penis grazed gently against the rough stone wall.
A pair of buttocks rose up and down among the grass.
Michael caught his breath. The man was on top of the woman. He just knew it! He could write down what they were doing word for word. Her muscles would be clamped around the man’s penis, her back would be arched, her pelvis thudding up and down off the ground in order to meet his incessant thrusts.
Michael was lost in his own lust. The grey stone walls of the office faded around him. He was alone with his penis in his hand - or rather, he was at one with the couple out there in the field and his penis would not be put away until both he and they had come.
Imbued by the essence of sheer lust, the end was not far away. No longer could he keep in either his semen or the sounds in his throat.
‘Oh, I’m coming,’ he groaned and yet it was not him saying it but the man in the field. Even at this distance and with his eyes narrowed, Michael could tell that the man had finished. His buttocks were tense, his body still, the no-nonsense sign of a climax come and gone.
Michael swallowed when he at last came too. He dropped the field glasses from his eyes and stared down at his hand. It was still clenched around his penis and semen was oozi
ng out from between his fingers.
As quickly as he could, he wiped the stickiness from his hands and tidied himself up.
He took a deep breath, then told himself not to worry about it. What he had just done was perfectly normal. Isn’t that what porn videos were all about - people watching other people having sex?
But he knew this was not quite the same. The truth had to be admitted.
It was hard not to stare at the middle of the field even without the binoculars. Even so, he could not resist looking through the field glasses one last time.
The couple were walking back. The girl’s dark hair was again blowing in the wind and, once more Michael was reminded of Crystal.
‘Crystal?’ He said it quizzically, but there was also fear in his voice now. Much as he still coveted other women, he wanted Crystal most of all. And, anyway, she insisted on him wanting her. It irked him to think she might be dallying with someone else in the same way he dallied with other women.
‘Don’t do that to me, Crystal,’ he said in a cold, thoughtful voice. ‘If you cheat on me, I promise I’ll kill you.’
His eyes never left the field as he spoke, but because he was using his naked gaze and not the more precise picture provided by the binoculars, he did not see the sly grin that the two people exchanged.
He also did not see the wisp of red hair that blew out from beneath the dark wig. Neither had he seen the scattering of dark moles across the man’s back.
Chapter 18
They were sitting in Josie’s kitchen, drinking coffee, when Mariana started talking about older men and how stupid they could be.
Crystal was stirring her coffee in a lazy, thoughtful way.
She had challenged Michael about the reality of his relationship with Josie. In turn Michael had convinced her that Josie had been exaggerating and, anyway, once he’d taken care of his professional commitments, he would tell Josie exactly where things stood.
Convinced that Josie’s tryst with the university lecturer had been pure fiction, Crystal went along with everything Michael said. Poor Josie.
Crystal’s eyes travelled to the terracotta figurine of a lounging nude man she had just bought from Josie. She didn’t really like it. Buying it from Josie made her feel better.
Josie was listening to Mariana. Her head was tilted to one side. Crystal wondered if she was a bit deaf in one ear. ‘Well, I mean,’ Mariana was saying. ‘Look at that blonde piece parading herself with that bloke the other day. What does she see in that man she can’t see in a younger model?’
‘Money!’ They all said it in unison and laughed.
Josie lifted her coffee to her lips and regarded the older Mariana over its rim. Just as if she were viewing the object for a painting, she took in the high spots and shadows of her friend’s hair, the variations in facial tones, the expression, the curve of her eyebrows.
She didn’t carry out this exercise with other people like she did with Mariana. There was something about the woman that intrigued her. No matter the angle, Josie constantly had the impression that all she was getting was a two dimensional picture.
Perhaps, she thought, there was no other dimension to Mariana, or if there was it was her at fault because she was looking at her with only an artist’s eye. She was certain there was more to her friend - just as certain that beneath that controlled, organised persona, there was a darker Mariana - one who had been shaped by her life and experiences, just as they all had.
It was Crystal who restarted the conversation; Crystal, whose persona was more obvious than she could ever know.
‘I prefer younger men,’ she said with great aplomb at the same time as directing her spoon into the exact middle of her empty coffee mug. ‘I have a preference for a firm bottom and some youthful energy. I don’t want some bloke over fifty who might not be able to tell the difference between a heart attack and an orgasm!’
‘Crystal!’ exclaimed Mariana, and grinned as she tutted. Josie contemplated her clasped hands as she added her own thoughts on the subject. ‘I suppose it all depends on what you want from a man. Is it security or virility? A long-lasting and struggling relationship, or a relatively short and comfortable existence?’
Mariana frowned. She looked at Josie and wondered if she knew her as well as she thought she did. ‘But you’ve got a comfortable existence. Are you telling us that Michael only provides security?’
