by Amy Sparling
I feel sick about it as I board my plane. I’m sitting next to an older woman who looks to be in her sixties or so. She stares at me as I store my suitcase in the overhead bin.
“You’re a handsome fellow,” she says when I sit down next to her.
I chuckle awkwardly. “Um, thank you.”
“You got a lady at home?”
I could tell her the truth, but it’s not like I’ll ever see her again after this. I smile. “Yes, ma’am.”
She nods as if she knew it all along. “She’s a lucky girl.”
“Thanks, but I’m the lucky one.”
She smiles as if that was the right thing for me to say. She falls asleep shortly after the plane takes off, but I would have been fine if we’d spent the entire trip talking about Bella. My heart longs for her even now, and I saw her just last night. I don’t know what I’ll do when I have to leave for good.
Team Loco’s headquarters is located in a fancy office building. I meet Marcus, who is wearing jeans and a suit jacket, which I guess is the ultra-tacky business-casual style here in Los Angeles. He shakes my hand and offers me a variety of snacks from the food table in the conference room. Then the lawyers come in, two women, one of which I recognize as Mrs. Baker. She’s married to a professional racer. Everyone is friendly and cordial and not one person I met today looks at me like I don’t belong here with Team Loco. My past indiscretions are either forgotten or forgiven, and that’s a relief. I feel the tightly wound ball of nerves in my stomach start to loosen as the day goes on. I had been prepared for a full on lecture about my conduct and the expectations of being a racer for Team Loco, but that doesn’t happen. They treat me with respect, and that makes me respect them a whole lot more, too. Maybe Marcus understands that while I got kicked off Team FRZ Frame for fighting, it was only because the people I were fighting were bad people – not me.
Regardless, now I’m more motivated than ever to make Team Loco my official home team. I’ll surpass their expectations in the coming racing season and they’ll eagerly sign me on for next season as well. I’ll make my career, right here, with the fantastic people of Team Loco.
After a brief explanation of all the paperwork in front of me, I sign my contracts, making me an official rider for the fall racing season. Marcus claps me on the back. “We’re happy to have you, son.”
“Thank you, sir,” I say, wondering if it would be silly to keep the pen I signed my contracts with as a souvenir. “I’m really happy to be here.”
“Ready for the fun part?” he asks.
I lift an eyebrow. “This wasn’t the fun part?”
Marcus stands and I stand too. “Not even close,” he says as he leads me out of the conference room and down the hallway.
The next room looks completely out of place for an upscale office building, and I’m digging it. It’s filled with racing gear. Jerseys, pants, boots, helmets—everything.
A guy with bright blue hair that’s gelled into a mohawk stands and shakes my hand. “Hey there. You must be Liam?”
“That’s me,” I say.
“Cool, cool. Good to meet you. I’m Zo. Like Jo, but with a Z. Let’s get you fitted.”
He makes me stand on a small podium thing that’s about six inches off the floor. Then he uses the tape measure that hangs around his neck and measures all over my body.
“I didn’t realize the riding gear was customized,” I say while he’s measuring the length of my arm.
“Oh yes,” Zo says. “We want our men looking good. And you, sir, look good.” He winks at me.
I try on boots to find my size, and then do the same thing with the gloves and helmets. Zo marks it all down in my file and then I’m shuffled off to the next room, which looks even more out of place than the last one.
It’s like an upscale mechanic shop in here. The floor is tiled with black and white tiles, and the walls are painted a deep Team Loco blue. There are several brand new Team Loco dirt bikes lined up in here.
“Hey, man, how’s it going?” a guy says. He’s probably in his thirties, and he’s covered in tattoos. From a first glance, they all look dirt bike related, except for the tattoo of a beautiful woman on his bicep.
He shakes my hand. “I’m Trevor. Lead Mechanic. I’ll be seeing a lot of you this season.”
“Sounds good. I’m looking forward to being on the team.”
