Lilies

by Addyson Thompson

  “See, about a month after I was born my mom and dad’s best friend had a little girl. We were instant friends. They said when we were babies they would lay us on a blanket on the floor and we babbled back and forth to each other. If our families were together and it was nap time we both screamed our heads off until we were put in the same bed. Then she would roll over and sleep against me. They didn’t worry about us falling asleep in the same bed as we grew older because we always slept that way. We did everything together as we grew up. She was my best friend and I would do anything for this girl. This girl was stubborn from day one. She changed her name to a“more boy’s”name because she decided she was supposed to be a boy. She even tried to get me to teach her how to stand up and pee.”I couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped my mouth as I watched a blush cross her beautiful face.“Even though we were in different social groups she didn’t care. She just liked me for me. She held my hand every time my dad left for a deployment and didn’t tell anyone when I was upset. I was always protective of her and did anything she wanted me to because I knew it would make her smile. I loved when she smiled. When I got into trouble at school it wasn’t my parents I worried about telling, it was her. I hated to see the look of disappointment on her beautiful face. Being friends with her made me a better person because she would’ve kicked my ass if I ever got her into trouble.”

  “When we became teenagers the way she looked at me started to change. I could see she was in love with me, but I was scared. I didn’t think I was good enough for her. I didn’t think I deserved love from someone as wonderful as her. I was so worried about losing her I let someone else get in my head and fuck everything up; I couldn’t give her up completely. I still had to see her. She was a cheerleader and I really liked seeing her in the short skirt, but my favorite part was when she looked up in the stands and saw me watching her. There was a twinkle in her eye that was meant for only me. Even though I didn’t get to see the twinkle anymore, I still hid under the bleachers at every game she cheered. I knew I was the one that fucked everything up but I couldn’t go without seeing her. I loved this girl with all my heart. I did whatever it took to see her games because it always made her smile when I came before I’d broken her heart. She was and ismy one and only. She is the only person I want to go to bed with every night and she is the only one I want to wake up with every morning. I want to give her all the babies she wants and to grow old with her.”

  “Hayden, I only want you. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you, holding you, kissing away your tears, taking care of you. It’s always been you, only you. I love you. Please don’t push me away. Please let me love you, next to you, not from under the bleachers.”I kissed her again softly.“Please, Deni, open your eyes. Let me see that twinkle that I love. Please tell me you love me and you won’t push me away because someone thinks they can fuck with us? Please?”My begging is simply whispers now.

  She opened her eyes looking deep into my soul. For a brief moment, I see the determination and strength I know she holds but then she quickly looks away. Quietly, barely a whisper she said,“I’m scared. I don’t know if I can. I don’t think I can handle it if something happens to you because we are together. I’m sorry.”The tears stream down her face. I have to make her see we can get through this together. Our love is strong enough to overcome anything.

  I take her mouth in a savage kiss. I couldn’t do anything but seal our mouths together.“Oh God, baby, I love you. Don’t do this. Let me prove it. Let me show you.”I say against her mouth feeling my own panic rising.

  Hayden’s eyes were glistening with unshed tears.“I love you, too.”She said with the innocence of girl; a girl in love. She humbles me. How can she trust me, love me so innocently after all I’ve put her through. I know I am not the one doing this to us this time but I still feel like it’s my fault. I will never let this girl go, again. I will always protect her. I will always love her. I’ve been given a lot of grief over the years by many people. I never hid the fact I was searching for her. I wouldn’t get involved in a serious relationship and I made it clear to anyone I was seeing. So many people told me I should move on. I shouldn’t hold on to something that wasn’t realistically going to happen. To me it wasn’t unrealistic. I knew I would find her one day. I didn’t care if it took me until my dying day. I knew I would find her. She is my everything. My forever.

