Lilies

by Addyson Thompson

  CHAPTER 12

  Hayden

  I’m struggling to process all he told me. It breaks my heart to think of him hurting like that and not being able to help. I was always there to help him. How could he think I could do something like that? Why would he choose to believe someone like that over me; someone who had never lied or hurt him. Could he have really thought that little of himself? What about the way he shattered me? If I believe him will he shatter me again? Can I open myself to that risk? No, I don’t think I can. If he does it again there won’t be anything left. I got up and wandered over to one of my favorite parts of my loft; the wall of glass. There is a beautiful view of the river from here. I could stand and stare out of it for hours.

  An unexpected thunderstorm is raging outside. I stand and watch the storm’s intensity as it mirrors my emotions. I feel him walk up behind me but he doesn’t say anything just stands. The weather couldn’t match my raging emotions more.

  I want to hit him.

  To kick him.

  I want scream at him until he feels as badly.

  However, I think he does. The other side of me wants to love him.

  To hold him.

  To feel him.

  To melt into him.

  I want to believe him but I don’t think I can.

  His hand holds my arm as he slowly turns me around. Gavin’s hands sweetly cup my face, his thumbs brushing away the tears that flow down my cheeks. I can’t make myself touch him though I want nothing more than to touch him. I want to put my hands on his hips and pull him into me. I want to twine my hands through his hair and pull his face, his lips to mine, but I can’t. He stares into my eyes for a moment before he slowly lowers his lips to mine and brushes them softly. He’s staring into my eyes. Is he asking permission? I can’t move. I can’t touch him. He deepens the kiss and I start to cry harder. Oh God, I want this. I want this more than I could ever imagine. As his tongue caresses mine so sweetly I finally will my hands to move and touch him. Fisting handfuls of his shirt I pull him toward me. I let out a soft moan as I pull him against my body. We stand there for seconds, minutes, hours I don’t know kissing, embracing. We’re left struggling to breathe our hands still gripping onto each other with desperation as Gavin pulls away and rests his forehead against mine.“I meant what I said. Life has been hell without you. I want you in my life. Please give us a chance.”

  “I don’t know how. I’m scared you’ll hurt me, again. This time there will be nothing left to pick up.”I whispered back. My fingers are starting to ache from the fisted grip I have on his shirt. I don’t care though. This is what I was afraid of; if I grabbed on I wouldn’t be able to let go.

  Gavin pulled back enough to look me in my eyes.“We’ll take it slow. I promise I won’t hurt you but you don’t have to believe me. I’ll prove it to you if you let me.”

  “Ok”I said. My voice is small. Right now, that’s all I could manage. I turned around to stare outside at the raging storm needing a break from the intensity. He wraps his arms around my shoulder and rests his chin on the top of my head. It feels so damn good, like that’s how it always should have been. The feeling makes me start to cry again but he doesn’t try to stop me. He stands there holding me tight against his warm body until the tears subside.“So how will this work?”

  “We’ll start slow. It’s already 4:00 PM and we’ve spent most of today together, though not as I hoped. Spend the rest of today and tomorrow with me just like when we were teenagers. We’ll order take-out and watch a movie and we’ll figure out tomorrow based on how your knee is feeling. Ok?”

  I took a deep breath and pushed my fears to the side. Turning my head to the side I rested my cheek against his chest and breathed in his smell; body wash, sweat, Gavin.“Ok.”

  “Yeah?”A smile spread across his face showing off his cute dimples.

  “Yeah.”A smile equal to his spreads across my face. I reach up and stuck my finger in one of his dimples.

  “Ah,”he yells laughing and swatting my hand away. Leaning over he swept me up into his arms and kissed me soundly before depositing me on the couch. He went into the kitchen and returned a couple minutes later carrying a bag of ice and a towel.“You stay there with your leg propped up and I’ll run out and grab us dinner.”

  “Are you out of your mind? There is a raging storm going on. We could just order pizza.”

  “Nah, it looks like it’s calming down out there.”He leaned down so he was nose to nose with me.“Besides, I’ve waited more than 15 years to say your mine and I’m not going to start to convince you over pizza.”

