by Vivian Arend
Jaxi wiggled back and he reluctantly released her.
“Are you going to flip out on me? You regret making love and now you’re going to head for the hills?” Her eyes had filled with moisture, and Blake’s heart cracked at the hurt he’d unwittingly caused.
“I ain’t going anywhere, Slick. I know what I feel inside. I just don’t want you to think you have to agree to anything because I made a mistake.”
She shivered as she sat up.
“I hate that word. Mistake. Don’t you ever use that word again, Blake Coleman. If we made a baby right now, it’s no mistake. Even if we had used a condom, I could get pregnant.”
Her indignation was stronger than he’d expected. “What you telling me?”
She blushed. Hard. Harder than he’d ever seen. Then she lifted her chin and stared him down as she spoke.
“You want me to spell it out for you? I hear you say my kisses are all yours, and my body is all yours, and I tell you no one’s ever made love to me before because I was waiting for you. If you weren’t thinking about forever, Blake, fine. But I was. That’s why I almost don’t care that we didn’t use a condom, and why if…hell, if I had my way we’d be making love again in about two minutes, condom or no. ’Cause even if it scares you I’ve got to tell you—I’ve been thinking about you and loving and forever. I’ve been thinking about it for a long time.”
Blake stared at her, all bold as brass as she sat naked at the foot of the bed.
Damn, she was glorious.
He reached and enveloped her in his arms. Tried to ease the tension in her shoulders, relax the tightness from her body with pets and caresses and whispers against her skin. He slid her over him, letting her weight cover him with heat and silky pleasure. He took her face between his hands and kissed her tenderly on the eyelids. Used his lips to brush away the tears that hung there.
Had he thought about forever? He’d wanted her forever, and she felt right in his arms. A part of his heart had always belonged to her. He kissed her mouth, simple and soft, before whispering over her cheek.
“You make me feel the biggest fool, Slick, ’cause you’re braver than anyone I know. I can tell you with my body how I feel about you, but saying the words seems mighty hard.”
He brushed his hands down her back, stroking and soothing. He rolled them to their sides and kissed her cheeks, feathered his fingers over her collarbone, tracing the delicate lines. Her eyes still showed hurt, but a trace of something else lit the corners. Hope? This was as good a time as any. He smiled at her.
A loud pounding on the door of the cabin jerked him from where he was headed.
“I’m going to kill them, whoever it is.” Blake dragged himself away from her warmth and stumbled to the door. He yanked the door open a crack, using his body to shield the cabin from prying eyes.
Joel’s white face filled his gaze. “I’m damn sorry for interrupting, but we just got word. Mama and Daddy collided with a moose on their way home tonight. The truck’s a wreck, and they’ve been taken to the hospital in Red Deer.”
12
Blake sat in the easy chair in his father’s hospital room, listening to the gentle sound of breathing. Jaxi lay curled up in his lap, her warm breath drifting over his neck, bosom pressed against his arm.
They’d checked in on his ma first. The nurses told them with the pain medication it was unlikely Marion would wake before morning. His dad, however, would be woken soon to monitor him for a concussion.
Blake was grateful neither of them had been more seriously hurt. Although his ma was going to be right ticked when she heard the news.
As he waited for his dad to wake, Blake looked at the bit of woman in his arms. Soft, yet strong, and definitely all woman. He couldn’t believe she was here. After denying them both for so long, it felt right to have her warmth penetrating all the way through to his heart. Even if a bit of him was scared shitless they’d made love unprotected.
“Blake?” His dad’s voice scratched a little.
Blake went to put Jaxi down, but his father stopped him.
“You’re fine sitting right there. How’s Marion? She okay?”
“Ma’s fine, no new injuries. Although she’s going to be upset when she hears they recast her arm, to be sure it was still set proper. She’s got extra weeks to wait until the new cast comes off.”
Mike’s face said it all. “Hell, I should have been more careful.”
“Don’t go blaming yourself. Those moose are damn near invisible, right until they jump out and commit suicide,” Blake commiserated. “It’s not mating season so you couldn’t have expected it, and that corner is a scary son of a bitch to take. We’re all just glad you weren’t killed. Maybe a busted leg and head aren’t too high a price to pay.”
“Leg? Marion break a leg too?”
Blake shook his head, worry creeping in. “You didn’t notice you’re wearing rather stiff long johns, Dad? It was a clean break but you’re carrying plaster now too.”
His dad shuffled the sheets to examine the thigh-to-foot white cast. “Well, hell. Nope, didn’t notice a thing until now. Damn pounding in my head is drowning out everything else calling for attention.”
“Yeah, well, you may have a concussion, but they said that should clear up plenty quick.” Jaxi shifted in his arms, and Blake snuggled her in tighter, brushing back a curl that had fallen over her face.
He looked back at his dad to see a rather large grin waiting for him.
“So, does the fact you’re finally holding that girl in your arms mean you’re over being worried about what you never needed to worry about in the first place?” Mike leaned back, his smile stretching from ear to ear.
“You knew? You knew I wanted…?” Blake trailed off. Just how much did he want to talk about this with his dad?
