The release he offered roared against her common sense like a lion’s call to his mate.
No, she couldn’t surrender. As much as she longed to, ached to, denial was best. It hurt to shrug her shoulders and shift his hold away from her. His forehead creased when she took a step away from him. Denying herself caused a physical pain like an open wound.
“Not this, Leon.”
She went to take another step when his giant hand clamped on her shoulder. “Try me.” From the unyielding look in his eyes, she knew she wasn’t going anywhere until he had answers.
She gulped. There was no way she could unload on this man. No way. It didn’t matter—
“I killed my mother, Leon.”
An invisible hand extracted the confession as if it had shoved itself down her throat and hauled them out. Those words haunted her in the darkest of night. Her father had never mentioned it, nor had her brother. Yet, they all knew that if it hadn’t been for Gargi, Vimal Kapoor would still be alive today.
“See, laal sher? How dangerous it is to let go of the secrets of my past?”
Her body stood in readiness. Gargi refused to look away. Instead she honed in on his face. Watched for the slightest crack of his façade. She waited for the shock and horror to overtake his features. Ready for his condemnation.
She deserved nothing less.
Nothing of his thoughts were revealed. Instead, he asked in an even tone, “How did your mother pass away?”
The question punched into her in the gut. She hadn’t expected that.
“It doesn’t matter. I killed her.” She folded her arms.
“Then it shouldn’t matter if you tell me how she died.” Again, that even tone and inscrutable face.
The darkness had descended, except for the light from the entryway. She opened her mouth and the words tripped over themselves in their rush to narrate the worst moments of her life. “I was angry at her for something. I can’t remember why. I’d put on my boots and coat and stormed out the house in order to go to a friend of mine’s house down the street.”
The event played in her head. The weak sun in the winter. The crunch of the snow under her booted feet. Her near slip on the ice as she stomped away.
“Our house sat on the curb, but I wasn’t paying attention. A car turned fast around the corner, lost control, and jumped the curb. It was headed straight towards me.”
Gargi closed her eyes. The lock and key of these reminiscences under wraps flew off the lid. Her mother’s scream: “Beti!” The harsh shove sending her out of harm’s way. The sickening thud of metal against flesh.
“The impact sent Mama flying a couple of feet away. The back of her head landed on ice underneath a pile of plowed snow.”
The cold weather had numbed her that day. Perhaps that was even the day when she embraced the cold. To crave its numbing effect.
“Do you know…Mama looked so pretty, lying there dead in the snow?”
“Did she, Gargi?”
She opened her eyes again. Leon’s mellow voice washed over her. She nodded. “Yes. That’s a strange thing to think about, isn’t it?”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because Mama did look pretty in death. After all these years, when I force myself to think about it, or when I can’t help it, she never looked as beautiful lying there, dead. The snow and her purple sari flapping in the wind. Snowflakes falling onto her.”
Gargi shivered as if she were there all over again. The gut-wrenching moan of her father as he knelt next to her mother’s body, cell phone glued to his ear as he called emergency services. Dev’s face in the screen door, frozen with shock. The neighbors gathering around them. The man driving the car, hysterical and torn between the woman in the car having contractions and the woman, her mother, on the ground dead.
“Come here, Bugsy.”
She withdrew from her memories to see Leon’s arms stretched out. Nothing could have been a more seductive inducement. It had nearly killed her to drag herself away. If she went into his arms once more…
How could she stop herself?
“Come here.” It wasn’t a command. It was a request which had more power than any demand of obedience.
Her feet stumbled forward as if being yanked from a rope. Before she knew it, he enveloped her in his warm grasp once again. She shuddered from the top of her head to the bottom of her feet.
“It’s okay.”
No, this wasn’t okay. This was more than ‘okay’. This was coming home from the cold. Against her ear, she heard the steady thrum of his heart. Each breath expanded his chest, making her aware of his girth. Her nostrils flared to inhale his pleasant, masculine scent.
