“He is.” He felt a tug on his heart.
Maria looked up, studying Marcus’s face. “Don’t mess this up.”
“My family has a lot of faith in me.”
“I have faith in you. You don’t have faith in yourself. And sometimes I wonder if you’ve ever given anything to God,” she said with far more wisdom than he expected from his little sister.
“I try, Maria. I do try.”
He left his little sister to care for his son, and he went in search of Lissa. He found her on the front porch. She smiled when he walked out the door, and she patted the seat next to her. He couldn’t sit next to her. If he did, he’d never want to let her go.
Marcus realized the flaw in his plan. He wanted to make things right for her, but he also didn’t want to lose either of them. They were going back to their lives in San Antonio. He would resume his life here in Bluebonnet Springs. He and Lissa would see each other on occasion, and Oliver would spend time here. But it wouldn’t be the same.
Never in a million years would he have imagined this goodbye being one of the hardest in his life. It had been easy three weeks ago. Now he wasn’t sure what it felt like to have a broken heart. He doubted he had ever experienced one. But what he felt at that moment, telling her goodbye...it was pretty close.
* * *
Lissa had known coming to Bluebonnet Springs that this would never end well. In the past few weeks she’d suspected it would end worse than she’d expected because she hadn’t expected to feel anything other than resentment for Marcus Palermo. That had changed as she’d gotten to know him. She took a breath at the inadequacy of that word. She’d fallen in love with him.
She watched as he paced the porch and then faced her, an anguished look on his face. She wondered if she wore the same expression because she knew that was what she felt.
“You might as well tell me what it is you want to say. If you’ve changed your mind and you want him here with you, I understand. He is your son. Just tell me because I want time to lick my wounds before I have to leave.” She couldn’t look at him. She couldn’t accept the hand he offered.
“Don’t be ridiculous, I’m not taking him from you.”
At those carefully spoken words in his gruff whisper of a voice, she looked up. “Okay, then what is it?”
“I talked to a lawyer about giving you legal custody. But I want more than that for him. I want you to be his mom.”
Her heart stopped. “You what?”
Red flooded his cheeks. “No. Not like that. I want you to adopt him. I want him to know that no one can take him from you.”
“You want me to adopt him?” She shook her head, not getting it. “You’re his dad.”
“And that won’t change. But you need to have the title of mother. You are his mother.”
She pinched the bridge of her nose and fought the sting in her eyes. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Say you will allow me to do this.”
He was giving her Oliver. In a way that made him legally hers. Theirs. They would share Oliver. He wasn’t proposing love or marriage. Silly her, his words had tripped her up. He was proposing a partnership.
“I thought you would want this,” he said softly. His gaze, dark and melting, connected with hers. “This is something I can give you. You will legally be his mother. You will call the shots. If there comes a time when you think I’m not the best thing for him...”
“You’re such a silly man.” She leaned in and kissed his cheek, fighting the urge to tell him what she really thought, and felt. “Thank you for doing what you think is right. But I don’t think a day will come when you aren’t fit to be his father. You just proved that you’re a dad, that you care about him, that you’re willing to sacrifice to make him happy. I hate leaving, because he will miss you.” She drew in a breath and allowed herself to admit the truth. “I’ll miss you.”
She got up and walked inside.
Maria was waiting for her inside. Oliver was sleeping and Marcus’s little sister had obviously guessed what her brother had been up to.
“Is he playing the martyr?” Maria asked. “He always has, you know. He pretends he doesn’t care. I think he cares too much.”
“That might be it. And he doesn’t trust himself,” Lissa told the younger woman. “I don’t know how to convince him...”
She stopped herself from saying the words. If she couldn’t say them to herself, she wouldn’t say them to someone else.
Maria’s expression turned all ornery little sister. “Maybe you should tell him.”
“I don’t think so.” Because she’d overheard his opinion of her. He might think she was a great mom for his son, but to him she was a thorn in his side.
She brushed hair back from Oliver’s face and he blinked, waking up to smile at her. “Hey, almost time for lunch.”
“Is it chicken?” he asked.
“I think it is.” She smiled at the question because he asked it several times a day. He loved chicken.
He sat up, yawned and stretched. And then he looked at her, reaching to trace a finger down her cheek. His eyes narrowed and he looked at the other cheek.
“Why are you crying?”
“Because we leave today. Remember? And I think we will both be sad when we leave.”
Oliver nodded and then he hugged her. “But we can always come back. Aunt Essie said so.”
“Right, we can always come back.” She reached for his hand. When she turned around, Marcus was there. He didn’t look as if he would cry, but he also didn’t look like a man ready to say goodbye.
Chapter Fifteen
The dozer moved over the cleared land. All traces of the home he’d bought were gone. Nothing but bare dirt. Marcus couldn’t help thinking of those days as a kid when he’d hightailed it to this house, to the front porch with its old rocking chairs.
The memories had kept him solid through a lifetime of ups and downs. The memories weren’t gone. It had taken him a while to realize that he still had pieces of the Brown family. They were his memories, the life lessons they’d taught him. The faith they’d encouraged him to find. He could train just about any horse he got hold of—because of the Browns.