  I sat back on my knees and pulled her up to a sitting position. Reaching for the hem of my t-shirt she wore to bed, I slowly pull it over her head. I about lost my mind when I realized she wasn’t wearing anything under the shirt. I love that she sleeps without underwear. Grabbing her around the waist, I roll over to my back and pull her on top of me. She reached down pulling my boxer briefs off and threw them to the floor. She then leaned down and kissed me before starting to roll off me.“No, baby, not this time. This time you’re on top. If this is the last time I get to be with you I want all of you.”She looked at me with apprehension in her eyes but nodded. She slowly rose up and hovered over my dick. I placed my hands on her hips and slowly guided her down until I was fully inside her. She looked scared and unsure of herself. This isn’t a look I’m used to seeing on her face. She’s so confident. She so beautiful and her vulnerability takes my breath away.“Relax baby, your body knows what it wants. Let it do what it wants.”My hands still on her hips as she leans over and puts her hand on each side of my head on the bed. She slowly starts to move back and forth. When she leans down to kiss me, I guide her hips up and down.

  I could feel her inner walls starting to shake as she edges closer and closer to release. I wrap my arms around her and flip her to her back, never withdrawing from her tight heat. Slowly, I move in and out of her, building her up. Our bodies stay pressed together. She wraps her arms around my back needing the connection of our skin on skin, heart to heart. As her breath turns ragged and her pussy starts to clamp down I do not increase the speed. I want to take as much time as I can building her up. I want her to feel all the love I have for her.“Let go, baby.”Three little words, that mean so much more.“Keep your eyes on me. Come on, baby, let go of your fears,”I will her. You are strong enough. Our pace continues slowly, allowing our bodies and hearts to melt together. She doesn’t break the eye contact. I can see it, that spark. I know I have her. I know she’s mine. Fears fill both our eyes.“Please baby, don’t go. Stay with me.”

  She grips onto me tighter.“I’m here. No one is coming between us. I’m sorry. I…I love you.”We stare into one another’s eyes as our bodies find release together. Our hearts forever linked together. I pour myself into her wishing for the first time for failed birth control. I want nothing more than to make this girl mine forever and make a perfect duplicate of her. I want our forever to start now.

  Hayden fell asleep snuggled into my body as tightly as she could get. Though we normally sleep snuggled up to each other, this time was different. This time she held onto me so tightly it was as if she was worried I would be gone when she woke. I held onto her just as tight. Someone is after her because of me. They better stay away from her. If Hayden is hurt, I. Will. Kill. Them.

  ~~~

  I help Hayden and Brooklyn take their bags down to Dr. Asher’s SUV. Once we have the bags in the car I step over to the car parked behind Dr. Asher’s to give a full description of Kat to the officers accompanying them to the conference. Everyone is loading into their vehicles but Hayden. She’s standing there looking lost. I walk up to her and pull her close.“Everything is going to be okay, baby. Don’t worry.”I say into her hair taking a deep breath inhaling her scent. Her hands are fisted in my shirt at my waist like she does when she’s struggling with something. She doesn’t say anything just keeps her face buried in my chest and nods. I stand there holding her for another minute before I pull back enough to lift her chin to look at me.“I promise, baby, everything will be ok.”I then press my lips to hers. Still holding her face I kiss her several more times. We hug once more before climbing into the back sea
t of the SUV. I lean in and look at Dr. Asher.“Keep my girls safe.”I tell him.

  “Absolutely,”he says genuinely.

  I kiss Hayden’s forehead then pull out of the SUV and shut the door. I stand and watch them until they round the corner and I can no longer see them. Heading to my own car, I climb in and drive to the hospital for my shift.

  ~~~

  It’s about 3:00 in the afternoon and I’m finally getting a minute to sit in the doctor’s lounge and eat some lunch. Today has been a shit kind of day. Between the ER being crazy busy for a Thursday and the chaos that is taking place with the threats against Hayden, I’m not sure I’ll make it through the rest of my shift. I’m definitely going to have to run after work to let off some steam. Maybe I can clear my head and get some perspective. Hayden and I have spoken through texts today. Dr. Asher even sent me a text letting me know they arrived safely and another a couple of hours ago letting me know the girls are safe and well.

  I’m just hanging up the phone from talking to the psychologist handling Kat’s treatment when Jeff walks into the lounge.“Motherfuckingdammit!”I growled as I hung up the phone.

  “That good, huh?”Jeff asked as he sat down to eat.

  “Fuck! It is Kat. She left treatment a couple weeks after I started seeing Hayden again.”

  Jeff’s head snaps up to look at me and his fork full of food stopping halfway to his mouth.“Are you shitting me? How do you know?”

