Lilies

by Addyson Thompson

  Jeff sits staring at me stunned. I highly doubt he or anyone thought of it that way. All anyone has seen is how hurt Gavin is which is the very last thing I wanted. Jeff gets up and comes to sit next to me on the bed pulling me into his arms. I bury my head in his chest as I cry.“I’m sorry, Deni. I didn’t think about how scared you must be. I’m sorry. I’ve spent years dealing with Gavin’s side and didn’t think about how this affects you. I love you both and want you to be happy, but Deni, neither of you are happy right now. I guarantee staying away for Gavin isn’t going to keep Kat away. She still may go after one or both of you. At least if you’re together you guys can look out for each other. He loves you, Deni. All he wants is to be with you and take care of you.”

  Everything hits me at once. Like a sledgehammer to the head I realized; this is my fault. I have created part of this mess. No, I cannot control Kat or her actions but I am responsible for the rest. I’ve been unconsciously blaming Gavin for all my fucked up views of love and life. For the fear I have of being hurt. For my refusal to embrace life and love; I’ve blamed Gavin. I did still care that he hurt me back in high school. I am still holding a grudge. That ends today; now. I have the power to fix this. I will fix it. I promised Gavin, the day I found out the unknown person harassing me was Kat, I would stop running and trust in him. I’ve promised Gavin several time that same thing, in fact. The sad truth is; I’ve not once fulfilled my promise. I’ve always kept one foot out the door.

  I didn’t even push him to cancel his lease extension when I acknowledged we were officially living together, knowing my dad wouldn’t have a problem with it, because somewhere deep inside me, I liked the idea of him having a place to go back to when this ended. With us, Gavin never saw an expiration date. I, however, believed it would end but not when.

  I run, that’s what I do. I do it unconsciously. I’ve not realized why until this moment. I run out of fear of rejections. I run because it’s easier than staying and fighting. I could have fought for Gavin in high school but I didn’t. I turned my back on everyone. I put our parents in an uncomfortable position of taking sides, knowing they would side with me. He may have made a bad choice in high school but I’m the one that decided to break our hearts repeatedly. That is my burden. Not his.

  Gavin is a good man. He’s the man every little girl dreams of when they dream of their future prince. Gavin is my everything. I will not take anything more from him. I will not take his child from him and I will not take me from him. I am who he wants. He is who I want.

  “I know you’re right. It’s time I go home and fix the mess I’ve made.”I mutter through the remaining hiccups.

  “I know. I always am.” Jeff grins at me as I half-heartedly punch him in the gut. “Please, let me take you back home or at the very least let him come see you. He needs you as much as you need him right now.”Jeff’s tone is much softer, calmer. He’s back to the Jeff I know.

  Nodding my head I sit up before wiping away the remaining tears that still run down my face but less frequently. Jeff’s right. We’re better together.“Ok. I’ll go home. If he even wants to see me. I really doubt he does. He was pretty clear he was done when I left. I know he calls Mom several times a day but that’s probably because of the baby.”

  “Oh, Deni.”Jeff groaned.“Don’t go stupid on me. It’s killing him not being with you. Don’t do this. Stop second guessing everything. He reacted badly to the situation, just as you did. Just be happy with him. You guys have a family to think about.”

  I agree to get my stuff together and head back with Jeff. I need to tell my parents, though, as nosey as they are and as loud as we were at points I’m sure they already know. I stand to head to the bathroom but don’t feel so well. I make it out to the hall before my vision blurs. I can hear my mom saying something to me. I think she’s asking if I’m alright but I can’t tell and don’t respond. Everything shifts to slow motion. I can hear commotion before I feel my legs give out. I think my mom yells before my dad grabs me. I know it’s my dad because I can smell his aftershave. It’s the same aftershave he’s worn my whole life. The smell is comforting, safe. As everything goes black I hear my dad yell for Jeff.“It’s ok Deni girl. I’ve got you. You’re ok.”My dad mutters. His aftershave is the last thing I recognize as my world goes dark.

