Stunned, Finn could only stare, his eyes not believing what they were seeing until her grasping hand clenched his forearm and she tried to pull herself upright.
“Princess!”
He gripped her shoulders and held her out to look at her before clutching her tight to his chest, completely ignoring the fact that she was still panting and gulping for air, pushing against him as if fighting for freedom, but then she started to relax, drawing breath more easily, calming herself and allowing her pummeling hand to open and slide down his chest.
“Oh, thank all the gods! Every single one of those bastards.”
“Finn,” she muttered, anchoring herself to push away and look at him. “Why are you…? Where are your clothes.”
Glancing down at himself, a momentary flash of heat flushed his cheeks, but then he shook his head. “Does it really matter? You’re alive!”
“Was I… dead?” she wondered, her brow furrowing as she studied him.
“I don’t know, you weren’t breathing, and then there was this light and it… I can’t explain it. Oh my gods. I don’t even want to try to explain it because I don’t care. You’re alive. That’s all that matters to me.”
He was hugging her again, holding her so tight she probably couldn’t breathe, but it was going to be a long time before he let her go again. She seemed to realize that, her body relaxing, her forearm resting against his shoulder as she tilted her cheek to his chest.
“I’m all right, Finn,” she whispered, a hint of insecurity in her reassurance. “I’m okay.”
“You better be,” he growled. “I was so scared, Princess. So afraid. I thought I lost you.”
“What happened?”
“Everything went wrong, that’s what happened,” he muttered, kissing her hair. “You were… There was this light and you were rising above it all… and the mage… I don’t know where he is. He’s just gone. I was alone and it’s all wrong.”
“Bren’s gone?” she drew back again, staring up at him with wide eyes. “What do you mean he’s gone?”
“I don’t know. I can’t explain it. He’s just gone. I looked everywhere. It was dark, but I couldn’t pick up his scent and then there was you, and you were all that mattered. I… I thought you were dead,” he muttered again.
“Finn, where is Bren?”
Shaking his head, she started to withdraw, her hand pushing against his chest as she put space between them and implored him. “We can go back and look for him again, now that you’re all right.” Hesitating, he waited a moment before asking, “You are all right, right?”
Shaking her head as she lowered her head, she swallowed hard. “I’m not sure, Finn. I feel… strange. Very strange. Restless and sort of… I don’t know. I can’t put it into words. My insides feel itchy and hot, like there’s a fever burning me up from the inside out.”
“Your wolf is waking,” he told her.
He could feel it, stronger than he’d ever felt it before. It hadn’t quite risen to the surface, but it became a dominating part of her. His admission sent a jolt of fear through her, but she didn’t acknowledge what he’d said. She only stared over his shoulder at the mountain looming behind him.
“We have to find him,” she insisted. “He could be hurt, or…”
“Do you think you can stand?”
Her nod was tentative. He rose first and held his hand out to her, neither of them paying much attention to his lack of modesty. His clothing was shredded inside the drakoren’s lair, the armor wrenched from his body as he embraced his beast in a fit of battle rage and blood lust. Even if he found it, he doubted it was salvageable. For the moment he didn’t care about clothes or treasure or anything. Only her, and her priority was finding the mage.
Heading back into the mountain, it didn’t seem nearly as daunting as the place they’d journeyed into only the gods knew how many days earlier. The air itself was lighter, less oppressive and the streams of daylight eking through cracks and holes in the stone provided ample light for them to find their way back to the monster’s lair. Finn didn’t even have to rely on his sense of smell to guide him. They just navigated the tunnels until they found themselves standing in the place where she died.
One of their torches still lay at the entryway, burned down to nearly nothing until Finn lifted it and let the air stir the flame back to life again. Lorelei took it from him and told him to find his clothes. He hesitated, not wanting to leave her side ever again, even in the same drafty cave.
Her focus unwavering, she scanned the cavern, waving the torch in wide arcs as her eyes narrowed across the glittering sea of treasure before them. The drakoren’s charred body laid near the rear of the cave, still smoldering and filling the air with the most horrendous stench Finn ever had the displeasure of breathing in. Lorelei stood in the spot where Finn found her, and for a moment it looked as though she was trying to mentally reposition them all during the fray.
He gave her space, moving reluctantly away to find the shreds of his own clothing. For a long time neither of them said anything and the only sound was the shifting and sifting of metal as they shuffled through the hoard. Finn kept his head down, eyes trained on his feet as he searched for something to cover himself with. At his back, Lorelei shifted uncertainly and clicked her tongue against her teeth as if dismayed.
“This is where I was,” she called out, her voice echoing all around them. “Right?”
Finn held a shield he’d picked up modestly over his body and lifted his head toward the direction of her voice. “That’s right about where I found you, yes.”
“And Bren was there,” she noted. “He was right in front of me, right here. I saw him before… before…” Shuffling forward, she dropped onto her knees. “He was right here.”