  “But I like pizza.”I pout.

  A wicked glint danced in his eye.“I know. You’d eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner if you could and probably do but I have something else in mind.”With a quick kiss, then another and once more before he pulled back laughing.“I’m going to love being able to do that. I’ll be right back you stay there. I mean it. Doctor’s orders.”With that he walked out.

  I sat there for a few minutes trying to calm my spinning head. I am stupidly happy but it is a scary feeling. Should I feel this way after fighting it so long? How can I trust him so easily? I decided to get up and shower instead of dissecting this to death, which I’m sure I’ll do plenty of for quite a while.

  About 45 minutes later my intercom buzzed letting me know Gavin was downstairs. I granted him access to my floor and left the door ajar. When he returns he’s carrying a duffle bag and two brown bags of carryout‘On the River’printed on the side into the kitchen.“What did you do?”I ask pointing at all the bags. Gavin set the bags of food on the counter and his bag on the floor.

  “I called Betty and asked if she could get a carryout order together when I stopped by my loft to grab something to change into.”

  Confused by his statement I asked,“Your loft?”

  He took me by the hand and led me to the wall of glass. Standing behind me with his arms wrapped around me he pointed,“See the building just like this one across the street to the left?”

  “Yeah? My dad’s company owns all five of these old warehouse loft building through here. Brooklyn and I helped renovate them to be able to live on the top floor. Why?”I’m so confused where he’s going with this. I know the confusion is showing on my face.

  “I have no doubt you did, Deni.”Gavin said with a wink and a quick kiss to the tip of my nose in response to my scowl directed at him for calling me Deni.“Well, I live in that one. I’m on the second floor. Our glass walls and balconies face each other.”I stand gaping at him.“I moved into it four months ago. When we arrived here this afternoon I thought it was some kind of joke, at first.”

  “Are you freaking serious?”I am completely shocked. I stood there staring at his loft my mouth hanging open without any words making their way out.

  He leaned his head to the side and looked at me. Is that a disappointed look on his face?“Hey you’ve showered. I thought I told you to keep ice on your knee with your leg up?”

  Crap! I feel a bit guilty standing in my favorite pink and black plaid lounge pants and black tank top but I just couldn’t sit there dirty. As we turn around and head back into the kitchen, I say,“I’m a horrible patient, first and second, I needed a shower.”

  Lifting his duffle bag over his shoulder and a naughty smile on his lips,“I was hoping to help you with that. Mind if I go ahead and shower so I’m not stinking during dinner.”

  I wondered why he had a bag. Damn, why does he make me blush?“I don’t really think that’s taking things slow, but by all means help yourself to a cold shower. Is there anything I can do while you shower? Want me to get the food out?”

  He stalked over to me, bent down and swept me into his arms, again. He then walks me over to the couch and deposits me back down before propping my leg up. Yelping from the surprise, I asked,“Ahh, why do you keep picking me up?”

  “Because I can and you aren’t supposed to be up on that knee. Now please be a good patient and do as your doctor s
ays.”

  Rolling my eyes,“You aren’t my doctor.”

  “We could play doctor like we did as kids.”That damn wicked grin spreads across his face again.

  I chucked a pillow at his head and then picked up my Kindle,“Go get your stinky ass in the shower. I’m getting hungry.”He pulled his sleeveless shirt, he was still wearing from the run this morning, over his head exposing his rock hard six pack and another tattoo on his left pec. Oh man, he is completely drool worthy. His shirt lands on my head, blocking my ogling. I quickly pull it down in time to see a large phoenix stretching across his shoulder blades and his well-defined back.“God, there’s not an ounce of fat on that man.”I quietly mutter to myself.

  “What’d you say?”he yelled from the hall.

  “Nothing.”Shit, he heard me. My face is blazing hot from my blush. Or is it from the sight of him shirtless? That man’s body is doing wicked things to mine and he hasn’t even touched me, yet.