Trevor points to a scale on the floor. “Hop on.”
I stand on the scale and he marks my weight on a notebook. “How tall are you?”
“Six one.”
He marks that, too. Then I sit on the display bikes and he measures my body on the bike. This kind of attention to detail is what makes an amateur rider turn into a pro. My new Team Loco bike will be customized to fit me perfectly. The suspension will be matched to my weight and height, giving me the fastest bike possible. After chatting about bikes with Trevor for a bit, I’m told that the rest of Team Loco will be here soon and we’ll go out to lunch.
I slip into the lobby and call Bella just because I’m missing her voice.
“Hey,” she says, answering after several rings. “I’m with Kylie. We’re headed to the movies.”
“Does that mean you can’t talk?” I ask.
“Sort of,” she says. “What’s up?”
I don’t know why she hasn’t trusted Kylie with our summer fling status, but I respect it. I tell her about my experience in LA so far and how great everything’s been. She only answers in quick, one word replies that won’t give away who she’s talking to if Kylie is listening in. If we were actually dating, this wouldn’t be a problem. There wouldn’t be any lies or secrets. But I can’t dwell on that now.
“I miss you,” I say.
“Uh huh,” she says brightly.
“I miss you a lot,” I say, just to tease her.
“Same here,” she says.
I laugh. “I’ll pretend that you said you miss me too, even though you won’t dare say it out loud in front of Kylie.”
“Thanks,” she says. “I’ll call you after the movie?”
“Please do,” I say. Then I lower my voice, even though the lobby is empty. “I wish you were in my arms.”
“Me too,” she says, sounding flustered. Good. I like her flustered. “Talk to you later.”
Shortly after my phone call, the elevator at the end of the hall opens and the famous Team Loco guys themselves walk out. Clay recognizes me first since we’ve already met at the track back in Roca. He’s tall and tattooed, with short dark hair. “Hey, man,” Clay says, walking up and fist-bumping me a hello. “Good to see you.”
I meet Jett Adams next, who was the youngest Team Loco racer until they hired me. He comes from a motocross family. His dad raced professionally when he was younger and now they own a dirt bike track a few hours away from Roca Springs in Texas.
Jett shakes my hand. “I’m glad to pass on my rookie hat to you,” he says with a laugh. “Prepare for a crap ton of press and interviews asking if you feel intimidated about being so young.”
“Good to know,” I say.
“The PR can be a nightmare for all of us,” Aiden Strauss says. He’s slightly shorter and stockier than the other guys, with dark tan skin and dark hair. “Glad to have you on the team,” he says. “I’ve seen you ride and you’re lightning fast.”
“I appreciate that,” I say.
The last member of Team Loco is Zach Pena. He was the team’s so-called bad boy a few years ago. Now he’s straightened up and he’s a solid role model for kids. From what I remember of my internet research on the team, Zach is the oldest member, at twenty-three.
“How’s my team doing?” Marcus calls out as he leaves his office. “Ready for dinner?”
“Avery got us reservations at your favorite place,” Clay says.
Marcus puts a hand to his chest. “Bless that girl. She’s my favorite employee, you know.”
I’m not sure what all they’re talking about, or what this favorite restaurant is, but I’
m happy to be included. We head downstairs where a limo is waiting for us.
“We don’t always ride in limos,” Jett tells me as we pile into the car. “Just occasionally when we’re celebrating something.”
“What are we celebrating?” I ask.
He laughs. “You.”
The rest of the day is straight up amazing. I’m hanging out with four professional motocross racers, my new boss, and I’m in the beautiful city of Los Angeles. It’s easy to get caught up in our fame after a few people recognize us and ask for photos.
But after a few hours, I find myself longing for Bella. Wishing I could call her. Wishing I could go home to be with her.
And then I have to stop myself. I keep thinking about how badly I want to go home. But home isn’t Roca Springs. It’s Houston.
