“I wanted to know how today went with Hayden.”
“Fine, I’ll talk to you tomorrow night.”I say curtly.
“That doesn’t sound fine. Is she still refusing to talk to you?”Jeff asks not fucking getting it.
“No, we’re watching a movie. I’ll talk to you tomorrow night.”I hang up on him.
Hayden suddenly sits up,“Um…hmm…well, it’s getting late. I…uh…I’m sure you’ll want to be getting home.”
I don’t move from where I‘m lying,“Nope, you agreed to start off slow and spend the rest of today and tomorrow with me. Just like when we were teenagers. I always stayed the night with you back then. Remember?”
Her eyes grew wide as realization of what she actually agreed to set in.“Are you serious? You tricked me.”She said as she narrowed her eyes pretending to be upset. I leveled“my look”that always got my way with her while nodding.“Fine, but we have to back off all that.”She gestured to where she had lain.“That’s not taking it slow and we need to take it slow.”She let out a sigh that sounded disappointed.“Look, I’m getting tired. Let’s go to bed…uh…to sleep.”Ha, I’m flustering her.
“Ok”I said as I switched off the T.V. and lifted her up into my arms and carried her to the bedroom. As I set her down next to the bed she said she needs to use the bathroom. When she headed to the bathroom I sent Jeff a text:
Me: Fucking cock blocker! I hope your balls fucking fall off!
Jeff: LMAO Sorry, man!
Yeah, sorry he’ll be sorry alright. Maybe I’ll give him laxative filled brownies.“Fucking Jeff”I mutter as Hayden walks out and climbs into bed.
“What’s going on with Jeff?”
“Nothing, he’s just a pain in the ass. Where are your glasses?”I ask as I climb in next to her and wonder why she has a king size bed for just her. Then I realized why. Both Trix and Bella run in and jump into bed. Oh well we only need one spot anyway. I plan on holding her all night.
“I got Lasik done about five years ago. I was tired of glasses.”She said as she snuggled into her pillow.
“That’s a shame. I mean it’s great you can see but a shame because you looked sexy in glasses.”I reach over and put my arm around her waist and pulled her next to me so she had her head on my shoulder. Holding her hand over my heart like I always did, I kissed her head and said,“Goodnight, baby.”
Morning light starts to stream through the curtains. While I woke up several times last night to just stare at Hayden, I’ve had the best night of sleep in 15 years. We are on our sides facing each other with our legs tangled into one another’s. She has her head on my left arm and my right is slung around her waist. Her right hand is against my chest with her left arm draped over my waist. Sounds like a mess of tangled limbs, doesn’t it? It is. It’s a perfect mess. A mess I want for the rest of my life. As I lightly brush a few red curls off her cheek, I drag my finger down her ear, arm and waist to rest my hand on her hip. She’s….she’s…damn, there really aren’t any words for how beautiful and peaceful she is asleep. I’d like to get up and make her breakfast but that would involve getting up and giving up my perfect view and I just can’t do that. I’d rather just lie here and watch her, feel her breath against my chest. Damn, why does it have to be morning already? I feel kind of pervy watching her sleep for the last 20 minutes but damn if I don’t care.
Without warning her cheeks turn a little pink and a smile graces her beautiful lips. With eyes still closed she asks, “You’re staring at me aren’t you?”She peeks up through a slightly opened eye.
“Yep”I say with a huge smile on my face.“How’d you know?”
“Cause I always woke up to find you staring at me. When we were young I thought about getting you help for your perverse ways.”Eyes now open holding my gaze.
“Is that so?”
“Yep.”
I quickly flip on top of her and press her into the mattress.“I could show you my perverse ways.”I say with a wiggle of my eyebrows and a thrust of my morning wood which seems to be harder than ever before.
She starts laughing and slaps me on the arm.“Get off of me and take him with you. I need to use the bathroom.”She’s directly acknowledging my second favorite body part, that’s always a good sign. Well, second favorite for now since my hands and lips are in a race for favorite, since I actually get to put those on her. I roll off of her laughing and she heads to the bathroom.
