by Lace, Lolah
“Oh god, there’s a woman pregnant with your child?”
“She was pregnant.”
“She had an abortion?”
“There was no abortion.” I exhaled.
“What?”
“The baby is here. She had it.”
“Daniel is not going to believe this.”
“I had a hard time believing it myself.”
“So she lives here?”
“Yes.”
“You were with the model.”
“Gigi. No, she was before Gigi.”
“The math doesn’t add up. You were with Gigi for a while. Are you sure it’s your kid? She lives here. You live in California.”
“The baby has been born. He’s eight and a half, nine months old.”
“Nine months. Geez Antonio.”
“I’m sure he’s mine.”
“How can you be sure?”
“I had his DNA secretly tested. He’s my son.”
“He, a boy. Fuck! I’m sorry Antonio. I’m kind of happy and excited and clearly you’re not. I’m just so shocked.”
“I am too, not happy, shocked. I haven’t seen this woman or talked to her in over a year, almost two.”
“Who is she?”
“She’s not in the industry.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know yet. I don’t have a plan. I didn’t really accept it until I flew back here today. I saw her with it— the baby strapped to her chest.”
“How did this happen? You’re always so careful.”
“I don’t know. I was doing something I’ve never done before and I wasn’t thinking with my head— the right one.”
“Doing something you never did before? You’ve had sex before so I don’t understand exactly what you mean.”
“It’s a little too out there to explain. I just was trying something new and went all out.”
“Well yeah. What are you feeling at this moment? Aren’t you just a little happy about being a father?”
“No, I don’t know what I’m feeling. I read the DNA results and I thought I accepted it but then I saw her with him.”
“What does he look like?”
“Me.”
“Oh god, a little baby Antonio. Daniel is going to be so thrilled. Now you both have kids and your mother is going to be so excited.”
“I don’t know how anyone is going to react.”
“How did she tell you? Your hookup.” She raised a brow. She was genuinely interested.
“She didn’t tell me.”
“I don’t understand. How did you know you were a father?”
“I looked her up. I wanted to sleep with her again. I had my investigator search for her. She had moved somewhere else since our last hookup. But, when he found her, he also found she had a baby.”
“You said you were looking for her to have more sex? But, you can have sex with a host of available women. Why her?”
“She’s familiar. I have a harem in LA at my disposal but not here in Chicago.” I joked.
“Right.” Carla smirked. She wasn’t buying my bullshit but I didn’t think I was selling her any bullshit. “So she just secretly had your baby without your knowledge?”
“Yes it seems that’s what she did.”
“Antonio Lambrusco’s secret love child isn’t in the tabloids so what was she going to do with the baby?”
“I don’t know. She hasn’t even contacted any news outlet. The birth certificate is blank. She’s made zero attempts to locate me. I saw her today for the first time in over a year.”
“What did she say?”
“Nothing much. She acted afraid.”
Why would she be afraid of you?”
“I don’t know. She’s the one that kept a huge secret from me.”
“Why would she keep a baby a secret?”
“I don’t know. Maybe she was waiting for a huge payday in the future.”
“You know, it’s possible she didn’t have anything sinister in mind and was just going to raise the baby by herself.”
“Not likely with all the money I have.”
“Everyone isn’t trying to use you or get something out of you. She’s not from LA.”
“She didn’t seem like she was on the verge of extorting money from me.”
“This might be difficult, but how about giving her the benefit of the doubt.”
“She did seem annoyed by my sudden return. She asked me why I was back.”
“Good question. Why are you back?”
“He’s mine, my kid. I have to do something. I just don’t know what to do?”
“What do you want to do?”
“I’m not an asshole. I want him to be taken care of financially.”
“Isn’t she doing that?”
“Yes, from what I can tell. She takes care of him. She takes him to the doctor. She works from home so she hasn’t shipped him off to a babysitter.”
“That’s good news.”
“If you saw how she behaved. She held that kid like I was going to snatch him from her arms.”
“Maybe she thinks you will.”
“Why would I do that? I don’t even want a baby.”
“The unexpected irony, the universe gave you something you didn’t want. Even you can’t control everything.” She chuckled. My life was amusing to her. I haven’t made it to the stage of laughter. I was still in the stage of confusion and frustration.
“No, apparently I can’t control the universe or my sperm. If I could, I would have won an Oscar six years ago.”
“You have two of them now and I’m sure you’ll have another one coming to you real soon. Everyone knows you’re talented. If you won every year there would be absolutely no reason to watch that boring show. Your career aside, what are you going to do about this real movie that is your life?”
“Carla,” I shrugged. “I honestly don’t know. I need time. I can give her money until I figure out her motives.”
“Like I said before, give her the benefit of the doubt.”
“I’m not going to let her blackmail me.”
“Maybe that’s not her intention. Did she trick you or lie about being on birth control?”