  My head is foggy. Am I moving? I feel like I’m in a car. Ouch! Something just poked me in the arm. My head hurts. I can’t see anything but a bright light keeps flashing back and forth in myeyes.“C’mon Deni, talk to me.”I swear that’s Jeff’s voice. Ahh, the blissful darkness takes over again.

  ~~~

  The dark fog lifts again but I still can’t see anything or tell where I am.

  “Take her to University. I’m a doctor there.”Awe, that’s Jeff.

  “Sir, that’s 10 minutes farther than Whiteoaks.”Another male says but I don’t know the voice.

  “Take. Her. To. University. NOW! She’s stable. That’s where her doctors are.”I want to laugh at the authority in Jeff’s voice but I can’t. The dark fog takes over again and I’m back to blissful darkness.

  ~~~

  “Gav, meet us at University. I’m on my way with Deni. She had a syncope episode at her parents. Dammit, Gavin, stop! I’ll explain when we arrive. ETA 12 minutes. She’s stable but still in and out of consciousness.”My head hurts and my stomach feels like it’s been doing a million summersaults. Shit, my baby. I try to speak. I try to sit up but there are big hands holding me down.

  “Deni, calm down. It’s Jeff. Deni, you need to relax. Can you hear me?”

  I keep fighting. I need to get out of this fog. I need to know what’s going on.

  “Deni, honey, calm down.”The fighting stops as the blissful darkness takes over.

  ~~~

  Everything is quiet but for the regular beeping I hear to my left. My head hurts and so does my stomach. Opening my eyes, I see something in the top of my hand but my vision is still so blurry I can’t make out what it is. My hand hurts where it is. I’m so tired but I open and close my eyes a few times before my vision clears. I’m in a hospital room. My room is dark except for a light on the ceiling above my bed. My dad is asleep in a chair in the corner. My mom is at the foot of my bed. Her head is resting on an arm and her hand is on my leg. I think she’s asleep, too. Gavin is on my right up by my chest. One hand is holding mine with our fingers laced together and the other is resting on my belly. Oh God, I hope my baby is ok. As I start to stir they begin to wake up.

  CHAPTER 28

  Gavin

  Heading back to Amy and Jeff’s after a long shift isn’t my favorite thing. It’s after seven in the evening. I’m hungry and tired. I want to call Sarah and check on Hayden and the baby but I’m going to wait until I get back to Jeff and Amy’s. I’m going to try to get her to talk Hayden into at the very least talking to me on the phone. I just need to hear her sweet voice. I need to hear her tell me she’s ok. Not having her in my life every day, going to sleep with her each night and waking up to her beautiful face each morning is killing me. A hole has formed in my life that only she can fill; an emptiness in my soul that grows deeper and darker daily without her. It takes me about 30 minutes to get to Jeff’s place. This drive is why I originally moved to the lofts. My phone starts ringing. Checking the screen I see Jeff is calling me.“Hey I’m almost to your place. I just got off.”I say when I answer the phone.

  “Gav, meet us at University. I’m on my way with Deni. She had a syncope episode at her parents.”

  “What the fuck do you mean you’re on your way to University with Deni? What caused it? What are you doing with Deni?”I shout into the phone.

  “Dammit, Gavin, stop! I’ll explain when we arrive.”

  “We are coming in by medic. ETA 12 minutes. She’s stable but still in and out of consciousness.”

  ~~~

  As soon as I enter the ER doors I see Jeff.“What the hell is going on?”

  “Gavin, let’s go sit down and talk.”

&nbs
p; “No, screw that! Tell me what’s going on.”

