Miss Match

by Leslie Carroll

  “Wouldn’t you rather sit on a chaise?” Colin asked solicitously. “We can go back and sit on our deck, if you’d prefer?”

  “No, thanks. I’m communing with the constellations. Come join me.”

  Colin removed his navy blazer and folded it in thirds, carefully draping it over his lap, as he eased himself onto the cool sand in his perfectly pressed linen slacks. “Sorry,” he apologized, when he caught Kathryn eyeing him curiously. “It’s an old public school habit. My parents couldn’t afford more than one uniform. It does seem a bit foolish now, I agree.”

  “Do you know their names?” Kathryn asked him, looking at the constellations. She leaned her head against Colin’s shoulder. His white shirt was crisp and cool.

  “Do you?” he asked her.

  She shook her head.

  “Well, then, young lady: an education.” He leaned back and pointed up at the night sky. “That one over there—the one that looks like twin circles? That’s ‘gluteus maximus.’ And the smaller one just off to its right, at oh, about two o’clock? That’s ‘gluteus minimus.’ And the really big one—the one that looks like four large circles. That’s ‘gluteus omnibus’!”

  “You goof!” Kathryn laughed and gave Colin a punch in the arm. “I could have done that. I thought you really knew about the stars.”

  “I do. That’s what we called them at the Royal Academy of Astronomy.”

  “Tease.”

  He crossed his heart. “Girl Guide’s honor.”

  “You weren’t a Girl Guide,” she snickered.

  “No, but I honored a few.”

  She chuckled in spite of herself. “Well,” she said, wiggling her bare toes in the sand, “at the American Astronomical Academy, we called them by different names.” She tried to think of something clever, but her imagination failed her. “But we’ll go by your names for tonight. Let’s make a wish on the first ones we saw. You first.”

  “Can I kiss you,” Colin asked gently.

  “You have to ask?”

  “I try to think of myself as a gentleman.” He grew momentarily rueful. “A wish.” He closed his eyes. “I wish that I could be able to give you everything you want, Kathryn. Everything you deserve and desire.”

  She rose to her knees and looked at Colin, taking his face in her hands. His mouth tasted of oysters and port, sweet and salty and sad. “Why did you say it?” she asked him.

  “What?”

  “Your wish,” she whispered. “If you say your wish aloud, it will never come true.” If Colin truly could give her everything she deserved and desired, then she wouldn’t have to work another day in her life and could instead become a lady of leisure, spending her life shopping and traveling. Oh, well, maybe she didn’t “deserve” all that, anyway. Who does? Still, she fantasized . . . being married to a pilot . . . the vacations they could take together would be fabulous. With his connections, they’d be able to visit every exotic locale . . . hey, they could even run through the alphabet, starting at Anguilla . . . Bali . . . Capri . . .

  Kathryn looked up at Colin and smiled suggestively. “Did you notice our sunken bathtub, by the way?”

  “Darling, the Romans may have invented baths, but it took the British to elevate them to an art form.” Colin rose to his feet and brushed the pale sand from his trouser legs, then carefully shook out each Bally loafer. As they picked their way up the path toward the Carriage House, their arms wrapped about each other’s waists, Colin noticed a glow coming from the direction of their deck. “Did you leave the light on, Kathryn?” he asked.

  “I wasn’t even sure where a switch was. Why?” Kathryn gave Colin a puzzled look.

  “Hmmm. I imagine the terrace light must go on automatically.” Colin gestured for Kathryn to precede him up the steps to the terrace.

  The driftwood planks felt cool on her bare feet as she gracefully ascended the small flight of stairs and swung open the door, only to stop dead in her tracks. Colin, a split second behind her, poked his head in the doorway and immediately realized why Kathryn had paused so abruptly.

  “Bear!” she cried to the large man seated on the edge of the four poster, coiled and ready to strike. “What the hell are you doing here???”

  Chapter 25

  Colin and Walker looked at one another: the former a picture of apprehension, the latter a study in agitation. Kathryn wasn’t at all sure what was going on. “Bear! Congratulate us!” she blurted out, taking Colin’s arm. “We’re thinking of getting married!”

