“No, I won’t.”
She made a face at him. “Yeah, right. What, are you going to call some admiral and snap your fingers and…?”
“I won’t snap my fingers at Admiral Robinson,” Bobby told her. “That would be rude.”
She stared at him. “You’re serious. You’re really going to call an admiral?”
He nodded as he glanced at his watch. It was a little too late to call tonight. The admiral and his wife, Zoe, had twins. Max and Sam.
The twins were pure energy in human form—as Bobby well knew. He baby-sat them once when the admiral and his wife were out in California, when their regular sitter had canceled at the last minute. Max and Sam were miniature versions of their father. They both had his striking-blue eyes and world-famous smile.
Jake would’ve just finished reading them a story and putting them to bed. Bobby knew he would then go in search of his wife, maybe make them both a cup of herbal tea and rub her shoulders or feet….
“I’ll call him tomorrow morning,” Bobby said.
Colleen smiled. She didn’t believe he was tight enough with an admiral to be able to give the man a call. “Well, it would be nice if you could go, but I’m not going to hold my breath.” She gathered up the pictures and put them back in the envelope.
“How many people are going?” he asked. “You know, in your group?”
“About twelve.”
Twelve unprepared, untrained civilians running around loose…. Bobby didn’t swear—at least not aloud.
“Most of them will actually be distributing supplies to the quake victims. They’ll be hooking up with the Red Cross volunteers who are already in place in the country,” she continued. “Of the twelve, there are five of us who’ll be concentrating on getting those children moved.”
Five was a much better, much more compact number. Five people could be whisked out of sight and removed from danger far more easily than twelve.
“Who’s meeting you at the airport?” he asked.
“We’ve rented a bus and made arrangements to be picked up by the driver,” she told him.
A bus. Oh, man. “How many guards?”
Colleen shook her head. “One. The driver insisted. We’re still arguing over that. We don’t want any guns. Our connection to the Red Cross—”
“Colleen, you’ll need armed guards,” he told her. “Way more than just one man hired by the driver. Three or four at the least. Even just for the short trip between the airport and your hotel. And you’ll need twice as many if you’re going up north.”
“But—”
“The Red Cross means nothing in Tulgeria. In fact, it’s often used as a bull’s-eye for terrorists. Don’t put the emblem on the bus, don’t wear it on your clothes.”
She was looking at him as if he were speaking Greek. “Are you serious?”
“Dead serious. And instead of a single bus, we should get you three or four Humvees. Something smaller and faster, that’ll be less of a target.”
“The bus is so that we can move the children if we get the opportunity,” she told him.
Oh, damn. Yeah, they would definitely need a bus for that. “Okay,” he said. “I’m going to do what I can to get Admiral Robinson involved—to make this an official operation for one of his Gray Group teams. But if it’s official, there’s a chance I won’t be able to go. I’m still not 100 percent—”
“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea,” Colleen said. “If we go in there looking like some kind of commando team…”
“Whoever goes in with you, they’ll be covert. There’ll be three or four guys hanging around with assault weapons for show as if they were hired guards. But everyone else on the team will blend in with your group. I promise.”
She looked at him. “You promise. Except you’re not going to be there.”
“I may not be there,” he said. “But I’m sure as hell going to try.”
Colleen smiled. “You know, every time someone says that they’ll try, I think of that scene in The Empire Strikes Back with Luke Skywalker and Yoda. You know, the one where Yoda says, ‘Try not. Do or do not.’”
“Yeah, I know that scene,” Bobby told her. “And I’m sorry, but—”
She reached across the table and touched his hand. “No, don’t apologize. I didn’t mean to sound as if I were accusing you of anything. See, the truth is I’ve fought so many losing battles for so many years that I really appreciate someone who tries. In fact, a try is all I ever ask for anymore. It may not work out, but at least you know you gave it a shot, right?”
She wasn’t talking about him coming to Tulgeria. She was talking about the way he’d kissed her. And the way he’d pushed her away, refusing to see where that kiss might lead. Refusing even to try.
Bobby wasn’t sure what to say. He felt like the worst kind of coward. Too scared even to try.
Even when her hand was on top of his, her fingers so cool against the heat of his skin. Even when he wished with all of his heart that she would leave her hand right there for a decade or two.
But Colleen took her hand away as she stood. He watched as she placed the envelope with the pictures on the cluttered surface of a built-in desk in the corner of the room.
“You know, I’ve met most of the people who want to adopt these kids,” she told him. “They’re really wonderful. You look into their eyes, and you can see that they already love these children just from seeing their pictures, from reading their letters.” Her voice wavered. “It just breaks my heart that those kids are in danger, that we can only try to help them. It kills me that there are no guarantees.”
Bobby stood up. He didn’t mean to. And as soon as he found himself on his feet, he forced himself to stop. To not move toward her, not take her into his arms. The last time he did that, he’d completely lost control.
But Colleen turned to face him. She came toward him. She reached for him, taking hold of both of his hands. “It’s important to me that you know I’m not doing this purely to drive Wes crazy.”