  Ten minutes later he is out of the shower wearing nothing but a pair of blue plaid pajama bottoms. His hair is still wet and messy. His pants sit low on his waist giving me a delicious view of the top of his“V”. Damn, he’s cut and sexy. I think I could sit on this couch for the rest of my life watching him rummage through my kitchen looking for what he needs to set the table. I love the way the muscles in his back flex as he reaches for the wine glasses that hang on the wall over the sink. Ok, so I don’t have some foot fetish deal but why the hell is it so sexy to watch him walk between the kitchen and table with bare feet? I can feel the need stirring between my legs. I have to clinch my thighs together to find slight relief for my desire for him. God bless the person who created open floor plans. The main area of the loft is basically one giant room with exposed ducts in the ceiling. Brick on one outer wall and a large marble topped island separates the kitchen from the living area. The table sits between the kitchen and the wall of glass. I can sit on the couch and see everything in the main area of my loft and at this particular moment it is my favorite place to sit.

  Gavin finishes setting the table; complete with my good plates my mom gave me when I moved in here. Candles, along with a jazz station quietly play in the background. He strolls over to me with a look I can’t quite place on his face. Is he…oh shit…he just licked his bottom lip. I can feel my body heat under his penetrating gaze. Oh hell, this isn’t taking anything slow. Damn Sanders get a hold of yourself! It’s just dinner and a movie. He’ll leave after that…slow…he said we could take it slow...

  Extending a hand to me he declares,“I’m ready to eat you.”

  “WHAT?”Did he really just say that? Oh my gosh, I can feel my eyes about to fall out of my head.

  Smiling he said,“I’m ready to eat, are you?”He punctuated the last two words like he can read my thoughts.

  “Oh, yeah I’m starved.”Damn, is it hot in here?

  “Are you ok? You look a little flushed. Is your knee getting worse?”He asked fighting a smirk. Shit, he can tell he’s flustering me.

  I shake my head slightly to clear it from all the eye fucking I was just doing and say,“Yeah, I’m fine just hungry, I guess.”Helping me up, he leads me to the table. He’s got Betty’s famous lasagna, a salad, French bread and a bottle of red merlot.

  When we’ve about finished our meal I tell him,“Damn, if I eat anymore I’m going to have to run twice as long tomorrow.”

  He cocked an eyebrow at me,“I don’t think so. No running until your knee is better, probably two or three days, sorry.”

  “Are you serious?”I gape at him.

  “Yep, we’ll just have to figure another way to burn off the calories.”

  He’s smirking at me so I throw my napkin in his face.“SLOW. Does that word ring a bell?”

  “We can do it slow.”He sits back tapping a finger on his lip like he’s deep in thought.“Or we can do it fast. Whatever feels good to you.”

  Why do I feel like he’s a predator and I’m his prey walking into his trap?“Gavin, you’ve got to be kidding me?”I feign faux indignation.“We are not having sex tonight or tomorrow.”

  He mock gasped,“I was talking about taking a rowboat ride down the river tomorrow if the weather is nice. You seriously have a perverted mind. What kind of guy do you think I am?”He looks offended…notice I say“looks”. He’s so full of shit. A few seconds later he starts laughing.

  “Just for that you can do the dishes by yourself, too.”I say as I get up from the table with my glass of wine in hand. Before I can take two steps…well limp two steps he snags my wine glass and sets it on the table. He then wraps his incredibly strong arms around me and pulls me into him. Fisting his hand into my hair he lightly pulls down to make me look up at him. Leaning in, he hovers his lips over mine softly brushing them against mine making my eyes flutter shut and my heart race from his touch. He moves toward my ear feathering soft kisses across my lips to the corner of my mouth, down my jaw and then back up to my ear.

  Sucking my ear lobe into his mouth he whispers,“I was planning on it.”Following his path back up to my mouth with more light kisses he ends at my lips, giving several light kisses and nip to my bottom lip. We stand there breathless for a minute staring into each other’s eyes as I struggle to remember why I want to take it slow. For the life of me I can’t remember why. My flesh is on fire along the path his mouth moved. My panties are damp and my body is yearning for him. He releases my hair, slips an arm around my waist and helps me to my couch. On the way, without looking at me he says,“Sorry, I got carried away. I seem to have a hard time controlling myself around you.”I can’t help but take a little satisfaction knowing he’s struggling with this slow thing too, though we both need it to be slow.

