Lilies

by Addyson Thompson

  “So why hasn’t he come around before now?”

  “I’m not sure. I wouldn’t talk to his parents after everything. It was too hard and I refused to talk to my parents about it either. I made them promise to not give him any information regarding me. It was pretty easy not to see or talk to his parents in reality. They just went onto different paths in life for a while. Gavin’s dad is military and deployed a lot. Our parents were young when they had us, which is why my biological mom took off. She just couldn’t handle being a mom at 19, I guess. Doesn’t really bother me though, since I have my stepmom whose just always been there as my mom.”

  Hitting me with a scolding look Brooklyn said,“I know all this. You are purposely avoiding the topic. You need to tell me about Gavin.”

  “Oh, fine!”I huffed and roll my eyes.

  “Up until my junior year, Gavin was my best friend. I had some female friends but none that stood the test of time and none I trusted like him.”Taking a deep breath and a sip of wine to gain some courage I snuggled into my couch, closed my eyes and let myself drift back to high school.

  “Gav was beautiful but he had no idea, really. I think his self-image caused him to make some bad choices and follow the wrong path in life for a while. Tall, though most people are tall compared to my height of 5’5”. He’s about 6’. I used to love to look up into his eyes. For a boy of only 15 he was well toned and defined, though on the slender side. What a combination light brown hair, bluish-gray eyes and the biggest dimples, though he hated his dimples. I used to stick my finger in his dimples and he would get so mad at me, but to me it was an excuse to touch him. We did shit like that all the time. Hell, I think he had his arm around me more than my boyfriends did. Though we didn’t stop being us in front of whomever we were dating, we did tone it down.”

  “I thought you told me you didn’t date ever, when we met?”Brooklyn asked me.

  “No, when we met I didn’t date, ever. I had a few boyfriends between my freshman and junior year of high school. I dated one guy, Lucas, on and off my junior year but that was it. Well, other than jackass, Brian from our freshman year of college.”

  “So anyway,”I felt a slight smile hit my face as I let myself drift into the wistful memory,“he used to kiss me on the forehead or temple.”Damn, I can still feel his lips on me.“I always figured it was because he couldn’t reach my cheek, since I was so much shorter than him. I asked him one day why he did that. He said,‘his mom told him the sweetest place he can kiss a girl is on the forehead or temple, but to only do it to the special ones.’Then grinned when he told me,‘you can’t get more special than me or our friendship.’He said he didn’t kiss any other girls there, just me. God, I loved that boy, but he had no idea. I use to wonder how he couldn’t see how much I loved him just by looking in my eyes.”The rawness of emotions started to build up and it began to make my heart ache.

  “Anyways, with his dad often away Gav stayed at our house a lot. His mom didn’t mind because she thought the male influence he got from my dad was good for him and my parents loved him so it just worked.”I glanced over at Brooklyn deep in thought but still hoping to read her reaction. For the most part, she didn’t interject, just sat listening to me spilling my heart.“If he wasn’t at my house we talked on the phone.”I started giggling at the silliness of the memory. I laid my head back on the couch, looked at Brooklyn with a goofy grin and said,“You know, we use to do the stupid‘No you hang up. No you hang up crap’when we had to get off the phone. Sometimes it would go on so long our mom’s would come take the phone away and hang up for us.”Brooklyn raised one eyebrow at me as if to say‘Really?’I nodded my head with that goofy grin still plastered to my face.

  “So when he stayed at my house we talked, watched movies, did homework, the normal teenage stuff. He was the only one that knew all my secrets. We usually fell asleep watching T.V. or a movie in my bed.”

  “Whoa, wait, are you telling me your parents let you guys sleep together in the same bed?”Brooklyn’s face was frozen in shock.

  “Yeah, but it wasn’t a big deal. We were friends nothing more. Plus, I had boyfriends off and on the whole time and he had a girlfriend he was off and on with. She didn’t like me but that never bothered us much.”

  “I can’t believe your dad…YOUR dad didn’t care a guy was sleeping in your bed!”

  “He didn’t say anything one way or the other. My door had to stay open. We’d been friends for so long and always took naps together so it just wasn’t a big deal.”I say with a shrug.

