by Robin Caroll
The cold infiltrated Hayden’s spine. Patience tore free from the fabric of his being. “How does this relate to Daniel Tate?”
She focused on his face. “I met Daniel there. In N’Awlins. In our hotel, matter of fact.” Her expression was emotionless, as was her voice.
“You met Daniel Tate?”
“Yes.” Her gaze left his face, flitting out the window again. “Daniel was handsome, suave, but so down-to-earth. Friendly. A true gentleman.” The corners of her mouth teased upward. “An older man at the ripe age of twenty.”
Hayden wanted to scream for his mother to continue, but something inside held his tongue in place.
“Oh, he was brilliant and charming. On the path to be a big-time lawyer. He was going to make a difference in the world. Took me to supper. Opened doors for me. Blew me away with his quick wit and even quicker smile.” Her own smile widened as she continued to stare into the darkness. “I was literally swept away by Daniel.”
In that moment Hayden had a feeling where this was heading, and he didn’t want to know.
Mom caught his glance and held it. Tears glimmered in her eyes. “I was young . . . stupid. I knew better, I did. But—” She shook her head and dropped her stare. “That’s an excuse. I just—” She looked back at him, imploring him as she leaned forward in her chair. “I wanted to feel alive. For just once, just once in my life do what I felt like instead of what was right.”
He really didn’t want to hear this. “Mom . . .”
“I’ve only loved two men in my life—your father and Daniel Tate.”
His pulse raced, echoing in his ears. “You . . . you . . .” His tongue refused to form the words. He couldn’t find his voice with a highlighted route GPS.
Mom dropped her head into her hands. Her shoulders sagged, her bones disappearing. Bella scooted her chair closer and wrapped an arm across Mom’s shoulders.
This was unreal. Unbelievable. “What are you saying?”
She jerked up her head, her eyes wide, and shrugged off Bella’s arm. “I’m saying I had an affair with him. Do I need to spell it out for you?”
“No!” His throat closed. How was he supposed to accept that?
“It was a long time ago, Hayden.” Bella’s voice was an octave above a whisper.
He tossed her a glare. “Stay out of this, please.”
She flinched, as if he’d slapped her. Maybe he shouldn’t have used such a harsh tone, but right now he was shocked, surprised, and appalled all at once. And she’d known.
Mom sat straight, squaring her shoulders. “It’s not something I’m proud of, but it’s not something I regret either.”
She didn’t regret it? His tongue was two sizes too large.
“I know you can’t understand, but that week was wonderful for me. I learned about life. About love. But mostly, I learned about myself.”
He wanted to be sick.
“Daniel opened up a whole new world for me, one I’d never known existed. He showed me how to enjoy life.”
“You were seventeen, Mom. A kid. A minor. He was an adult. What he did was wrong. And illegal.” Hayden fisted his hands under the table. “He should’ve been arrested.”
Mom smiled that soft smile of hers that she usually reserved for babies and weddings. “No, son. You don’t understand. It wasn’t like that. It wasn’t ugly. Shameful. Nothing like that. It was beautiful. And I’d told him I was eighteen.”
He was going to be sick.
“No.” Disgust sat on his tongue like a bitter pill. How could she have done this to Dad?
Eyes filled once again with tears as Mom shook her head. “He gave me the greatest gift I could’ve ever imagined.”
Hayden’s heart stalled. A gift? This Tate took advantage of his mother. “What did Dad say when you came back?”
Her face paled.
“You never told him? Ever?” All these years? Dad was so noble . . . honest . . . respectable.
“I didn’t want to hurt your father. I couldn’t hurt him.”
“But you were . . . with . . . someone else. How could you not tell him?”
Mom pressed her hand to her mouth. “I’d planned to tell him when I got back, I did.”
“Then why didn’t you?”
Tears seeped down her cheeks. “I couldn’t. He proposed to me as soon as I came home.”
“But you’d been with another man!”
“Yes, but I loved your father. Very much.”
Hayden shoved to his feet, pushing the chair back so hard it slammed against the wall. “How can you say you loved him?” Every muscle in his body threatened to jump free of his skin. The sting of her betrayal burned to his heart.
“Because it’s true.”
“But there was Daniel.”
“Yes, there was Daniel, who I also loved, although I didn’t realize how much until months later.”
His mother made no sense. He gripped the back of the chair.
“I loved your father with a love that continued to grow as the years passed, but I loved Daniel with a deep amount of gratitude.”
Gratitude? How could she sit there and justify her actions and claim she was grateful? Had she lost her ever-loving mind?
Mom licked her lips. “You see, Hayden, I loved Daniel and was grateful to him because he gave me what I didn’t even realize I wanted most in the world. A child. A son.” Her eyes shimmered. “You.”
What was it?
Rafe paced the worn carpet of the motel room, staring at the case documents sprawled over the little table and two chairs in front of the window. Through the crack between the curtains, he could make out the motel’s marquee sign, announcing to all the world that rooms were available.
As if the place ever filled to capacity.
