He laughs at something on the movie which showcases his dimple. That dimple is so distracting. I am no longer focused on the book I’m reading. Instead I take the opportunity to study him.
His long lashes.
His strong jaw line.
His scruffy chin. He doesn’t shave on the days he doesn’t have to work and I love the look.
His hard bare chest.
The tattoos on his arms.
Hmm, I wonder if I can convince him I’m really feeling better. This man is so sigh worthy. He catches me staring at him. He reaches up and pulls my lip from my teeth. With a smirk, he shakes his head no and goes back to the movie he’s watching. Pretending to turn my focus back to my book I innocently run my fingers up and down the inside of his thigh; from knee to halfway up his thigh. He grabs my hand ending my teasing and brings it up to his mouth. He kisses each tip of my fingers before lacing our fingers together and resting them on my waist. Ahh, this man is frustrating! I decide to wait a few minutes before I try something different.
About 10 minutes later I scoot down so my head is resting in his lap. I move my head side to side as if my head is following my eyes across the page. I can feel his reaction to this but he once again stops me. Gavin runs his fingers through my hair massaging my scalp. Ok, that just feels damn good so I stop my teasing for a few more minutes and just enjoy. He leans down and kisses my lips making me think I’m going to get more but pulls back and continues watching his movie. I growl at him causing him to chuckle but not take his eyes off the screen.
I lay there and pout for another 20 minutes when I decide I’ve had enough. He’s been so damn hands off lately insisting I need my rest to get over this virus. Well screw that. I have other needs, too. This time I go in for the kill knowing he will not be able to resist. I toss my book onto the ottoman. Rolling over, my head is still in his lap, but now I’m facing him only inches away from his stomach. I lay there for a few moments letting my breath tease across his skin. Against the side of my head I can feel his erection growing. I feather light kisses across his stomach before I run my tongue along his mouthwatering abs. I hear him groan and see his head drop back on the couch before he fists his hands into my hair and I know I have him. He can’t resist me now. There is no stopping it this time.
My tongue stops at his oh-so-happy trail. Gavin scoots down the couch some and slips his lounge pants off, his desire evident. I slide my tongue down his length before taking him in my mouth. With one hand fisting in my hair he sets the pace he desires. His other hand rubs down my body to the hem of my shirt before pulling it up to pinch my nipple. All too soon he’s pulling me off him.“I can’t wait. I have to have you now.”He says huskily.
Giggling,“But just a little bit ago you were shutting me down.”I protest halfheartedly. Standing me up, he whips my tank top over my head and my lounge pants off just as quickly. There is urgency in his actions I haven’t seen in a while.
“You changed my mind.”His voice filled with lust.“Now come here.”He commands. His eyes trained on mine.
Taking a hold of my hands he pulls me to straddle him, our bodies colliding together. Gavin grips my hips hard enough to mark my skin moving me up and down the length of him with desire fueled force. I place my hands on his shoulders to brace myself. The intense look in his eyes sent the blood coursing through my veins. Leaning down he roughly sucked one of my nipples into his mouth. My head drops back at the intensity of our love making. I scream out in pleasure as he quickly drives us over the edge. My head falls to his shoulder as we pant for breath struggling to regain our composure.
Once Gavin started to regain himself, he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me to him.“Damn, I’m sorry, Deni. I didn’t mean to get carried away and be so rough. It’s been agony keeping my hands off you. You ok?”He hooked a finger under my chin lifting my face to meet his. His eyes search mine while lightly pressing gentle, sweet kisses to my lips.
I’m still dazed. I know I have a glassy look to my eyes but I don’t want to leave this bliss I’m feeling right now.“That was incredible.”I tell him breathlessly.“I hate the almost completely hands-off approach you’ve had lately. I’ve told you. There is just been a lot going on lately. I just get tired. I’m going to the doctor this week to ease your concerns.”I’ve yet to move from his lap where we are still intimately joined together and have no intention of doing so.
“Ok, I’ll back off after you see your doctor. I’m just worried about you, H. I love you and don’t want anything to happen to you.”He lifted my left hand kissing the underneath side of the engagement ring he placed on it Christmas morning. I nuzzle my face back in the curve of his neck, thinking about his sweet proposal.
“Merry Christmas, baby.”Gavin said as he handed me a tiny gift bag no bigger than a deck of cards. The bag was a metallic green with a thin metallic silver border. There must be over a hundred thin red ribbons spilling over the edge of the bag. A card hung from one of the handles.
*Forever is hanging on the thin white ribbon.*
I looked up for a brief movement to find everyone watching me. Well, this isn’t awkward or causing my heart rate to speed up. Finding the thin white ribbon, I slowly pull it up to reveal an engagement ring charm for my bracelet. Confused, I look over to my right where Gavin is sitting, but he is no longer there. I start to scan the room to find him but my eyes don’t have to travel far because he’s on one knee in front of me. My heart is racing. My blood is pounding in my ears. My hand flies up to cover my mouth. I swear everything around Gavin blurs. His beautiful eyes stare up at me as a smile kisses his lips.