~~~
“Do you think the weather is going to hold out long enough for us to get through our trip?”She looked up at the sky as we stand and wait to step onto the row boat we rented for the afternoon.
“The sky does look a little questionable but I think we’ll be fine.”
Our boat comes up to the dock and I step in before reaching for her hand to help her in.“How’s your knee feeling?”I asked as we situated ourselves.
“Good. It’s sore but good.”
“Ready?”
She nods and we head out onto the river.
We are about 10 minutes into our trip; I’m listening as she tells me how she and Brooklyn met, when very quick moving dark ominous clouds roll across the sky.“Hey, Gav? Do you think we oughta head back? That cloud isn’t looking too friendly.”She says making me turn to look up to the sky.
“Mmm, probably.”I smile at her.“So much for a romantic boat ride, huh? I guess I better do this now then.”Before she can ask what I’m talking about, I lean over and kiss her lips sweetly, at first. I swipe my tongue across her lower lip after a few light pecks to make her open and let me in. She does and it doesn’t take long for our kiss to become heated. I run my fingers lightly up her arm to the side of her neck. Wrapping my hand around the back of her neck, I hold her to me. The sky begins to rumble causing us to break apart. I’m all for playing in the rain but not when there is thunder and lighting.
Just as we decide not to chance it any further and turn to head back to the dock a deafening clap of thunder roars from the sky. The deafening volume startles Hayden into letting out a small scream. I row us back to the dock as quickly as I can but not quick enough. The rain starts to beat down just as we pull up to the dock. We hurry out of the boat and start to make our way back to Hayden’s loft. With her knee still swollen and hurting she couldn’t run. Trying to do the gentlemanly thing and still have some fun I stop her and turn my back to her.“Get on my back and I’ll carry you.”I yell over the pouring rain and claps of thunder.
“Are you serious?”She asks with amusement in her voice.
“Absolutely.”
Hayden jumps on my back and I take off running toward her loft. She’s laughing in my ear the whole way.
Once we get up to her apartment we head in and change from our wet clothes back into lounge pants and a tank top for her of course.“Well, looks like our plans are shot. What do you wanna do?”
She looks at me with a big goofy smile and says,“We could have a movie marathon and lie around on the couch all day. I know the three perfect movies.”
“Oh no, we are not watching them again.”I tell her amused at the puppy dog face she is making at me.
“When was the last time you saw them?”She’s starting to pout and I feel the battle slipping away from me. I have no willpower to resist anything she wants when she puffs out her lower lip.
“You seriously can’t come up with better movies?”I beg her.
“Nope. I love the Back to the Future movies. Please, please, please? I’ll even let you hold my hand”She says like she’s offering candy to a child.
“Ah, fine you win!”I say, chuckling while shaking my head.“Of course I’m holding your hand, that’s a given, but there better be popcorn with mini chocolate chips in it.”I say like I ever had a chance at winning this battle. When we were younger and the rain poured outside she would make me watch all three Back to the Future movies. I’ve never understood why she loved them so much but she did. I’ve always been a sucker for what Hayden wanted.
So that is what we did. W
e hung out in her apartment laid on the couch watching movies all day, ate junk food, talked and made out like teenagers. We ate the left over lasagna for dinner before I headed back to my place about 6:00 PM shortly before Brooklyn returned. It was a perfect day. When I walked back into my apartment the storms had let up so I called her and told her to go out to her balcony. Phones to our ears we stood on our balconies staring at one another. I just wanted to see her one last time before our crazy work week started.
CHAPTER 14
Hayden
When Brooklyn arrived home I was sitting on her couch with a glass of wine in hand and a scowl I was desperately trying to keep on my face. Truth is I’m not mad at her for stepping in and handling things. I would have done the same for her, but I gotta give her some shit.“Hello Brooklyn.”I say with an eyebrow raised, patented Brooklyn Littlefield moves that I have seen make the biggest alpha male surrender.