He lifted the plastic water bottle from the nightstand and took another drink. Man, if only Darren were here. His partner had always been the one to put the paper pieces of case puzzles together. But Darren was at the hospital with Savannah back in Tennessee.
And he was here in the boonies in a cheap motel with his gut protesting the Cajun-spiced gumbo he’d scarfed down at the diner. He took another long drink of water, still staring at the documents as if something would jump up at him.
Brring!
Rafe snatched the cell phone off the motel’s desk. He glanced at the caller ID and grimaced. What did Maddie want? His sister only called when she wanted something. Maybe he should let it just go to voice mail. He wasn’t in the mood.
Brring!
But it could be important. Could be about Riley.
He flipped it open. “Hello.”
“Oh, Rafe.” Sobs blasted against his ear.
His body stiffened. “What is it? What’s wrong?” Without thought, his free hand curled into a fist until his nails dug into his palm.
He couldn’t understand what she said. The sobs muffled out some of the words. “Got . . . letter . . . today.”
“You got a letter today? Who from?”
More sobs.
“You have to calm down, Maddie. I can’t understand you.”
Sobs, then sniffles. “I got the letter today.”
“What letter?” She was bawling like a baby over a letter? Rafe shook his head and moved back to stand before the case notes again. There had to be a clue here in the file. Something he was missing.
“The letter from the parole board. Simon Lancaster is up for parole. His hearing is coming up.”
Rafe sank to the bed, the pictures and papers forgotten as he doubled over. The day he’d dreaded for years hit him square in the gut.
The drunk driver who’d killed his parents was up for parole.
Chapter Ten
“We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never
lose infinite hope.”
DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.
How was she going to explain how she knew about Ardy and Daniel?
Bella stared at Hayden, who’d stopped pacing when his mother dropped her little announcement. Now his gaze met hers. Disbelief and something she couldn’t name sat deep in his dark orbs.
Gnarled fingers of fear snaked down her spine.
Right now, shock held him hostage. After he got all the details from his mother, Hayden would question how she knew. If only Ardy hadn’t slipped up and let on that Bella knew.
What was she going to tell him?
Why did stupid Agent Rafe Baxter have to show up? Why was the FBI following up on Daniel’s murder now? They’d let it drop for three years, just keeping the standard BOLO open. She’d come to terms that Daniel wouldn’t have justice served on his murderers. She was alive because of that.
“You mean to tell me that Daniel Tate is my . . . father?” Hayden’s muscles bulged as he gripped the back of the kitchen chair. His knuckles were stark against the maple stain.
The mood faded to dark as the night outside.
“Yes.” Ardy motioned to the chair. “Sit down. I’ll tell you everything.”
Hayden slumped into the chair. “But you said Dad didn’t know about Daniel.”
“He didn’t.” Ardy smoothed imaginary wrinkles from her jeans.
“So . . .” He shook his head, eyes wide. “Dad believed I was his son, and you never told him the truth?”
Oh-my-stars. Bella chewed the inside of her bottom lip. If she could have figured out a way for Hayden to avoid this pain, she’d have done something. But no matter how she tossed it around in her mind, there was no easy resolution.
Never an easy answer.
“You have to understand, Hayden, that was a long time ago. Things were different back then.”
“Lies and deception have been around since the Old Testament, Mom. What’s changed?”
Ardy licked her lips. “You have every right to be upset. Just listen to what I’m trying to tell you, okay?”
Bella held her breath and studied her best friend. She loved Hayden dearly, but the man could be stubborn and ornery when pressed. This was going to be one of those times.
He crossed his arms over his chest. “Fine. I’ll hear you out.” But his expression screamed that his mind had already closed.
“Daniel and I had a love affair, but we both knew it wasn’t a forever kind of love. Our lives were polar opposites. He was in college, already accepted into law school. He was going places—we both knew he wanted to change the world.”
Bella continued to study Hayden. His stare was granite stone.
“He made no promises to me, nor I to him, and when the week was over, we went our separate ways.” Ardy ran long fingers through her bangs. “I was emotionally richer for having known Daniel.”
Hayden snorted.
Tears welled in Ardy’s eyes, but she gave a little shake of her head and continued. “I came back to Hopewell, knowing I was ready to begin my life with your father. He was happy that I’d at long last crossed the last threshold of commitment, and I accepted his marriage proposal.”
“Having just come off an affair, how could you do that? Didn’t you owe him the truth?” Hayden’s jaw muscles popped. “How could you accept his marriage proposal without telling him about you and another man?”
“I didn’t say I did the right thing, son. I knew I loved your father very much.”
Hayden slammed his palms into his thighs. “Doesn’t sound like you loved Dad all that much.”
“But I did.” Ardy’s eyes were pools of shimmering glass. “I don’t expect you to understand. I learned about me . . . my feelings. Knew that I loved your father and Daniel both. Both men had a place in my heart, just separate.”
“Yeah, Dad for the long haul and this Daniel character just for fun.”