When had this enemy become more? Gargi hadn’t a clue. All she knew as she stood within the circle of his arms was that she truly didn’t think she could leave them again.
“I’m sorry to hear about your mama, Gargi.”
The words caused fresh tears—who knew she had so many? —to swell once more. “Thank you.”
They stood together in silence for a little while. Gargi basked in this thing she had denied herself for so long. It felt so good to share.
“I’m an only child,” Leon said. She went to lift her head from his chest to look at him when he stopped her with a soft touch. Gargi waited to hear whatever it was he had to say. Hadn’t he done the same thing for her?
“My birth had some complications for my mom so she wasn’t able to have any other children,” he went on.
“Really?”
“Yeah. When I found out about it years later, I felt guilty. “
“Why did you feel guilty?”
Leon coughed and tightened his arms around her. “I used to always tell my mama I wanted another brother to play with. I remember one time getting real upset about it. I screamed at her saying I hate her because she wouldn’t give me another brother. I must have been about six or seven years old. I knew babies came from mamas. That’s all I knew at the time. When I found out it was my fault she couldn’t have kids anymore, I felt guilty.”
Gargi started.
“You okay?”
What could she tell him? That another person could even have a miniscule hint of the guilt she’d felt had rocked her to her core. Her father and brother never discussed her mother’s death. Over the years, she learned to not think of it either. Not that she’d ever forgotten but she learned to pack it down tight in a box and bury it.
How could this man, who hated her brother, have a nuanced understanding of the same type of guilt?
She swallowed. Her finger traced the zipper of his hoodie. “Go on with what you were saying.”
Leon sighed. “Yet, I’ve tried to look past that. I think about how my parents saved up enough money over the years with my dad working two or three jobs so I could go to college. What if they had had more than one child? Would I be where I am today?”
There were times when Gargi longed for time to rewind itself and she could die in her mother’s place. The family had been deprived of wifely and motherly affection. Her father had never loved or married another woman. If she’d ever get the nerve to ask why her father had never remarried, when it would have been more than expected of him, she wondered what he would say.
If her mother had not died that day, would she have? Would it have mattered? Was there any good from a mother’s death?
“But even though I didn’t have a brother from my mother, Krause became like a brother to me. Not the brightest bulb in the socket but I wouldn’t trade him for anything. I figured I can do one of two things. Focus on the fact my entrance into this world messed my mother up so much she couldn’t have children again. Or, I can focus on the reality of her being alive.”
Had she spent so many years being upset about her mother’s death, the cause of it, that she’d not focused on what she did have? Her mother’s love still remained in memory like a well-worn blanket. Yet, instead of using that blanket on a daily basis to keep the comfort of its warmth, she’d
packed it away.
Hearing Leon’s words, though they didn’t relate to her situation, they forced open a flood gate of recollections she had stowed away. Her mother cooking at the stove. Singing lullabies in both English and Hindi. Giving away plenty of hugs and kisses.
Gargi had forgotten about all of that. Or rather, she’d chosen to focus on the pain.
“I try to see the positive in things. I really do.”
The positive in things? Did that include what he believed about Dev? She couldn’t resist asking. “Even my brother?” Her brow raised.
A large hand rubbed her back. She tried not to move. Sparks traveled the length of her body. “I don’t know about him yet, Gargi.” He tilted her chin up. “It’s enough I’m having doubts.”
Her breath caught in her throat. Hope rose in her chest at his words. “Really? You believe my brother is innocent?”
Oh, how she wanted him to believe it!
He didn’t answer. Just stared down at her while the darkness surrounded them. The only light came from the entry hallway. It cast shadows along the planes of his face but his eyes…his eyes held hers steady.
Still not saying anything, she felt Leon’s fingers gather into her hair. Ever so gently and slowly, he tugged until her neck stretched. No desire existed to resist. A powerful connection pulsated back and forth. With her head lifted up, she felt her skin tingle with the intense look in his eyes.
