So he did his best to ignore her tanned skin that called to him to bite and suckle. Uncharacteristically, he ignored the burning need surging through his system and tried to tune his senses to her mood. It wasn’t so difficult—after all, he was curious.
In the same situation, Grey might have been better able to keep his priorities straight. Business first. Talk first. Normally Zane was more inclined to allow his desires to take control. Desires that promised to blossom into exquisite, mind-numbing orgasms. But, with Toni, he had a genuine need to hear what she had to say. Besides, they’d already taken the edge off the humming tension between them, satisfied themselves in a way that would draw them closer together and, he hoped, make them better able to overcome whatever she now felt so compelled to tell him.
“I’m listening,” he offered, prepared to hear her out with a patience that surprised him.
“I’m not sure where to start,” she began softly, her tone making him ache with growing confusion, although he wasn’t quite sure why.
“What’s the problem?” He scratched his head, appalled she was so obviously reluctant to share her thoughts. He didn’t like the idea that she would share her body more easily than what was on his mind—which had to be a first for him. “I thought we were doing just fine. Fine enough for you to talk freely with me.”
“Fine?” Her eyes flared with aggravation. “And you’re basing this keen observation upon what?”
“I thought…” Hell, he stopped, realizing his thoughts had been atypical since she’d stalked him right from the beginning. And when he’d taken her up on her offer, she’d been as eager as he to have a good time. If she hadn’t wanted to talk now, he would have seen no reason not to make love to her again. He considered their little ride on his horse to be an appetizer for the main course, which would involve sampling the delicious pout of her full mouth and feasting on her delicate skin. But she seemed a little peeved with him, even though he’d put his lust on hold and agreed to hear her out.
“What’s fine?” she grilled him. “The sex? Okay, I’ll admit it, the sex is fine. The sex is great. Is sex all you want from a woman?”
“Sometimes,” he admitted, then winced at the sound of his own honesty. Suddenly, wanting just sex made him seem shallow. He’d always believed sex was a need, right up there with the need to eat and to sleep. And there was nothing wrong with choosing to have only sex in a relationship. But with Toni, he wished he could just crawl right inside her head, figure out what she wanted and give it to her. Words were too slow and clumsy, but he told himself to be patient, careful.
She threaded her fingers through her hair. “Well, to tell the truth, I was hoping sex with you would be enough for me, too, but it’s not. I want to share more—but if you’re not into that, then I guess we’re done here.”
She was making assumptions that he was just discovering weren’t true. Earlier, he may have acted as though sex was more important than getting to know her better, but, actually, he found himself quite curious to hear what she wanted to say. Obviously, his actions indicated otherwise and he needed to correct her impression.
Her voice, not the least bit accusing or hurt, had sounded matter-of-fact, a little melancholy and wistful perhaps, but not at all needy. She could and would walk away from him, right now, with some regret, but confident in the belief that they were incompatible.
But he needed to make sure he understood. “Let me get this straight, I’m not right for you because—”
“Without sharing our thoughts and feelings, there is no us. There’s simply you and me and sex.”
“Our lack of communication last night on the horse was pretty damn good,” he teased, knowing she would get to saying what she needed to say in her own way, in her own time, well aware he’d just delayed saying the words she needed to hear. Since he’d never before admitted having these kinds of feelings, he hadn’t realized how difficult admitting them to her would be.
With his reminder of their lovemaking, her eyes softened. “You swept me into a fantasy.”
“Is that a complaint?”
“Of course not.”
Knowing she would refuse him, but enjoying watching her struggle, and all the while curious as hell about what she was having so much trouble telling him, he offered, “I could do it again.”
“If I allowed you to.” She licked her bottom lip as if nervous.
“But you won’t?”
“No. I won’t.”
“Did it ever occur to you that I want to hear what you have to tell me?” he asked, surprising himself by finally making the admission that left him exposed. “That I want to hear what goes on in that head of yours?”
“Seems to me, you’d prefer we just close out the rest of the world with mind-blowing lust.”
“I admit I find that notion rather appealing.”
“Me, too.”
His eyes narrowed as he turned the tables on her. “But I’m insulted that you think I’m just interested in you for sex.”
“Really?” Her eyes searched his with a glimmer of hope. “For me, the sex has got to lead somewhere.”
“Where?”
“To genuine caring, a progression from acquaintance to friendship to love. Otherwise, I might as well take my vibrator to bed.”
“Now there’s a flattering thought.” He grimaced. “And here I thought I was giving you what you wanted.”
“You did, and being with you was terrific.”
Was? He didn’t appreciate the way she’d so easily relegated their relationship into the past tense. As if they were over and done before they’d gotten started, as if he hadn’t just admitted to her that he cared what she thought. “Being with me is so terrific you want to leave?”
“So terrific that I want more than sex. I don’t want to live in a sexual fantasy all the time, and despite what you just told me, I think that you do. I want the real world. The moles and the warts, the wrinkles and the tummy aches.”
“Exactly what must I say to convince you that I want more than we had together last night?”
She cocked her head sideways, deep in thought. “Sex with you was wonderful. We are in lust. But to stay in the same emotional place isn’t right for me. Either we move forward or I cut my losses.”
