by Jennie Lucas
Or maybe it was just him.
As he brushed his teeth, out of the corner of his eye he watched her climb into bed, watched the silk of her nightgown move as sensuously as water over her curves. Putting down his toothbrush, he splashed cold water on his face, wishing he could drench his whole body with it.
Josie hesitated, biting her lip prettily as she glanced at him. “Do you care which side—”
“No,” he ground out.
She frowned. “You don’t have to be so rude…”
He looked at her, and something in his face made her close her mouth with a snap. Without another word, she jumped into bed and pulled the covers all the way up to her chin.
“Ready.” Her voice was muffled.
He put out the flickering lantern light. Stretching his tight shoulders, he climbed in beside her. They each took opposite sides of the bed in the darkness, neither of them moving as the wind howled against the canvas roof.
“Kasimir?” her soft voice came from the darkness a moment later. “What will you do…when all this is over?”
“You mean our marriage?”
“Yes.”
He leaned his head back against the pillow, folding his arms beneath his head. “I’ll have everything I ever wanted.”
“You mean the land?”
He exhaled with a flare of nostril. “Among other things.”
“But you’re not planning to live in Alaska, are you?”
Live at the old homestead? He inhaled, remembering nights sharing the cold attic room with his brother. Remembering the constant love of his hardworking parents, and how he’d bounded up eagerly each morning to start his chores.
As a boy, Kasimir had felt so certain of what mattered in the world. Home. Family. Loyalty.
“No, I won’t go back,” he said quietly.
“Then why do you want it so badly? Just because of your promise to your father?”
“It was a deathbed vow…” He stopped. He’d told himself that same lie for years, but here in the darkness, lying in bed beside her, he couldn’t tell it again. “Because I don’t want Vladimir to have it. He doesn’t deserve a home. Or a brother.”
“What about you?” Josie said softly. “What do you deserve?”
Kasimir looked away from her, towards his briefcase, which looked distinctly out of place in the corner of the tent. “Exactly what I will get,” he said. Retribution against his brother and the Mata Hari who’d caused their rift. Total ownership of both Xendzov Mining and Southern Cross. That would make him happy. Give him peace.
It would. It had to. Looking at her shadowy form in the darkness, he turned the question back on her. “What will you do? With your life?”
“I don’t know.” She swallowed. “Bree always talked about sending me to college, but even if we had the money, I’m not sure that’s what I want.”
“Why not? You’d be good at it.”
She gave a regretful laugh. “Bree should have been the one to go. She’s a planner. A striver. Though she dropped out of high school to help support me.” He could hear the self-blame in her voice. Then she laughed again. “But maybe she was glad. She was impatient with school. She’s always had an eye to the bottom line. If not for those old debts threatening us, she’d be running her own business by now.”
“I didn’t ask about Bree’s dreams,” he said roughly. “I asked about you. What do you want?”
She paused. “You’re going to think it’s stupid.”
“Nothing you want is stupid,” he said, then snorted. “Except maybe stealing my horse and riding off alone into the desert.”
“Not one of my best ideas,” she admitted. For a long moment, they lay silently beside each other in the darkness. Kasimir started to wonder if she’d fallen asleep, then she turned in the darkness. Her voice was muffled as she said, “I never really knew my mother. She died a month after I was born. She was supposed to start chemo, then found out she was pregnant. She didn’t want to put me at risk.”
“She loved you.”
Her voice trembled. “She died because of me,” she said softly. “When I was growing up, my father and Bree were always away on their moneymaking schemes. I was mostly alone in a big house, left with a babysitter who got paid by the hour.”
Kasimir’s heart ached as he pictured Josie as a child—even more tenderhearted and vulnerable than she was now—feeling alone, unwanted, unloved.
“And from that moment, even as a kid, I knew what I wanted someday. And it wasn’t college. It wasn’t even a career.”
“What is it?” he said in a low voice.
He heard her shuddering intake of breath.