“I don’t know what I believe anymore. Not about him.” Those roughened finger pads lightly stroked the column of her throat. She shivered in a strange, delicious way. His dark golden eyes narrowed. “Not about you. Not about me. What I do know is this: you’re the loveliest woman I’ve ever seen. I’m tired of trying to fight this thing hovering between us.”
A heat came to his eyes as his gaze fell on her lips. Wildly she sensed her lips plump up of their own volition to entice this man to kiss her. Her pulse rose until she thought she might burst. Before she had time to think, her hands fisted around the open flaps of his hoodie. She needed to be closer to him in a way she never hungered before.
Did she really want him to kiss her? Could she allow that?
His thumb glided up from her neck and pressed against her mouth. His own lips parted in a small exhalation of breath. “Jeez, Bugsy. I could just—”
Leon groaned, a mournful sound which she didn’t understand. The next thing she knew, he backed away from her. Suddenly cold and bereft, she said, “What is it?”
He pushed an unsteady hand through his hair. His eyes closed. Why the change? “I need to leave. Now.”
“But—”
His eyes flew open. “I’m attracted to you, Gargi. Let me make that plain. Your brother knew it but I tried to ignore it. I think about you all the time. I’m always excited to see you.”
At his declaration, she froze. When the took a step toward him, he immediately took one back. “Don’t. I’m trying to act right.”
Her cheeks flamed. Leon gave a small laugh. “I don’t think we need to complicate things by doing something we may regret.”
She folded her arms. “It wasn’t as if I was going to let you—”
Leon grunted. “A small kiss can be a big mistake if it’s not the right time. It would be wrong to do something like that when I’m still not sure about your brother.”
“Oh Leon,” she moaned. The high buzzing through her siphoned away.
He looked as mournful as she felt. “You see what I mean? If I submit to this thing and we have this hanging over us, it wouldn’t be right.”
She took a mental step back and assessed the situation from an objective place as possible. Though she’d been swept by her emotions, she hadn’t been sure if she wanted him to kiss her or not. Wasn’t that a red flag?
Yes, his nearness and his declarations had affected her. True, she admitted there was a physical attraction but that wasn’t enough to allow him liberties she really had no intention of giving away.
Gargi sighed. Why did doing the right thing hurt worse than giving in?
Leon murmured unintelligibly and then straightened. “I’ll probably get a call from my boss soon and he’ll instruct me on what to do. They may have me go back home.”
The feelings coursing through him zinged liked miniature electric shocks. He’d come close to giving into the drugging desire to kiss her. It had taken more will power he’d ever possessed to leash in the dictates of his need. Her dark eyes had glistened with a slumberous invitation any man would be hard-pressed to resist.
Yet, he was glad he conquered the urge, although it hurt. Kapoor’s innocence had to be proven beyond a sliver of a doubt. If he wanted to pursue anything with Gargi, then this had to be taken care of.
“When will you know you have to leave?” She asked.
“I’m not sure. Today’s Saturday so I suspect I’ll hear something on Monday.”
The dismay in her eyes gave him hope. It wasn’t completely one-sided then.
“Will you—will you let me know when you have to leave?” Something of the little girl hiding underneath all her adult exterior flashed in her eyes. She looked so hopeful.
“I will.” He promised. Leon cleared his throat. “I’m going to get going now. Will you let me know what the doctor says?”
“Of course.”
He willed his reluctant feet to move toward the door. “I’ll be seeing you.”
The minute the words were out of his mouth, he knew them to be true. He would be seeing her. He’d do whatever he had to do to see her. Maybe he couldn’t pursue a deeper relationship with her just yet, but she was worth getting to know.
Should he tell her that?
He lumbered over to the door. When they reached the door seconds later, his hand gripped the knob.
“Can I come see you?” His fingers tightened on the knob. “Even if these folks tell me I can’t treat your brother anymore?”