  I catch him up on the latest threats and what happened last night.“Yeah, thanks for fucking telling me you and Hayden kept in contact, asshole.”I said angrily.

  “What the fuck, Gav? She was my best friend, too. You didn’t just mess up your relationship with her; you messed up mine, too. You put me in the position to have to choose. You’re lucky I chose you. If you hadn’t been so damn messed up I might not have chosen you. She’s a helluva lot prettier than you are.”He grinned as he shoveled his food in his mouth.

  “Fucking hell Jeff, I’m trying to be pissed at you over here.”I tell him fighting a smirk.

  “Nah, you can’t stay pissed at me. I’ve listened to your girlie whining for too many years.”

  “Fuck you.”

  “Nah, I have your sister for that.”

  Needless to say he had to duck the bottle of water thrown at his head.“Fuck. Off.”I groan. That’s not an image I ever want in my head. Damn, I think I just threw up in my mouth.

  “Enough about your sister’s favorite pass time. What did the psychologist say?”

  “Again. Fuck. Off. Asshole.”It takes me a minute for the sick feeling washing over me to clear away. Why the hell did he have to marry my sister? Once I’ve stopped wanting to heave I tell him,“He said she left against his recommendations. She admitted herself voluntarily and showed no signs of suicidal/homicidal ideation so he couldn’t force her to stay. Apparently, she didn’t deal with any of her issues nor was she a cooperative patient. He said he was sure she would relapse but there wasn’t anything he could do. His hands were tied.”

  “Damn, so what are you going to do?”

  “I’m not sure, yet. I am not telling Hayden until she gets home, though. This has her all tied up in knots. I’m lucky I talked her into not breaking things off. I don’t know if I can stop her from running if it happens again.”

  “Don’t worry man. It’ll work itself out. Just to be safe, though, maybe you better stay with us tonight. I promise I won’t make Amy moan too loud.”

  “Fuck you.”I stand up gathering my trash. On my way to the trash can, I smack Jeff in the back of his head. He really does need a good ass kicking.

  “Awe, come on Gav. Don’t be like that.”I hear Jeff laughing as I walk out of the doctor’s lounge heading back to check on my patients.

  ~~~

  By the time I leave work I am mentally exhausted. I stop off at my loft and change into basketball shorts and a sleeveless shirt. Throwing on my iPod I head out the door and go for a run around the lake. Three miles later I’ve finally cleared my head and decided I’m going to look for Kat tomorrow. Enough is enough. She’s messed with my life long enough. I’m not sure how I’m going to do it, but I’m going to make her realize we will never be anything ever again.

  I stopped off and had dinner at ‘On the River’ and checked on the girls dogs. Man those are some spoiled pups. I swear they are going to put on 10 pounds just from the couple days they are with Jim and Betty. Someone in that place is always tossing them a snack. While I’m sitting out on the patio, staring out on the river, Trix walks over and lies at my feet and sighs. I reach down and pet her for a minute.“You miss her don’t you girl?”I say as I ruffle her ears. She lets out a whimper.“Yeah, me too girl, but she’ll be back tomorrow.”I lean back in my chair and take a pull off my beer when my phone begins to ring. Hayden’s beautiful face appears on the screen. A huge grin spreads on my face.“Look who it is, Trix”, I say as I answer.“Hello beautiful. I was hoping I would get to talk to you tonight.”

  She sighs,“I’m so glad to hear your voice.”

  “Me, too, baby. I’m at‘On the River’and we have a very sad looking puppy on our hands. And boyfriend, too.”

  “My poor babies, I’ll be home tomorrow. I miss you guys, too. How have things been today?”

  “Chaotic. The ER was a mad house today. I went for a run to clear my head but it wasn’t the same without you.”

  “I know. It just doesn’t feel right being here.”

  “Ahh, has it really only been three months since you came back into my life? How the hell did I survive 15 years without you?”

  “I know, I was just thinking the same thing. You must have been a mess. You are a very lucky man.”She giggled.

  I love when she giggles. It is one of the best sounds I’ve ever heard.“Hey!”I said laughing.“You may be accurate, but still, ouch.”

  “Oh I’m sorry, does the truth hurt?”She’s laughing at me now.

  “Maybe a little, but that’s fine. Anything just to hear you laugh. Tell me about your day.”

  We spend the next 45 minutes chatting about nothing important but loving every minute.

  “Alright, baby. You have a good day tomorrow and be careful.”I tell her as we are getting ready to hang up for the night. It’s almost 9:45 when we hang up and I head home. Trix started to leave with me when I walked out the door. I had to turn around and walk back in with her for her to go back.

  “Looks like she wants to go home with you.”Betty said.

  I knelt down and rubbed Trix’s head.“I’ll come back and see you tomorrow afternoon. I have some things I have to take care of tomorrow.”Trix whimpered as I walked out. Damn, now a dog has me wrapped too? Only Hayden’s dog could do that.

