“You got something more important to do than talking this out?” Will asked, fighting not to be seriously hurt by her refusal.
“Yes. I have a date with a man who doesn’t know anything about me other than I seem like a fun woman. It beats the hell out of looking at the pity in your eyes any day,” she said honestly.
“You have a date?” Will asked, disbelief in his tone. “After you came over here and crawled into bed with me, and then admitted you were interested in me, you have a damn date tonight? What did you do? Make the date before you even came over here yesterday?”
“Yes. That’s exactly what I did,” Jessica said, mocking his anger. “I plan to have a date every night for the next two weeks until this whole thing with you blows over. I don’t have the time or the inclination to work through your masculine guilt complexes hoping we might eventually get to some sort of normal relationship. Despite my misgivings—which is a long damn list—I offered myself to you two minutes ago, and you refused the offer. That makes things pretty simple for me, Will.”
“What if I had accepted your offer? What if I’d made you late for work and did what I wanted with you anyway? Would you still have a date tonight?” Will asked, unable to keep the belligerence from his tone.
“I guess we’ll never know,” Jessica admitted, her voice suddenly quiet and sad. “I never meant to fall asleep here or to let you kiss me this morning. I never wanted you to know the truth about me, and for damn sure I don’t want the pity you now feel for me. I got over the rape, Will. I’ve been sexually intimate with a lot of good men who have treated me well, and the good sex lasts until they find out about what happened. Then they become like you and end up reminding me of the past which brings the shame all back like it was yesterday. Sex and shame do not mix well.”
“You’re just not going to cut me a break here, are you?” Will asked, angry at her now, angry enough to say ugly things, angry enough to throw Jessica back onto the bed and make sure she knew how much he wanted what she had offered him.
It wasn’t about not wanting her. It was about doing the right damn thing by both of them. And it didn’t help his already raw emotions to know he was angry enough to demonstrate his own version of possessive violence. He wasn’t sure of his boundaries this morning. He hadn’t been sure of them in three days. How was he supposed to just get over everything in a single night of being in her arms?
Hell. He didn’t even want to let her out of his sight today. He for damn sure wasn’t capable of being rational about his actions yet.
“I want you, and I care about you,” Will said, sitting up in bed to glare at her.
“Well, obviously not as much as I want you, Will,” Jessica said, marching out of the bedroom and down the hall, yelling as she went. “If I’d been shot instead of raped, you’d have been inside me a few minutes ago without a second thought about it. So don’t patronize me. You stopped just now because I was raped. I’m not the one with the problem—you are. You don’t know yet how you feel about it.”
Will bounded to his feet and stomped after her to the front door.
“I stopped for a lot of reasons, none of which had to do with not wanting you. If you sleep with those men you’re dating, you will be cheating on me—on us, Jessica. Those other men will be nothing more than substitutes,” Will warned, hoping what he told her was as much the truth as he felt like it was.
“You still don’t get it. I don’t care if the other men are substitutes,” Jessica said, her hand on the doorknob to ensure her escape. “Do you know what the success rate is for relationships to survive when the woman has been raped, Will? It’s less than ten percent. That means ninety percent of all relationships a raped woman ever has in her life will likely break up due to PTSD issues from the rape. I have to date a lot of men to find the ten percent of relationships that might actually work out for me. I refuse to feel guilty about looking.”
“Jessica,” Will said, anxious for her to hear him at little, believe him when he said how he felt. “You can stop looking. I’m the right man for you. I swear it. I’m the one you’ve been searching for who will understand it all. I just have to get my head straight. You need to give me a little time.”
“If you were the right man,” Jessica said, her voice tired, her body still yearning for his. “You’d have been grateful for what I wanted to give you this morning, and for damn sure not turned me down when I was finally ready to take a chance on us. You’re a good man, Everett Williams, but you just proved you’re not the right one for me.”
“Yes. I am,” Will hissed, when he wanted to swear and yell until she listened to him. “I damn well am the right man.”
Will slammed a hand on the front door to close it and to prevent her escape. Then he used one shaking hand to turn a surprised Jessica around, and push her back as gently as he could against the door. It killed him to use force to restrain her, but he had to make sure she heard him. He absolutely couldn’t let her out the door to run away until he’d gotten through to her.
“Listen to me, you damn stubborn woman,” he said harshly. “You said I reminded you of your husband. Do you know why? It’s because I’m affected the same way Nathan Daniels would have been if he’d lived to know his wife had been violently raped. Can’t you look at it from my side for even one moment?”
“No. I do not want to see how you feel about my thirty-year-old past. Let me go, Will,” Jessica ordered.
“I can’t let you go. I need you in my life, Jessica. If you can’t forgive me immediately, give me two weeks at least,” Will ordered harshly, even while she shook her head from side to side, “Promise me—promise me not to sleep with anyone else for two weeks. That’s not a long time. If I can’t convince you of my feelings in two weeks, or we’re still fighting about this, I’ll leave you alone to do what you like. You can even have the super-sized box of condoms I bought because I sure as hell am not going to use them without you.”
