by Holly Martin
How the hell had that happened? More to the point, when did it happen?
Although he supposed the how and when didn’t matter, just what he was going to do about it.
They couldn’t be together like that, he didn’t deserve that. And she deserved far better than him.
But then he had been proposing to her for the last year – how had he imagined it would turn out if she said yes? Would it really be a marriage of convenience, just two friends living together in the same house? Would that mean that neither of them would be in a romantic relationship with anyone else for the rest of their lives as well or would they continue to date other people?
Or… would they be husband and wife in every sense of the word?
A kick of desire shot through his stomach, followed by those wonderful memories of that amazing night they’d spent together four years before. Would their marriage be like that? Best friends during the day and lovers at night? He definitely didn’t deserve that.
Being with Isla definitely felt like he was benefitting from Matthew’s death in some way. She wouldn’t be here if Matthew hadn’t died and he was responsible for Matthew’s death, at least partly. It just didn’t seem right. Plus, how would she feel when she found out? Despite what Jamie had said about it not being Leo’s fault, he knew Isla would hate him for it. But even if she didn’t, and if somehow he could get past the guilt of having her in his life, she deserved better than him.
He grabbed a box of silver dragons and sighed.
Almost his whole life he had been told he was worthless, useless, would never amount to anything. After his dad died when he was a kid, he couldn’t have cared less about school and would often bunk off lessons or skip school altogether. His dad would have been ashamed of him for how he had behaved. His teachers and head teachers had been less than kind about his abilities, his attitude or his hope for any kind of decent future.
And even though he’d grown up a lot since then and now ran his own successful business, there were some villagers who still thought he was trouble. He supposed his reputation with women didn’t help.
He picked up a box of falling leaves and put that on the crate.
He’d never really had any serious girlfriends; his longest relationship had lasted only about five weeks. But the women he had been with knew that it was never going to be anything long-term. One of them, Emma, had even told him that no girl would ever want to marry him, that he was the type of guy you had fun with but wouldn’t spend forever with. Another girl he’d been seeing, Rachel, hadn’t been blunt enough to tell him to his face, but he’d overheard her laughing about him with her friends in the pub when one of them had teased her about whether she loved Leo or not.
‘Oh hell no, it’s nothing serious. I can do a hell of a lot better than that, he barely has enough qualifications to rub together,’ Rachel said.
‘Can you imagine bringing him home to your parents as the man you were going to marry?’ said one friend. ‘They would die.’
They all laughed.
‘My dad thinks he’ll be in prison before he’s twenty-five,’ said another.
‘That would not surprise me.’
‘He is good in bed though,’ Rachel laughed.
‘Well, at least he’s good at something,’ her friend said.
And while Rachel had not been anyone he was particularly attached to, he had been hurt that his reputation in the village was such a poor one. No one expected him to amount to anything. What they’d said, what all his teachers had said, had stuck with him. He was no good for anything.
Every woman he’d been with since then had lasted no more than two or three dates. There was no point in getting serious with anyone as he clearly wasn’t long-term relationship material. And he hadn’t cared what anyone thought of him, hadn’t cared that the women were just seeing him for the sex. He’d never grown attached to any of them.
Until Isla.
He paused as he grabbed a box of comets.
That night had been something different. When he’d kissed her all those years ago, when he’d slept with her, it had been something so much more than just sex. Maybe it was because she was his friend, not just some woman he was sleeping with, that made it more special. It had been the only time that he’d actually considered forever with someone. But Isla obviously hadn’t thought that way. Despite his invite to stay with him a second night, she’d made some excuse about being tired and went back to her hotel alone the evening after the christening. Then she’d disappeared back to London, and though he had seen her occasionally whenever she visited Matthew, there had been no mention of that wonderful night ever since. She’d seen him just like the other women saw him, just as someone good for sex and a fun time.
When she’d come to live in Sandcastle Bay after Matthew’s death, all those old feelings for her came flooding back, though he’d never told her how he felt. There’d been a million reasons why he hadn’t. She had been distraught for the first few months. It hadn’t been the right time. He had been caught up in his guilt over Matthew’s death. She needed a friend more than she needed sex. But he supposed, ultimately, he hadn’t wanted to be rejected by the one person who mattered.
And now she had fallen in love with him.
He wanted to march back into his office and tell her he loved her too. And then celebrate that love on the sofa she was currently sitting on.
She must see some redeeming features in him if she had fallen in love with him, if she thought he was good enough to be in Elliot’s life and help her raise him.
Could he be that man she saw? Could he really be the man she deserved?
God, he didn’t want to do anything to hurt her, and if he pursued this it would no doubt end in disaster, just like everything else in his life.
He was a better friend than he was boyfriend or husband material. Maybe it’d be better for both of them if they stayed that way.
Leo didn’t come back.
Isla spent an hour looking through everything in the folder and then decided to attempt to reply to some emails. There were quite a few, mainly enquiring about small local displays over Christmas and New Year. She did her best to answer their questions, referring to the red bible of fireworks whenever she didn’t know the answer. She wasn’t sure if she was doing the right thing but, as Leo had completely abandoned her after her half-arsed attempt at confessing her feelings for him, she decided she had to do the best she could do with the job.
