by Alison Kent
"Here? Now?"
Her unbound nipples pebbled in the center of his palms, and she pulled in a thready breath when he tugged. "Now? Yes. Here?" He glanced around. "Not exactly."
He took her hand and drew her forward, past the doorway to the weight room, the dressing room, and then around the corner and down the narrow aisle that separated the gymnasium bleachers from the wall.
And there in the darkest corner, he blocked her body with the bulk of his, reached behind her, and tugged up the hem of her dress to expose her bare bottom and her garters.
"Carson. I don't think we should be here."
He didn't care what she thought. He grabbed her bottom and squeezed. "Unzip my pants."
She did, lowering his zipper and lifting him free from the confines of his shorts. She had him in her hands and his pulse pounded into her fingers. She licked her lips, and it was all he could do not to ask her to drop to her knees.
"You're wet already," he said, and his nostrils flared. "I can smell you."
"Then what are you waiting for?" she asked, and he didn't wait any longer.
He cupped the backs of her thighs and lifted her upward, positioning himself to drive home. She wrapped her legs around his waist, her arms around his neck. He held her still, but she squirmed, seeking to draw him in deeper.
He warned her to be still with a gentle, "Shh." But she couldn't be stopped. With her heels digging into his backside, she rode up and down against him. He had a hand on her back to brace her, a hand on the wall to brace himself.
He felt the hardness of her desire with the desire of his hardness. He couldn't wait any longer, not with her words urging him to completion. Not with her body pulsing around his. And when he came, he knew with utmost certainty that he held the rest of his life in his hands.
It was near dawn and Carson sat on the floor of Lake City High's cafeteria amidst blue and silver glitter, confetti, and crepe-paper streamers. He'd spread the jacket of his tux on the floor beneath Eva, who was asleep with her head in his lap. Zack's jacket served as a makeshift blanket. Carson couldn't have been more content.
He'd had a lot of unanswered questions when he'd come here so many days ago. He knew now why she'd left him, and had no one to blame but his own youthful self. He and Eva would be leaving this school an hour from now. Once they stepped out into the morning sun, they'd be stepping into the future together.
If the past month of living and working with Eva and Zack hadn't proved that to the three of them ... well, he couldn't think of a more convincing argument that he had changed, that he and Eva belonged together, than the fact that he was sitting here on the floor of a high school cafeteria after a night spent chaperoning a junior class of wild and crazy teens.
Carson Brandt and teenagers. Wouldn't Bailey bust a gut laughing over this one? Carson Brandt who, for seventeen years and until he'd broken his ankle, had not taken any job where he had to work with anyone, interact with anyone, be responsible for anyone but himself. He chuckled lightly. Judith Montclair would think he'd gone off the deep end.
He knew Eva couldn't be blind to the differences, the changes, in the man he was today. He loved her, knew that she loved him. It was time to go home and finalize this relationship once and for all. He was ready to settle down.
Zack walked up then, caught Carson in his musings, and lifted a hand in greeting so as not to disturb Eva's sleep. He hunkered down and wrapped his arms around his bent knees. "How's it going?"
Carson had never smoked in his life, but had the strange urge for an after epiphany cigarette. "Doing great. Your mom went down for the count about thirty minutes ago."
Zack grinned. "All that dancing got to her, I guess."
"Got to quite a few, I'd say."
Zack's gaze followed the direction of Carson's around the room, where teens sprawled exhausted and spent. "Yep. And everybody's safe. Nobody's out being stupid."
"We all have our stupid moments. But I have a feeling you haven't had too many in your life."
"Guess I've just never been the rebel type. I grew up watching my mom bust her butt to provide for the both of us. And I knew that giving her a hard time wasn't going to win me any points. She's always been pretty no nonsense about stuff like that."
Carson glanced down at Eva. He wanted to brush back the feathered hair that had shifted in her sleep to settle over the shell of her ear. But he didn't want to wake her. "Your mom had to grow up pretty fast, too. The modeling she did was more to help out her mother than anything she did for herself."