  Jeff grabbed my arm and led me over to the doctor’s lounge. I tried to pull out of his grip but he just moved me quicker.“Gavin, you’ve got to calm down. You know you can’t go in like this. Dr. Hartford is in with her right now. She is severely dehydrated and hypoglycemic. We had a difficult time getting a line even started. She is now hooked up to an IV. Sarah said she’s hardly been eating, drinking or sleeping.”

  “Why didn’t she tell me any of this? I call her several times a day.”I started pacing the lounge trying to get myself under control but it’s not working. I feel the anger and rage building and at this point I don’t know who it’s directed toward. Myself? Jeff? Sarah? Hayden? Kat? I think I’m about to lose my mind.

  “Look, Sarah is really upset feeling like this is her fault. She said she didn’t tell you because she thought it was normal with what’s going on between you guys right now.”

  I freeze mid pace feeling the blood drain from my head.“How’s our baby?”

  “The baby looks good but Hayden needs to start taking care of herself.”

  “Damn right she will. She’s coming home with me so Ican take care of her whether she likes it or not!”I growl.

  Jeff nodded, understanding where I’m coming from.“Deni regained consciousness but is sleeping. Dr. Hartford is talking to her parents and updating them right now.”Jeff stood in front of me. He paused before opening and closing his mouth. He has a perplexed look on his face like he’s trying to figure out how to tell me something…something he doesn’t want to tell me. We’ve been friends far too long for me not to recognize that look.

  “What aren’t you telling me, Jeff? I see the look on your face. You’re not telling me something.”

  “Alright listen, you have to stay calm-”

  “Just spit it out, Jeff. You’re starting to piss me off.”I yell at him cutting him off.

  “I went to talk to Deni. I was pissed she was running like she does when things get tough and for putting you through this. I yelled and so did she-”

  Grabbing him, fists clenched in his shirt, I slammed him against the wall with so much force the walls shook causing pictures to fall. I’ve never felt so much rage against one person.“This is your fucking fault?”I shout shaking him.

  The door flew open and Cody walked in.“Gavin, let him go.”He said in a calm fatherly tone.

  “FUCK THAT! HE’S GOING TO TELL ME WHAT HE DID!”Jeff isn’t fighting back just standing there glaring back at me.

  “GAVIN! Let him go, now!”Cody’s tone was still fatherly but much harsher.

  “FUCK!”I spat as I released Jeff. Pacing the room my fists clench and unclench. I want to beat the fuck out of someone or something. Stopping my pace I glare at my best friend,“Tell me what happened now.”My tone has turned ice cold.

  “Sit down.”Cody commands but I just stood there my glare now trained on him as well as Jeff.“Son, I said sit down now.”I finally do as he commanded. Jeff sits across the table from me. Cody sat next to me with a hand on my shoulder.“I was there and heard everything. Her mother and I were outside her room the entire time. He didn’t do anything to her. Yes, they yelled at each other but it was all stuff that needed to be said. You know damn well I wouldn’t have let him hurt her. She needed to hear what he had to say and she needed to get mad enough to let her true feelings out. You know my daughter. She won’t let her feelings show unless she’s backed into a corner.”Looking over at Jeff, Cody instructed him to continue not removing his hand from my shoulder. I’m not sure if he left his hand on my shoulder to hold me down or give me support, probably both.

  “I went out to see her. We exchanged words and she made me see we’ve all forgot her feelings in this. She’s scared Kat is going to hurt her, the baby or you. She ran because she thought it was the best way to keep everyone safe. I convinced her running wasn’t going to stop anything from happening. That it is actually better for you both to be together, that you guys were safer together. She agreed to come back with me. She was heading to the bathroom when she collapsed. Gavin, she was coming back to see you.”

  Cody turned to look at me.“She wants to be with you. She’s stubborn, Son. She gets that from me, unfortunately. Be calm. She loves you. Just remember she’s scared. She doesn’t handle scared well. We’ve talked a lot since she came to our house. Hurting you was not something she wanted.”