  “So what happened to change all this?”She questioned not unkindly.

  By this point my goofy grin had slipped away and I sighed heavily,“I don’t really even know what happened to us. Everything went wrong the weekend I thought everything was finally going to work. Even though I had boyfriends and he had an on-again off-again girlfriend, he was my best friend. I had been in love with him for a few years just didn’t realize it until then.”

  “I was a cheerleader for our varsity soccer team. I didn’t have a game until later the following day so we decided to go to the Friday night football game. We were both without someone else at the time. I actually thought I would be able to grow a pair and tell him how I felt. As we stood at the gate, by the end zone watching the game, he stood behind me resting his chin on the top of my head, like he always did, but this time was different. He placed his hands on my hips and pulled me tight to his body; his hard, warm body. Usually, he had his hands in his pockets or around my shoulder. This time, though, his thumbs rubbed up and down my sides and stomach ever so lightly where my t-shirt barely missed hitting my jeans. It made my stomach flip in ways it never had. Often when we watched football games he gave me a play-by-play of what was happening on the field. He would whisper it into my ear and always made it sound so freaking dirty. It was hilarious and all in good fun before but now it really was hot. Half way through the third quarter shewalked up.”I could feel the disdain for her dripping off my tongue as I continued telling Brooklyn what happened. I don’t know what she did but somehow she single handedly fucked up my whole world.

  The blissful feeling I was feeling at the memory of that peaceful time with Gavin suddenly succumbed to the sheer hatred overcoming me at the thought of her.

  “She?”Brooklyn asked.

  “She,’ Kat Miller, was Gavin’s on again off again girlfriend”my voice is laced with disdain. “Shewent by Kat instead of Katie, her actual name, because‘Katie’was too prissy of a name. Shewas a waste. She was always high, on the verge of dropping out and always in trouble for something. She hated me being friends with Gavin. It pissed her off that he stayed the night with me. Maybe because he wasn’t allowed to nor did he want to stay with her, I don’t really know why she didn’t like me but she didn’t. It wasn’t like we had some great issue or anything but she just never liked me. She would get pissed if I paged him and he called me back when they were together. And yes, back then we all rocked out the pagers.”I gave a challenging look to Brooklyn daring her to say something. Brooklyn held up her hands in mock surrender stifling a laugh.

  “Anyway, so she walked up and told him she needed to talk to him. He told her he wasn’t interested in anything she had to say. But she kept on and eventually got her way, as she always did. He told me to hang tight he would be back in a minute. He kissed my temple and walked away out of ear shot.”A brief smile crossed my lips as I got lost in the moment. If I close my eyes I can still feel his warm lips pressing against my temple so sweetly. Though the feeling faded and I felt my face slip to a deadpan expression before I continued.“She kept touching his chest and arms and though I couldn’t hear what they were saying, I could tell she was trying to get him back. I tried not to pay attention but it was hard not to, ya know? While they were off talking my ex-boyfriend, Lucas, walked up and we shot the breeze for a bit. When Gavin walked back over they said hi to each other, with less than enthusiasm, before Lucas walked off. He asked me what we’d been talking abou
t to which I countered what were you and Kat talking about. Gav use to have a look he would give me that would make me spill any secret, pull me out of a foul mood or simply get me to talk if I wasn’t interested in sharing what was on my mind. Damn, that look was my kryptonite. I told him nothing just shooting the breeze and again asked him what they were talking about. He said,‘the same old shit’without further explanation. He asked if I was getting back together with Lucas. I told,‘No. I’m actually interested in someone else.’with the best flirtatious smile I could. A strange look crossed his face that I’d never seen. Which kinda sucked. Clearly my flirting game wasn’t at its best. That was it…all we talked about then.”

  Sighing, still staring straight ahead I continued. I deliberately kept my face and tone expressionless. At this point, I’m seriously hoping it helps tab down the ache growing in my heart.“We went back to doing what we were doing before Kat walked up, though, something didn’t seem to feel quite right. His hands were no longer caressing my hips instead they were wrapped around my shoulders just as they had been when everything was platonic. I chalked it up to the moment had been broken. Even though I was resentful of her for breaking that moment, I wasn’t going to allow her to ruin my night. So I let it go and just enjoyed the feel of his arms around me.”