“No, she didn’t lie or trick me. She didn’t steal my sperm out of a condom or anything like that. I made her sign an NDA but I doubt that covers these varying circumstances. I’m going to have to ask Daniel about all the new legal ramifications this has caused. I made a mistake. I got carried away. I just didn’t use protection. I can be completely trashed and still use a condom. When I was in my twenties I could be coked up and remember to strap up but this time I just didn’t want to.”
“You got her pregnant the one time you weren’t safe?”
I misspoke. “Well, it wasn’t once, more like all the times.” We fucked a lot. “I was stupid, reckless, careless and horny.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.”
“Maybe you really liked her.”
“It’s not that.”
“You didn’t know her from what I can tell of this story. She’s not in the industry. So what does she do? Please don’t tell me she’s a stripper.”
“She was a waitress but now she’s a customer service rep for a utility company.”
“She’s not an aspiring model?”
“No, she’s pretty like a model but has curves. She eats real food.”
“So, she’s a regular person. I’m still in shock and if I didn’t say it … congratulations. You’re a father now. Your life is going to be great and scary and magical even if your decision is to stay away. Whatever you decide, you know Daniel and I will support you.”
“Thank you, Carla.”
I waited for the girls to come home from school. I got caught up on all the things that were interesting to a six and a ten year old. It helped me take my mind off my situation. They were growing up in this perfect world with great parents. It’s the opposite of my upbringing. What would my son’
s life be like with me in it? I’m a fairly decent uncle but the skills to be a father seemed foreign. Mostly because I didn’t have a good role model. Daniel had the same father as me but he turned out just fine. I haven’t figured out why.
When my brother arrived I gave him the run down. We talked. He seemed to not have any emotion about it. Daniel had a level head. He told me he wouldn’t judge me.
“You need to talk to her and see where her mind is.”
“I know.”
“The sooner you talk to her the better it is for you. Then we’ll know how to proceed.”
I was so glad he said we. I needed support. This had never legitimately happened to me before. I had a few abortions early in my career from girlfriends that didn’t want to be a parent any more than I did. Children cut into the fast life we were living. I did my time of sex, drugs and rock n’ roll. I was young in Hollywood once and it was a rite of passage for most hot and up and coming actors and actresses.
CHAPTER 2
TONIO
It was late when I decided to go over to her condo. It was almost midnight. Daniel had given me the keys to his Benz. I walked into the condo complex dressed like a regular guy and disguised in a baseball cap. I always thought of myself as a regular guy. Fame made others perceive me in a different light. Money and success hadn’t changed me too much. I would have been this way regardless. I was a product of my environment.
I needed a key to her place. I wanted to have had access to all things concerning her because they concerned the baby. She was unaware of how I had cyber stalked her since we last saw each other. Sometimes I wanted to communicate with her. I always changed my mind. I was no good for her.
I probably should have showed up in the morning but I couldn’t stay away. I wanted to see my son. The pictures the investigator had taken weren’t enough. He looked like me. I had to see him for myself. I didn’t bother to look at him for those brief moments in the car.
Kelby was too emotional. I didn’t want to make a scene. I didn’t want to hash it out in the backseat of a Town car. I definitely didn’t want to send her running to the media. The kinky sex, I could see everybody weighing in on why I would have to pay for sex. Then there’s the illegitimate kid with a Black woman hidden away in another state. The press would have a field day with the twists and turns they could throw on such a salacious story. All my humanitarian acts would fade away and I would be labeled a deadbeat.
I felt compelled to lay my eyes on him. I wanted to see her again too. I missed her body, her smile, her tight wet hole. Something I shouldn’t be thinking about - the reason I’m in this predicament. Kelby was just another part of me that I had given up. It was sick and strange and messed up but I didn’t want to damage her. She was not cut out for my lifestyle. She was fragile and good. She wasn’t like my peers or my crowd.
Security was lacking in the building but the neighborhood was okay. She buzzed me up after I rang her from the lobby. I took the elevator up and I didn’t have to knock. She was standing at the open door of her condo. I walked inside without any formal invitation. I took in my surroundings. Her place was nice and cozy. She was a minimalist like me. She had the basic furniture needed to live, no clutter, no overabundance of meaningless decor. She could pack up and leave without much hassle. Did I want that?
“It’s late.”
“I’m aware of the time.” She wasn’t asleep. I could tell she had been wide-awake. “Where is he?”
“In his bedroom. Do you want to see him?”
I didn’t answer. I just looked at her. She rolled her eyes, walked away and I followed behind.
We made our way to the baby’s bedroom. Everything was clean …white. My son was in a crib that was pushed next to the wall. He was sleeping peacefully. I wondered how long I would let that continue. I walked over and looked down at him. He was laying on his back. I thought he was asleep but after a few seconds of me staring down at him, he opened his eyes.
Alexander Jaxson Dozier. I knew his name. I had copies of his birth records and pediatricians files. Kelby named him after two characters I played in films. I wondered if she thought those were my best performances. I had won an Oscar for portraying both those characters.