“I want a home,” she whispered. “A family of my own. I want to bake pies and do piles of laundry and weed our garden behind the white picket fence. I want an honest, strong husband who will never lie to me, ever, and who will play with our kids and mow our lawn on Saturdays. I want a man I can trust with my heart. A man I can love for the rest of my life.” She stopped.
Kasimir’s heart lurched violently in his chest. For a moment, he couldn’t speak.
“See?” she said in a voice edged with tears. “I told you it was stupid.”
He exhaled.
“It’s not stupid,” he said tightly. For a moment, he closed his eyes. Then he slowly turned to face her in the darkness. His vision adjusted enough to see her eyes glimmer with tears in the shadows of the bed.
I want an honest, strong husband who will never lie to me. A man I can trust with my heart.
Kasimir suddenly envied him, Josie’s future husband, whoever he might be. He would deserve her, give her children, provide for her. And she would love him for the rest of her life. Because she had that kind of loyalty. The kind of heart that could love forever.
The irony almost made him laugh. Kasimir envied her next husband. Because even though he was married to her now, Kasimir couldn’t be that man. He wasn’t her partner, or even her lover. Not even, really, her friend.
But he could be.
“After I pay you for the land,” he said, “you and your sister will be free of those old debts. You’ll be able to pursue your dreams.” He ignored the lump in his throat. “Whatever they might be.”
“You’re going to pay me?” she gasped. “I thought our deal was just a direct trade—the land for my sister.”
“And I always intended to pay you full market value,” he lied.
He heard her intake of breath. “Really?” she said wistfully.
No. He’d pay her double the market value. “Yes.”
“You don’t know what this means to me,” she choked out. “We won’t have to hide from those men anymore. We’ll be free. And if there’s any money left after the debts, Bree could use it to start her bed and breakfast.”
“Is that what will make you happy?” he said. “Using the money so your sister can fulfill her dreams?”
“Yes!” she cried. “Oh, Kasimir…” He felt her hand against his rough, unshaven cheek, turning him towards her. He saw the tearful glitter of her eyes. “Thank you. You are—you are…”
With a joyful sob, she threw her arms around him.
Kasimir’s arms slowly wrapped around her as her silken negligee slid against the bare skin of his chest. Their bodies pressed together in the bed, and as he felt her soft body against his own, he became all jumbled inside, twisted up and down and turned around.
He put his hand against her cheek. “Josie…” he said hoarsely.
In the shadowy tent, beneath the covers of the bed, he could see her beautiful eyes. He could barely hear her ragged breathing over the pounding of his own heart.
Her skin felt so soft beneath his fingertips. Her arms were bare and wrapped around his naked back. Their faces were inches apart. He wanted to kiss her, hot and hard and deep. He wanted to take her and let his promises fade like mist into the night.
Using every bit of willpower he possessed, he dropped his hand. He pulled away, rolling to the farthest edge of his
bed.
“Good night,” he choked out.
Silence fell. Then she said softly behind him, “Good night.”
Kasimir heard her move to the other side of the bed. He exhaled, closing his eyes. He could still see her beautiful, innocent face, her curvaceous body sheathed in diaphanous silk, shimmering like waves in the flickering light.
He listened to the wind blowing against the tent, the distant whinny of horses, the call of servants’ voices across the encampment. And he still heard Josie’s voice, sweet and innocent, filled with the trembling edge between desire and fear.
But what if I touch you? she’d asked.
Kasimir didn’t have to touch her to feel her. Lying next to her in the soft bed, with blankets warming them in the cool, arid night, there was a desert of empty space between them, but her slightest tremble was an earthquake.
In just a few weeks, once her land was his, Kasimir would trade her for what he wanted most. He would seize control of Xendzov Mining. He’d get justice against those who’d wronged him. He’d finally win.
He should be glad. Excited. His teeth should have been sharpening with anticipation.
But as he listened to Josie’s soft, even breathing, all he could think about was what he would soon lose.