Zack looked down at his mom. "I guess she's been working all of her life, hasn't she?"
Carson nodded. She had. And she deserved a break. He planned to see that she got one.
"I remember when my dad died." Zack drew in a deep breath, pushed it out slowly. "I was so scared. I was only five and didn't really understand about death and all that. But I knew that dying meant a person didn't come back. My mom had died a couple of years before and I'd never seen her again. "I knew she'd be happy to have my dad with her. But I was so scared I was going to be left alone. Thing was, I wasn't. Mom was always there."
Zack's expression grew tender as he watched Eva sleep. "That's probably even the last time I thought about Mom not being my real mom, ya know? It's just like she's always been there. And been the only mom I've ever known."
Carson had stopped breathing about five sentences back in Zack's speech. He swallowed hard to find his voice. "What do you mean, your real mom?"
Zack lifted his head, his gaze moving up to meet Carson's. "I was about three when my real mom died. It was cancer, but I didn't know that at the time. I guess Mom married my dad about a year later. It must've been my granddad she went to work for when she came back from New York. I didn't know anything about that either, but it sorta makes sense now."
There was nothing that made sense now. Absolutely nothing.
You're so incredibly beautiful, he'd said. I wish I'd seen you pregnant. It's so hard to believe of this body. Well, I have been pregnant, Carson, she'd answered.
"Yeah." Carson nodded. "That does make sense. I guess your dad and your mom never had any other kids, huh?"
"Nope. Just me." Zack's grin widened with memories. "I remember bugging them to give me a little brother. I wanted someone at home who I could practice beating up. So I'd already know how to fight when I got to school. Dad would wrestle with me and tease me that the Virgin Mary had been the only one to pull off an immaculate conception. Like I knew what that meant."
Carson inserted a smile. Hoped it was convincing.
Zack went on. "I found out later that he'd been, uh, snipped, ya know, before he'd even married Mom. I guess that was because of my real mom getting sick and all. So they wouldn't ever have to worry about her getting pregnant.
"Anyway," Zack said, running both hands down his tired face, "I'd better get back to Katie. I told her mom I'd have her home at seven. And I definitely want to be early."
"Got it. Good idea," Carson said, hoping his response made some sort of sense, because his brain was still stuck in the same gear. He watched Zack walk off. Zack, who was not Eva's son. Eva, who had never been able to become pregnant with Bobby Shelton's child.
I have been pregnant, Carson.
I have been pregnant, Carson.
I have been pregnant, Carson.
Eva couldn't have slept more than an hour on the cafeteria floor before the lights came on and the after prom party was over. Her mind craved another eight hours of shut-eye, her body demanded ten or twelve. What had she been thinking, dancing like she was sixteen?
Carson had to be exhausted as well. He'd been unusually quiet on the drive home. No doubt his fatigue accounted for the strained set of his jaw and the bloodshot whites of his eyes, as well as his continued silence.
She hadn't been asleep long enough for anything to have gone wrong between them, but she couldn't shake the worry that Carson's mood was due to more than exhaustion. He had to be hungry, for one thing. Food
and then sleep. And then things would be better.
Later this afternoon, with her mind rested and her thought processes fresh, she'd tell him about the baby she'd lost. Their baby, with which she'd been pregnant when she left New York.
She'd tell him how she'd gone home to sort out her thoughts and her feelings. How she'd never expected to see him again and had seen no point in looking him up to tell him about their joint loss. She'd loved him. She'd wished him nothing but success in his life. And so she'd borne the burden alone.
To this day, she stood by her decision as being the right one. But now that their situation had changed, she owed him honesty, owed honesty to herself most of all. And if this truth was going to come between them, let it come between them now before either of them had invested more emotion, more of themselves in the other.