“And we aren’t moving forward because—?”
“Because you substitute sex for intimacy. You say you’re willing to listen, but the offer is simply a prelude to more sex.”
How could she read him so well? They hadn’t known one another long enough for her to make such sharp observations, but her insight had him reeling. She’d certainly pegged him. His normal way of looking at relationships had served him well up until now. And, obviously, although he viewed Toni differently, he wasn’t acting differently enough for her to tell how special he found her. For her, he was going to have to change his modus operandi to match his inner feelings. For a moment he wondered if she was worth the effort. But at the idea of losing her, his determination hardened.
Toni was different from any woman he’d met. Letting her bail wasn’t an option. Not when every lush curve of her had him hard and aching for relief. Not when he actually cared about her in a way that thoroughly confused him.
Where was his normal take-’em-and-leave-’em attitude? Why didn’t he believe this woman could be replaced by another willing female? And, damn it, he wasn’t one of those men who ran from intimacy, was he? He just liked to keep his private thoughts private.
And she didn’t know how adaptable he could be. If a conversation would make the difference between her staying or bailing on him, then he would listen. Eagerly—not just to get to the sex, but because he wanted to know more about her. And for the sake of the family business, he would get to the bottom of the sabotage. Normally, he would have been much more interested in Toni’s bottom, those feminine curves that had his hands itching to explore and stroke. But he thrust away his impulse to touch her with an ease that spooked him. He was willing to alter his behavior for her
, change for her, because he wanted to know her better. Now, all he had to do was convince her.
“I’ve wanted to learn more about you ever since we met. So, okay. Let’s talk. Tell me why you stalked me.”
She frowned at him, clearly wary of his motives. “You’re still hoping that we’ll make love, aren’t you?”
“Yes.” He gestured to their naked bodies lying on the trampoline in the gleaming sunlight and grinned. “We seem appropriately dressed for the occasion.”
“And suppose I said no? Would you still want to talk to me about why I stalked you?”
“I want to get to know you, Toni. Is that so hard to believe?”
At his answer, her lips parted in surprise and challenged his sincerity. “But why would you care, if there was no payoff for you?”
There would be a payoff, no doubt about it. If she believed otherwise, she’d didn’t know him well. “The more you tell me, the more insight I’ll have into what makes you tick. Then I’ll know even better how to please you, and I’ll use that knowledge to make love to you for the rest of today.”
“Now, you’re contradicting yourself.” She shook her head and a lock of blond hair tumbled across her eyes. She smoothed it away and looked him directly in the eyes. “You just said you cared about what I think.”
“True.”
“In order to get laid? Or because you care about what I think?”
Since such an admission would reveal his growing feelings, he shrugged. He’d just admitted to himself how much he liked Toni. He liked her a lot. He liked her inherent honesty. He liked her passion for life. But most of all, he liked her self-confidence. She knew what she wanted and pursued her goals with an attitude that would never entertain failure. But admitting his feelings to her would bring him to a whole new level—one he’d never before scaled.
Zane might not know how to define exactly what he felt for this woman, but he couldn’t let her just walk away. “Believe it or not, I’ll enjoy our conversations. I’m not about to allow you to write me off as a total loss. And if sharing is important to you, then it’s important to me, babe. Besides, you’ve aroused my curiosity.”
She glanced to his straining erection. “That’s not all I’ve aroused.”
“He has a mind of his own. Talk.”
“As long as you’re willing to hear me out, I’m willing to compromise.” She let her fingers stray from his knee up his thigh. “I don’t see why we can’t both get what we want. I can talk and play at the same time.”
He took her words as a personal challenge. It would be interesting to see exactly how long they could keep their minds on conversation. But as her hand caressed his thigh, he was the one who had trouble keeping his thoughts focused on sex. He really did want to have answers to his questions. “So just when and why did you decide to stalk me?”
“The last man I dated believes we’re engaged.”
Zane reached for her chin and tipped her head up, looking directly into her eyes for the truth. Was she telling him another story? He cupped her lower jaw in his palm and made tiny circling caresses on her cheek. “You’re engaged? When is the wedding?” He glanced over his shoulder, pretending to look for an angry fiancé about to pounce, but, in truth, he needed time to recover from the significance of her confession. That she was already tied to another man bothered him more than he’d expected. Zane considered himself a good judge of character, but Toni had confused him completely. She didn’t appear to be a woman who would fool around on her fiancé or use Zane for one last fling.
“There’s not going to be a wedding,” Toni told him, her expression fierce, her tone sharp. “There never was.”
She leaned into the caress of his palm and continued to stroke his thigh, causing heat to surge between his legs. However enticing her caresses, he knew she wasn’t making sense, but her words and actions filled him with hope that she wasn’t in love with that other man.
He needed clarification. “You’re engaged, but aren’t going to marry?”
“I said my friend believes we’re engaged.”
“Now why would he think that?” With his fingers, he traced a path down her neck, over her fragile collarbone and around her breasts. Her nipples hardened, two enticing rosebuds perking up at his attention.
“I don’t know why he thinks we’re engaged.”