  ~~~

  When I arrived back at my loft, I headed straight for the shower. Once I’ve climbed in bed I send Hayden one last round of texts before I shut off the light to go to sleep.

  Me:“I like your bed better. Mine’s lonely.”

  Hayden:“I’m sorry. We can stay at your place some too”

  Me:“Or…”

  Hayden:“Or…”

  Me:“Orrr…. Playing coy?”

  Hayden:“Orrr…what? Nope, not coy ;-)”

  Me:“Orrrrr…you could let me move in with you permanently”

  Hayden:“Hmmm”

  Me:“Hmmm?”

  Hayden:“No, just hmmm”

  Me:“That’s not a no”

  Hayden:“Hmmm”

  Me:“I love you. Sweet dreams, baby”

  Hayden:“I love you, too. See you tomorrow.”

  I’m glad to see she’s still being playful with everything going on. I can see the smile spread across her face as she replied. I know it’s kind of soon to move in together but staying with her for the last week just confirms I don’t want to be anywhere else. Hayden has to be ready, but I don’t think she is. I’ll have to give her time and let her think about it…well actually let her analyze it to death. I decide to let it play out and see what
happens. I’m exhausted. I need sleep so I shut my thoughts off for the night. I plug my phone into the charger and set it on the night stand before turning out the light. It takes about a half an hour of tossing and turning before I drift off to sleep.

  “Hayden, what are you doing here? I thought you were at your conference?”I’m confused to see Hayden walking down the sidewalk. She doesn’t answer me she just stands and stares at me with a blank look on her face.“Hayden, what’s going on?”I reach for her but she takes a step back. I look around and start to wonder where the hell we are? I take a step for her again and reach for her. She takes two more steps back. Ok, what the fuck is going on? I try to shout but there isn’t any sound coming from my mouth. She shakes her head and turns and runs away.

  Suddenly, I’m 15 again sitting in the bleachers of my old high school’s football field. Hayden is cheering and a soccer game is going on behind her. I can see the cheerleader's mouths moving and fans yelling but I can’t hear a thing. What is going on? I shake my head trying to clear the sound of my heart beating in my ears. When I look around again the soccer game has stopped. The players, coaches and cheerleaders from both teams are walking toward the bleachers all with looks of hatred on their faces. I then realize the crowd has stopped cheering and yelling. They have all stopped to turn around and stare at me. When I look back down at the field Hayden, Jeff and Lucas are standing in front of me pointing and laughing. Before long everyone in the stadium is pointing and laughing at me. I spin around trying to figure out what is going on. I freeze when I realize Kat is sitting next to me. She looks up at me with a callous look on her face. She shrugs one shoulder,“I warned you. You didn’t want to listen to me.”She stands and walks away.

  Next thing I know I’m hiding under the bleachers watching Hayden cheer. No one is pointing. No one is laughing. No one is staring. No one knows I’m here. Hayden looks happy but I know the look is fake. I try to move. I try to walk out from my hiding spot under the bleachers but I can’t move. I’m cold. I’m so fucking cold but it’s a warm afternoon. I don’t understand. I scrub my hands over my face trying to clear my head and figure out what the hell is going on. When I take my hands away from my face I’m back. I’m back to the present and Hayden is curled up to my back. I’m still so cold and there is a horrible smell. It smells like the homeless patients do when they haven’t had a bath in weeks. Hayden’s body feels different. She’s much bonier and her skin is cold and clammy.“Hayden?”I ask turning over to face her. It’s not Hayden. It’s Kat. She’s naked in bed with me.“What the fuck?”I yell as I sit straight up in bed.