I’m not sure when it happened, but at some point, my own home in Houston doesn’t feel like it’s actually my home anymore.
When I think of home, I think of that spare room filled with Mom and Phil’s junk and the twin bed that I sleep on next to a suitcase of my clothes.
When I think of home, I think of Bella.
11
Bella
I think I understand my best friend better now that I have this thing with Liam. Before, when I was single and alone, I hated when she would date someone and run off and spend all her free time with him. Now, I get it. When you like someone, you just want to be around them. I’m having the hardest time being away from Liam while he’s in California, and while I like hanging out with my best friend, it’s also boring. Everything we do feels less exciting when my heart is too busy longing after a guy.
I keep wanting to be with him, not seeing movies with Kylie. I want to snuggle against his chest and immerse myself in his scent instead of painting my nails with Kylie. I think this makes me a bad friend. Or maybe boy crazy. But I’m not doing much to stop it. I think about Liam all day, every day, even though I’m making sure to spend time with Kylie in these few days that he’s gone. I haven’t seen her much lately and I need to make up for being an absent friend, especially since she has no idea that I’m secretly seeing someone. At least when Kylie ditches me, I know it’s because of a guy. Right now, she must think I’ve been a flaky friend all summer.
This whole summer fling thing is not the laid back fun thrill I thought it would be. After Kylie and I have spent the day together, we go our separate ways. Kylie has to babysit her brothers tonight, and normally I’d offer to hang out with her. Instead, I’m eager to get back home so I can talk to Liam once he’s back to his hotel today. I’ve only heard snippets of his day through texts, and it sounds exciting.
He texts me around dinner time and tells me to watch a famous motocross YouTube channel because they’re about to broadcast live.
Me: You’re going to be on TV?
Liam: yes ma’am :)
I pull up the YouTube channel and watch their live feed. They’re in LA, at some local motocross track, talking about the upcoming fall racing season. A woman named Krystal Jade is the host of the show, and she’s dressed in a bikini top and cut off jean shorts that are so short they might as well be underwear. I roll my eyes. I’m not sure what a bikini has to do with motocross. Maybe that’s how everyone in LA dresses all the time. It’s definitely different than how we dress here in Texas.
“Now we’re excited to chat with Team Loco and its newest member, Liam Mosely,” she says as the camera pans over Liam and four other equally handsome guys. I can tell most of them apart now because after Liam told me about his Team Loco news, I looked up their website and social media pages. All four of the other guys are all in committed relationships. I wonder how they pull that off, especially since Liam doesn’t even want to pretend to date me. We are solidly fling status and he doesn’t want anything else out of me.
Krystal Jade introduces Liam, who smiles into the camera in a way that makes my knees weak. I wonder if the four hundred and twelve people who are also watching this live video are thinking the same thing? He answers some questions about motocross, and then the other guys talk as well. I don’t pay much attention to what everyone else says, because my eyes never leave Liam. He looks so cool and collected while on camera. He doesn’t seem nervous at all, and even though he’s only just met the team today, he’s already in sync with them. They stand around on the sidelines of this sunny motocross track and act like old friends. In the distance, eager fans mull around waiting for their chance to meet them.
It’s a lot like when Liam is surrounded by fans here in town, but it’s different. It’s bigger. More important.
I knew it was a big deal that he got signed onto Team Loco. I knew his life would change and he’d start traveling and become a big shot celebrity. But it isn’t until right now, as I watch him looking absolutely perfect on camera, that I realize exactly how much he will change. That’s why he didn’t want to date me in any serious capacity. This is why we’ve never talked about the idea of dating after summer is over. Liam’s old small-town life with me is almost at an end.
In three weeks, the summer will be over and he’ll be jet-setting around the country. This was never meant to last. Why did I ever allow my heart to think it would?
With a heavy sadness in my heart, I close off the web browser. I can’t bear to watch him anymore. He’s moving on. He’s doing amazing things with his life. He’s famous now. His future is destined to be great—so much better than anything I’ll ever do.
