by Lilly Mance
Relaxing in the tub, I thought about what Helen had said about Zack. Reason told me to listen to her; there was no way to have a normal relationship with him. Thinking I could, would be plain crazy. But that place deep inside of me that usually made me feel out of place was screaming now to be heard. There was something about him that made me feel alive, that made me feel like I needed him. All my life, I felt as if a stark had dropped me off in a wrong place. Messed up delivery, I guessed. And now, with Zack in the picture, I felt as if everything fell into its place, and yet, I couldn't have him. Annoyed, I threw a sponge toward my feet. It landed with a loud splash.
For as long as I have lived, I had to hide a piece of me from the world. All my past relationships were okay––regular guys doing regular things––but there was always something missing. It was all too superficial, and I needed depth. That's why I never was head over heels in love with someone. In my view, relationships didn’t include secrets. To commit, I had to feel safe, trust completely, and surrender all that I am to someone who would do the same. Corny soul mate kind of thingy. What was the point in having a relationship if I had to hide who I was for the rest of my life? One time, hearing me say that, my girlfriends said I needed to come down from that cloud, and look at life for what it was—anything but a fairytale. Men are from Mars, and women are from Venus—Helen would quote a famous book title. I couldn’t settle for that. If things really were like that, I’d rather spend my life alone than with a Martian. Mom had her opinion on that matter. She said the problem was that I dealt with boys, not men, and that things would change in time. I begged to differ. Looking at Dad and other grown up men, all I could see were the same boys, only more facial hair.
So what was it that I wanted? What differed Venusian men from Martian? And why did I feel Zack was different? I knew nothing about him. That was yet to be discovered. Mom’s car in our driveway ended my internal debate. I must have lost track of time, and now had to hurry up. I dried myself, applied a thick layer of lotion, and impatiently tapped my foot against the tiles, waiting for the lotion to soak up. There was no time, so I put on an expendable T-shirt that foreseeably glued itself to my skin, and hurried down to see Dad.
We exchanged hugs, with me suppressing painful moans when he put his arms over my burnt back. It was almost midnight when we finished talking about my job, sunburns, and Dad’s conference. Before I went to bed, Mom and Dad had agreed to stop for coffee at Mario’s before work to see me in action. That made me nervous big time, and I tried to talk them out of it. No luck.
~*~
Chapter #6
The next morning, I woke up way before my alarm clock went off. My mind was too busy to sleep, sorting out what I feared more—my parent’s visit, or Fat-man. I hoped Zack would come, and share some good news before I got to work, but he didn’t. That’s why I was extra careful exiting the bus. It was too early in the morning, but if Zack’s efforts had failed, I was in big trouble. Couple of glances around the block reassured me I was alone, so I entered Mario’s. None of the staff were there yet, so I decided to make some coffee for myself to steady those edgy nerves.
Sipping warm coffee, I tried to visualize my parents sitting at one of the tables, and me serving them. It shouldn’t be too hard. Sure, it was important for me to show how good I was at it, but if stage fright ate the best of me, I was certain Mom and Dad would find it cute, not clumsy.
At that moment, something crashed behind my back, and I almost fainted from fear. I heard myself scream as if I were watching from somewhere else. Before I almost passed out, I caught a glimpse of Jake hopping on one foot, holding the other in both hands. The thing crashing must have been Jake’s bare foot hitting something, or the baseball bat still rolling on the floor.
“Oh, it’s you,” I said when I managed to get ahold of myself.
“Morning to you, too,” Jake growled, and I tried to look somewhere else, because he was wearing only briefs. I’d hate to see anything slip out of those. That image would surely imprint in my brain. “What are you doing here this early? I thought someone had broken in.”
“That man from yesterday attacked me when I was going home, so I came in earlier to avoid running into him,” that was the briefest explanation I could offer.
“Did he hurt you?”
I shook my head and said, “No. I managed to escape.”
“You should have come to me. I would have made him regret that decision!” Though he sounded serious, his hair defying gravity, bare feet, and briefs, made it less so. Seeing him like that took the edge off his usual grim self.