She began digging, bits and pieces of treasure flying with her frantic movement, torchlight rippling across that golden sea. Finn only watched her for a time, then he ducked down and grabbed what was left of his breeches. Wrenching the shredded remains up his legs and wiggling into them even though it looked more absurd than his nakedness, he grabbed one of his boots, which he located sticking out of a pile of what appeared to be diamonds, and wondered if it was salvageable.
“People don’t just disappear.” There was a frantic hitch in her voice that set his teeth on edge. “Where did he go?”
“He’s not here, Lorelei,” he started toward her again. “I don’t know where he is, or what happened to him, but he is not here. I… I’m sorry.”
“He has to be here,” she insisted. “He has to.”
She swam through that place, sifting piles of it aside to search for their friend, but she found nothing. No sign of him, no remains. Not even his pack. Finn finally had to grab her by the shoulders and shake some sense into her.
“This is pointless, Princess. Unless he sunk all the way to the bottom, he is not here.”
“Maybe he did,” she threw him off. “We have to find him, Finn. Start digging! We made a promise to each other.”
“My life before yours,” he remembered, nodding his head. “He gave his life for us.”
“But where is his body?” she wailed. “How could he give his life if there is no body?”
“I don’t…” Lowering his gaze to their feet, he just stared for a long time before confessing, “I don’t know, Lorelei, but he’s not here. I can’t smell more than a hint of him, like the after scent someone leaves behind when they walk away.”
“So… what?” she wondered. “Are you saying he just got up and walked way?”
“I don’t know where he is, but he is not here.”
She refused to give in, continuing her search for hours. Finn helped, as best he could, but mostly he just stood back and let her go. He found armor, gold plated, forged for a king, and it actually fit him. It felt absurd when he put it on, but he had nothing else to wear. His clothes were beyond repair, and until they made it back to Nua Duaan, he’d have little choice in the matter.
Kneeling in the mou
ntain of treasure, arms deep within it, Finn finally approached from behind and dropped down beside her. He rested a hand on her shoulder and she turned to look at him. It was dim in the cavern, the torchlight flickering warning that it was about to sputter out.
“I’m sorry, Princess,” he said again.
She started to cry.
Her emotions were a half-strung storm he could barely make sense of, but he knew enough to understand she was devastated. She felt like they’d failed him, like they’d broken their pact.
Finn didn’t know what to say, so he said nothing. Only reached for her when she started to collapse and held her while she cried. He didn’t think about how hungry he was, or how stifling it felt to be in that place after having already escaped it with their lives. He thought about how grateful he was she was alive, and that he could feel the wolf inside her stronger than ever.
He wondered if she could feel it too, why she hadn’t acknowledged its waking.
But most of all, he thought about how guilty he felt Brendolowyn was lost. He held up his end of the bargain, keeping Finn alive, but at what cost? They hadn’t been friends, or maybe they had. He didn’t know. He only knew he never wanted the mage to die.
It was a long time before he convinced her they could not linger there any longer. It was foolish to stay. They had what they came for, and when she shot a disbelieving glare at him, it carved straight through him and made it hard for him to breathe.
“If it was you, you’d want us to keep looking.”
“Not if I was…”
He’d been about to say dead, but then he stopped himself, the widening of her eyes making him feel like the most insensitive person on the planet. And maybe he was, but what did she want him to do?
“If I was gone, I’d want you to go, get as far away from this place as possible.”
“I guess that’s easy to say when it’s not you, isn’t it?” she asked him.
There was coldness to her voice and it carved through him like a knife. She pushed past him and headed toward the cave exit. She didn’t stop to wait for him to follow and she didn’t speak to him again until they were outside.
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
Lorelei stood on the cliff overlooking the sea, watching the white, frothing waves crash upon the rock face below. They’d climbed away from the shoreline, setting up camp on an outcropping nestled safely away from the harsh winds and filling the cavern walls with a sound not unlike constant thunder. It was eerily soothing. It filled her mind and kept her from dwelling too long on any one thought.
Mostly, all she thought about was Bren. His arm reaching toward hers, the burst of light.
She didn’t know how someone could just be gone, as though they’d never been there at all, but Finn was right. Her friend was nowhere. All that remained was the faint scent of his existence and no trail to follow and track him.
How did someone just… disappear? It made no sense, but then what did make sense anymore? The faint memories of the light bursting from within her as she hovered over the drakoren’s hoard, reaching for the broken horns of some god… That was about as senseless as it got, but it served its purpose.
Something woke in her, the wolf she spent the days of their journey fearing lurked just beneath the surface, beckoning her to embrace it. It promised reprieve from heartache, distance from the complicated thoughts plaguing her mind. The temptation was both intriguing and terrifying. For the moment, she wanted nothing to do with it. She didn’t want to forget about Brendolowyn. She wanted to find him. No matter what Finn said, she wouldn’t believe her friend was dead.
And yet what was she supposed to believe. He was nowhere. It was like he’d simply ceased to exist.