  CHAPTER 13

  Gavin

  Damn, I didn’t mean to kiss her like that. That’s the kind of shit that’s going to make her pull back, but I couldn’t help myself with her eye fucking me while I set up dinner. Not that I’m complaining because I am most definitely not. I just don’t want her thinking that is all I want from her. It’s not, I want everything from her; marriage, babies, old age and rocking chairs and grandkids. Fuck, I sound like a damn pussy. That’s great Gav, tell her all that and scare the shit out of her. You need to get yourself together you have the rest of the night and all of tomorrow to show her why she should continue things with you. Though I’m sure the sex will be awesome, it has to wait.

  Dinner and dishes cleaned up and put away I head to the couch. Sitting down on the end with a chaise lounge facing the 42”T.V. hanging on the wall I reach over and pull Hayden next to me. Tucking her small body into mine with her back to my front we start the movie, Fast Five. This is the only movie we can agree on. I’m not interested in watching a Rom-Com and she’s not into horror flicks so we settle on a little action and eye candy for both, though, I have plenty of eye candy tucked in close to my body. Damn, I love the way her body feels tucked against mine. Her body curves into mine so perfectly. Running my hand slowly up and down her arm gives me the most peaceful feeling I’ve felt in…well, in 15 years. This was always my favorite part of the night, just holding her. I’d thought about asking her to dance after dinner but that will have to wait until her knee isn’t hurting. Damn, she really smacked it hard when she fell at the race. I’m actually surprised she didn’t do more damage than the nasty bruising and scrapes. Maybe I’ll make her let me x-ray it tomorrow if it is still swelling. Um, so why am I in doctor mode while I have my dream girl lying in my arms?

  Goose bumps rise on her arm. I can’t tell if it’s from me rubbing my hand along her arm or if she’s cold. I reach up on the back of the couch, pull the light throw down and drape it across us. She lets out a contented sigh and snuggles against me a little more. Damn, if she continues to rub her glorious ass against my already throbbing dick I’m not going to be able to hold out much longer. We are not even 24-hours into this and I’m ready to throw everything out the window, pull her under me and sink deep inside her.

  She t
urns her head to look over her shoulder at me,“You ok?”

  “Yeah, I just got caught up in my thoughts.”I tell her.

  Turning to her back she looks up at me with those beautiful emerald eyes and asks,“What are you thinking?”

  Damn that’s a loaded question. Do I tell her the truth? That I’m thinking about her, us, our future? Do I tell her I don’t want to go slow I want all of her now and forever? I go with a more simplistic version of the truth,“You.”

  She reaches up and traces her fingers from one side of my jaw to the other before placing her hand on my face. I turn into it and kiss her palm sitting on my cheek with my eyes shut for a minute just enjoying her touch. I reach up and wipe a few strands of red hair from her beautiful face. Our eyes lock and it’s like someone switched on the passion. Instantly, our mouths find each other’s. Our lips crush together as our tongues caress and taste the others. Her hands move to my hair, fisting it, while pulling me closer. I have one hand on her back pulling her to me, my other hand glides down her arm to her side and finally the hem of her tank top. Damn, I loved it when she slept in tank tops when we were younger. She didn’t were a bra and I could see her nipples poke through them. I slowly move my hand under her shirt to her flat, tight stomach. I spread my fingers out so I can touch as much of her as possible at once. I caress her stomach just feeling her warm, soft skin for a few minutes before my hand heads north to her breast. She’s letting out little moans that turn my dick into a solid piece of steal. Just then my cell starts to ring. FUCK! I seriously think about ignoring it but Hayden pulls back and asks if I should get that. Realizing it could be important I check it. Jeff, fucking eh! I answer with,“This better be important.”