by Amber Hart
She knows who I truly am.
“Raven is gone,” I admit.
The woman gasps, her face paling. “No,” she says. “What do you mean she’s gone? No! Raven shouldn’t know you at all. What have you done?”
Her voice is rising. She needs to be quiet. I can’t be discovered here. I check the forest again. See nothing.
“You need to let me in,” I say calmly. “Right now.”
I quickly reach into my pocket. Pull out the drawing of Raven and me. My fingers unfold the only piece of Raven that I have left.
“Please,” I say. “I’m trying to help.”
The woman inspects the picture, her eyes finally falling on Raven’s signature at the bottom.
“That’s her handwriting,” she whispers. “She signs all her paintings that way.”
The picture is beautiful. Obviously done with love. This woman should be able to see now that Raven and I are…
“I can’t let you in,” she says, her voice softer but still resolved. “You are a poacher.”
I’m left reeling from the fact that she knows this, when I’ve spent the majority of my time hidden from habitat workers. But now’s not the time for speculation.
“You will let me in,” I respond calmly.
“Or else?” she challenges.
I finally see her other hand, the one partially hidden behind the door. I notice for the first time that she’s holding a gun. A real gun. I didn’t think habitat workers had real guns. She’s let me see it on purpose.
She needs to let me in, so that I can live long enough to rescue Raven. So that I can devise a plan to break Raven free of the compound. I have to get Raven out of my father’s house before someone figures out that Clovis was lying all along and that Raven is not a spy against the habitat, that she’s not with Clovis.
That Raven is mine, and Clovis is the traitor.
Or else? I repeat the woman’s words in my mind. Answer them honestly.
“Or else Raven will die.”
Chapter 3
Raven
I close the door to Clovis’s room with an audible thud. As if on autopilot, my legs propel me to the couch against the foot of his bed, and I sink onto it. I fold my body into a ball, my head in my hands.
“Is it safe to talk here?” I ask.
Even asking that question could get me in trouble, if the wrong person overhears us.
“Yes,” Clovis answers, easing my worry.
“How do we keep him safe, Clovis?” I whisper.
Jospin is all I can think about. His soft lips and dark skin and the sound of his voice, beautiful and warm.
Stay strong, I tell myself. Find the pack’s weakness and use it against them. Learn their secrets. Gather evidence.
This is what I’ll do. And then I’ll go to Jospin.
“Let’s figure out how to keep you safe first,” Clovis says, locking his door.
He takes a seat next to me but leans away, giving me the distance I need. His voice stays low.
“There are cameras everywhere,” Clovis starts. “Outside of this room, they will be watching you. And me. The two of us together, it needs to seem real, understand?”
“I’m going to have to touch you a lot more, aren’t I?” I ask, voice soft.
“Don’t dwell,” Clovis replies. “Just think of every fake laugh, fake touch, fake embrace, as one step closer to keeping all three of us safe.”
That helps.
“In fact, think of it as the thing that will save Jospin,” Clovis says. “Because, Raven, it will. You have to convince the others that you’re here for me and that you’re on our side. You cannot give them one reason to doubt you.”
My gaze falls on his bed, large and comfortable, swathed with a soft blanket. I watch the way the curtains billow in the draft from the open window, spring green like the couch we’re sitting on. Suddenly I am exhausted.
“Remember the way I taught you to move in the jungle?” Clovis is saying. “To listen to every sound?”
“Yes,” I respond. I’m still not great at it, but I’m getting better.
“You need to be like that always—when you’re here and when you’re in the jungle. Stay on your toes. Be on the lookout. Never trust anyone aside from me, no matter how nice he seems. Stay with me. I am the only one who can protect you here. And the other men—” Clovis pauses, shakes his head. “Some of the other men here wouldn’t think twice about hurting you. They could attack you, maybe try to make you spend the night with them. They would never do anything in front of me, but if I’m not there? Most of them have no conscience. And I’m not their leader, so…”
He trails off. I shudder at the thought.
“You’ll stay with me?” I ask.
Clovis pats my hand. “That’s the plan.”
Some plans get derailed.
“What about hunts? Won’t you need to go on hunts? Won’t they get suspicious if you don’t?”
I cannot hunt gorillas with you.
“I haven’t figured that one out yet,” he admits. “Usually, I do go on hunts. I fire my weapon along with the others, but I make sure to miss the gorillas. I can’t stand killing them anymore, not after the time I spent learning about them with your father. No one has noticed—yet. I’m not sure how long that will last. And I’m not sure what to do with you if I have to go.”
There are a lot of unknowns. And a lot of people will be watching me closely, doubting me. I’m a habitat worker, after all.
“About the cameras,” I say, peeking around Clovis’s room. “You’re sure they’re not in here?”
“They’re not in any of the bedrooms yet,” Clovis replies. “But that could change too. I think they would tell me beforehand if that were to happen, at least.”
I sigh. “What about your brother?” I ask, thinking back to the way he challenged us. “Will he be a problem?”
Clovis stretches out his fingers, locks them behind his head. “Maybe.”
