Their dreams were haunted by a mysterious figure with grey skin, long black hair and a mischievous grin.
It was Marceline the vampire queen!
The bloodsucking house stealer may have let Jake and Finn back into the treehouse, but she was not done with them. It was just a matter of time before she would once again challenge her worthy opponents to a rematch.
One day, Marceline spied on Finn and Jake as they played in a graveyard. She watched as Finn slid down the bone of a humungous skeleton.
‘Here I go!’ he called down to Jake. ‘Woo woo!’ Finn rushed down toward the ground, crashing into Jake and a pile of bones at the bottom of the slide.
‘Awesome!’ he cried as he pumped his fist in the air. Then Finn heard the sound of sobbing in the distance.
‘Someone needs our help!’ he cried. He and Jake rushed over to see what was the matter. They peered over some rocks and saw an old man holding a cane. He was bawling his eyes out. Marceline the vampire queen was standing before him, her arms crossed in front of her.
‘What is it about henchman for life that you don’t understand?’ she huffed.
‘Oh, c’mon,’ the old man begged.
‘Dude, it’s Marceline, the vampire queen,’ Finn whispered to Jake. Jake cowered behind the rock in fear and began to tremble uncontrollably.
‘Can you find the compassion to release this poor old body?’ the old man asked.
‘Henchman for life means henchman for LIFE!’ Marceline snarled.
‘Are you still petrified of vampires?’ Finn quietly asked his canine companion.
He got his answer when he saw that Jake had pulled his head completely into the folds of his floppy neck skin. His pal looked like a headless, shaking, four-legged blob of fear.
‘I guess that means yes,’ Finn said.
‘Fall on the ground for me!’ Marceline commanded.
The old man tipped forward and splattered on the grass, facedown.
‘Yes, mistress,’ he groaned.
‘Now, cry for me!’ Marceline ordered.
‘Okay, I don’t want to cry, but I shall cry for you,’ the old man answered.
He wailed loudly. A storm of his tears pounded the grass.
Finn the Adventurer had seen enough.
‘Hey, cut that out!’ he called as he jumped over the rock. Jake reluctantly followed. The two friends ran over to the old man and patted him on the back.
‘Oh, if it isn’t my favourite little goody two-shoes, Finn,’ Marceline sneered.
‘Stop making this poor old dude cry,’ Finn replied angrily.
‘I can make him do whatever I want,’ the vampire queen told Finn. ‘Watch.’
Marceline lifted her arm and gave a command to the old man.
‘Henchman, amuse me,’ she said.
The old man stood up, groaned and then leaned forward. He held tightly onto his cane as he lifted his body up over it, balancing on one hand with his feet over his head. He was obviously struggling from the effort.
‘Stop it!’ Finn yelled.
But Marceline wasn’t going to take orders from anyone, especially someone she called ‘goody two-shoes.’
‘Now hop around in a circle,’ she directed, completely ignoring Finn.
The old man followed Marceline’s orders. Then his cane snapped, and he planted his face on the ground once again.
‘Oh, no!’ Finn gasped. ‘Don’t worry, sir! I’ll see to it you get set free!’
‘Oh, and how are you going to pull that off, hero?’ Marceline inquired.
‘I’ll do what I need to do,’ Finn said bravely. ‘I’ll even take his place!’
‘Dude, what?’ Jake said as he backed away from his friend.
‘Do you mean it?’ Marceline asked.
‘Heck, yeah!’ said Finn.
‘Deal!’ Marceline agreed. ‘Old henchman, you are free.’
‘Woo hoo!’ the old man cheered, bouncing away as if he were 20 years younger.
‘What are you doing, man?’ Jake wondered aloud.
He was even more afraid when Marceline showed her demon face and hissed at him. He looked pleadingly toward Finn for an explanation.
‘I couldn’t watch that old man suffer, Jake,’ Finn said. ‘My code of honour wouldn’t allow it.’
Marceline laughed and mocked Finn.
‘Oh, my code of honour wouldn’t allow it,’ she mimicked.
Jake growled at Marceline. She transformed into a demonic wolf, sprang toward Jake and snarled in his horrified face.
‘Yes, Jake?’ she asked. ‘What would you like to talk about?’