  “What?!”

  Kathryn thought she heard the response in stereo. “What? What do you mean, what? What the hell! Hooray for spontaneity! Healthy marriages have been forged on a lot less,” she added tipsily. “Don’t be all upset, Walker Hart, because you missed your chance by being such a Permanently Shortsighted Bachelor! Forgive me, I’m drunk. No, don’t. Hot toddies plus Taittinger plus tawny port equals truth serum. You know, not everyone wants to grow old and lonely and maybe even fat all by themselves.”

  Walker rose, all six-plus feet of him. “I just hope it’s not too late. You haven’t done anything stupid, either of you?”

  Kathryn didn’t like the way that sounded. “What the hell are you talking about, Bear?”

  “Fleetwood knows damn well what I mean.”

  Colin stood just inside the doorway, pale and silent. His expression was one of shock, dismay, and guilt.

  “If this is some kind of ridiculous macho showdown, Bear, I’m not impressed. You really know how to ruin a girl’s weekend.”

  “Kathryn, I would like to speak to you outside. Alone.”

  Kathryn looked back at Colin, the pain in his face evident. “Do you have any idea what this is about?”

  Colin sighed resolutely. “Go with him.” He gently kissed Kathryn’s forehead and unclasped his arm from hers.

  “Let’s take a walk on the beach.” Walker took Kathryn firmly by the hand and led her out of the Carriage House.

  “I’m not going to pretend I’m glad to see you, Walker. And I know you didn’t ‘just happen to be in the neighborhood,’ ” she spat. “I don’t appreciate your spying on me. And when I get back to New York, I’m going to find out how to divorce my sister.”

  “Don’t blame Eleanor,” he said as they headed down the path to the surf.

  “How else did you find out where I was?”

  “Actually, I didn’t. My mother did.”

  “Your mother?”

  “Rushie. Ruth Goldfarb. She’s back to using her maiden name ever since the archbishop of Canterbury annulled her marriage to Dafydd Glendower. Don’t ask. So she returned stateside to reclaim her business. Not a moment too soon, if you ask me.”

  Kathryn disengaged her hand from Walker. “Listen to me. Once upon a time, what feels like a long, long time ago, we had an arrangement. You were not going to butt into my life. You were going to adhere to the contract I made with Six in the City, and nothing more. We have a strictly business relationship, you and I. And you can both blame and congratulate yourself for that. Bringing a woman home to my apartment—”

  She felt the tension rising in her throat and became short of breath. “If you can’t deal with the fact that I might actually be happy—for once—and accept that you’ve found me a good match—for a change—then go see a therapist. But, just under the wire, and not a bachelor too soon, you found me someone who actually wants to marry me. So if you can’t celebrate with me, then get the hell away!”

  “Colin Fleetwood can’t marry you, Kathryn.” Walker’s voice was stern and even, almost parental in tone.

  “Don’t give me that alpha-male jealousy crap. Did you think that if you came up here and declared your undying love for me, I’d ‘see the error of my ways’ and call it off with Colin? No thank you, however. Kitty don’t play that. I do have some pride left, you know.” She increased her stride and headed back to the Carriage House.

  “Damnit, I’m serious, you little idiot! I didn’t say you shouldn’t marry Colin. I said you
can’t.”

  “Ooooooooh . . . ‘Little idiot’! That’s charming. You so know how to talk to a woman. It’ll make me fall right into your arms, apologizing profusely for causing you emotional distress, and plight you my troth. Why don’t you just beat your chest, grab yourself a fistful of my hair, club me over the head, and drag me back to the Massachusetts mainland? You don’t want me, anyway. You just want to win.”

  “You’re not listening to me!” Walker sped up, and in moments he caught up to Kathryn, still plowing full steam ahead up the path. “Which word didn’t you understand? You can’t marry Colin Fleetwood.”

  “Don’t play semantic games. It’s none of your business. It’s my life. And Colin’s decision,” she replied through her teeth.

  “Actually, I think his wife—Gemma—would have a lot to say about it, too. And so would Viola and Sebastian.”