The baby’s blue eyes were staring up at me. I felt my scowl growing into a smile and I squashed that transformation. I was hell bent on being neutral but seeing him felt like winning an Oscar. No, it felt like winning an Emmy. An Emmy was better and those awards always meant more to me. My inner elation made my heart thump. I had a son. It was predestined. It had to be. I always used condoms and I just couldn’t bring myself to do it with her. Now I have a son.
It doesn’t matter what got him here. I’m not here to reminisce. I’m here to put her in her place. My son is her meal ticket and nothing more. I will give her hush money and child support but if she tries to go to the tabloids I will ruin her and take my son away.
I reached into the crib.
“What are you doing?” I felt her tiny hand wrap around my bicep.
“What does it look like?”
“He’s a baby. Have you held a baby before?”
He wasn’t a little baby. He was nine months old. “Have you seen any of my movies?”
“Yeah, so.” She released my arm clearly not understanding where I was going with this.
“I’ve played a father a time or two. I also have two nieces and a nephew.”
“I didn’t know that, about the nieces and nephew. I thought you were an only child.”
“You don’t know much about me, only what I want the public to know. I held my nieces when they were babies. None of that really matters. He’s my son and I can do whatever I want with him.”
Anger bubbled up into her eyes and I was impressed by it. I reached into the crib and picked Alex up. I was calling him Alex now. It seemed like he was reaching for me. I held him in my arms and smelled the top of his head. He was a baby. He smelled like a baby. He was my kid. Mine.
This was real and I’m going to have to tell my mother. She’s going to be pissed if she meets him when he’s eighteen. She will probably stop talking to me if she found out I knew about him and purposely didn’t tell her. Shit, I’m going to have to really tell her about him.
Alex fit perfectly in my arms. He wasn’t crying. He quietly accepted my embrace. Does he know I’m his father? I felt like Darth Vader. Had I started out as a bad father? I missed his birth. Was I going to really be in his life? I could take him with me.
No, I couldn’t Kelby loves him. I know it. The pictures prove it. She is behaving like a good mother. I can see it in her eyes. She’s ready to pounce on me if I make one false move. He needs her more than he needs me. She’s his mother.
“We have to talk about him.” I needed to clear so many things up.
“When?”
“Now, I’m here now.”
“I have to feed him and put him back to sleep.”
“Fine. I have to return a few calls.” I handed Alex over to her. She eagerly took him. She didn’t seem to care for me holding my own son.
I stood there and watched her with him. I didn’t know what I expected to see but this day was surreal and I was taking in every moment of it.
“I have to feed him. You can leave. We can talk tomorrow. I’m tired tonight.” She sat back in a chair and positioned herself against the pillows that were behind her. She placed the baby’s head against her chest. I watched as she unbuttoned her shirt and pull down a flap on her bra. She fished her solid left breast out and placed the baby’s face to her bare skin.
“When does this stop? This breast-feeding thing?”
“I’m stopping in a week, two at the most.”
I walked across the room and leaned on the wall. Kelby smoothed his hair down and his eyes began to blink. He was falling back to sleep.
“How did you get pregnant?”
Her eyes jumped up and spit fire at me. “How do you think?”
“What about birth control?”
>
“You knew my entire medical history. You had a nurse take my blood. She asked me about sexual partners, birth control and about diseases and every invasive question you can think of.”
“What’s your point?”
She rolled her eyes and I was oddly turned on. “You were supposed to bring the condoms, not me. It wasn’t my responsibility. That’s one of Joel’s rules.”
“Yes, I was supposed to bring them. Maybe I did bring them.”
“I never saw any. I was wearing a blindfold. I couldn’t see anything at first.”
She was right. I was wrong. I didn’t want to admit it. I thought of mentioning the morning after pill but that wasn’t really an option. It would just make me look foolish.
“You’re a woman. You should always have backup birth control.”
“What? You acted like you were taken care of.”
“Taken care of?” I didn’t have the slightest clue what she meant.
“I thought you had a vasectomy. You made me get a blood test. You cared about STD’s. Why wouldn’t you care about pregnancy? How could I know that you had unprotected sex with strangers? I never did that before. I never had sex with someone I didn’t know. You knew I was inexperienced.”
“I don’t know if I believe you.”
“What part? I don’t know why I would lie to you when it is all your fault. You didn’t wear a condom. You not me.”
“I’m having a hard time with this.”
“What part of it? Do you think you’re the only one that has a hard time with this? Get a DNA test if you like. I haven’t been with anyone since you.”
“You didn’t go work for Joel? You didn’t become an escort.”
“No, I never wanted the job to begin with and you know that. I told you that. It was my first time doing something like that.”
“Why would I believe you?”
“You believed me then. What’s changed? You said you had only paid one woman for sex— me. You don’t believe me. I don’t believe you.”
“That’s always been true. I told you the truth. I have never paid for an escort. You were the only woman I paid for sex.”