Jake waved his paws in the air and ducked behind Finn for cover. His teeth chattered and his bones rattled with fear.
‘I want to help you out of this, man,’ he said to Finn. ‘But she scares the filling out of my doughnut. Let’s just leave.’
‘I can’t,’ said Finn. ‘As a hero, I’m bound by my word.’
Before he could say another word, Marceline grabbed Finn by the neck and flew off into the night, cackling like a crazed vampire queen.
‘Don’t worry, dude,’ Jake called. ‘I’ll figure something out.’
Jake scratched his head and sighed. Finn and his dumb code of honour! Didn’t he know that vampires don’t have any honour? But Finn was his best buddy. It didn’t matter how scared Jake was of vampire queens, he was going to have to rescue his friend. So Jake trailed after them.
As Marceline and Finn flew through the unfriendly skies, the vampire queen filled her new henchman in on his duties. ‘You’re lucky, Finn,’ Marceline told him. ‘Your first job as henchman is to help me feed.’
Finn gasped in horror.
‘Feed?’ he whispered. ‘What does she mean? Like oats? Like sentient beings? Like sentient beings and oats? It doesn’t matter. I can handle it!’
Marceline and her henchman approached a house that stood alone in a valley, miles away from any neighbours.
‘Finn, open the door,’ Marceline ordered.
Finn approached the door. As he reached for the doorknob, his hand began to shake, as if some inner force was countering Marceline’s command.
‘Open it already!’ Marceline yelled.
‘No way, Marceline,’ Finn replied. ‘I’m not going to open this door if innocent people will be hurt!’
‘Aren’t you bound by your word to do as I say, hero?’ Marceline reminded Finn.
‘Yes,’ Finn replied, defeated.
He opened the door and saw Eberhardt, the resident of the house, seated at a piano.
‘Sorry about this,’ Finn apologised.
‘Hold him down!’ Marceline ordered.
Finn had no choice but to obey her command.
‘Are you enjoying this, Finn?’ the vampire queen laughed, kneeling down next to Eberhardt, who was now pinned to the floor.
‘No!’ Finn protested.
Outside, Jake finally caught up with them. He raised his fist and snarled as he watched the things that Marceline was making his best buddy do. He put his fear aside (sort of).
‘Don’t you worry, Finn,’ he growled. ‘I’ll get you out of there. I’ve got a perfect plan.’
Inside, Marceline’s skin turned a ghastly shade of green, and her forked tongue tasted the air like a hungry snake.
She looked truly hideous. Jake turned from the window and dashed toward the bushes.
‘I’m not running away, Finn!’ he yelled. ‘This is just part of my plan!’
Jake wasn’t the only one who was frightened. Beads of sweat dripped down Eberhardt’s face as he imagined what Marceline had in store for him.
‘Please, human boy, let me go,’ he pleaded.
‘I’m sorry, sir,’ Finn apologised. ‘I’m bound by my code of honour to do what she says.’
‘I understand, son,’ Eberhardt replied. ‘I was married myself once.’
This guy was getting it all wrong! Marceline and Finn were not a couple!
‘Wait!’ Finn yelled angrily. �
�I’m not married to…’
‘Ugh!’ Marceline groaned. ‘Enough talking! Dinner is served!’
Marceline bared her terrifying teeth and lunged down toward Eberhardt. At the last second, Finn pulled Eberhardt back and Marceline slammed her face on the floor.
‘How dare you, henchman!’ Marceline snarled. ‘I order you to let me feed!’
Twin red laser beams escaped from Marceline’s fingers. They hit Finn, and his arms magically rolled up like jam rolls. Now he was unable to help Eberhardt, even if he was ready to break his pledge.
Marceline laughed and turned her fangs on Eberhardt once again. The pianist whimpered in fear. But Marceline didn’t bite his neck. She bit his red necktie! When she was finished, Eberhardt’s crimson tie was as white as snow.
‘Mmmm,’ Marceline sighed. ‘That bowtie was delicious.’
Finn’s cheeks turned as red as the bowtie had been. He was completely embarrassed.
‘What’s wrong, Finn?’ Marceline asked.
‘I…I…I thought…I thought you were…,’ Finn stammered.
‘Oh, my! A white tie!’ Eberhardt exclaimed as he looked down and saw what Marceline had done. ‘Thank you so much. This is so beautiful!’