“The years we spent apart tore my soul apart. This last year has repaired my soul. I’ve loved you since we were little and didn’t know what love was. I know now; love is hanging out on the couch reading together, runs along the river with you, nights spent talking in bed or holding you all night. Love is waking up next to you each morning. Love is being with you forever. You are the one I want forever. I asked your dad for his blessing and now I’m asking you. Please, Hayden Jessica Sanders will you marry me?”Tears pool in our eyes as he speaks such sweet words to me.
I cannot speak, as much as I want to I just can’t. I open and close my mouth several times but no sound comes out. I finally give up and frantically nod my head yes! I hear everyone cheering but they sound so far away. I’m focused solely on Gavin. His hands tremble as he pulls the beautiful three stone diamond ring with emeralds on each side from its box and places it on my finger. He sweeps me up into his arms, burying our faces into each other’s neck. We stand there holding the other for what seems like an eternity.
“Say yes. I want to hear you say yes, please.”Gavin begs next to my ear so only I hear him.
“Yes. Yes. A million times over yes, I’ll marry you, Gavin Paxton Hudson. I love you!”I whispered back. With those words he pulls back and kisses me a deep soul connecting kiss. As we pull away from our kiss the tears that were pooling in our eyes have run down our faces with several new ones. Laughing we start wiping them away from the other’s face before our families descend upon us.
“Hey, where’d you go?”Gavin taps my lower back where his arms rest.“You seem like you’re a million miles away.”
I smile against his neck.“Your proposal.”I can feel him smile as he rests his cheek against the top of my head.
The rest of Saturday and Sunday flew by as Gavin and I hung around the loft doing nothing more than spending time together. Brooklyn, Jeff and Amy came over Saturday evening and we had dinner and played poker. There wasn’t anything spectacular taking place. We did a ton of trash talking and ate way too much food. It was a nice evening with great friends.
~~~
I’m not really looking forward to my week at work. I finally received the final approval on the grant I was working on at the end of last semester. It’s now time to start setting up committees and laying the ground work for Strengthening Our Future, the new program I want to implement. I’m out of the class
room for the next semester while I work to get the program off the ground. I am actually excited about the program, it’s the setup part that isn’t so exciting. The conference I ran into Gavin at last year was the foundation for the program. Partying, mainly binge drinking has become such an issue within the newer student body at the university; we are developing one main program with a couple of subprograms to bring awareness to the dangers of this behavior. Let’s be realistic, we cannot stop students from enjoying their time at parties nor is that our goal. We are simply trying to increase the awareness of the dangers and guide students to make healthy and safer choices. We will also offer programs to help students with unhealthy addictions. One exciting part of this program is Jeff, Gavin and I will be working together since it is a joint effort between the hospital and university. So here I am sitting in my office with a multitude of studies and applicant’s paperwork and recommendations to sort through. What a stellar Monday, huh? I guess no time like the present to start plowing through them.
A knock at my office door Tuesday afternoon startles me causing me to yelp. I yell come in. When the door opens, I am delighted to see Brooklyn standing in my doorway. She’s holding a bag with‘On the River’on the side.
“Well you are alive.”She says as she walks into my office. I quickly clear a spot on my desk for her to set the bag down.“I figured since you didn’t call me at all yesterday and it is now one o’clock in the afternoon and you still haven’t called me today, the black hole that is your desk had swallowed you up.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry, B, since Gavin worked late at the hospital last night, I figured I would stay late to get through some of the applications without him knowing how late I was here. I almost got busted. I only beat him home with ten minutes to spare. He’s been up my butt about not overworking myself. He’s seriously convinced I have some kind of virus that’s going to be the death of me if I don’t get enough sleep. He’s kind of getting on my nerves.” I grumble to my best friend.
“Don’t get too cocky there sister,”she quirks an eyebrow at me,“you didget busted. He called me this morning and asked if I’d make sure you ate lunch. Besides, he’s just worried about you. It’s nice he worries about you.”Shit, there’s that disapproving look.
“Damn, I knew he acted funny. I thought it was just my guilty conscious.”I sigh knowing she’s right but still it’s getting a little bit much.“He’s just a worrier, but you’re right. It’s nice to be worried about. You could possibly have that to if you’d give you know who the time of day.”Brooklyn waves her hand at me, dismissing the verbal poke. I know that subject is off limits and for now I’ll leave it be, but only for now.“So what’d you go get us?”I rub my hands together at the same time my stomach growls.
“Correction, what did Gavinsend over for us?”
I look at her confused.“Umm, how did he go get it? He’s working today.”
She started laughing.“This terrified looking kid, I say kid because he looked all of 20, showed up at my office door with the bag. Apparently, he is a premed student who just started a round of job shadowing or something. Gavin made him go pick it up and bring it to me. He said“Dr. Hudson,”Brooklyn used a mocking tone with a little head shake added for effect,“told him if the food was cold when he delivered it to me he wouldn’t sign off on his hours.”Brooklyn pulled out two bowls of creamy chicken soup, two salads and two baguettes while she told me what the kid said. I love soup and salad on cold days like this. That man knows me well.