He glanced over at her in the darkness. She didn’t care about vengeance or money. She wanted to give away her fortune to make her sister happy. She gave everything she had, without worrying if she’d get anything back in return. She didn’t even try to protect her heart.
Thank you, Kasimir. He remembered the joy in her voice when she’d thrown her arms around him. You are…you are…
He was a selfish bastard with a jet-black heart. He’d kissed her, kidnapped her, kept her prisoner, but she kept forgiving him, again and again.
Rolling onto his back, Kasimir stared up bleakly at the swoop of the tent’s canvas, gray with shadow.
Was there some way to keep her in his life? Some way to bind her to him so thoroughly that she’d have no choice but to forgive him the unforgivable?
* * *
Two days later, Josie stared up at him with consternation. “You have to be joking.”
“Come on,” Kasimir wheedled, holding out his hand beneath the hot afternoon sunshine. “You said you wanted to do it.”
Glancing back at the tallest sand dune, she licked her lips. “I said it looked fun in theory.”
“You know you want to.” Wind ruffled his tousled black hair as he smiled down at her. He was casually dressed, in a well-worn black T-shirt that hugged his muscular chest and large, taut biceps and low-slung jeans on his hips. He looked relaxed and younger than she’d ever seen him. He lifted a dark eyebrow wickedly. “You’re not scared, are you?”
Josie licked her lips. When he looked at her with that mischievous smile, he made her want to agree to absolutely anything.
But—this?
Furrowing her brow, she looked behind her. Three young Berber boys, around twelve or thirteen years old, were using brightly colored snowboards to careen down the sand, whooping and hollering in Berber, the primary language of the tribe, but the boys’ joyous laughter needed no translation.
Josie and Kasimir had been sitting outside the dining tent, lazily eating an early dinner of grapes, flatbread and lamb kabobs, when the boys had started their raucous race. As Josie sipped mint tea, with Kasimir drinking a glass of Moroccan rosé wine beside her, she’d said dreamily, “I wish I could do what they’re doing. Be fearless and free.”
To her dismay, Kasimir had immediately stood up, brushing sand off his jeans. “So let’s go.”
Now, he was looking at her with challenge in his eyes. “I have an extra sandboard. I’ll show you how.”
She scowled. “You know, saying something looks fun and being brave enough to actually do it, are two totally different things!”
“They shouldn’t be.”
“It looks dangerous. Bree would never let me do it.”
“Another good reason.”
Josie stiffened. “I wish you would quit slandering Bree—”
“I don’t care about her,” he interrupted. “I care about you. And what you want. Your sister isn’t here to stop you. I’m not going to stop you. You say you want to do it. The only one stopping you is you.”
She looked up at the dune. It was very tall and the sand looked very hard. She licked her lips. “What if I fall?”
He lifted an eyebrow. “So what if you do?”
“The kids might laugh, or—” she hesitated “—you might.”
“Me?” He stared at her incredulously. “Is that a joke? You’d let fear of my reaction keep you from something you want?” His sensual lips lifted as he shook his head. “That doesn’t sound like the Josie I know.”
She felt a strange flutter in her heart. Kasimir thought she was brave. He thought she was bold.
And she was, when she was with him. She barely recognized herself anymore as the downtrodden housekeeper she’d been in Hawaii. Tomorrow was New Year’s Eve, but for Josie, the New Year—her new life—had already begun.
She’d be able to pay off their debts. She hugged the thought to her heart like a precious gift. They’d be free of the dark cloud of fear that had hung over them for ten years, forcing them to stay under the radar with low-paying, nondescript jobs. Bree would be able to start her business. Josie would never feel like a burden again to anyone.
But it would come at a cost. Josie looked up at Kasimir. He could be a rough man, selfish and unfeeling, and yet beneath it all…he truly was a good man. His generosity would change her life.
But she would never see him again. And that thought was starting to hurt. Because she couldn’t kid herself.