One of those horses happened to be under him at the moment. A solid red chestnut. She had a splash of white on her nose. That was it. She would make a good little horse for Oliver. That was why he’d bought her.
He hadn’t seen his son in three weeks. Not since a pretty June day when Lissa had brought him down to go fishing. She’d kept her distance, acting as if they didn’t even know each other. It had unsettled him. And then she’d told him they were going on vacation with her foster parents. She hoped he wouldn’t mind. A week in Florida and then she’d be back to work. So it might be a while before he saw Oliver again. She had smiled and told him she would leave him the whole month of July, if Marcus wanted.
It had felt all wrong, that visit had. Oliver hadn’t talked much. Lissa had been distant. Marcus had felt as if he had royally messed up. He had felt that way a time or two in his life. When he overrode a bull and got tossed. When he had pushed too hard against his dad.
But this time it cut him to the core unlike ever before.
Alex pulled up, getting out of his truck with that silly grin he wore most of the time these days, now that everyone knew Marissa and Alex would have a baby in the fall. And Lucy, a month or two later.
Maria was planning her wedding to the pretty boy from Fort Worth.
Essie seemed to be dating Marissa’s grandpa Dan.
The whole world was going crazy.
“What has you looking like you ate lemons for breakfast?” Alex asked as he approached the arena.
“Nothing. What do you think of Pepper?”
“You named the horse Pepper?” Alex teased.
“Red Pepper.”
&
nbsp; Eyebrows shot up. “Gotcha. She’s pretty small for a big boy like you. You might try riding a grown-up horse.”
“Go. Away.” He turned Pepper in a tight circle and then took her around the arena again.
“You’ve convinced me. You’ve definitely moved up to pony class,” Alex called out. “So, are you going to build a house or just sleep in our spare bedroom for the rest of your life?”
“I guess if you want me out, I can move in with Essie.”
Alex put a booted foot on the rail of the arena. “I don’t think Essie wants you, either. And before you ask, Lucy doesn’t have room.”
“Why don’t you all just take me down a dirt road and leave me. Maybe someone will take me in.”
“I doubt it. You’re mangy and bad-tempered. Rebuild your house, Marcus. You need a place for your son to visit. And maybe someday, when you’re thinking straight, you’ll start dating. I hear Oliver’s mom is a decent catch.”
“Go away. I’m giving you thirty seconds to get back in your truck and go.”
Alex laughed. “Right. I’m scared.” He rested his arms on the top rail of the fence. “You know that twin thing people are always talking about? You know, feeling each other’s pain. Knowing when the other one is in trouble.”
“It’s a load of horse—”
“Horse tack. Yeah. I knew you’d get all angry.” Alex pushed his hat back and Marcus, for the first time in a long time, got the feeling he was looking in a mirror. “Marcus, you’re unhappy. You’re like a horse with a burr under the saddle. You’ve convinced yourself you can’t have what you most want and it’s eating at you. It all comes down to trust. Trust God. Trust yourself. Trust a woman to know her own mind.”
“Your thirty seconds are up.”
At that, Alex settled his hat back on his hat and headed for his truck. “See you at dinner. Tell Oliver and Lissa hello for me.”
Oliver and Lissa? Marcus shook his head and guided the horse on another circuit around the arena. The little mare had an easy gait. She knew her leads. She didn’t fuss. He knew she’d make a good first horse.
And then she took him by surprise, rearing up a little and then bucking like a maniac. Burr under the saddle. No. Alex wouldn’t do that to him. He held on, wrapping his legs around her middle and holding back on the reins so she couldn’t get her head down to pitch him.
When she finally settled, she was shaking. He slid from the saddle and gave her a careful look. She gave herself a good shake and then her head went down as if asking for forgiveness.
“Hey, cowboy, that was quite a ride.”
He paused and then faced the woman and little boy standing outside his arena. This time, unlike that time almost two months ago, they were both smiling at him. And he knew two things. One, that the little boy with dark hair was his son. Two, the woman with the brilliant blue eyes had upset his apple cart. He actually knew three things. He had missed them the way he would miss a breath if it was taken from him.
He led the horse to the fence.
“You didn’t get thrown.” Oliver made the statement sound as if it was the biggest surprise of his life.
“No, I didn’t. I didn’t expect the two of you.”
“We surprised you.” Oliver grinned as he said it.
“You sure did. Hey, do you want to brush Pepper? She’s pretty good. Usually. And she’s yours.”
“My own horse?” Oliver didn’t wait. He climbed over the fence and landed with a thump next to Marcus. “Can I lead her?”
“You can.” Marcus handed the reins to his son, but he stayed close beside them. “Lissa can come, too.”
“I don’t climb fences,” she called out to them.
As they approached the side door to the barn, Oliver looked up. “I call her mom now. Is that okay?”
“What else would you call her?” Marcus took the reins from his son, scooped the boy up and put him in the saddle. “What do you think of that?”