“Thanks, Jake. If he tries it again, I will. Coffee?”
“No, thanks. I’m off to bed,” Jake rubbed his eyes, and went back upstairs. Just before he disappeared around the corner, to my disgust, he scratched his butt. If my day was gonna be anything like my morning, I’ll be lucky to live through it.
The rest of the staff came in and, our morning continued as usual. When my parents showed up, I was ready and calm. They said they were proud of me, quickly sipped their coffee, and left for work. I wondered why I was worried in the first place.
As the end of my shift was nearing, I became restless. Zack still hadn't showed up. I thought not calling the police might have been a mistake, after all. Was I that dazzled by him that I believed he could perform wonders? To be on the safe side, when my friends rolled in, I planned to ask Maya and Helen to give me a ride home.
Sudden influx of customers postponed my plan to hitch a ride for after the shift, and that's when I saw Zack in front of Mario's. When our eyes locked, he made two slow nods, and smiled. I took that as problem solved. After that, he pointed at himself, then me, and then motioned behind him toward the bus station. I guessed he meant he would wait for me at the station. That stirred a couple of butterflies in my belly, obliterating my reason. Oh, I was a goner.
I couldn't wait to get out of my apron and meet Zack. I was anxious to hear how he managed to make Fat-man forget. Joining my friends at the table seemed like such a waste of time, but I had to do it, or they would suspect something was wrong. As soon as I sat down, I said I had to go home earlier because of my dad. Five minutes seemed like forever, but I had to keep my body language under control, or Helen would have been on to me. I wasn't in the mood for one of her lectures again.
Crossing the street, my heart quickened its pace, and each step closer to Zack did funny things to my insides. The problem was, he wasn't alone. There were other people waiting for the bus. I stopped next to him, and stared at the pavement.
“Do you have time for a walk?” He asked in a low voice. I nodded. “Follow me.” Like an obedient puppy, that's what I did. Slightly further away, he said, “I think we're safe to talk now.”
I looked up at him, and those green eyes under a rich layer of lashes met mine. The world ceased to exist. I wasn't sure what day it was, or what I wanted to talk about. I just wanted to freeze the moment. As we strolled side-by-side, his little finger grazed the side of my palm, sending snake-like electric vibes through my arm.
“Did something else happen?” Zack asked, and I shook my head. “You look,” he paused as if he searched for an appropriate word, “confused.”
“No, I'm waiting to hear what happened with Fat-man,” quickly, I broke my trance.
“Oh, that. I spent the entire night next to his bed,” he chuckled. “The man can snore!”
I chuckled, too. “And it worked?”
“Yeah, it worked! I had to be sure it did, so I spent the morning with him, as well. It was hard to get him to speak aloud about his day before. I can't read minds, you know,” he raised a brow.
“Crap! That didn't cross my mind,” I said, realizing that his task was much harder than I originally thought.
“I made him believe it was Jake who served him, and that if he ever showed his face at Mario's, Jake would rip him apart. I kept reminding him about that, and he argued aloud with Jake about it.”
“What if he remembers the
truth?”
“I don't think he will. When I mentioned you, all he said was that he wished the new girl had served him instead of Jake.”
“Thank you.”
We reached the park, and I sat down on the bench. Zack sat next to me, spreading his arms over the back of the bench, and crossing his ankles. Every cell in my body was aware of his arm behind me, and his body inches away. He seemed oblivious to that, perfectly relaxed. I wished his arm would drop around me, but instead he turned toward me, and said:
“You are different today. I don't think it has anything to do with the Fat-man,” he looked at me inquisitively. “You're too quiet.”
“What? You miss my bitchiness?” I laughed to cover my tracks.
“Hell, no! But I watched you enough to know this is not your usual self,” a smug grin covered his face, sending all my blood into my cheeks.
“Okay, mister know-it-all. Then you tell me what's wrong with me,” tossing the ball to him seemed like the best option. Sure as hell, I wasn't gonna tell him what was on my mind.