Leon waited for her response. His heart thudded in his chest.
A secretive smile lifted the corners of her mouth. “Yes. I would like that.”
The air whooshed out of him. He hadn’t been conscious of holding his breath until then. A big grin lifted his lips. He probably looked like a beaming fool but he didn’t care. She was going to give him the time of the day. That’s all any man could ask.
He opened the door but kept his eyes fixed on Gargi. The light dabbled over her, giving her an ethereal glow. He submitted to the temptation to feel the silky texture of her skin just one more time. Cupping his hand over her chin, he used his thumb to caress her cheekbone. Her eyes closed in something resembling pleasure. Gosh, her skin was so soft.
“Beti?”
The sound of a man’s voice startled him. Dropping his hand, Leon turned around to meet the horrified and furious gaze of an Indian man.
Gargi gasped. “Papa!”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
“Her daddy showed up?” Krause hooted, slapping his hand on his thigh. His cackling mirth filled the kitchen. Leon contained the urge to duct tape his mouth shut. Instead he bit into another Cheeto as Krause added, “I betcha that didn’t go down well at all.”
The understatement of the century. “Yeah, you could say that.”
“What happened?” Krause’s sparkling blue-eyed gazed locked on him with child-like anticipation. Underneath all that gut, blond hair, and beard, his best friend was nothing more than an old woman who liked to gossip.
Leon didn’t say anything for a moment. Remnants of a late dinner of chili cheese hot dogs and fries permeated the air. Their greasy, stained paper plates were strewn haphazardly about on the table. So different from the aromatic delights of the Indian food Gargi cooked.
“I kinda jest stood there for a moment. Not sayin’ nothin’. I don’t think any of us did. Next thing I knew, her daddy startin’ talking in their foreign language or whatever. It didn’t take no interpreter to see he was madder than a one-legged man at the iHop.”
Krause snorted. “Boy, you sure know how to pick
‘em, dontcha?’
Leon shuffled the bag of Cheetos. Although he’d rather be alone, he was glad Krause had stayed. The events of the evening swirled in his mind and he had a hard time keeping it all together.
Until the moment he turned around and saw the fire blazing out of Gargi’s daddy’s eyes, he never understood the colloquial, “If looks could kill.” With the amount of rage simmering out of the older man’s eyes as he stood before them, Leon could easily believe he would have been burned out of existence. However, the man contained his rage as well. He didn’t holler and scream at Gargi but it was evident from the change in the atmosphere Mr. Kapoor was ticked off with a capital ‘T’.
He could also see where Gargi got her temper.
She and her father had conversed back and forth in a quick smattering of dialogue before Gargi said, “Thank you for coming by, Leon. I’ll keep in touch.”
In touch? What did she mean by that? He stared at the zany-shaped snacks he adored. Did it mean she would tell him about Kapoor’s condition when she found out? Or was she going to let him see her?
He’d left, still conscious of the hole her father was burning into his back.
“Boy, I’m talkin’ to ya!”
Leon jerked violently and his bag of Cheetos fell over the floor. “Dadblast it, Krause! You made me drop my Cheetos! I could seriously kill you for that!”
“What is it with you and brown women?”
Leon shook his head in confusion. “What in the world are you talkin’ about?”
Krause downed the rest of his cola and dropped the can on the table. “I’m just sayin’. You always did have a thing for brown women. Ever since we were kids.”
“Krause, you dumb—”
His friend ticked off each point with his fingers. “First, you were in love with Ms. Johnson.”
“I was five years old, you mackerel!” Leon slapped the table, rattling the paper plates and cans. “Every five-year-old boy falls in love with his kindergarten teacher.” He saw a vision of her. A short, slender woman with brown sugar skin, funky twisted hair in shiny coiled knots, and smiling eyes who gave the best hugs a boy could ever ask for. In his five-year-old mind, she always smelled like apples and cinnamon.
Time to Say Goodbye (Michigan Sweet Romance) Page 13