She’d stopped thinking of their marriage as a business arrangement long ago.
Yesterday, Kasimir had taught her how to ride a horse. Very patiently, until she lost her fear of the big animals’ teeth and sharp hooves, until she started to gain confidence. She was still a little sore from their ride that morning, traveling across the dunes to the nearest village, to bring medicine from Marrakech. As she and Kasimir galloped back together across the desert, his eyes had been as blue and bright as the wide Moroccan sky. She lost a new fragment of her heart every time he looked at her with that brilliant, boyish smile.
Just as he was looking at her now.
“Well?” His hand was still outstretched with utter confidence, as if he knew she would not be able to resist.
“Is it soft? Like powder?”
He laughed. “No. It’ll leave bruises.”
“Sounds fun,” she muttered.
“Do you want to try it or not?”
She swallowed, then looked at the boys zooming down the sand dune at incredible speed, on boards lightly strapped to their feet. Heard their roars of laughter and delight. Maybe it wasn’t hard. Maybe it was actually quite easy. All she had to do was make the choice.
Josie’s eyes narrowed. She was done being afraid—of anything. Done living a life smaller than her dreams.
Holding her breath, she put her hand in his own.
He pulled her close. “Good,” he said in a low voice. “Let’s do it. Right now.”
His face was inches from her own, and a tremble went through her that had nothing to do with fear. Every time Kasimir looked at her, every time he spoke to her, she felt her heart expand until she felt as if she was flying.
Let’s do it. Right now.
His grip on her hand tightened. Then he abruptly turned away, disappearing into a nearby tent. And she exhaled.
It had been torture sleeping next to him the last two nights. She’d been so aware of him beside her, it was a miracle she’d gotten any rest at all. Especially the first night, when they’d been talking so late into the darkness, and he’d told her he meant to pay for her land. She’d been so ecstatic that she’d thrown her arms around him. He’d held her so tightly, his eyes dark on hers, and for one moment, she’d thought, really thought, he might brea
k his promise. And here was the really shocking thing…
She’d wanted him to.
Her lips had tingled as she’d waited breathlessly for him to lower his mouth savagely to hers and pull her hard against his body. She’d ached to stroke her hands down his hard, tanned chest, laced with dark hair. She’d yearned to feel his pure heat and fire. Her body still shook with the memory of how she’d wanted it. And looking at him, she’d known he felt the same.
But he’d hadn’t touched her.
When he’d abruptly turned away, she’d felt bereft—disappointed. Almost heartbroken.
Which made no sense at all. She admired commitment to promises, didn’t she? And while they’d been thrown together in a very intimate way, it wasn’t as if they had—or ever would have—a real marriage.
She needed to keep reminding herself of that.
Kasimir returned to the table outside the dining tent. He had two snowboards hefted over his shoulders as if they weighed nothing. “Let’s go.”
Smiling, and far lighter on her feet, she led the way to the top of the dune.
“Like being faster than me, huh?” he said, quirking his eyebrow.
She grinned. “Absolutely.”
“We’ll see.” He answered her with a wicked smile. “Sit down right here.”
Obediently, Josie plunked back on the warm sand in her cotton button-down shirt and soft linen pants. As he knelt on the sand in front of her, in his form-fitting T-shirt and loose cargo shorts, she wondered how brave she could really be. He’d promised not to kiss her.
But there was no rule about her kissing him.
“You’re going to love this,” he said, pulling off her sandals.
She shivered. His hands brushed against the hollows of her bare feet, and her mouth went dry. “I’m sure,” she murmured.
He was inches away from her. She could just lean forward and kiss him. Press her lips against his. Could she do it? Was she brave enough?
Kasimir’s blue eyes met hers, and he smiled. She wondered how she’d ever thought him cold in Honolulu. Here, he was warm and bright as the blazing desert sun. “Are you nervous?”
“Yes,” she whispered, praying he couldn’t guess why.
“Don’t be.”