“Hmm,” his eyes widened, “I don't know, but I'll find out.” A playful boyish grin flashed across his face. He pulled his arms back, and stood up. I thought it was time for me to step up, and do something for him, so I said:
“What happened to you-needing-my-help story?”
“I still do, but you made it clear you didn't want to,” he tucked his hands in his back pockets.
“I do now. You helped me with the Fat-man—”
“That's not why I did it!” Zack clenched his teeth together.
“I know, and that's exactly why I changed my mind,” I smiled. “Tell me. What do you need me for?”
Zack sighed, and sat back down. He dropped his elbows on his knees, and put his head between his palms. “For a while, I've been trying to reach a person that might know something about my situation. I saw her medical file in the hospital, but couldn't reach her because she's out of my Lyra radius,” he tilted his head toward me, and smiled.
“Lyra radius,” I chuckled. “Is that how you call it, or is it a spur of the moment?”
Zack slouched back, and crossed his arms behind his head. “No, that's how I call it. You're my sun, my life revolves around you. Literally. Did you forget that I cannot go further than a certain distance from you?” He smiled, but unlike the first time I spoke to him, he didn't seem to be annoyed by it anymore.
Maybe I should have kept my thoughts to myself, but it itched to get out, so I said, “You're less annoyed by it.”
He didn't respond, only his lips curled a bit, and then he continued, “Would you be willing to go with me to see her?”
“It depends. Where is she?”
“A psych ward some thirty miles away.”
“A crazy person? Really?”
“Out of all people, you should know crazy is not really crazy,” he chuckled. “I mean, you're the one talking to an empty bench,” he pointed at himself.
“Ouch,” I pressed a palm over my heart. There I was, being stupid again. I wanted to fall into a hole and hide. “When do we leave and how?”
“I didn't mean to offend you,” Zack took my hand from my chest.
I don't know what got into me, but I snatched it back, and stood up, saying, “You didn't. You just said the truth.”
Embarrassed, I felt the need to escape, so I turned my back on him, and distanced myself by taking a few steps away. “You didn't answer my question,” I said, and started fiddling with some loose threads on the hem of my shirt.
He didn't reply, but I didn't want to turn around and face him. A couple of moments later, he said, “Tomorrow,” right next to my ear. Instantly, I stiffened up. I didn’t hear him coming behind me. His breath moved several strands of my hair. Feeling him standing behind me, nothing but a thin layer of air separating us, my breathing sped up. He scooped my hair, and placed it over my left shoulder, leaving the right side of my neck bare. “After work,” he leaned forward, closer to my ear, completely annihilating that thin layer of air between us. I drew a sharp breath, and then he said, “If you have time, we could catch a bus and be home by ten.”
At that moment, hearing his heavy breathing, I would have said yes to anything. He had me. Completely. But I was nothing if not a control freak, and wasn't gonna let myself be played like this. I turned around to face him, keeping a serious, I'm-not-affected-by-you expression. He lifted his gaze, breathing heavily through slightly parted lips. We stared at each other’s eyes, speechless. I couldn't read his expression correctly, so I said, “Sure.”
“Sure, what?” Zack replied, his eyes not braking from mine. That startling green irises were once again replaced by the black of his pupils, leaving only the dark blue band in view that usually encompassed the green.
“Answer to your question.”
“What que...Ah, that. Okay,” Quickly, he bowed his head, and went straight back to the bench. I narrowed my eyes, and tilted my head, smiling. Was he...? Was this genuine? Could he be just as affected? I went to sit next to him, but as soon as I did, he jumped up, clumsily excusing himself, and left. All by myself, I started laughing. There was no telling who was crazy there. Him or me.