Mike snorted. “Son, the entire county has known for years you had it bad for Jaxi. I don’t know if it’s because you’re our firstborn or what, but you have a bad habit of trying to do what you think will please everyone else. You can’t do that without missing out on what’s going to please the people that are the most important to you.”
He sat and thought that through for a minute. It was true. Small issues still poked him. “You don’t think she’s too young for me?”
“Pfftt. How much older am I than your mama?”
Blake frowned and couldn’t come up with an instant answer. “I’m not sure, sir.”
Mike nodded. “Right, because it doesn’t matter one bit if there’s a difference between us. Is the age thing what’s been holding you back all this time? I wished I’d known. I didn’t understand how you could be so stubborn to let her loose for so long. Heck, even your little brothers thought about—”
“I know what they were thinking and that’s finished. Jaxi and I are…” Blake hesitated again, this time because he wasn’t sure what to say. They were lovers, heck, they’d talked about babies.
But he didn’t know where they were, right now.
Mike raised a brow. “You’re what? Don’t tell me you need a little more time to figure this one out. After all the girl’s done the past few years to get ready to be the best rancher’s wife possible?”
This conversation was too full of missing information for Blake. He felt as if he was the one with the head injury. “You want to explain?”
Mike pointed at Jaxi. “She took me for coffee the summer after her high school graduation and showed me a couple flyers from the local colleges. Asked me to mark the classes that would teach a woman to be a real help around a ranch. Someone able to pitch in, make sure things got done, and done right.
“She and Travis had just broken up, and I wondered if she was trying to get back on his good side or something, but when I suggested that, she laughed in my face. Well, politely—you know how she is. She said she’d been with Travis for one reason, and since they were through she was going to concentrate on something more important.
“Every semester she brought me another one of them fl
yers, and sometimes she’d mark a few classes to see what I thought—and some of them were plenty interesting. She’s spent three years working and training for the position of rancher’s wife. Hate to see all that training go to waste. Or get picked up by someone else smart enough to see what a treasure they’ve got waiting for them.”
Blake kissed Jaxi’s temple, and she cuddled in, sighing lightly. It seemed he was a bit more stupid than he’d dreamed. He needed to think this through a little more before committing to anything, but being with Jaxi felt awfully right.
Curiosity tickled for a minute, and he looked into his dad’s happy face.
“So, what kind of classes were ‘interesting’? I don’t think those were the cooking or horse-care kind.”
Mike shook his head. “Oh, no, you need to ask her. I was sworn to secrecy. You’ve got yourself a damn good woman, son, and I hope you don’t do anything to mess it up.”
Blake sat back more comfortably, the beating of Jaxi’s heart solid against him as he and his dad discussed work plans for the next couple of weeks at the ranch.
The sound of a throat clearing jerked Matt to a stop. Discovering it was Daniel who sat in the dark of the living room was a whole lot better than being caught sneaking into the house at three a.m. by his ma or dad. No matter that he was twenty-eight, some things never changed.
“What you doing still up?” Matt whispered out of habit, since the rolling thunder of their dad’s snoring wasn’t shaking the rafters.
Daniel nodded toward the chair across from him, and Matt took a seat. “Waiting for you. Blake phoned about thirty minutes ago to confirm everything’s okay. Ma and Dad had an accident.”
“Shit. Bad?” Matt leaned forward. “Why didn’t you call me earlier?”
“Didn’t want to worry you until we heard more details, but they’re fine. Blake says they’re banged up and under observation for the night. The emergency crew thought the situation was worse at first than it turned out, so they got taken to Red Deer. Blake’s driving back with Jaxi tonight—”
“Jaxi? She went along to check on Mom?”
Daniel smiled. “Sounds like more than that went down, but just so you know, we’ll be starting work in the morning without Dad, and Blake if he’s not up to the early rising.”
Matt leaned back and stared out the picture window, the lights of the outbuildings faint in the darkness. “You still think about Sierra?”
His brother’s light chuckle surprised him. “Well, that’s a change in topic. You know what? I’ve been far too busy to worry about old girlfriends. Sometimes I wonder if she regrets calling us off, but then again…”
Matt waited. “What?”
“It’s one of those things. She had stuff that was all-important to her, and I never knew. It’s not like we didn’t talk. We discussed all kinds of things. And yet out of the blue it was so important that any kids we had be hers? It made me wonder how much I really knew her. How honest we’d been up until then, or if we’d only been acting.”
If this had been ten years ago, they both would have been razzing each other for talking like this. Matt’s urge to tease vanished as doubt rocked him. “Just used to being with each other?”
Daniel rose to his feet and stretched. “Well, I’m not talking about something like you and Helen. Sierra and I only went out for a year, but yeah—I thought we’d covered all the bases. Truth was, she wanted something I couldn’t give her, and I’m not talking about kids.”
“That blows, by the way.” Matt couldn’t imagine. He didn’t want kids anytime soon, but to know you didn’t have the shot, not even down the road?
His brother shrugged. “It is what it is. I can’t change the situation, so I have to deal. I’ll spend my time on stuff I can affect. Hey—speaking of which. Ever since Dad loaned out the Peter’s place from under us, I’ve been wondering. You planning on moving in with Helen anytime in the next while? We promised the house only up until Christmas, but I’ve been thinking that it would suck for a single mom to have to move her kids at that time of year. Dad could let her stay until the spring, but I didn’t know how you felt about crashing in the basement that long.”