  Their rapid-fire barrage of words came to a screeching halt. Boom. Thud. Silence.

  Her system was shutting down. Every nerve ending pinged and fizzled, causing her body to shake involuntarily. Kathryn’s voice trembled. “That’s a good one. Tell me another. Like the Mets are gonna win another World Series in my lifetime.”

  “Colin is already married, Kathryn. It’s the truth. I wouldn’t joke about that. You’re too important to me.”

  Her world spun with dizzying speed, her vision beginning to blur. “Noooo!” she cried, shattering the night air. She felt her legs give way, her toes no longer strong enough to grip the ground beneath her.

  In an instant, Walker was behind her, supporting her weight before she collapsed into the brush. Her arms flailed, trying to push him away, but he held her tight. “Do you want to hit me?”

  Kathryn gradually became still, yet remained unable to turn to face him. Her face was streaked with tears. It was taking every bit of her self-control to master her breath and stabilize her shuddering body. She shook her head and tried to speak, but no words would emerge.

  Walker tried to lift Kathryn into his arms, but she resisted. “I’ll go up there under my own steam, thank you. I don’t want your misplaced chivalry.” Her voice was thick and husky, her mouth dry. “Stay outside, Bear. I need to do this alone.” With trembling hands she smudged the tears away. Her palms were stained with black rivulets of mascara. Kathryn walked slowly up the steps to the Carriage House, which glowed with a surreal brilliance under the full moon. She stood in the doorway, motionless, raising her eyes to Colin. “Why?” she asked quietly.

  Colin, still stunned, looked helpless and beaten.

  “At least you look contrite, Colin. I suppose that’s something.” It was hard to stop her lower lip from quivering.

  To compound things, the alcohol she had consumed throughout the evening hit her head and her stomach at the same time. Her voice sounded remote to her own ears—distant—as though everything were happening underwater. “I take it Viola and Sebastian aren’t your cats.”

  “I’m afraid not, Kathryn. They’re my twins. Seven years old.”

  “You’ve got a wife and kids . . . how could you have asked me to marry you? I don’t understand,” she wept.

  Walker entered the room from the deck. “I hate to sound cold about this, but all three of us could be looking at the losing end of expensive lawsuits,” he informed them. “If you two had . . . relations . . . Colin could end up in divorce court, with Six in the City and Kitty named as accessories. Not only is Fleetwood here an adulterer, but he was on his way to becoming a bigamist.”

  Colin realized that he had been missing a piece of the puzzle. “You’re jumping the gun, here, Hart. First of all, Kathryn and I did not do what you’re assuming we did, and secondly, I never asked Kathryn to marry me.”

  Kathryn’s tear-stained face contorted. “What?” she asked, incredulous.

  Colin shook his head as he began to understand what had happened. “Two countries divided by a common language,” he said ruefully. “If you recall our conversation of this afternoon, I said ‘I should like very much to marry you.’ And when I made my wish upon that star this evening, I expressed the fervent desire to be able to give you everything you deserve.”

  “I don’t get it,” she said, the words thick upon her tongue.

  “I’m terribly sorry, Kathryn. But I am already married, which does not change the fact that I meant every word I said. And were my circumstances different, or altered, I would like very much to marry you and to be in a position to provide you with all that you merit.”

  “Then, why? Why are we here? Why did you register with a dating service?”

  Colin sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. “For the past year or so, I have been spending half my time in New York. I wanted to be able to meet a lady with whom to share my time when I am in the States. No less.”

  “Perhaps you sought no less than a compatible companion, but it seems to me that you were hoping for a lot more than that. You kissed me! And you let me kiss you back! On my planet, mutual exchanges of that nature and intensity do not exactly lead the kissee to believe that the kisser’s intentions are merely platonic. You had to have been planning to make love with me. The Tugman House does not exactly inspire thoughts of purely congenial affection.”

  “I admit that I was falling in love with you, Kathryn. Even after so short a time in your company. To answer your question about whether or not we would have ended up having sex, I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. Can’t a man have mixed emotions, be confused, love more than one woman at once?”