Carson had traded his rental Jeep for a Lincoln, and he pulled the luxury car into the driveway. She was tired and didn't think to wait for him to come around and open her door, so she got out under the last little fizzle of her own steam. She was halfway up the front walk before she heard his door slam.
The toes of her shoes hooked over the fingers of one hand, she dug in her purse for her keys with the other, and didn't bother to shut the front door behind her. Once inside the living room, she tossed both shoes and purse onto the sofa and leaned against the tufted back to wait for Carson.
He still wore his tux jacket, but his tie hung loose and his shirt was unbuttoned and rumpled. His hair needed a good combing, the circles under his eyes a good night's sleep, but she couldn't have loved him any more than she did in that moment.
She shoved fingers back through her own wilted hair and smiled, so full of the love she was feeling. He hadn't shut the door, but stood in the tiled entryway. She didn't think he was waiting for an invitation, but she offered one anyway. "You've got to be hungry. What sounds good?"
Hands stuffed in his pockets, he leaned a shoulder into the jamb of the still open door and shook his head.
"You want some juice? There should be some orange in the fridge. If not, I'll check the freezer."
Still he didn't say anything, still he stood unmoving.
Eva started to worry. "Are you ready for bed? You're welcome to use the shower first."
This time at least he answered. "No. Thanks."
She'd offered him food and shelter. She wasn't sure what else to say. "Do you want to go?" Or for some reason did he not want anything? She laced her fingers in a tight web together. "Carson. You're scaring me."
"Scaring you wasn't my intent."
Finally. "Then what is your intent?"
He shrugged. "I'm not sure anymore."
Something had happened. "What's wrong?"
"I just need a couple of answers."
Eva's heart fluttered in her throat. "Sure. Answers to what?"
"Nothing too difficult." His cynicism nipped the bud of Eva's joy. His eyes glittered. "You should be able to help me out since it's about your pregnancy and Zack's parentage."
Slowly, Eva's eyes closed. Oh, God. Oh, God. Okay. Okay. She would open her eyes and glance toward the door and realize this was all a bad dream. That she was in her bed. Or on the Lake City High cafeteria floor.
But when she looked again he was still there. The lines across his forehead were etched deep. And the shadows beneath his eyes appeared as dark as the blue black of his lapels.
She sank down to the floor, tucked her heels to her bottom, and buried her face in the hands she'd propped on her knees. "How did you find out?"
"How do you think I found out?"
"From Zack, obviously. But—"
"You want to know how the subject came up?"
She nodded. Her head still tucked to her knees, she nodded.
Carson snorted. "It was so classic. Hearing it from Zack when he was talking about you. How great you are. How you've always been there for him. How for years he hasn't even thought about the fact that you're not his real mother.
Oh, God. "I was going to tell you—"
"I'm sure you were. I'm sure as soon as I found out you were going to tell me."
She shook her head. "No. I'd already decided to tell you tonight. This morning. Whatever time it is. I wanted to wait until after we'd slept. I wanted to be able to get the words out without stumbling over my tongue."
He didn't respond, so Eva went on. "I never meant to leave you with the impression that I had given birth to Zack. But when we had the conversation about my pregnancy that day in the gardens, I never thought I'd see you again. I certainly didn't expect anything like what's happened."
"What has happened, Eva?"
"I think that we've fallen in love again." She raised her head, and met his eyes in time to see him flinch. In time to see him look away. And she held on to that one seed of knowledge. That one root of truth.
He loved her. And they could get through anything if he loved her.
When he looked back, he was again in control, his features taut, his jaw set, his lips a grim line. "So you moved back to Kansas after leaving New York and went to work for Zack's grandfather?"
She nodded. "The wholesale greenhouse. I told you about it? That's where I met Bobby. His wife died three years after I went to work there. Bobby and I married a year later. Zack was almost five. And then there was ... the fire."
Carson shook his head. "Poor kid."