~*~
Chapter #7
After work, Zack was waiting for me in front of Mario's. Since yesterday, chemistry had changed. He seemed a lot more reserved, keeping his distance, and maintaining conversation on a basic level only. Even on the bus, he leaned toward the window, and stared out the entire ride. I couldn't help but think that yesterday brought this on. The wicked side of me wanted to test this out, so I moved my knee toward his. As if burnt, he moved closer to the window. I turned my head toward the aisle to grin. Yap, he had issues with our close encounter. Guess I wasn't the only control freak on the bus.
The psych ward was an intimidating facility resembling one of those spooky horror movies. Monumental building with bars on every window, all covered up in ivy, and wild, overgrown garden around it. Here and there, inside the high grass, were remnants of once probably groomed roses.
Zack had influenced a nurse to arrange a meeting for me, so I introduced myself at the desk, pretending to be Sophie's friend. A large man all dressed in white came to take me to see her. I prayed to God she wouldn't scream, or say she didn't know me. Before we got on the bus, Zack assured me that if it happened, all I needed was to act innocent, and keep up my pretense. The staff thought she was crazy anyway, so it wouldn't be odd.
Walking down those creepy corridors cemented my decision never to reveal my secret to Mom and Dad. This could have easily been my home if I did. Graveyard silence made our footsteps echo, adding to the creepiness. Several doors had scratches on them as if Freddy Kruger was the in-house decorator. We reached Sophie's room, so the guard stopped, saying:
“Wait here, miss,” and disappeared behind the door. Several moments later, he came out saying, “You may enter. Don't worry, she's not dangerous.” I gulped, repeating not dangerous in my mind.
Zack went in first, and I followed. Sophie was sitting on her bed, running one fingernail under the others. She was a tiny person about my age, or a year older, very thin, with messed up, chin length, curly hair. An oversized sweatshirt had slipped down one shoulder, revealing a worn out grayish T-shirt with several holes.
“Guard didn't say there were two of you,” she said to my surprise, widening her big, blue eyes.
“You can see him?” I whispered, equally goggling my eyes.
Sophie snorted, and lifted one side of her upper lip. “Shouldn't I be surprised that you can?” She retorted, and shifted her legs to form a lotus position. Black sweatpants revealed her pointy knees through several cuts.
“My name is Zack,” I was glad he jumped in, “And this is Lyra.”
“Sophie,” she extended her hand to shake Zack's, and I reached over her bed to shake hers. “Lyra? What kind of name is that?” Her eyes rounded waiting for my answer.
“Constellation,” I sighed, pointing up.
&n
bsp; “Oh, okay,” she snickered, “Why are you here?”
“I need your help,” Zack didn't beat around the bush. “I read your file, and I think you might know something that could shine some light on my situation.”
“I doubt that my records have what really happened to me,” she let out an annoyed snort.
“That's why we're here. Could you tell us what really happened?” Zack sat on her bed.
“Sure, why not,” she said, not particularly interested.
“Thanks,” Zack replied, and folded his hands in his lap.
“When I was six, we were on the road to my grandma's,” Sophie began her story. “We stopped midway in a hotel. There was a pool, and I drowned.”
A gasp escaped my mouth, completely involuntarily.
Sophie looked at me, and then continued as if nothing had happened, “They managed to rescue me, but I fell into a coma. While in coma, my soul lost all the memory except the fact that we were going to grandma's, so that's where I went. I hung out at grandma's until my memory slowly returned, and then I went back to hospital and reintegrated with my body. After waking up from coma, I was left with this wonderful gift of seeing others in the same situation,” with aggravated expression, Sophie motioned toward Zack. I swallowed a knot. “That's how I ended up here. Nobody believed me,” anger colored her voice. Zack opened his mouth to ask something, but I interjected.
“You said your soul went to grandma's,” I said, “But he is like me, material. Not a soul.”
Sophie laughed, “Contrary to any belief, soul is just as real. I hate calling it a soul, though. It was me, real me, but not visible to others. Like someone changed the station, but not quite, leaving a part of me in this channel, and moving the most of me to another channel.”
“How many people have you seen like this,” Zack asked, his voice rather strained.
“Too many to keep count,” Sophie sputtered, and readjusted a pillow behind her back.