“Hello, Hayden.”She issues one right back as she walks over and takes the empty wine glass I left for her on the table and fills it with the bottle sitting next to it.
“How was your trip? The family?”
“They are fine. My grandparents will be gone for a two week cruise and then two week vacation in Alaska next week. My sister and brother-in-law are doing well.”
“Speaking of your sister how does she like the ER? She just moved down there from the floor about three months ago didn’t she?”I present the question as if I do not have an ulterior motive and as if she has no idea where I’m going with this.
“Yes, she’s very happy.”She replies equally cool.
“That’s wonderful. So what’s on your agenda this week?”
“Nothing unusual.”
“That’s great. So you won’t have any unexpected meetings this week that last until 9:30 at night then, huh?”I say to her with a sickening sweet smile
“If I knew about them in advance they wouldn’t be unexpected, now would they?”She busted out her own sickening sweet smile
“Touché.”I tip my wine glass to her.
“Well this conversation has been as stimulating as ever, but I’m going to unpack. You’re welcome to stay on my couch avoiding the true topic that brings you here as long as you’d like.”She set her wine glass on the coffee table and walked over to her stuff she set by the kitchen island and started to her bedroom.
“You set me up.”I call to her as she rounds the island.
She walks over behind me leans down and kisses me on the head,“Yes, ma’am, I did.”She says before heading to her room.
“Why’d you do it?”I ask genuinely curious.
From her bedroom she called out,“Originally, I went to chew his ass and make him leave you alone, but something about the way he looked told me he was genuine. When he found out he was hurting you with the blast from the past routine he looked devastated.”She came out dressed in her sweats and hoodie. She grabbed her wine glass and the bottle of wine,“Come on I’ll tell you all about it but I wanna go sit out on the balcony.”We snuggled into the chaise lounge chairs and refilled our glasses.“He asked me to meet him at this bar he knows -‘On the River’- I think he thought it was home turf for him.”She gave me a droll look causing me to giggle.
“Anyway, I met him that night and he told me everything. Once he started he didn’t stop. He is clearly still in love with you. Nobody is that good of an actor. Plus, when I got to the hospital I found my sister. After telling Maggie why I was there she enlightened me on a few things about your doctor.”My belly did a little flip at the‘your doctor’term.“Apparently, Dr. Hudson is quite the hot ticket around the ER. Women are constantly vying for his attention, but he won’t give them the time of day. Mags said, your doctor and his friend Jeff where sitting in the doctor’s lounge one day and she was trying to get him to take out one of her friends, another nurse at the hospital, but he wouldn’t. He said that he was trying to find a girl from his past he was still in love with. He and Jeff told her all about you and how he’d been searching for you for about 10 years now. About the only thing they didn’t tell her was your name. Mags asked him why he was still searching if he hadn’t found her yet and didn’t he think it was time to move on? She said he just simply said,‘I’ll search the rest of my life if that’s what it takes.”
My eyes widen.“I can’t believe he was willing to give up a lifetime of happiness with someone else to keep searching for me.”
Brooklyn takes my hand in an affectionate gesture that she only shows to very few people; her family and me.“H, honey, he wasn’t giving up a lifetime of happiness. YOU are his happiness. He wants you, only you. You’ve got a chance at something great. Something we both are looking for. I couldn’t let you pass that up. I know you’re scared but, H, you’re just going to have to go for it. Forget about the past and head to a life of happiness with your doctor. I know you’ve been happy for the most part in your life but you have a chance at the ultimate happiness. Don’t pass that up because you’re scared. He loves you. He’s searched for you for 10 years. You’ve never stopped loving him. You’ve avoided relationships because of him. Not because you didn’t want to get hurt again, but because it was only him you wanted to love you. Allow yourself to be loved.”