Eva barely heard the muttered words. But they added to the tiny bloom of her hope. "I've been overprotective of Zack his whole life and I know that. But with everything he's gone through and everything he's lost ..." She shook her head. "I did what I thought I had to do."
"You thought you had to lie to me?"
"No. I never intentionally lied to you, Carson. But, yes, I should've corrected the misunderstanding long before now. It's just that I never knew if there would be a need for you to know I hadn't given birth to Zack. He is my son. And that's the only fact that mattered."
"Right. Your son. But not mine."
She nodded again. But this time she wasn't sure what to say.
Carson finally closed the front door. He stayed in the entryway and leaned back. "And what about my son, Eva?"
She didn't say anything. For a long minute she didn't say anything at all. She couldn't think about the baby she'd lost. Their baby. Not with Carson standing here, knowing. Finally knowing.
"What about my baby, Eva? Tell me. You were pregnant when you left New York."
She nodded.
"And Judith knew, didn't she? That's why she wouldn't tell me where you'd gone."
Eva nodded again. "Judith knew. And she knew how much I wanted our baby. So she let me out of my contract."
"I'm going to ask you one more time." Carson blew out a long breath. "What happened to my baby?"
Oh, God. Her stomach churned and she couldn't breathe, and she pressed the back of her hand over her mouth.
"So help me, Eva. If you—"
"I lost the baby," she shouted.
"What?"
"I lost the baby." Breathe in. Breathe out. "I had a miscarriage."
"When?"
"About three weeks after I got home. There was nothing I could've done, the doctor said. It wasn't my fault. It wasn't anyone's fault. There was just a problem with the baby." She pushed to her feet then, wanting to be on his level to say the things she'd planned to say.
"Carson, think about it." Breathe in. Breathe out. "The entire time we were together in New York, you talked about seeing the world." The countries his parents had seen without him. "You didn't want a family. I knew that. If I'd ever had a hint that you were ready to settle down, don't you think I would've stayed?"
She walked toward the entryway where he stood with both hands braced in fists against the wall shoulder-high. His head hung low between. "I couldn't tell you then. Back in New York. So I went home to sort out my feelings. I thought that maybe later ... that maybe we could try again. That you'd ready to make a home with me and your child.
"
But we never had that chance," she said, and laid a hand in the center of his back.
He jerked out from beneath her touch, raising his hands to ward off any further approach. "You never gave us a chance," he said.
Arms crossed defensively over her chest, Eva stepped back. "Look, Carson—"
"No. You look, Eva. Did it ever once occur to you that that kind of responsibility, that chance at stability might've been exactly what I needed? That whatever wanderlust I had was a survival tactic? That it was easier to talk up the excitement of travel than to admit I had nothing to keep me in New York?"
No. No. She didn't want to hear this even though she'd known it all along. "You had me."
"Did I? When did I have you, Eva?"
"We lived together—"
"We played house. We never talked about our future. You couldn't wait to get back to Kansas. I couldn't wait to see the world. We never talked about doing either of those things together. As a couple."
"You knew I couldn't go with you," she pleaded. "That I had to go home and take care of my mother."
"Why didn't you ask for my help? Why didn't you ever once ask me if I wanted to leave New York with you instead of taking off on my own?"
"Because I was too young to know that leaving wasn't really what you wanted."
Humorless laughter rang out. "But that's where you're wrong. Leaving has always been what I've wanted."
His face shut down, his voice shut down. His body stood in the entryway, but he was no longer there in spirit. "You were right not to tell me. Just think of all I would've missed. The countries I might never have seen. The past seventeen years I might've spent with you making babies instead of making a name that means nothing."
He reached behind him for the knob and pulled open the door.
"Carson, wait." Eva reached out with one hand.
"What do I have to wait for, Eva?" he asked, and then he was gone.
In the middle of her living room, Eva stood alone. And in her red silk prom dress and red stocking feet, she cried.