Hell, she still wasn’t making sense. He hadn’t realized how difficult having a discussion with her would be while he played with her silky flesh. With other women, he could let them talk but he never cared much about their words. With Toni, he wanted to understand, yet her soft hollows and lush curves kept distracting him as much as the surprising admissions she was making. Surely, he must have missed something since he didn’t have a clue where she was taking this conversation.
He had difficulty keeping the confusion from his tone. “You don’t know why he thinks you’re engaged?”
Toni’s hand teased across his skin, her fingers splaying in his chest hair. “He’s stubborn and fixated on me.”
“He sounds dangerous.”
She let her hand drift lower to his stomach where she paused to explore his navel with her fingertip. “I assure you that in every other respect the man is normal. In fact, he’s popular and quite handsome. Other women flock to him.”
“But?”
“But he did nothing for me. His kisses left me cold. Unfortunately, he feels differently. When it comes to me, he thinks…”
“He thinks what?” Zane prodded as he tried to ignore the fabulous sensation of her fingers dipping below his waist. At the same time he felt quite satisfied that, while she didn’t want this other man, quite clearly she felt differently about him. To distract himself from his rioting pulse and his ragged breathing, in turn, he played with her breasts, enjoying the way she arched into his hands.
She sighed, either in delight at his ministrations or in annoyance over the other man. “He thinks that I’m the perfect woman for him.”
She was perfect. From the top of her blond head, to her flawless satiny skin, high breasts, nipped-in waist, down her long, lean legs to her straight little toes, she was delectable. But it wasn’t simply her body that turned him on. He was falling for her beautiful brain. Zane wasn’t surprised that another man had pursued her so avidly. He figured it was only a matter of time before some guy convinced her to get hitched.
Not him, of course. He never intended to marry.
He’d always figured he’d leave the traditional duty of marriage and kids to Grey, never intending to fetter himself with such responsibilities. He enjoyed the freedom of his lifestyle too much to consider tying himself to one place, one job, or one woman.
So, in a way, Toni had been right when she’d accused him of living for the fantasy. Sex with the same woman, night after night, year after year, didn’t appeal to him. He’d get bored. Besides, Grey was the twin who took the traditional path. Grey would supply their parents with grandchildren while Zane went happily about his free lifestyle. No problems. No regrets. No hassles. Mottoes he lived by.
Still, he found Toni’s predicament disturbing enough to delay the gratification of kissing her. “Why does your fiancé think you’re perfect?”
“He’s not my fiancé. He’s settled on me for his bride-to-be because my family is respectable. Because he knows my father and is about to offer my dad the job of his dreams. Because he thinks that while he works, my career will keep me busy and satisfied.”
What a dreadful fate to befall this beautiful, sexy woman. If she were his, he wouldn’t depend upon a business to keep her satisfied—not when there were other, much more pleasant ways to spend their time together, such at talking to her between bouts of lovemaking.
She couldn’t have any idea how much he wanted to dip his head and taste her lips. Yet, he wanted just as much to hear the rest of her story. So, he both concentrated on her words and focused on upping her pulse rate by tracing her aureole, lightly, enjoying how it puckered in response. Instead of lickin
g the tip, he asked, “So why don’t you just tell him no?”
“I did.” She heaved a sigh that shot her breast fully into his hand.
He didn’t see the problem. No meant no. What was there not to understand? As he frowned over her answer, he was unable to resist licking the tip of her nipple and took immense pleasure in watching her flesh harden even more. “And?”
She skimmed her fingers along his straining sex, her expression thoughtful. “He sent me an engagement ring. I sent it back.”
“That should have been the end of any notion of marriage.”
She shook her head. “He practices selective hearing when I tell him no. I have no doubt that he simply thought I didn’t like his ring, not the potential groom.”
“Sounds like he has his technique down pat, but surely he has to understand your wishes?”
“He doesn’t. And I would tell him off if there weren’t two little problems. First, I’m afraid of setting back my father’s career. And second, well, there’s Bobby.”
“Your sister?”
“She won’t admit it, but I think she’s sweet on him.” She sighed. “On top of that, he’s done a couple of favors for Mickey and Jude that he could just as easily take away.”
His brain might be fuzzy from desire, muddled by her story, but he could still put the pieces together. “So you decided to back off?”
“Only nothing reasonable worked. My sister Mickey thought it might be better if the man backed away from me, so my sisters and I concocted a plan.”
“To cause a sex scandal?” he asked, understanding warming him as much as her fingers gently teasing his inner thighs.
He trailed his hand down to her flat belly, then lower into her curls. Her flesh quivered beneath his touch, and he slowly parted her lips, anticipating dipping into her core. She was moist, slick, ready. He stopped his caresses for a moment, eager to hear her explanation.
She spoke in a rush, as if as eager as he to get out the story. “I figured you were perfect. Your name had already been on the news due to Lane Morrow’s book. And you’re prominent in the city, so your seeing another woman would be food for the paparazzi. It was a win-win situation for everyone. Your reputation would be flattered since you would be dating another woman and not appear to be brooding about the loss of your former lover. And my fiancé would back out with his ego intact.”
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