It got to twelve o’clock and there was still no sign of Leo. As she had told Melody she would only be a few hours and had promised Elliot she would take him to the dinosaur museum in the next town that afternoon, she knew she had to go. She wasn’t quite sure what Leo meant by flexible working hours to suit her, but this week was a bit of an exception to the norm. He would just have to cope without her this afternoon.
She wandered out of the office and headed for a large, barn-like building that was probably where Leo was sorting out the fireworks. Or studiously avoiding her.
Isla pushed the door open and there was Leo sitting on an old sofa, bouncing a tennis ball at the exact angle where it would hit the floor, then the wall, and bounce back into his hand again with very minimal effort.
‘So this is what you do with your working day?’ Isla said, attempting to sound light and cheery while, inside, her heart was hurting.
Leo let the ball fall to the floor.
He stood up, pushing his black curly hair off his face, which was what he usually did when he was uncomfortable about something. ‘I don’t think this will work, you being here.’
Isla’s heart sank. She hadn’t expected to have a job when she woke up that morning, but now she had been at it for a few hours she quite liked it. It was good to feel useful again, to have something fill her mind other than kids’ stories and TV programmes. The morning had been quite easy and, though she knew she had only scratched the surface of everything that Annie did for the company, she thought she was going to enjoy working there.
And now it was over before it had even started.
‘Well, it won’t if you’re going to be an ass about it,’ Isla said.
Leo’s eyebrows shot up. ‘I’m not being an ass. I just… don’t want you to get hurt.’
‘Why would I get hurt?’ Isla asked in surprise.
‘Well…’ Leo fumbled for an explanation and settled for pointing his finger between him and her.
‘OK, yes, I have feelings for you and you don’t return those feelings. It’s no big deal,’ Isla shrugged, trying to carry off the lie. ‘It’s not exactly big news. Leo Jackson is the sort of man that goes after the women he wants like a lion would hunt a deer. If you had any feelings for me, you would have pursued me a long time ago.’
He stared at her. ‘That’s not… I didn’t—’
‘And it’s for the best really, that we don’t get together. Because what would happen when it ends, when you get bored of me? What would that mean for Elliot? He needs you more than I do so we’re better off staying as friends,’ Isla said.
‘I would never do anything to hurt Elliot,’ Leo said, finding his voice at last.
‘I know you wouldn’t, not intentionally. But if we were to start something and it came to an end, you wouldn’t want to keep coming round to see Elliot, because you wouldn’t want me to get hurt. That would destroy him.’
‘I wouldn’t do that.’
‘Really? You’ve been in here avoiding me all morning because I told you I had feelings for you, and you just tried to sack me from the job you gave me a few hours ago because of it too. Your solution to me telling you I have feelings for you was to run away, so don’t tell me you wouldn’t react badly to us ending.’
Leo clearly had no words.
‘Now, I’m going to go and pick up Elliot and spend the afternoon with him. Tonight you’re going to come round for dinner as normal, and tomorrow I’ll be here to work and we’ll just pretend this whole debacle never happened. I’m not going to lose my best friend over this, am I?’
He paused then shook his head. ‘Definitely not.’
‘Good.’
She turned and walked out and he didn’t call her back, which she was glad for. Her chest hurt, the burning ball of emotion at the back of her throat hurt and she’d quite like to have a little cry in the car before she picked up Elliot.
He didn’t love her. And though she had guessed as much for the last year, there had always been that glimmer of hope. Now there was none.
Chapter Eight
Isla pushed open the door of The Cherry on Top and spotted Melody and Tori sitting near the windows at the back, overlooking the beautiful Sunshine Beach. Luke and his brother Rocky, Melody’s puppy, were asleep under the table looking like they’d both spent the morning playing on the beach. Tori’s puppy, also from the same litter, wasn’t there but Spike tended to follow Aidan around on the farm. There was no sign of Elliot, which caused her a moment of alarm, until she heard his unmistakable giggle coming from the kitchen. No doubt he and Marigold were ‘helping’ Frankie, who had been hired recently to help Emily with the cooking. There was no sign of Agatha either.
Isla greeted Melody and Tori with a hug and a kiss and then flopped down on the chair.
‘You OK?’ Melody asked.
She let out a big sigh. She’d had a little cry on the drive back into Sandcastle Bay but she would be damned if Leo Jackson would get any more of her tears.
‘Well, I have a date for the adoption hearing for Elliot, after which he will formally become mine. I now have a job which I think I might enjoy and I made a complete idiot of myself this morning in front of Leo. So, you know, peaks and troughs,’ Isla summarised.
She helped herself to a bit of the chocolate cake that Tori was eating to commiserate herself. There were two pieces of great news there, so why did her heart feel so heavy?
‘The adoption is going to be final?’ Melody said and Isla nodded. ‘That’s fantastic news.’
‘I know. It’s taken so long, I never thought it would happen.’
‘I’m so happy for you. Does that mean he’ll be your son?’ Tori asked.
‘Yes, technically, though I can’t see that he’ll suddenly start calling me Mum any time soon. I think it’d be weird if he did. I’m still his aunt. I think asking him to call me Mum would confuse him.’