Dropping her shoulders as she exhaled, she sensed Finn’s approach long before he arrived there and lowered a comforting hand to her shoulder. “I know you’re upset with me…”
“I’m not upset with you,” she muttered, watching the waves crest in the distance over something jutting from the sea. A slab of stone, she thought, a lost island buried beneath miles of saltwater and forgotten. She didn’t know what it was, nor did she care, but it drew her attention nonetheless. “It’s not your fault he’s gone, Finn. It’s mine.”
“No,” he denied her self-deprecation. Clamping his other hand on her arm, he spun her in to face him, but instead of meeting his imploring stare, she tipped her forehead into his bare chest and closed her eyes. “It’s not anyone’s fault, Princess. Maybe… maybe that was what was meant to happen all along. Maybe he came here to do what he was meant to do.”
“I don’t buy that.” She jerked her head up, fiery amber eyes narrowing into disbelieving slits. “He didn’t come here to die any more than you did.”
“Maybe not, but… what if his disappearance had something to do with you saving him?”
“What do you mean?” Every one of her muscles stiffened. She knew exactly what he was suggesting, and though she’d willed him to explain it, she wasn’t sure she really wanted him to say it out loud. That would mean it was her fault. Really and truly her fault.
“You saved him, and all those other people. Maybe that light inside you… I don’t know, maybe being near it reversed what was done before, or…”
Gasping, she started to back away from him but he held onto her arms. “Then it was my doing…”
“Princess, no.”
“We have to get back to Dunvarak. What if…? My brother and all those people… What if the same thing happens to them? What if they weren’t meant to be saved and setting things right means…”
“That’s ridiculous,” he insisted. “Your brother is fine, Lorelei. The people of Dunvarak are fine.”
“You don’t know that.”
“You’re right, I don’t, but you don’t know that they aren’t either. I agree, we need to get back to Dunvarak, but it will take us weeks without the horses…”
“That magical portal you mentioned in Nua Duaan would come in handy right about now,” she muttered.
Finn snorted softly, lips curling into an appreciative grin. “Maybe the Alvarii will help us get there faster, I don’t know, but I think we should head there. Maybe the seer knows more about what happened.”
“And if he doesn’t? I don’t feel right about this, Finn. I don’t feel like just leaving him here is the right thing to do.”
“You can’t leave something that isn’t there, Lore. He is gone. He is nowhere. We spent hours in that place looking for him.”
“Then we’ll go back in, look again.”
“Is that what you really want? To waste time…”
“He is my friend! Looking for him is not a waste of time.”
“I know you cared about him, but he would not want us to waste time. He would want you to get the Horns of Llorveth back to Dunvarak.”
“What do you know of what he would have wanted? You never liked him, and now you want me to just leave him here.”
“I know more than you think, Princess!” he countered.
The tips of his fingers burrowed unintentionally into her flesh, making her wince and gasp between clenched teeth. He didn’t notice.
“I know he loved you, that he spent the days of his life longing for you even though he knew he wasn’t meant to have you, but he came here to do the right thing and he would not want you to make light of his sacrifice by giving up.”
“What are you talking about?”
“We talked sometimes,” he shrugged, finally loosening his fingers. He dropped his arms at his sides and glanced past her shoulder to stare at the setting sun. “When you were asleep, the night before we came into the caverns leading into the mountain, he told me what the Light of Madra showed him when she saved him from death. A future in which she both loved and hated him because of what he allowed to happen to me.”
Closing her eyes, she could almost hear his voice whispering the words, “I can live without your love, but I do not want to live in a world where you hate me.”
Te
ars dampened her lashes, leaking through her tightly squeezed eyes and spilling down her cheeks. “The gods are… I hate them. This world we live in… their interference in everything… their indifference to our suffering… I want to do nothing for any of them.”
“Then don’t do what needs to be done for the gods. Do it for the people you love. Do it for Bren and for your brother and your nephew. Do it for your sister.”
“For you?”
She implored him silently to look at her, and she knew he could feel her silent urging to give in, but he resisted for a long time, holding his gaze on the sea. Finally, he turned his stare on her again, his wild, pale blue eyes skittering across her face before lifting to meet hers.
“I would do anything for you, Finn. You know that. You feel it, I know you do.”
“I know,” he nodded. “But none of this is about you and me.”
“Gwendoliir told me before we left Nua Duaan that all of this is about you and me. Without you, I cannot do what needs to be done. Will you… help me?”
He brought a hand up to rest against her cheek, gentle fingertips brushing through the loose locks of hair before he tucked them behind her ear. Leaning inward, he kissed her forehead, lips lingering there as he muttered, “Do you even have to ask?”
“No, but it would still be nice to hear you say it.”
“Princess,” he leaned back, “I would follow you into the abyss if that was where you had to go. I am with you. Always.”
Turning her head downward as she acknowledge him with a nod, she stared at his chest for a long time before bringing her hands up to rest on his shoulders. She wanted to cry again, but she didn’t. There would be plenty of tears; she didn’t know how she knew that. She just did. For the moment, however, she wanted to let go, to lose herself so the thoughts weren’t there to overwhelm her.
Sorrow's Peak (Serpent of Time Book 2) Page 56