“Stop making fun of me,” Jessica commanded loudly, punching Will hard in the shoulder. “I don’t care how noble you think you are. I refuse to apologize for my life or my dating habits whether you understand them or not.”
Will could see her unwillingness to hurt him in her gaze, but it was probably too much to expect her to admit it when she was so upset with him.
“I don’t want an apology or a damn justification. All I want is two weeks, Jessica,” he said, fighting the urge to sigh in relief as he watched her close her eyes and drop her head to her chest. Jessica was never going to find a man who wanted all of her the way Will knew he did.
“Promise me,” Will said quietly, the words a plea now more than a command.
He wasn’t an idiot. The only idiotic thing Will had done was not take what she offered when he’d been waiting so long for her to want him back. All this time they’d spent arguing could have been spent doing something else. If he could wind the clock back just fifteen minutes, Will thought, they’d both be having an orgasm right now. The idea of how close they had been made him crazy.
“No. No promises,” Jessica said coldly, but then was shocked when Will fiercely covered her mouth with his demanding one again.
His hands slid down behind her, lifted her hips to align with his again, and just like that they were back to where they had been in the bedroom before he’d rolled off her. Again, her arousal was instant and complete. If her mouth had been free, Jessica would have simply begged Will to take her back to bed, even with her common sense warning her to run now before it got worse.
With his mouth on hers again, Will couldn’t believe how quickly the heat grew between them. Oh god, why hadn’t he just taken what she offered this morning? When Will finally forced himself to let her go, his body was screaming for hers. He was pretty sure he’d never wanted a woman quite so much in his entire life. Today was going to be a miserable, frustrating day without even a chance of being inside her.
“Honor this. Give me two weeks,” Will ordered fiercely, kissing her hard one mor
e time. Then he opened the front door and pushed a very surprised Jessica Daniels outside the house, slamming the door closed behind her sputtering protests, and throwing the deadbolt to keep himself inside.
If he hadn’t done all that, he would have chased down the sidewalk after her.
When he heard her walk away swearing, Will leaned his forehead against the locked door, cursing himself again for not just sinking into her when he’d had the chance. He turned around to find his son Michael standing in the kitchen doorway sipping coffee and smiling at him.
“Sorry. I didn’t intend to eavesdrop, or watch the show. You two were just oblivious to me,” he said, taking in his Dad’s wild eyes and flushed face with interest. “Want some coffee now or after your cold shower?”
“Don’t start with me. Your teasing is getting to be more like Shane’s every damn day I’m here,” Will said darkly. It was all he could do not to turn Michael into a target for his frustration with Jessica.
“Well, lately you’re giving me a whole new opinion of you too, Dad,” Michael told him honestly, not even trying to hide the smirk. “I’m starting to understand where Shane and I got our—well, never mind.”
When his father had stopped Jessica Daniels from leaving, when he had ordered her not to sleep with other men, Michael had had to stop himself from hollering out his support. It would definitely not have endeared him to Jessica, who already had a semi-poor opinion of him. So he’d settled for a quiet fist in the air in the kitchen.
“I have a newfound respect for you after how you handled this morning, though I have to tell you, if that had been me with Carrie, I would never have refused her anything. I don’t know how you managed it with Jessica,” Michael said sincerely, taking a long drink of coffee.
“I managed it because I want more than she’s given those other guys. I want it all,” Will said fiercely, running a hand through what was left of his hair. “I don’t want her pity any more than she wants mine. I want her in my life, willing and accepting of what is between us.”
“Great,” Michael said, laughing and walking into the kitchen. “I want that for you, too. I might even be able to help you make that happen.”
He poured his father a cup of coffee when he noticed he’d followed him into the kitchen. Ah, the dead really has returned to life, Michael thought relieved, letting himself smile at his father in approval. He would need to share the news with Shane so his brother could stop worrying as well.
“Help me?” Will asked, almost fearful about what his grinning son had in mind. “How can you help me?”
“I know where Jessica Daniels is going to be on her—what did you call it?—oh yeah, her damn date tonight,” Michael said, grinning at the sudden look of determination in his father’s gaze. He would love nothing more than to help his father bust up Jessica’s date.
“Where is she going to be?” Will demanded, surprised.
“There’s an art show in Cincinnati. Jessica is registered to show several pieces of her vagina art,” Michael said.
“Vagina art?” Will repeated the unfamiliar phrase. “What’s that?”
“A celebration of the feminine,” Michael quoted carefully, using the art show’s description of it. “She’s only released the new work in the last year or so. You’ll have to see it to understand it, but trust me, you’re going to like her new art a whole lot more than her other stuff. Most of them are glass, which only makes them better. I bid on the one I wanted already, and I’m the highest bidder so far. I saw it when I met her last year, but I confess I submitted the bid under an alias to keep her from finding out it was me.”
Will laughed and shook his head. Because Michael’s name was so well known in the art community, he often turned in cloaked bids on art pieces. He didn’t want others to know he was such a patron of the arts. “I can see you’re dying to tell me, Michael. What name did you use this time?”
Michael smiled, glad to see his father back to normal—or almost normal. “I used the William Larson identity. When Jessica finds out, she’ll think it’s you.”