I should stop spending my days daydreaming about a stupid boy who isn’t even my boyfriend. Anger and shame roll over me. How could I have been so stupid? Why did I eagerly give up my entire summer just to swoon over Liam Mosely? It’s been a total waste.
I should have been figuring out my own life so that I can do something fun, be something fun. I don’t want to be stuck in this small town forever, and yet for the last two months, I’ve been living my life as if that’s exactly what I planned to do.
I open another web browser and start searching for Texas colleges. I’ve been down this road a hundred times, but it’s never made any sense to me. I don’t know what I want to do for a career. I don’t know what I should go to college for, or if I should even go to college. So many of the people I went to school with had already figured everything out long before graduation. They were applying for colleges in their junior year, securing scholarships before Christmas break. They acted like college was the most important thing on earth, and I just rolled my eyes and figured it didn’t matter that much. I’ve never had a plan. Never known what my future holds.
Maybe it’s time I figure that out. I will go to school and make something of myself. While Liam is traveling and becoming a celebrity, I’ll be moving on, too. He’ll be just a blip in my past, nothing special. Just like how I’ll soon be just a blip in his past. I bet he won’t even remember me after a few weeks of his new life.
These realizations hurt me, and I tell myself to toughen up. I knew this was in the cards. I’m the one who even suggested the stupid summer fling in the first place. I’m not allowed to be heartbroken now. I signed up for it, after all.
That’s why I won’t be heartbroken. I refuse. I’m going to move on now instead of dragging it out into a painful end. Starting with college.
“Knock, knock,” my mom says as she taps lightly on my open bedroom door.
“Come in,” I say.
“Just wanted to see if you want pizza for dinner.”
“Always,” I say with a laugh.
“Ooh, colleges,” Mom says when she sees my laptop screen. “Are you figuring out what you want to do?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. Maybe. I’m trying.”
Mom chuckles. “Anything I can help with?”
I shrug again. “I don’t know. I have no idea what I want to do.”
“I’m no stranger to that,” she says, brushing my hair back behind my ears. My mom was a stay at home mom when she was married to my dad. After they divorced, she got a quick job at a restaurant, j
ust until she found something else to do. She ended up working there for a few years and moving up to manager. Now she works in the restaurant chain’s corporate office downtown. She never even got a college degree, but she does take night classes now that her work pays for.
“There’s no rush to figure out what you want to do,” Mom says. “Brent says he wants to work in finance, but I’ll believe it when I see it. I think he just wanted a cool sounding major so he could impress girls.” She winks at me. I hate to say it, but I think she’s right. I can’t picture my athletic brother wearing a suit and tie to go work in some stuffy office.
“I have no idea what I want to do. Not even the slightest inkling. All career paths sound boring to me.”
“Eh, you’ll figure it out,” Mom says. “Maybe get your first two years done at the community college, and then you might have a better idea of career options after that.”
I nod. “That’s a good idea.”
It’s a safe idea. The cheaper idea. It would be boring, but it would be something. Of course that’s the problem… I don’t want to be boring. Liam is going to be living this amazing life filled with motocross and fame and money. I’ll be back here in Roca Springs, being a pathetic loser. I want to be passionate about something in the way he is about professional motocross. Sure, I love my bike and I love riding, but I’m no pro. I wouldn’t know the first thing about going professional, and I’m probably too old to start out anyway. That’s not the life I want. I don’t want fame and fans. I just want something that will feel like I’m not some small-town loser.
“I’ll go order the pizza,” Mom says before leaving my room. I look back at my computer and go to the local community college website. I remember hearing my mom and my brother argue about community college. She wanted him to attend because it was right down the road and it’s way cheaper than university. But Brent wanted the university experience. He wanted dorm rooms and student loans. I think I’ll be fine with community college, so long as I can do something fun with my life.