‘But…but…,’ Finn continued to stammer.
‘What?’ teased the vampire queen. ‘You know I eat the colour red sometimes.’
‘Oh, yeah,’ Finn replied. ‘Okay.’
Now that dinner was over, Marceline grabbed Finn’s hand and lifted off into the night again.
‘We’ve got plenty more evil to do!’ she told her henchman.
Finn was confused.
‘What’s wrong with this girl?’ he wondered. ‘I can’t…I can’t tell if she’s messing with me or…or what.’
‘Hey, Finn,’ Marceline said. ‘You thinking about how that guy’s bowtie sort of looked like a bra?’
‘Huh?’ said Finn. ‘No!’
Marceline took Finn to the graveyard playground, which now seemed especially creepy. It was filled with tombstones and crypts. It was just about the last place in Ooo that Finn wanted to find himself in the middle of this dark, dark night.
‘I know this place seems a little dead, but don’t worry,’ Marceline said. ‘It will soon be undead.’
Finn whimpered nervously.
Marceline stretched her long fingers over the ground and began to chant:
‘Corpses buried in mud that’s black.
From death, I command you to come back!’
The ground rumbled, and the tombstones began to topple. A single bony hand wiggled its way out of the ground. Then an entire skeleton rose from its grave. Soon the graveyard was filled with walking, groaning bones. They surrounded the vampire queen.
‘Are you ready to lead an evil army of the undead?’ Marceline asked Finn.
‘Never!’ Finn replied.
A skeleton poked up from the ground and grabbed Finn below his backpack.
‘Okay, I’ll do it!’ Finn said, changing his mind.
Meanwhile, Finn’s steadfast friend, Jake, had been trailing him. He saw the whole gruesome scene unfold from his hiding spot in the bushes.
‘Don’t worry, dude,’ Jake said, grabbing a wooden stake. ‘I’m coming to help you.’
Jake jumped out of the bushes and, holding the stake over his head, he charged at Marceline.
‘Huh?’ Marceline said as she heard Jake’s cries. ‘What’s that noise?’ But when Marceline turned around to face him, Jake shrank in fear and became as tiny as a field mouse.
‘Sorry, Finn,’ he apologised, running away as fast as he could.
Marceline, Finn, and the evil army of the undead then marched out of the graveyard and headed toward a castle.
‘Excited to hear the wild screams of an entire castle?’ Marceline asked Finn.
‘Oh, yeah,’ Finn chuckled nervously. ‘That sounds bombastic, honey. Hey, I’m going to run up ahead and scout it out for you, sugar.’
Marceline laughed at her new henchman’s quips.
Finn ran ahead and knocked on the castle door. A banana-shaped creature named Lisby answered. He was wearing a green tuxedo and a party hat. Confetti and streamers rained down behind him.
‘Yes?’ he greeted Finn. ‘Duke and Duchess of Nuts’ residence.’
‘My boss is going to sack your castle!’ Finn warned him.
‘Oh!’ Lisby replied. ‘Well, that’s certainly bad news for us.’
Inside the castle, the Duke and Duchess of Nuts were celebrating their son’s first birthday.
‘Lisby!’ the Duchess of Nuts called. ‘Who is at the door?’
‘Someone who wishes to sack the nut castle,’ Lisby explained.
‘Why would you want to sack my nut castle on my second son’s first birthday?’ the duke wondered. He turned to his sentries and said, ‘Seize him!’
The castle guards immediately pointed their swords at Finn.
‘No!’ Finn protested. ‘Listen! You hear that? My master is marching here with her army of the undead.’
‘Oh, how wonderful!’ the duke exclaimed.
‘Listen to me!’ Finn shouted.
It was too late. The skeletons appeared behind Finn at the castle door.
‘Everybody run for your lives!’ Finn screamed.
Marceline floated into the castle over his head, strumming her guitar and filling the castle with her groovy tunes.
‘I wrote this next song about a fisherman,’ she said, introducing a new tune.
‘You look so cute, sittin’ in your boat.
I wanna suck out your eyeballs
And rip out your throat.’
Finn stood in front of the evil army of the undead and shook his head in disbelief.
‘Don’t do this, Marceline,’ he called. ‘I beg you!’