“GASP! That is so not ok. He is so mean to them sometimes.”I said laughing around a mouthful of salad.“Did you tell the kid to relax? You would tell“Dr. Hudson”said in the same mocking tone and head shake,“he did what Gav asked?”
A devious smile spread across her face with one eyebrow raised.“What do you think?”
“Oh, B, that poor kid probably threw up as soon as he left your office. You two are mean.”She just shrugged and we spent the next
hour chatting and eating.
Within minutes of Brooklyn leaving, my calendar pinged on my computer reminding me of my doctor’s appointment in an hour. I decided to shut down for the day. I could head straight home from the doctor's office. I'd be home early and Gavin would be happy.
~~~
It may be a blistering cold January evening, but I don’t notice the cold. I’m on cloud nine. I can’t wait to see Gavin. I know he’ll be elated with my news. This is something he’s wanted for a long time. Gavin and I are meeting at his loft to pack up the stuff he has left. Even though we officially began living together in October, he had already extended his lease out six months in September. After he proposed, I suggested talking to my dad about terminating his lease but Gavin didn’t want to put him in an uncomfortable position with the other investors. Plus, we just haven’t had a chance to come over and finish packing until today. His lease is running out so now is as good a time as any.
I enter the access code for the building bouncing from foot to foot because the few seconds it takes to enter the code and the door to unlock seems impossibly long. I’m about to bounce out of my skin, I’m so excited. I hear the latch click and pull the door open. I skip the elevator and run up the stairs. There is no way I can stand in the elevator and wait for it to take me to my forever. I run up to his door and burst through. My elation soon turns to trepidation as soon as I see Gavin.
He’s scowling at papers and an envelope he’s holding.“What’s wrong?”I question hesitantly.
“Hayden-”He pauses. Shit this can’t be good if he’s calling me Hayden.“Hayden, you have to stay calm.-”
Walking over I take the paper and what turns out to be two photographs out of his hands. The blood drains from my head and my stomach falls as I read the letter.
I warned you. You are mine. You shouldn’t have called the fucking cops.
She’s dead.
My stomach rolls. The first photograph is of Kat and Trix in our loft. The second was taken from our balcony. It’s a picture of Gavin and I on the couch. We’re naked with me facing him as we made love last Saturday. Clasping a hand over my mouth I race for the bathroom, making it just in time to bend over the toilet and deposit the contents of my stomach. Gavin comes in with a washcloth getting it wet to put on my forehead. Sobs rack through me while making my way to the sink so I can wash my face and brush my teeth. No. No. NO! This can’t be happening. Not now. We’re so close to having it all. I can’t stand this. I’m not strong enough to go through this. I know I promised no more running but I’m not strong enough to stay. I can’t let him be hurt because of me. NO! Why now? I feel like I’m going to be sick again but I fight the feeling to ask,“Where did you get those?”I whispered.
“It was under my door when I came home. Deni, it’ll–“
“No don’t.”I don’t want to hear his promises to fix this. He can’t fix this. He started to wrap his arms around me but I pushed them off and him away. I can’t let him put his arms around me. When I’m in his arms I have no willpower. I will give in and I can’t. I have to follow my head not my heart this time. This time there is too much at stake.
“Hayden, she won’t win. She won’t hurt you. I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise.”I counter his step towards me with another step back.
“How is she even out? Why was she released?”I question as I head back into his living room.
“She wasn’t. Last week, Kat walked away from the mental health treatment facility where she was being held. Detective Beston called me on my way home to tell me. He said he had just found out about it this morning. He’s been trying to reach us all day only getting our voice mail each time. I was getting ready to call him when you walked in.”
The paper and pictures fall from my hand to the floor. My head drops down to my chest as a tear slowly rolls down my face. I have to go. I have to end this. We can’t stay. This is the only way for us to be safe.“She’s already won.”My voice is almost inaudible. I can’t make it louder. I can barely hear ove
r the whooshing sound in my ears. It’s the sound of my heart breaking into a million little pieces.
“NO! Baby, please don’t do this. Please don’t run. I know that’s what you’re thinking. I will protect us. I promise. Please…please don’t do this. We have a restraining order against her. They’ll catch her.”He tries to wrap me up in his arms again but I can’t let him. If he puts his arms around me I’ll give in. I can’t give in. I’ll love him forever but I can’t let her hurt us more than she already has. I know I’ll regret this for the rest of my life but this is the only choice.
“A fucking restraining order isn’t going to stop her, Gavin. Look at the fucking pictures. She’s been in our home. She’s watched us make love. She can get to us. She’s already gotten too close. It’s not the same now. I have to protect us. This is the only way I know how.”
Tears stream down my face. I can’t catch my breath. I can’t see. I can’t speak as sobs rack my body. Gavin is standing in front of me begging me not to do this. I hear him pleading with me not to run but I have to. I can’t stay. I have to protect us. Kat is back. She’s deranged. She’s threatening to kill me, to kill us. I have to protect us. If leaving Gavin and never telling him…never telling him everything protects us then that’s what I will do. I can’t take this. This is worse than when he left me in high school. Then I hopedfor a future with him but now…now I know we have a future but she’s preventing us from being together, once again. I HATE HER! SHE’S RUINING MY LIFE.
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