Will spit coffee all over the table while Michael laughed. He pulled a handful of paper napkins from a nearby holder.
“Doubtful,” he said, mopping up the spill. “Since she thinks my name is Everett Williams and that I’m just an artist.”
“You never told her your real name?” Michael asked, wondering why his father would want to hide his former day job from a fellow teacher.
“It hasn’t exactly had time to come up,” Will defended.
“Do you think she’d be less interested in you if she knew?” Michael asked, truly puzzled.
“It’s not that,” Will said. “I just wanted to make sure the next woman understood I was an artist first. I didn’t want to be with anyone who didn’t accept it.”
“Well, I think you hit the jackpot in Jessica Daniels. I can’t imagine a woman who could understand you or your work any better,” Michael told him. “I’m damn envious.”
“I’ll tell her about the other career eventually. I intended to tell her before now. I guess I liked her thinking I was just some rebel biker artist type,” Will said, running a hand through his remaining hair.
Watching his father do the Larson-male-hair-sweep-thing again made Michael laugh.
“You are a genuine rebel biker artist type, Dad. You always have been, but now you get to be that all the time. Mom may not have liked that part of you, but it’s always been who you were on the inside. Jessica seems to like it fine. I saw you two kissing when you were covered in marble dust. She had white palm prints on her ass when she left,” Michael said, enjoying his father’s flushed face.
“She did not,” Will denied, the heat growing as he remembered kissing her.
“You know I don’t lie about those things. Mom even mentioned it,” Michael said, heaping the embarrassment on his father’s head without remorse. “And frankly, it was a good thing for both of those women to know the truth about your intentions.”
“Shane really is going to make a fortune writing a damn book about us one day,” Will complained, crossing his arms.
“Good,” Michael said. “He needs to make more money. He’s going to owe me a thousand dollars when he finishes his dissertation this December.”
“Did he say he was finishing?” Will asked, curiosity overriding his temper about dealing with Michael’s version of honesty. “That would be great. I hadn’t seen any more bills for tuition. I sort of assumed he temporarily dropped out.”
“No. We made a bet. I bet him he was going to fall in love with a tiny, smart woman before he finishes,” Michael said with glee. “This is going to be the easiest money I’ve ever made. Last night I hugged him, and he offered me all his blonds. He even confessed that the piercings were to scare the women away. I’m using the power of suggestion on the psych man. I love it.”
“And to think I was worried Shane was never going to grow up,” Will said, ignoring Michael’s joking and smiling at the idea of Shane trying to scare away the girls. That boy had never had to chase any female. They fell at his feet, and he picked one up now and again. Will could see the logic of why Shane would choose to alter himself to discourage them.
“You need to set a good example for me and Shane, Dad. Get your divorced shit together and come with me to the art show,” Michael said. “Shane and I can help you look good enough to seduce Jessica away from anybody.”
“Boy, I was sleeping with women long before you came into existence. I can do my own seducing. Thanks anyway,” Will told his oldest son dryly.
“It will be harder looking like you currently do. Face it, you need a little updating, Dad. You have to look better than her date, who may be close to my age,” Michael said on a laugh.
“Great, Michael. Thanks for the pep talk,” Will said dryly.
“Look, the woman is worth at least buying some new clothes for, isn’t she?” Michael asked, sipping his coffee and fighting not to smile too much.
“I guess I co
uld use some new clothes, but no piercings or tattoos,” Will said firmly. “I hate older men who do that, and I draw the line at mutilation. I don’t need to try to imitate you or Shane.”
Michael pulled out his cell and held up a hand as he pushed a button to dial.
“Hey, Shane. Yeah, of course it’s seven-thirty in the morning. Look, we need to get Dad a new look so he can go bust up Jessica’s date tonight and seduce her. No, not yet. She stayed all night, but he turned her down this morning. I don’t know. He just did.”
Will watched Michael direct his impatient gaze to the ceiling as he waited for Shane to finish what he was saying.
“I don’t know why Dad turned her down. Come over here and analyze him yourself,” Michael said into the phone, laughing as his father put his head in his hands.
“Now listen. You’re not hearing me. We’re just going to get Dad updated so he looks better than the other men in Jessica’s life. I think we should do what you suggested and buy him a great jacket to wear with his jeans. Oh, and some new boots too, big enough to make him at least a few inches taller than her. Yeah, we want him to be your height. Great. Come on over. I’ll make breakfast.”
“I mean it, Michael. No piercings or tattoos,” Will said firmly, glaring at his oldest son as he hung up the phone. “Don’t even ask.”
“Trust me,” Michael said, grinning. “I look just like you. I know exactly what needs to be done. It’s like planning my future.”
Chapter 10
The complete lack of hair on his head was hard to get used to, even though Will had to admit being completely bald looked much better than sporting a giant bare spot on top. He thought of all the movie stars and sports figures with shaved heads as he checked out his own in the mirror, and he figured the boys had been right about getting rid of his hair.
Not that Will thought he looked like a movie star now, but his shaved head definitely shifted the focus to the rest of him, which had for the last decade looked better than his head.
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