  “When the game was over we went back to my house, got into our pj’s, him in basketball shorts and no shirt me in my tank top and tiny shorts, curled up in my bed and watched T.V. until we drifted off. Like nothing happened. Normal. Simple. Sometime in the middle of the night I woke up snuggled up to Gavin. I was on my side with my head on his shoulder, my arm draped across his bare chest and my legs tangled with his. Lying on his back, he had one arm around me and the other hand holding mine over his heart. The warmth of his body was so incredibly comforting. I could have stayed in that moment forever.”I tried to avoid looking at Brooklyn hoping the tears I was trying to hold back would stay away and Brooklyn wouldn’t see my eyes glistening. Although, as I continued to speak the tears pushed their way through and started to flow slowly, freely down my cheeks.“I watched him sleep so peacefully that night. Though I was returning the favor since, I often woke up to him staring at me, watching me sleep. Plus, he was beautiful, peaceful and I felt totally safe lying in his arms. I slowly pulled my hand from his and lightly ran my fingers over his face burning it into my memory. I then traced each ridge in his arms, his chest and finally the light colored strip of hair that ran from his belly button down under the basketball shorts he was wearing. As I let my fingers trace it only to the waist band of his shorts, I wondered what it would be like to be able to touch him there. I leaned up kissed his cheek and then ever so lightly his lips. Softly ran my fingers back up his chest, wiggled my hand back under his over his heart. Then I whispered,‘I wish you knew how much I love you; more than a friend. God, what I wouldn’t give to make love to you right now. I’d give you my virginity, if you wanted.”Pausing to suck in a deep shuttering breath and wipe the tears from my eyes that were flowing down my face without restraint, I felt an overwhelming sadness and so broken. I know Brooklyn could feel the pain I was experiencing because at this point she had tears welling up in her own eyes.

  “Ya know, I thought I felt his breath shutter when I whispered that but he never moved or woke up until the next morning when he got up, dressed, took all the clothes he had left at my house and left before any of us woke up without a word. He suddenly stopped returning my calls and didn’t come to my game, which he hadn’t missed a single one until that day.”Seemed fitting Adele’s song,‘Don’t You Remember’is played in the background. It really fits my mood right now. My heart is aching and I don’t know how to stop it.

  We were now onto the second bottle of wine when Brooklyn asked,“Is that it? Nothing else happened?”

  I finally looked at Brooklyn as my lower lip quaked; obverting my eyes away and slowly shook my head. I sat staring into space as I told her how it all ended; how he didn’t just break my heart but he shattered it into a million unfixable pieces.“Monday, when I got to class I tried to talk to him. He simply ignored me until the end of class. I wish I’d let it go but I didn’t I had to push him to talk to me. When he finally did his beautiful clear bluish-grey eyes turn black as coal. Gavin spoke in a low but very menacing tone through clenched teeth. He stood looming over me, looked right into my eyes and told me he never wanted to see my lying face again. He asked me how the hell I could feel good about myself when I only toyed with others emotions. Did I really think I could get away with it? Did I really think he wouldn’t find out? I was supposed to be his best friend. How could I think of doing that to him? How could I look at myself in the mirror when I tear others down so badly? He told me he never wanted to speak to me again. That I was nothing to him. I just stood there and stared. I couldn’t make myself speak. I couldn’t ask him what he was talking about. I just stood there, frozen. I had no idea what had made him say that to me. For fuck’s sake, I had just told him how much I loved him and wanted to be with him. I know he heard me. I know I felt his breath stutter at my confession that night. I was so hurt I couldn’t begin to process what the hell had just happened. I stood there a few more moments lost unable to move. My stomach turned and my heart shattered into a million pieces. The pain was unbearable. When I finally could move enough, I looked around the room and saw it was empty. I made myself a promise. I decided at that moment I would shut off all my feelings like that and never let another guy hurt me again. The pain was unmanageable. I’d done a damn good job until he showed up today.”