Maybe I can make it here if I pretend hard enough. If I never let the truth slip. Or maybe I will wake up tomorrow with a knife to my throat.
Maybe I can avenge Dad. Or maybe not.
“You’ll need to sleep in here,” Clovis says. “You take the bed; I’ll take the couch.”
I stare at the bed again. It feels wrong. To sleep there—here—in this palace.
“I know it’s a lot to take in,” Clovis says empathetically. “But he saved your life, Raven. Jospin saved your life. Don’t let it be for nothing.”
Jospin gave up his world for me. The least I can do is go along with his plan.
“He would want you here, in my room. Actually, he might kill me when this is all over.” Clovis almost smiles. “But at least you’ll be safe. Jospin would want you under my watch. He knows how the men are here.”
I nod. I am trying to find, in the deepest parts of my body, some release from the guilt I feel about this entire situation.
“And to answer your earlier question,” Clovis says, “we keep Jospin safe by making your story believable, by making other poachers trust us enough not to follow us whenever we go into the forest. When that happens, we’ll be able to meet with Jospin. See what he wants us to do.”
I watch the way Clovis’s face falls as he speaks. As if an arrow has penetrated the shield he’s put around himself.
“I am worried about him too, Raven. He’s my best friend, and I never wanted—” Pause. Clovis clears his throat. “I never wanted this for him. To be out there alone. I couldn’t have expected you two to fall in love. It changes everything.”
Everything, my mind echoes.
“I didn’t mean to fall for Jospin,” I say.
Clovis’s lips inch upward into a smile. “I know.”
“What’s funny?” I ask.
Clovis twists at his dreads. “It’s just that I never thought I would see Jospin in love. I thought that even when he did eventually marry, it would be for power. To have an heir. He didn’t consider love an option. He was
too invested in our pack. He really is a good friend. A true leader.”
My heart picks up its pace.
“Why do you think he fell for me?” I ask quietly, almost reluctant to hear the answer.
Clovis stares, eyes like needles unstitching all my parts. “Because you’re beautiful, brave, perfect.”
His sentiment makes me smile.
“I had no idea who Jospin was,” I explain. “We met in the jungle. I felt this thing, like a drone in my veins, like something approaching, an excitement in the air. He wanted to show me how to make weapons.” I smile again. “You should have seen the sad ones I made on my own before Jospin helped me. That is how this whole thing started. And now this.”
“And now this,” Clovis agrees. “Raven. We will still take the poaching empire down, you and I. But maybe now Jospin will take it down with us.”
A seed of hope lingers.
Will we succeed? Will Jospin join us? Will he ever forgive Clovis?
Will he still want me when all this is done?
Chapter 4
Jospin
The door opens wider for me, an invitation into a new world.
I feel like I’ve been turned inside out. What I once hated—the habitat—is now my only hope for survival. The people I always detested are welcoming me in.
Well, one is.
“You know my name already, though I’m not sure how that’s possible,” I say, peering down at the American woman. Brown wavy hair and crinkles at the corners of her eyes, as if maybe she’s been squinting too hard in the jungle sun. “What’s yours?”
“Chloe,” she says. “And all you need to know is that I know what you truly are. How Raven got mixed up with you is beyond me, but I am only letting you in here on the condition that you bring her back to me, unharmed.”
“That’s the plan,” I say.
“I wasn’t finished,” Chloe retorts. “On the condition that she’s back here unharmed and that you tell me how she went missing in the first place.”
Chloe doesn’t let go of the gun. I don’t blame her. If it helps her feel more secure, fine, though I doubt that she’s faster than I am. I could probably, if I wanted, snatch the gun from her before she knew what happened. Or grab my own gun and level it at her.
“Don’t even think about it,” she says, seeing that my eyes have landed on her weapon.
“Listen,” I say, getting to the point. “If I wanted to kill you, you’d be dead already.”
She gasps, taking a step back.
“So do us both a favor and put the gun away. I’ll go with you to whatever room you want. All I ask for is a bed and food.”
Might as well tell her the last part.
“And,” I continue, “that you tell no one who I am.” On second thought. “Or do the other workers already know who I am?”
“No one but me knows who you are. I would prefer to keep it that way. I don’t want to look like I’m betraying all I’ve worked so hard to build.”
So the habitat belongs to this woman.
“Great. We have an understanding?”
“Yes,” she says. “But you will have to work with the gorillas. It’s the only way to pass you off as a volunteer. All volunteers work with the animals.”
I don’t work with gorillas. I kill them.
“Fine,” I grumble.
The less ties to the real me, the better.
“What should I call you?” Chloe asks.
Not Jospin.
“Kirk,” I say.
A school friend of mine was named Kirk—it’s a common enough name that no one will think anything of it.
“Kirk, okay,” Chloe agrees. “Follow me.”
I let my eyes roam the building. I’d often wondered about it, especially after meeting Raven, but I never thought I’d see the inside. Plain white walls and nondescript floors. Nothing like my father’s house. It’s not even as nice as my own house, which was simple by most standards.
We don’t go very far down the hall before Chloe pauses to open a door. I follow her in.
“You can stay here,” she says.