  I hadn’t realized Dr. Hartford had walked in until she sat down next to Jeff.“She’s ok. Your baby is doing well. You know I’m breaking all kinds of rules here but this is a doctor to doctor courtesy. I think this is something you need to know. Two weeks ago when she came to see me she was worried something was wrong. So I ran the normal test and diagnosed the pregnancy. I told her we needed to do an ultrasound. She didn’t want to do it without you there. I called down to the ER but you guys were slammed. Not wanting to pull you away, Hayden decided to go ahead with the ultrasound. She was very excited. I printed a picture for her to show you. She was in good health then. Now, she’s exhausted, hypoglycemic and severely dehydrated. The events of the last two weeks have taken a toll on her but with proper rest, fluids and diet she’ll recover without a problem. Your baby is healthy and developmentally doing well. This doesn’t appear to have affected the baby. You know the requirements as well as I do so I don’t think I need to run through them with you. She needs a low stress environment. I cannot let you go in her room if you’re not going to be calm. Her mom is in with her right now. Can you be calm?”

  I nod my head but don’t move to get up. I stare down at the table watching the small droplets of water hit the table in the circle of my arms. My whole world is a few rooms away sick. I should have realized she was pregnant, not sick. I should’ve been the one taking care of her, protecting her. I could’ve lost everything today. So now I sit here frozen and staring at the table just watching the drops hit the table. Cody stands and shakes Dr. Hartford’s hand thanking her for everything. I hear him ask her to let Sarah know we’ll be in shortly. She agrees and leaves us. Cody walks back over and sits down. Putting his hand back on my shoulder he says,“You gotta get it out in here Son. You need to be strong for my little girl when you walk out that door. I’m putting my trust in you.”My head drops onto my hands and I don’t stop the emotions flooding me. After a few minutes, I wipe my arms across my eyes and stand.

  First, I thank Cody. This man was as much of a father to me growing up as my own dad. Second, I walk over to Jeff and extend my hand. He takes it and pulls me into a hug.“Thanks man. If you hadn’t been there…”My words trail off not wanting to think about what would have happened.

  “Shit, Gav. Women make us do stupid shit.” I agree before we head out. Jeff said he was going to go out an update Amy and Brooklyn who are apparently in the waiting room.

  Cody and I head to Hayden’s room. When we enter Sarah jumps up and runs over to me. She throws herself into my arms and begins to cry.“I’m so sorry. I had no idea. This is my fault. I should have told you but-”Her words break as she cries. I console her as best as I can letting her know it’s not her fault. Cody takes his wife from me and I head over to Hayden’s bedside. She is asleep and I don’t want to wake her. I kiss her lightly on the forehead because I know how much she likes it when I do. Then kiss her belly. Sitting in the chair next to her bed, I lace our fingers together holding her hand and caress her belly with my other hand. This is my whole world.

  ~~~

  A few hours later I wake when Hayden starts to stir.“Hayden? Baby, it’s ok. I’m here.”My hands clasp around her cheeks. Using my thumbs I wipe the tears that are starting to fall as I stare into her beautiful emerald eyes.

  “Is the baby alright? I didn’t hurt our baby did I?”Tears stream down her face as she starts to shake.

  “Shh, baby. Our baby is fine.-“

  “Oh, thank God.”She muttered as I continued.

  “You are fine. We just have to make sure you are taking care of yourself
?”My lips find hers. I pour every ounce of love I have for her.

  Her parents wake up. Cody leaves the room and returns a few minutes later with Dr. Hartford.“How are you feeling, Hayden?”Hayden admits to feeling worn out. After she has checked Hayden, Dr. Hartford confirms she’s keeping her overnight at least. She wants to push more fluids and make sure Hayden’s blood sugar returns to normal before she releases her. She tells Hayden the nurse is going to come in and draw some blood before they get her out of the ER and into her room. She also told Hayden they were bringing her something to eat and she expected her to eat it all. She agrees and thanks Dr. Hartford.