“I like her a lot. And I’m glad I can call her mom.” Oliver was quiet for a minute. “I have a mom and I have a dad. You just don’t live in the same place. But you both love me.”
It sounded like something he’d seen on a children’s television program. Marcus wasn’t sure he liked that any more than he liked not seeing them more than once a month. But he had made the right decision. He knew that. He’d given Oliver a mother. He’d given Lissa her son.
He’d given them open doors and opportunity.
He tied Pepper and helped Oliver down. Without waiting for instructions, Oliver found the brush and went to work.
“I think my mom wants to talk to you,” Oliver said over his shoulder as he stroked the brush down the mare’s neck.
Ginger lipped at Oliver’s sleeve, but she minded her manners the way Marcus had known she would.
“Does she really?”
Oliver nodded. “I think you’re in trouble. I heard her talking to Grandma Jane about your thick head. I didn’t think your head looked thick. But if it is, maybe Doc Parker can help. I think my mom is going to work for him.”
Maybe there was something to having a boy who made eavesdropping a serious skill. “Is she really?”
Oliver nodded, but he kept brushing. Marcus stood there for a minute watching his son. After he’d assured himself that Oliver was fine, and with a few final instructions, he headed for the door. Lissa stood there watching them, her hand on Lucky’s big head as the dog panted and pushed against her. Buddy, the Labrador they’d rescued after the flood, was still at Alex’s. Lucky didn’t appreciate being moved and preferred his home with his barn.
“I guess you’ve taken up eavesdropping, too?” Marcus asked her as he closed the distance between them.
“When necessary. But he didn’t tell you anything I didn’t know, since it is my plan.” Lissa reached for his hand. “What he doesn’t know is that I came here to talk to you.”
“Did you now?”
He leaned a bit closer, inhaling, because she smelled good. She smelled like sunshine and wildflowers. No wonder Lucky had glued himself to her side and wouldn’t budge.
“Don’t.” She pushed him back.
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t sniff at me like that hound dog. It’s weird. And I need space. Because when I’m done talking, you will either tell me to stay or tell me to go.”
“I see.” He lost the walking-on-sunshine feeling of a few moments ago. With Lissa looking all serious and giving him ultimatums, maybe he’d just turn tail and head back to the barn and Oliver.
“No, you don’t see.”
“Okay, I don’t see.” He studied her face. Brilliant blue eyes, pretty mouth in a firm line. He knew when to tread lightly. “This is one of those conversations where no matter what I say, I’m in trouble. Right?”
“Not exactly. If you choose wisely, you won’t be in trouble.”
“Are you taking a job with Doc Parker?”
She poked his shoulder. “Getting ahead of the program, Palermo.”
“Hmm, okay.”
“I came here to tell you some very hard truths about yourself.”
He laughed at that. “And you think you’re the first one to ever do that. Lissa, women have been telling me those same things for years. It won’t faze me.”
“You’re wrong.” She shook her head. “No, they’re wrong. And these are not those same truths.”
He started to open his mouth to argue, but something about that spark in her eyes warned him to keep quiet. Rather than talking, he put his hands up in surrender.
“First of all, you are trustworthy. Everyone who knows you has a story to tell about you and how you were there for them or helped them out in a time of need. There are people all over Bluebonnet Springs, and I’m guessing all over Texas, who will rat you out. Second, you need to learn to trust yourself. So what if yo
u were tempted to drink. You didn’t. That matters. You are a man your son can count on. You’re the man he can model his life after. You’re a man of faith and a man of integrity.”
“Why do you think I need to hear this?” He was truly curious. And he wanted to keep her there next to him for a little longer.
“Because you doubt yourself. You did everything you could to push us out of your life because you think you are not the man we need. You believe you’re not the father your son needs.”
He quirked a brow. “Can we go back to the ‘we’ part?”
“Marcus, you told Pastor Matthews no way would you marry me, that I’m a thorn in your side.”
“I didn’t realize I had asked you to marry me.” Now he was confused. “Or that you’d asked me.”
“You’re impossible. And I’m not going anywhere, you impossible man. I’m staying here. I’m going to work for Doc Parker because your son has been sad every single day that he hasn’t been here. He misses you. He misses your family. He misses his dogs and that pregnant cat.”
“She has kittens now.”
“Stop trying to distract me.”
He held his hands up again. “No way would I do that. So you’re staying in Bluebonnet Springs.”
“Yes, because your son needs to be here, near you. He needs to see you every day.”
He nodded and he very nearly went down on one knee. He was trying to decide his next move when she reached for his hand. She didn’t look at him; instead, she focused on interlocking their fingers together. Hopeful. He was starting to feel it again. It was a lightness in his soul.
Who knew?
“I’m not leaving,” she said again.
This time he did go down on one knee.
* * *
Lissa looked at the man kneeling in front of her. She didn’t know what to say or what to do.
“Get up.” She pulled on the hand that she still held. She tried to pull free. He wouldn’t budge.
He grinned up at her, his dark eyes shining, his smile lopsided and sweet.
“What are you doing?” she whispered.
The Rancher's Secret Child Page 17