‘Don’t do what?’ Marceline asked coyly.
The Duke of Nuts ran over to the vampire queen, holding his baby son.
‘You’re late, Marceline,’ he said warmly. ‘My son has been dying to hear your undead music.’
‘What?’ Finn gasped.
‘Oh, I forgot,’ Lispy said. ‘Marceline is playing tonight.’
The crowd cheered as the vampire queen played her tunes. Everyone danced along to her strangely cheerful, undead music.
Finn stood in a corner, pondering all the things that had happened to him since he had met Marceline.
‘Okay, so she makes things seem bad,’ he said to himself. ‘Or her personality seems bad and… I’m overreacting.’
Lisby danced over to Finn and tried to get him to join in the festivities.
‘Hey,’ he called to Finn. ‘Why are you thinking so hard? Just party hard. Woo!
’ It only took a second for Finn to realise that Lisby had the right idea. He started shaking his booty to the music.
‘All right!’ Finn shouted. ‘Woo hoo!’
‘Hey, castle crasher!’ Marceline teased.
‘Hey, Marceline,’ Finn answered.
‘You like cute things, right?’ the vampire queen asked him.
‘Uh, yeah, sure,’ Finn replied. ‘Why?’
Marceline held a flowerpot out in front of her. In the pot was an adorable flower that smiled at Finn. She was sure Finn would love it. She was right.
‘Whoa!’ Finn said. ‘That’s cool!’
‘Here, eat some of its fruit,’ Marceline suggested. ‘See what happens.’
Finn took the peach-coloured fruit that Marceline offered him. Instantly, an adorable dimple appeared next to Finn’s smile.
‘Okay, henchman,’ Marceline said, getting serious. ‘Now I need you to do something.’
‘What is it?’ Finn asked.
‘I want you to take this dimple plant outside and kill it,’ Marceline explained. ‘Use my axe-bass.’
Finn took Marceline’s weapon-instrument and faced the dimple plant outside the castle.
‘I’m going to murder you,’ he explained. ‘I’m not sure why. I’m sure this will end happily.’
Finn gulped and lifted the axe over his head. The dimple plant cooed and smiled at Finn. Sweat poured from his forehead. He threw the axe-bass to the floor.
‘I don’t get it!’ he complained. ‘There’s always a twist to the stuff Marceline makes me do! But where’s the twist in bumping off this bush?’
Marceline appeared in the doorway.
‘There is no twist,’ she said. ‘Kill it now!’
Behind Finn, the cute little dimple plant sprouted into a hideous plant monster. It stood nearly as tall as the castle and growled ferociously at Finn.
‘You should have hacked it to pieces when it was still adorable,’ Marceline said in an I-told-you-so voice.
The plant monster punched a tendril toward Finn. Finn picked up the axe and leapt away. Then he jumped toward it, hacking the tendril in half. Orange liquid spewed from the plant monster and splashed into Finn’s mouth. Dimples formed all over his face like a bad case of chicken pox.
‘Sick!’ Finn choked.
The monster scooped Finn up in one of its many mouths. It looked like Marceline was going to be left without a henchman after all. But then Marceline flew up to the plant monster’s head and plucked a flower from it. The plant monster deflated and sank to the ground like a punctured balloon. Finn slashed his way out of its foliage with the axe-bass. He emerged covered in orange slime and panting.
‘Not bad,’ said Marceline, ‘for a henchman.’
The next day, Marceline and her henchman Finn were out in the countryside wandering through a colourful field of flowers. Marceline took out an umbrella and held it over her head. There wasn’t a rain cloud in sight.
‘Hey! Can’t the sun, like, destroy you?’ Finn remembered.
‘Yeah, it hurts,’ Marceline admitted. ‘But I kind of like it. Reminds me of when I’d scrape my knees up as a kid, and my mum would patch me up. You know what I’m saying?’
‘Uh, Jake told me I came out of a cabbage,’ said Finn. Marceline and Finn had a good laugh over that one.
‘Hey, Finn,’ Marceline said. ‘I need you to strangle some pixies.’
‘Yeah, sure, that sounds good,’ Finn agreed.
‘Whoa, why are you being so casual about that?’ Marceline inquired. ‘Killing pixies is some hardcore evil.’
The Vampire Queen Page 2