  Void of all emotions just feeling raw, I stood up not seeing anything. I didn’t even looking at Brooklyn. Mindlessly, I headed to bed. On the verge of leaving the room with my back still to Brooklyn I muttered,“Well you wanted to know the whole story. Now you do. Good night.”I willed my arms to pull back the covers before climbing into my king sized bed. As I lay there numb, heart torn in two all over again, tears silently streaming down my face I heard her walk in. She climbed into my bed facing me and held my hand saying nothing, just as I had for her through her rough times. Not long after Trix and Bella jumped up and laid at each of our feet. We stayed like that for the rest of the night. No one spoke. No one moved. Our pups didn’t even make a move or sound. They did what we do best; simply supported each other.

  CHAPTER 5

  Gavin

  As soon as the conference ended Hayden rushed out of the auditorium. I hurried to catch her but before I could get out she was gone. I looked all over the reception hall but she was nowhere to be found. I went to ask Dr. Asher where her office was located but he told me he’d received an email from her saying she wasn’t feeling well and went home. I tried to get him to give me her address saying I should probably check up on her if she still wasn’t feeling well. However, he wouldn’t give that kind of information out.

  He said,“Don’t worry son, I’m sure she’s fine.”With a wink he told me she’ll come around. She’s a tough cookie. Though I don’t think he was talking about her health. Could he have heard our conversation at lunch?

  Jeff decided to stay the weekend at my new apartment. He was pretty sure after the shock of today I would need a friend around. When he called my sister to tell her why he was staying with me he said she went silent for a moment before she hit him with a mountain of questions. She’s so damn nosey wanting every last detail. I swear he must have been on the phone with her for a half an hour while she grilled him. He’s so damn whipped by her it is quite funny. He’s answered every question and never once snapped at her when she kept pushing for more information than he had. I’m really happy for them. They are great together. I just wish they would hurry up and give me a niece or nephew, though.

  I moved into my new place about two months ago which is in an area I’d been trying to get into for five years, now. It is only a few miles away from University Hospital, my regular hangout and running route. Before living here, my apartment was 20 minutes away in the suburbs. It was nice but I
spend so much time here this is where I wanted to live’ but it’s really hard to get one of these lofts. The area is comprised of a bunch of old abandoned warehouses some contractor bought about a dozen years ago and renovated into some very nice upscale lofts. I have a one bedroom with a den on the second floor of one of the buildings. There are two other units on my floor but that doesn’t bother me because each unit is soundproofed. Plus¸ you can’t beat the wall of floor to ceiling glass, a nice balcony and a shared rooftop sundeck. I can walk to work on nice days or go for a run on the path around the river nearby. This is really the best place to live. Oh and major bonus, my favorite bar,‘On the River,’is only a five minute walk from my place. In fact, I think Jeff and I are heading down there for a drink tonight.

  ‘On the River’has been run by Jim and his wife Betty of over 40 years. The building itself is actually a Lock House from the 1800’s. The exterior is covered in weathered brick while the inside still maintains all original wood. As you walk in, the long bar is on the left, which is where I usually hangout, and tables and booths to the right. The centers of two walls have been replaced with windows that run the length of the wall to look out onto the covered patio and river. Pictures cover many of the walls displaying the history of the area. You can even see the water line on the exposed brick and wood where the river overflowed and flooded the area. This place has tons of charm. It’s a pretty relaxed atmosphere through the week but on the weekends or after a baseball game it can get hopping. One of my favorite parts is the covered patio that wraps around two sides of the building with a round stone fire pit that faces the river. They even used reclaimed wood from old barns to create the covered patio to keep the historic character. It’s really the best place to come unwind from a long shift at the hospital.

  Betty is a sweet woman in her mid-sixties and the stereotypical bartender. She’s everyone’s mom, will listen to your problems, give you advice and isn’t afraid to give you a swift kick in the ass when it’s needed. She usually works the bar on weeknights, saying she’s too old to work the weekend nights, she’ll leave that to the young ones. So I was surprised to see her working the bar on a Friday night. Apparently someone called off so she’s here.