The muscles surrounding Bella’s spine tightened, and she struggled not to grind her teeth. This was Daniel that Hayden was dogging. The man who’d raised her since she was ten years old. The man who’d pushed her to follow her dreams. The man who’d loved her without reservation, even when she went through her rebellious stage. The man who’d taken a bullet because he refused to bend the rules of justice.
“It wasn’t like that.” Ardy’s tone dropped a level. “I made my own decisions, and right or wrong, they were mine alone to make at the time.” Her expression softened. “I loved your father deeply, Hayden. Until the day he died, we enjoyed an ideal marriage.”
“But he never knew you had an affair. Never knew you let another man father what he thought was his son. How, exactly, is that ideal, Mother?”
The temperature in the room dropped by twenty degrees at least. Bella had never, ever heard Hayden use such a tone before—filled with such disgust and . . . hatred?—especially never directed at his mother.
Ardy squared her shoulders and glared at Hayden over the kitchen table. “I won’t justify that question because I know you’re hurting, but let me finish.”
He sat back in the chair, not saying a word.
“Your father and I planned a perfect wedding, and it was one that every girl dreams about. Beautiful.” Her gaze shot out the window. “And we had a special honeymoon. We were so happy. Blissful.”
Hayden grunted.
“Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant.”
“So you knew, beyond any doubt, that there was no way Dad could be my father?” Hayden’s voice held such a hint of hope.
It all but broke Bella’s heart. If only Hayden could have known Daniel, known what a remarkable man he was. If only he hadn’t hero-worshipped George Simpson. If only . . .
“Yes. I knew.”
“Did you think, even for a minute, about telling Dad the truth?”
“I did intend to tell him.”
“So, why didn’t you?”
“He found out I was pregnant before I could tell him. You have to remember, this was back before home pregnancy tests were so reliable. I had to go to the doctor and get the blood test. The nurse called the house to set up my prenatal appointment and George answered the phone.”
“Still, you could have told him.”
Bella ached for Hayden, so desperate to stand up for his father, yet so hurt by his mother’s deception.
Ardy shook her head. “When I got home, George was beyond himself with excitement. He was over the moon . . . had already called his parents, his friends, and just about everybody else he ever thought of knowing.” She pressed her lips together, then gave a quick jerk of her head. “There was no way I could tell him without hurting him to the core. And no way would I allow my indiscretion to embarrass him.”
“So you just kept quiet?”
“I did.”
“Dad didn’t suspect? I mean, I would’ve been born before the due date, right?”
Ardy steepled her fingers over the kitchen table. “Again, that was back before obstetrics was down to such a fine science.”
The Adam’s apple in Hayden’s throat bobbed. And again. “What about this Daniel person?”
Ardy dropped her gaze to the table and wound her arms around her middle. “I debated telling him. Argued with myself for months. Finally, I opted just to send him the birth announcement. If he figured it out, I’d deal with that. But at least my conscience was satisfied with that.”
“Did he? Figure it out?”
“Yes. He called me the day he received the announcement.” She frowned. “He knew at once and wanted to see you, be a part of your life.”
Bella swallowed and clenched her hands together under the table. She hurt for Daniel . . . knowing how he’d always wanted children but had never gotten married. When she’d met Ardy, she understood.
“But?”
“But I still wouldn’t allow anything to hurt George. You were his son and to have told him otherwise, well, it would have killed a part of him.” Ardy shifted in her chair. “I refused to do that. And I convinced Daniel to agree with me.”
“He never wanted to know me?”
Oh, Hayden. Bella yearned to tell him how much that would’ve meant to Daniel. How much he had to have loved Ardy to deny himself his own flesh and blood.
“I had to beg and plead with him to stay away, Hayden. Only because of that did he agree to stay out of your life. Our lives.” Tears seeped from the corners of her eyes. “And now he’s dead.”
Fighting to keep her mouth shut, Bella studied Hayden. His granite expression had softened somewhat, and he chewed his bottom lip—a sure sign he was mulling over the facts.
“So he never had anything to do with me.” He shook his head, then shifted his gaze from his mother to Bella. “How’d you know?”
Her stomach knotted into a ball.
Brring!
How cliché . . . to be saved by the bell, so to speak. It’d only buy her a few moments. She needed to think, fast.
Hayden snatched his cell from his belt. “Hayden Simpson.”
She could tell him the truth, but right now he was still raw. Hurting. Shocked. He wouldn’t understand. Wouldn’t be willing to listen to her explanation. And unlike Ardy’s admission, hers could put her life on the line.
“I see. When?” His entire body stiffened. “Where?”
Bella glanced at Ardy. How much would she volunteer when pushed?
“I’m on my way.” Hayden snapped shut the phone and slipped it back into its holder. In a fluid motion he stood. “We’ve found Emily’s car.”
Ardy gasped. “Where?”
“Near Coon Lake.” He held up his hands. “That’s all I know right now.” He turned and pushed the chair up to the table. His glance drifted over his mother and landed on Bella. “We’ll finish our discussion later.”
Her stomach slipped to her toes. Not only did she have to worry about Emily, but she also had to think of an explanation to tell Hayden. One that wouldn’t make him hate her.