Another hellish situation. “Daniel…I’ve asked Helen to move in with me a dozen times. Fuck, I’ve asked her if she wants to get married. She keeps putting me off, and while every time there’s a logical reason, I just don’t know what the hell is going on.”
“She’s still turning you down? Yeah. I can’t help you there either. It’s not like I have the best record with females. It’s our younger brothers who still have the ladies falling all over them, and neither Travis nor the twins are looking to settle down anytime soon.”
“Jaxi’s got Blake on the run. Damn, that’s funny to watch.”
Daniel grinned. “He’s skittish, but I think he’ll figure it out eventually. They can work it out. She’s got enough oomph to get him to realize what they both need.”
Matt kept his mouth shut. Blake and Jaxi’s issues were nothing like his and Helen’s.
Daniel nudged him. “So what you think about staying here? You okay until the spring if that’s what it takes?”
He nodded. That was a simple answer. “Hopefully I can convince Helen to move ahead sometime soon. But yeah, I’m okay with it. It’s not like our folks are the type to stick their noses in where they don’t belong. And if they’re recovering from another accident, having us around while the twins are gone—I don’t mind giving to the family. Ma and Dad have always been there for us.”
Daniel thumped him on the shoulder and they headed downstairs.
Matt’s mind spun with different scenarios. Moving in with Helen, taking on extra chores, watching Jaxi and Blake dance around each other. His family had always been a whirlwind of activity, but at the core—they were a family. He’d be there for them, just like he could always trust them to be for him.
He dropped onto his bed. Helen’s hold out against getting hitched, first and foremost, was her family. Her parents’ bad split, the way she felt her sister got treated better than her, even before the divorce. He’d always thought she was being unreasonable to put off his proposals. That she should just accept the past and move on.
Maybe the weight of what she’d been through was more than she could easily put aside.
He knew his family could weather the tough times because they always had before—she too expected that the same thing that had happened before would happen again.
Betrayal. Hurt.
Matt lay back on his pillow to consider this new revelation. Still seemed to him that moving forward meant leaving the bad parts of the past behind, but if she hadn’t made it to that point? Who was he to judge her for it?
Even this far-fetched idea of hers to try a ménage. She hadn’t gone around him, hadn’t simply cheated on him. It might be unconventional, but in her own way she’d shown she cared about him. Her request wasn’t what he wanted, but he needed to accept it for what it was—a sign of respect.
It was far too late now, but come morning he would give her a call. Let her know he loved her, without using the word love, then do his damnedest to help her get over the past and head into the future with him.
13
Jaxi slipped a final peach half into the jar, topped it up with syrup and sealed the lid. Placing the jar with the others in the large pot on the stove, she closed the cover with a hum of satisfaction. She still had a couple of hours until supper, and after this last canner was done, she was caught up on her work.
She gave a little hop to sit on the counter, eating a ripe peach while she waited for the water to reach a boil before she could set the timer for the last batch. Juice dribbled down her fingers and chin, and she was slowly licking it off when she spotted Blake standing in the doorframe of the kitchen.
Watching her with hungry eyes.
Heat welled inside.
“You want a peach?” She held out a ripe fruit and beamed at him as he padded closer. He took the peach from her fingers,
placed it carefully on the countertop and lifted her hand to his mouth, licking along the edges and between her knuckles. He opened her legs, pressing her thighs to the side as he slipped against her body.
“Just the sweet juice.”
He lapped along her chin, short little strokes like butterfly flutters over her skin. Jaxi closed her eyes and enjoyed the sensation. It had been a long day with little sleep last night, between the loving and the worry of the trip to Red Deer.
Mike and Marion were stuck in the hospital for at least another couple of days. Blake had brought Jaxi home and set out the work schedule for the boys based on Mike’s suggestions and their usual routine.
The last time she’d seen him that morning was when he’d kissed her goodbye after breakfast. A sweet, lingering kiss that had made her toes curl. Having the resistance between the two of them over, and finally being together, made satisfaction settle deep in her soul. They hadn’t had a chance to finish their conversation—the one where she confessed she loved him and he hadn’t said much back. It didn’t seem the thing to poke him with while they’d hurried out the door to Red Deer, all worried about his folks. And she’d slept the entire trip home.
But somehow, from the way he’d been acting, she didn’t think she needed to be too concerned.
“You didn’t stop for dinner. Want me to warm something?”
Blake licked her neck and her collarbone. He unbuttoned her shirt. His fingers smoothed over her skin as he pushed the fabric aside to reveal her bra.
“I see what I’m looking for and it’s plenty hot already.” He slid the shirt off her shoulders to the countertop. “I like your bra, Slick, very lacy and pretty pink, but it’s a little too nice for what I have in mind.”
While he kissed, he brushed his fingers around her back, and the cool air of the kitchen flowed over her as he undid her bra. As if fascinated, he tugged off one shoulder strap at a time to let the cups fall away from her breasts.