Josie took a deep breath and sat back in her chair. She was aware that Crystal was awaiting her reply with more eagerness than Mariana.
‘No, I’m not saying that at all. In fact, Michael has more than enough virility for me. He’s even got enough left over for at least two other women. But you are right. I do have security. I needed to have that if I was going to make my mark as an artist. I have to say that without marrying Michael I would never have got to be so successful in the short time that I have.’
‘Well!’ Mariana slumped back and shook her head. She looked amazed.
Crystal looked shocked. Her mouth was slightly open.
There was a new realisation in her eyes now. Her mouth closed into a tighter line than it had before, as though she had made herself some unspoken promise.
Josie ran her fingers through her hair. It was an unconscious gesture. There was an odd smile on her face and a faraway look in her eyes. Then, suddenly, it was gone. She took a deep breath and sat up very straight in her chair. Again she clasped her hands in front of her, but with far more resolve than she had before. Her green eyes seemed brighter and her pale good looks made Crystal’s appear a little brash.
Mariana and Crystal were all attention. They could not take their eyes off her. It was as though she were about to deliver them some blistering lecture. What she actually said completely shattered any illusions they might have had about her.
‘I don’t love Michael at all. I fully admit I used him. I was lonely and upset when we first met. I’d lost contact with the man I loved. He was my first love. The love of my life in fact. But Michael came along and, although I knew of his reputation, I could see he was someone who was going places. We went around a bit at university, then met up again a few years later in London. That’s when things became more concrete.’
Mariana rested her chin on one hand. She was a picture of intense interest. ‘So he dropped everything and asked you to marry him? I’m amazed.’
‘Don’t be.’ Josie smiled. ‘It wasn’t quite like that. We became friends first and foremost. He used to come round and tell me all about his love life. I used to call him the’, juggler because that’s exactly what he used to do. He would juggle his women about so none of them knew that he had more than one lover. I knew about them all and how he felt about them. He confided in me that he was’ absolutely sure he would never be able to marry and stick to one woman, and yet, because he wanted to get to the top, he needed to be married. There’s nothing more likely to impress a board of directors than a man with a stable home life. It doesn’t matter that the wife has her own career as opposed to a family. A wife is the emblem of a man’s trustworthiness. She’s like a medal; something pinned to his chest to advertise the fact that he has made sacrifices.
‘Michael could never have married someone who would’ not accept his infidelities, and I wanted someone who would give me security in order to pursue my career. Call it sponsorship if you like.’
A pin could have dropped when Josie finished talking. The angular lines of Mariana’s expertly made-up face had. softened slightly. Crystal’s more fluid features had done’ exactly the opposite. There was a pinkness to her cheeks and an odd brightness in her eyes.
‘But what about sex?’ Mariana interjected. ‘I presume you and Michael...’
‘Of course we do. Or at least, we used to. Both of us have hungers. It’s like that, isn’t it? Being hungry... needing to satisfy it.’
Mariana no
dded slowly as the information sank in and she altered her view of Michael’s wife.
Crystal stayed mute, swallowed hard as if she had eaten her tongue.
‘I’m astounded, Josie. I would never have taken you for the “open marriage” type,’ Mariana went on.
Josie raised her eyebrows. There was no doubting the amusement on her face. ‘Then I fooled you all, didn’t I? You saw in me the dutiful, though foolish wife. Perhaps because I was always painting figures on canvas or fashioning nudes from lumps of clay, you thought I was sexless or frustrated. But I’m not. I can assure you I am not.’
‘Do you talk about... I mean... does he still confide in you?’
‘About his other lovers?’ said Josie to Mariana. ‘Not so much as he used to. I suppose to some extent he was on a voyage of discovery in his younger days. Now he knows what he wants and where he’s going.’
Mariana nodded sagely. ‘He wants a change.’
‘Yes,’ replied Josie. ‘He wants a change. He’s just taking his time asking me for a divorce. But I won’t force the issue. If he wants his latest flame, then it’s up to him to push the boat out - not me.’
‘You won’t be averse to that happening? I mean, what about your art?’ Mariana went on.
‘I’m established now. I don’t need him any more.’
An empty, echoing silence descended on them. Josie was allowing things to sink in. Mariana was absorbing all this new information, and Crystal was feeling sick.
The clock out in the hallway struck eleven. Its sound drifted out into the kitchen and replaced what conversation had been there.
Crystal was the first to send the pine chair scraping along the floor as she pushed it away from the table. ‘Time I was going.’ She said it a little nervously, almost as if she were afraid to leave first. ‘I’ve got an aerobics class in town. Mustn’t be late for that. My ladies will be expecting me.’
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