  Colin’s defense sounded hollow; like the lame excuse it was. Kathryn realized in an instant what a fool she had been. Her infatuation for Colin was immediately replaced with a queasiness in her stomach: a manifestation of her newfound disgust for the pilot. “There are commandments, Colin, that several million people actually live by. And it’s hard for me to believe that you were totally unsure or undecided about the sex question. You rented one room for the two of us. There’s only one bed in here. I came here with you in good faith. If I had known you were married, none of us would be sitting in this room right now.”

  The pilot was silent.

  She looked over at Walker. “You’ve both betrayed me, as far as I’m concerned. Colin’s little sin of omission was a pretty grievous one. When exactly were you planning to tell me that you were already married? I would have been entirely in the dark, had it not been for Walker, who has breached his business contract with me in spectacular fashion by fixing me up with five out of five unsuitable men. I don’t even know which of you I dislike more at this moment. I even hate myself for wearing my heart on my sleeve and trusting you both, instead of following my initial instinct never to enroll in a matchmaking service in the first place, and never to fall in love with the inflexible, unattainable, impossibly myopic man who runs it! Aaarrrrrrrghhhhhh!!”

  Kathryn collapsed on the bed. “Right now, I’m too ragged to deal with this rationally. Now get out.” Each man looked at her as though she were speaking to the other one. “I mean both of you. Get out now.”

  “Where do you expect us to sleep?” Colin asked.

  “The beach . . . that hot tub out there . . . the bowels of Hell. I don’t really care. But I’m the one who deserves to sleep in this room tonight. It’s too late to get off the island. The ferries stopped running hours ago, otherwise I would call a cab and be on the next boat to Woods Hole.”

  Walker installed himself in one of the armchairs. “Perhaps you should talk to Edie or Dave and see if there’s a room available in the main house, Fleetwood. My mother, who is the owner of record for Six in the City, has a thing about men who try to deceive their wives. She’s even more of a hard-ass on people of either gender who try to deceive her. I’ve got three women to appease here: my mother, your wife, and Kathryn. I will phone Mrs. Fleetwood and offer to refund your five-hundred-dollar enrollment fee, thanking her in advance for reconsidering her urge to file a long-distance lawsuit naming us as co-conspirators in your adulterous shenanigans. I can only ho
pe that the net result will end up appeasing two-thirds of the women in question.”

  “ ‘Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!’ ” the supine Kathryn crowed, dramatically waving her right arm. “I don’t suppose you’ve got anything in that metaphorical bag for me, Mr. Wizard,” she added ruefully.

  “You’ve made it clear to me more than once that I don’t have the tricks in my bag to make everything all better for you, Kitty. Which means that your problem will be the hardest for me to fix,” Walker replied softly. “But it doesn’t mean I’m giving up. I’m painfully aware that I owe you big-time. And I know I keep saying that to you. And then I keep screwing up. But I haven’t given up trying to find ways to make amends.”

  Colin zippered up his weekender, shouldered it, and headed for the door. He stopped and turned back, as if to say something to Kathryn and Walker, but no words came. His manner was both resigned and regretful. He tried to smile, but the result was a sort of grimace. Then he nodded his head as if to say good-bye, and left the Carriage House.

  After Colin’s retreat, Kathryn walked out to the deck and lay in the hammock for a few minutes, but her insides were churning too much for her to feel relaxed by the effect of lying in suspension. “I’m outta here,” she announced as she extricated herself from the macramé in an ungainly series of moves. Barelegged, she headed toward the ocean.

  “Hey! Kitty, be careful out there!” She looked back toward the cottage to see Walker following her out onto the path.

  “Leave me alone, Bear! I need this!” she called as she picked up speed, the sand becoming softer under her feet as she got closer to the water’s edge. She ran into the surf, letting out a primal scream before she noticed that Walker was still behind her.

  “What are you doing? I want to be alone. I didn’t want you to follow me.”

  “I thought you were trying to drown yourself,” Walker replied.

  “Nut! I’m a drama teacher, not a drama queen. I was cleansing myself of Colin.”