Inside the room, there’s a small bed that I imagine my feet will dangle from. A few shelves on the walls. A window opens up to the forest.
“All of our rooms are the same,” Chloe says. “There’s nothing better.”
I wonder if she knows this isn’t how I grew up, that most of my life was filled with luxuries, definitely more than this simple room offers. I wonder how she would know that.
“It’s fine,” I say, setting my bag on the bed.
Static comes over the walkie-talkie attached to her hip. A voice says something about a problem ape and needing backup.
Chloe answers. “Coming. Is the ape down?”
“Yes,” someone answers. “Tranq knocked him out. A little help here?”
“One minute,” Chloe says into the walkie-talkie.
She turns back to me. “I have to go.”
I nod.
“But first you need to tell me where Raven is.” Chloe shuts the door. Traps us in the tiny room.
She seems harmless, but I know from experience that looks mean nothing.
For example: A man of wealth can pretend to make all his money from a canning business, when in reality it’s from the sale of black-market gorilla meat and fur.
Another example: A guy can be your best friend for years and really be an enemy in disguise.
I don’t trust Chloe’s harmless appearance.
“Who are you?” I ask.
“I’m Chloe,” she says.
“Who are you really?”
She tucks her gun into her boot.
“I wear this just in case,” she says. “We recently lost someone very close to us, and I need to be prepared.”
I wonder if she means Raven’s father.
“But mostly,” Chloe says, “I don’t trust your people.”
Fair enough.
“I thought the habitat doesn’t allow weapons. Aren’t you all about peace?” I ask as I take a seat on the bed. The mattress feels like it has been filled with rocks.
“We are,” Chloe replies. “But poachers aren’t.”
She isn’t foolish to believe she needs protection from us. But there are too many of us for her small number of volunteers to ever survive an attack.
So your gun is pointless, I don’t tell her.
“How do you know Raven?” she asks.
“First tell me who you are,” I counter.
Chloe’s eyes narrow. “You are not in a position to be making demands, Kirk.”
She says my fake name sarcastically.
“Give me a reason to trust you with the details of Raven’s fate. I cannot let anything bad happen to her,” I say.
At this, Chloe’s face falls. She bites her lip. Blinks her eyes. Caves. “I’m the director of this habitat. I used to own it with someone else, but he’s gone now.”
“Raven’s father,” I interject, because I want her to see that I know things too.
Chloe nods. “Yes, Raven’s father. But, like I said, he’s gone.”
“Dead.”
Chloe sighs. Shoulders fall. “You really do know Raven, don’t you?”
I press my lips together. Run a hand over my shaved head.
I know her, yes. I know the way her lips press against my skin and the way her body reacts to me and the way I just want to feel her near me right now.
“I do” is my reply.
“Can I see the picture again?” Chloe asks.
“Will you tell me more if I let you see it?”
“Yes,” she says, reaching for the paper as I pull it out of my pocket. Chloe stares at the drawing for a moment, saying nothing. Then, “Raven’s father is gone—dead—now, so I run this place. Volunteers—about ten of them—help immensely. We save the apes your people shoot. We save the babies left behind, the ones you leave to die with no milk or mother or any way to defend themselves.”
Her voice takes on a har
d note. “I don’t understand why you do it,” she says. “How can you do that?”
My face turns to stone. “I need to know that I can trust you,” I say, ignoring her question. My voice reflects the frustration I’m feeling. It doesn’t matter how or why or when. What matters is keeping Raven alive. “When you convince me of that, I’ll tell you where Raven is. But for now all you need to know is that she isn’t safe.”
“You can trust me,” Chloe says. “What else do you want to know? This is my life right here. The habitat, saving apes, carrying out the work that Raven’s father lived and died for.”
I decide that this part, at least, sounds like truth. I hand Chloe a piece of truth in return. “Raven was taken somewhere. She’s with someone who will try to protect her as long as he can, but she has built a lie to hide who she really is. If the people around her find out that she’s lying, they’ll kill her. And if I show my face, they’ll kill me. That’s why I need to be here.”
“What about other poachers—will they come looking for you?” she asks.
“They might look for me, yes,” I reply. “But they don’t need me anymore.”
It hurts to say.
Chloe’s hands shake as they come to her mouth. “I don’t understand,” she whispers. “I don’t understand any of this.”
“I will tell you more when I decide that you aren’t a threat,” I offer. It’s the best I can give her. “Will you promise me a room and food?”
“Yes,” she answers. “I’ll promise to hide your identity too. Just please, please get Raven back.”
“I will.”
“Do you love her?” Chloe asks.
She should already know. One look at the drawing and she should know that I love Raven. I slept in front of Raven. I made myself vulnerable to her. Raven could have killed me. I don’t trust most people. I let Raven into my house, onto my bed, while I slept. This picture says everything, and I think Chloe already knows that.
Yes, I love Raven.
So much. Maybe too much.
“Because,” Chloe says, running a fingertip down the drawing, “it looks like she loves you.”
Chapter 5
Raven
I wake up with a start to pale morning light streaming through slits in the blinds. I’m gasping for air and trying to erase the nightmarish images. They slowly recede. And then it hits me.