She’s right, as usual, and I love her for that. Brooklyn really is the best friend a girl can have. We spend the rest of the evening hanging out on the balcony drinking our wine and enjoying the beautiful early spring evening. I tell her about my weekend with Gavin and point out where he lives.“Seriously?”she asks.
“Yep, seems kind of like the universe is screaming at us, huh?”
“I’d say. Well, its sealed you have to spend the rest of your lives together. Be sickening happy and have obnoxiously gorgeous babies.”
We laugh and turn into gushing teenage girls talking about our latest crushes. This is a side of Brooklyn nobody gets to see but me. She has a very sweet heart but has dealt with a lot of pain in her life. Brooklyn and Maggie were raised by their grandparents and great aunt and uncle from a young age. Their parents and brother were killed in a car crash when they were just little girls. Ever since, Brooklyn has been a very controlled person. She will only get attached to things or people she knows will be around for the long haul.
“Alright, Brooky, it’s getting late and I’m going to head home. I’m tired.”I shoot B a wicked smile and head to my place.
When the door shuts to my loft everything is quiet, still. My back hits the back of the door as I realize something feels…off. Warily, I look around my loft. Suddenly it seems very lonely, cold even. It has never once felt this way. This weekend my loft felt warm, happy. That’s not to say it wasn’t warm or happy before, because it was. However, this weekend was different. It’s hard to explain, but, it’s like once Gavin left he took the life out of my loft with him.
My back slides down the door. When my butt hits the floor, I wrap my arms around my knees and sit there. My life was nice before Gavin whirl winded his way back in. If this is how it’s going to feel when he’s gone then I can’t do it. I can’t let him back in. Period.
~~~
Brooklyn sighs as my phone vibrates on my desk.“Aren’t you going to get that?”
“No,”I say curtly. This is the same answer I have given her every day since Gavin spent the weekend with me.“I’ll answer it later. Let’s just finish lunch.”We’re sitting in my office today eating lunch. We eat lunch together most days. It’s the location that normally changes.
Brooklyn gives me an annoyed look before shaking her head and continuing to eat. She knows me well enough to know that the subject is closed. Part of me wishes he would just stop calling but a bigger part of me is terrified he will.
I’d like to say after spending the weekend together we started this grand, beautiful love affair, the kind they write sweet love stories about but we didn’t. I just couldn’t jump in head first like he’d like. If I’d let him, I think he would have moved in that first weekend and never left. I definitely was not read
y for that. I was scared, afraid of being hurt. Spending years closed off to any kind of intimacy from a man isn’t something you push to the side easily. After jumping head first into being with him so easily that first weekend, feeling his body against mine, his touch, hearing his heart beating against my ear, waking in his arms in the morning, it just became too much. I really tried. I wanted to be with him but the feelings were so overwhelming I eventually pulled back.
Today is Wednesday, two weeks since I last saw Gavin.
Two weeks since I felt his body against mine.
Two weeks since his scent–all male; soap and something only uniquely him–filled my senses. I can still smell him in my loft.
Two weeks of me hanging out by my glass wall staring at his balcony hoping to sneak a peek of him on his balcony.
Two weeks of missing him. I’ve missed him more in the last two weeks than in the 15 years since we stopped being friends.
And two weeks of avoiding his text and calls.
Why am I avoiding him if I miss him so much? Hell if I know.
That’s not true. I do know. My heart wants him desperately but my head won’t get on board. My head is avoiding him for this very reason. See, I spent one weekend with him and my every thought is consumed by him. I spent 15 years without him. While I thought about him regularly in that time–even going as far as to compare every potential date to him, unknowingly–he didn’t consume my thoughts. I could eat, sleep, work and be just fine. Now my heart clinches with every thought. I don’t know how to find the middle. He’s stopped filling my office but hasn’t stopped calling or emailing. Each time I hear the little chime from my phone or computer alerting me to a new message I get these out of control butterflies in my stomach. No other man has ever given me butterflies.
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