Her fingers were cool and strong and, again, he didn’t want to let her go. Help. “I know.”
But she didn’t come any closer. She just smiled and squeezed his hands. “Good,” she said as she released him. “So go. You’re free. Escape. Lucky you—I need to hang with Ashley tonight. Guess I’ll have to dance naked for you another night.”
Her eyes sparkled as she laughed at him, at the pained look he couldn’t keep off his face.
The door was right there. She’d given him permission to leave. He could have walked through it, walked out of her apartment, walked to a place where he—and she—were safe. Instead he didn’t move. “Why do you keep doing that?”
She opted not to play dumb. She knew he was talking about her suggestive comments. “You’re such an easy target and I want…”
“What?” He really wanted to know. Badly enough that he almost touched her again. Almost. “You want what, Colleen?”
“You.”
He’d known she was gutsy. And when she teased, she could be pretty outrageous. But he’d never expected her to say that.
She lowered her eyes as if she were suddenly shy. “I always have, you know.”
She spoke barely loud enough for him to hear her, but he did. He heard. His ears were working perfectly. It was his lungs that were having trouble functioning.
“So now you know,” she said quietly. When she looked up at him, her smile was rueful. “How’s that for a powerful rebuttal to the ‘I just want to be friends’ speech?”
He couldn’t respond. He didn’t have any idea at all of what to say. She wanted him. She always had. He felt like laughing and crying. He felt like grabbing her, right there in the kitchen. He felt like running—as hard and as fast and as far as he possibly could.
“I figure either I’m right, and you didn’t mean what you said this morning,” she told him. “Or I’m wrong, and I’m a complete idiot who deserves humiliation and rejection twice in two days.”
&nbs
p; Bobby kept his mouth shut, wishing he were the kind of man who could just run for the door—and keep running when he hit the street. But he knew that he wasn’t going to get out of there without saying something.
He just wasn’t sure what that something should be. Tell the truth and admit he hadn’t meant what he’d said? That was one hell of a bad idea. If he did that, she’d smile and move closer and closer and…
And he’d wake up in her bed.
And then Wes would kill him.
Bobby was starting to think he could maybe handle death. It would be worth it for a chance at a night with Colleen.
What he would never be able to live with was the look of betrayal in his best friend’s eyes. He clamped his mouth shut.
“I know I act as if it’s otherwise,” Colleen continued, turning away from him and fiddling with half a dozen organic apples that were on the kitchen counter. As she spoke, she arranged them into a pattern. Big, then little, then big. “But I haven’t had too much experience. You know. With men, I mean. In fact, all I’ve had are a couple of really crummy short-term relationships. I’ve never been with someone who really wants me—I mean other than for the fact that I’m female and convenient.” With the apples neatly arranged in two perfect rows, she turned to face him, to look him in the eye. “I know you say you don’t—want me, that is. But I see something really different when I look into your eyes. And…Bobby, I just want to know what that’s like—to be made love to the way you kissed me last night. It felt so right and…”
She took a deep breath. Smiled shakily. “So. You’ve been warned. Now you know. You also know that I’m not going to be talked out of going to Tulgeria. So if your admiral guy doesn’t come through for you, you can tell my brother you did everything you could to keep me off that plane. And you can go back to California with a clear conscience. And I think you probably should go—if you really did mean what you said about just wanting to be friends. If you stay, though, you better put on your fireproof suit. Because starting tomorrow I’m turning up the heat.”
“You really said that?” Ashley laughed. “What did he do?”
After her little speech, Bobby hadn’t grabbed her and kissed her. But then again, Colleen hadn’t really thought he would.
“What did he say?” Ash persisted.
“Nothing,” Colleen told her friend. “He looked a little pale—kind of like he was going to faint. So I told him we’d talk more tomorrow and I pushed him out the door.”
Truth was, she hadn’t wanted to hear what he might have to say in response to her painfully honest confession.
She’d pretty much been flashing hot and cold by then herself—alternately clapping herself on the back for her bravery and deriding herself for pure stupidity.
What if she were completely wrong? What if she were completely misinterpreting everything she’d seen in his eyes? What if he hadn’t really been looking at her with barely concealed longing and desire? What if it had just been a bad case of indigestion?
“I had to try,” Colleen told Ashley—and herself as well.
Ash was sitting cross-legged on her bed, hugging her beat-up, raggedy stuffed bear—the one she’d been given when she was three and had chicken pox. The one she still slept with despite the fact that she’d just turned twenty-four.
It was ironic. Colleen’s friend had everything. Money. A beautiful face. A slim, perfect body. Weight that didn’t fluctuate wildly given her moods. A 4.0 grade point average. Impeccable taste.
Of course, Colleen had something Ashley didn’t have. And Colleen wouldn’t have traded that one thing for Ashley’s looks and body, even if her friend had thrown in all the gold in Ft. Knox, too.
Not a chance.
Because Colleen had parents who supported her, 100 percent. She knew, without a doubt, that no matter what she did, her mom and dad were behind her.
Unlike Mr. DeWitt, who criticized Ashley nonstop.