‘Ah, this is amazing news. You and Leo and Elliot will be a proper family,’ Melody said, always seeing the fairy tale.
‘No we won’t,’ Isla said firmly. ‘Leo will always be there for Elliot, and I appreciate that more than you know, but we’ll never be a proper family.’
Tori and Melody stared at her, obviously a bit stunned by her firm tone.
‘I’m sensing this is to do with you making a fool of yourself in front of Leo this morning,’ Tori said. ‘What happened?’
Isla sighed. She told them all about the lovely day they’d had the day before, the family tree they’d painted, the moment they had shared, and how Leo had accidentally said that Elliot would be theirs after the adoption as if he already considered them to be a proper family. She told them how she’d thought about telling him how she felt, to see if he would say he felt the same. She told them about the job that had fallen into her lap and how everything in her life seemed to be falling into place.
‘So this morning I told him,’ Isla said.
‘You just came right out and said you loved him?’ Melody asked.
‘Well, I didn’t say the words, but I made it very clear. I don’t see how there could be any misunderstanding.’
‘And?’ Tori said, leaning forward eagerly.
‘He stood up and walked out the office and then I didn’t see him for nearly three hours.’
Their faces fell. She knew how they felt.
‘You told him you loved him and he walked away?’ Melody said, incredulously.
‘Yes. I felt such an idiot. I don’t know what I was thinking.’
‘You were thinking that he’s round your house every day, that he hugs and kisses you every time he arrives or leaves, you’re thinking that he looks at you like you’re a goddess, and that every single person that sees you together assumes you must be a couple or can’t understand why you’re not. None of this was in your imagination,’ Tori said. ‘Even Aidan thinks Leo is in love with you and he’s his brother.’
‘Jamie and I were talking about you two the other day, he’s convinced Leo loves you too,’ Melody said. ‘What about the statue he made for the Sculptures in the Sand Festival in the summer?’
Isla remembered it all too well. Everyone had been tasked with making sculptures of the thing they loved the most in Sandcastle Bay. Although Leo had made a horse with a storm and waves crashing inside to represent the sea when it was at its most tempestuous and wild, he had also made parts of it mirrored. When he revealed the statue to her, he had made sure she and Elliot stood in the exact place that they could see their reflections clearly in the horse’s neck. Tori and Melody were convinced he had been trying to send her a message, that he really did love her too.
‘He made a horse,’ Isla said. ‘Maybe we saw what we wanted to see.’
‘He gave you a slice of the famous heartberry cake at the heartberry love festival in the spring,’ Tori said. ‘Men only give their cakes to the women they love.’
‘He was just sharing it with Elliot and he offered me some too. I don’t think there was any symbolism in it,’ Isla said sadly.
‘You said you didn’t actually say the words this morning, maybe he misunderstood,’ Melody tried. ‘Maybe he just left you in the office because he had work to do.’
‘I went and found him and he tried to give me the sack.’
Melody had her face in her hands, making her look like The Scream by Edvard Munch.
‘He said he didn’t want me to get hurt,’ Isla said, feeling bad that she was now painting Leo in such a bad light. He was her best friend and he had been there for her so much over the last year. He was wonderful with Elliot
. It wasn’t his fault if he didn’t return her feelings. ‘I told him that just because I have feelings for him and he didn’t return those feelings, it didn’t have to get all weird between us. So I know there was no misunderstanding.’
Melody suddenly looked thoughtful. ‘There’s something else going on here.’
Isla sighed and took the menu. ‘I don’t think so. I think we all just hoped that he shared those feelings and projected what we wanted to see onto him. We found meanings in words and gestures that were never there.’
‘Jamie said he thinks he doesn’t deserve you,’ Melody said.
Isla looked up from her menu. ‘He said something like that to me the other day. Why would he think that?’
Melody and Tori shrugged.
Emily appeared at their table to take their order.
‘Is my little man behaving himself back there?’ Isla asked.
‘He is in charge of sprinkle distribution on the cupcakes Frankie is making. It’s safe to say this batch of cupcakes will have a lot of sprinkles,’ Emily said.
Isla laughed. ‘If he’s being a pain, just send him out to me.’
‘Elliot couldn’t possibly be a pain. Besides, Marigold is keeping him in check and Frankie adores him.’
Isla returned her attention to the menu for a second.
‘Emily, why would Leo think that he doesn’t deserve Isla?’ Tori asked.
Isla blushed. She really liked Emily but she wasn’t sure if she wanted to discuss her sort-of relationship with her brother with her.
‘Oh god, he’s such an idiot,’ Emily said, sitting down at her table and looking like she was getting herself comfortable. Although Isla wondered if it wasn’t just an excuse to take the weight off her feet for a few minutes; almost impossibly, her baby bump looked bigger than the last time she had seen her. ‘When our dad died when we were kids, Leo reacted really badly to it. I think he blamed himself. Leo had persuaded him to go on a bike ride that day and when he came home, Dad had a heart attack. The doctors said that he’d had issues with his heart for a long time, that it was only a matter of time before it gave in, but of course Leo thought it was his fault.’