Colleen couldn’t imagine what it had been like growing up in that house. She could picture Ash as a little girl, desperately trying to please her father and never quite succeeding.
“Ashley, what’s this? A Father’s Day gift? A ceramic bowl? You made it yourself on the wheel in pottery class? Oh, well, next time you’ll do much better, won’t you?”
It was true, Colleen’s own parents weren’t perfect. No one’s parents were. But hers loved her unconditionally. She’d never doubted that.
“You ready to talk about what happened?” she asked Ashley now.
Her friend sighed. “I’m so stupid.”
Colleen just waited.
“There was a new associate in my father’s firm,” Ash finally said. “Brad Hennesey.” Tears filled her eyes, and she tried to laugh. “God, I’m such an idiot. I can’t even say his name without…” She gestured to her face.
Colleen handed her a box of tissues and waited while Ashley blew her nose.
“He was so nice,” Ash told her. “I mean, I didn’t expect him not to be nice to me, because I’m the boss’s daughter, but he seemed so genuine, and…”
“Oh, no,” Colleen said. She was pretty sure she knew where this was going, and she prayed she was wrong.
“I did something really dumb,” Ash admitted. “We started dating, and he was so…” She laughed but it was loaded with pain. “Yeah, he was completely perfect—smart and gorgeous with all those white teeth and that Land’s End model body, and we loved the same books and movies, and…And I fell in love with him. God! How could I be so stupid?”
Colleen waited, praying that she was wrong.
“But then I found out that my father had hired him purposely. Brad was part of his plan to guarantee that I’d come home after law school and join the firm. He was going to be made partner instantly upon our engagement. I hear myself telling you this, and it sounds so ludicrous. Can you believe any of this?”
She could. She’d met Ashley’s father. “Ah, Ash,” Colleen said. “How did you find out?”
“Brad told me,” Ashley said. “He confessed everything. He called me in the middle of the night and told me he had to see me. Right then. So he came over to the house and we went into the garden and…He was really upset and he told me he was in love with me. He said he’d fallen for me, and he told me that he had to come clean before it went any further, that he couldn’t live with himself any longer.”
“But that’s good,” Colleen countered. “Isn’t it? He was honest when it mattered the most.”
“Colleen, he accepted a position where the job description included tricking the boss’s daughter into marrying him.” Ashley was still aghast at the idea. “What kind of person would do that?”
“One who maybe saw your picture?” Colleen suggested.
Ashley stared at her as if she were in league with Satan.
“I’m not saying it’s a good thing,” she added quickly. “But how bad could the guy be if he really did fall in love with you?”
“Did he?” Ashley asked darkly. “Or is he just saying that he did? Is this confession just another lie?”
Oh, ick. Colleen hadn’t thought of it that way. But Ash was right. If she were trying to con someone into marrying her, she’d pretend to be in love with them, confess everything and beg for forgiveness. That would save her butt in the event that the truth ever did surface after the wedding.
“He slept with me, Colleen,” Ashley said miserably. “And my father was paying him.”
“Yeah,” Colleen said, “I don’t think your father was paying him to do that, though.”
“It feels that way.” Ashley was one of those women who still looked beautiful when she cried. “You know the really stupid thing?”
Colleen shook her head. “No.”
“I didn’t have the nerve to confront my father.” Ashley’s lip trembled. “I just ran away. I hid.”
“But you’re writing him a letter,” Colleen pointed out. “That’s a start.”
“Clark keeps telling me I should take one of those asserti
veness training courses. You know, the kind where you go out into the mountains with only a canteen of water and a hunting knife and come back after having killed a bear?”
Colleen laughed at the absurdity of that. “You’d take advice from a man with blue hair?”
Ash laughed, too. It was shaky, but it was laughter.
“You know what I think you should do?” Colleen said. “I think you should go back and have this raging, passionate affair with Brad. Flaunt it in your father’s face. Make it really public. And then, next May, when you graduate from law school, you dump the creep and flip your father the bird. You pass the California bar exam, and take a job as a public defender in East L.A. and you do pro bono work for the community on the side just to really tick him off. That’s what I would do.”
“You could do that?” Ashley asked. “Really? Have that kind of a relationship with a man without falling even further in love? Without getting in too deep?”
Colleen thought about Bobby Taylor, about what would happen if she did succeed in talking her way into his bed. She thought about waking up beside him, smiling into his beautiful eyes as he bent to kiss her. She thought about driving him to the airport and watching his broad back and his long, easygoing stride as he headed into the terminal, as he walked away. From her. Without looking back.
She thought about the way that would make her heart die inside of her. Just a little bit.
Just enough to change her forever.
“No,” she said quietly. “I guess I couldn’t, either.”
Chapter 8
“Wait,” Bobby said. “Zoe, no, if he’s taking a day off, don’t…” Bother him. But Zoe Robinson had already put him on hold.
“Hey, Chief!” Admiral Jake Robinson sounded cheerful and relaxed. “What’s up? Zo tells me you’re calling from Boston?”
“Uh, yes, sir,” Bobby said. “But, sir, this can wait until tomorrow, because—”
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