Breaking Hammer

by Sabrina Paige

  as we blew by them in the vehicle. “We didn’t forget to leave Janice anything, right?” I asked.

  Cade laughed. “You went over it a hundred times.”

  “Can you blame me?” I asked. “It’s my first time leaving the bed and breakfast to anyone else to run.”

  “Janice has been your assistant for two years now,” Cade said. “She’s going to do just fine. Besides, it’s been how long since we’ve had a vacation?”

  I laughed. “Never?”

  “Exactly,” he said. “The kids are going to love the beach and California."

  “How do you feel about seeing everyone from the club again?” I asked.

  “I’m not gonna lie,” Cade said. “I miss those guys. And I want them to meet the kids, you know? They were a big part of my life. They’ve been there for a lot of important things.”

  I reached for Cade’s hand, and settled back in the seat, closing my eyes. Here, in the car, I had everything that was important to me.

  Blaze’s arms circled around my waist, and I leaned back against him. “How are you feeling?” he asked.

  “Queasy,” I said. “I thought I was supposed to be beyond this already.”

  “Fourteen weeks,” Blaze said. “The book said it might continue into the second trimester.”

  “Ugh. I hope not.”

  “Are you going to be able to make it through a barbeque?” he asked.

  “Are you kidding?” I said. “I’ll make sure I do. I haven’t seen Axe and June in how long? I want to meet the kids. It's good that they're going to come by the clubhouse.”

  “And we’re going to announce the pregnancy,” Blaze reminded me.

  “I didn’t forget,” I said, smiling. I turned around to face him, his hands on the small of my back. “Are you happy?”

  Blaze grinned. “More than I ever thought I could be,” he said, his lips on my forehead. I surge of arousal rushed through me at his touch, and a trail of goose bumps dotted my arms. I shivered, and he laughed. “Good to know I still got it.”

  “I’ll always have the hots for you, old man,” I said, arching up on tiptoes to kiss him, hard on the lips. “Nothing will ever change that.”

  The four of us, our family, stood as a group in front of April’s tombstone. Hammer reached for my hand, giving it a quick squeeze before he stepped toward the grave to replace April’s flowers. MacKenzie and Ben helped me open the lantern I'd brought, a routine we'd practiced monthly now since we'd moved back to Los Angeles.

  "Can I light it this time?" MacKenzie asked.

  "Sure, honey," I said. "Hammer, did you want to say a few words first?"

  He cleared his throat. "April, not a day goes by that we don't think about you." He was silent for a moment, and then the corners of his mouth turned up as he looked at MacKenzie. "Your mother says she's going to haunt your ass if you don't get your grades up."

  "Dad!" MacKenzie said, her eyes wide. MacKenzie looked at me. "Do you see what kind of a man you married? The kind who uses his only daughter's dead mother as a way of getting her to study more."

  Ben laughed. "I thought it was funny."

  MacKenzie shook her head in mock disgust. "Boys," she said. But she couldn't hide her smile. "Okay, I'll say something for real. Mom doesn't want to know how my grades are, dad." She cleared her throat, holding the lantern in both hands. "Mom, I miss you a lot. We all do."

  I felt my eyes get misty, thinking about the way that little girl had suffered after April died. About the way Hammer had suffered.

  Hell, we all had. I reached for Ben's hand, holding it tightly in mine. I was content, happy, surrounded by my family.

  Surrounded by love.

  MacKenzie's words broke through my thoughts. "We're doing great, mom. You'd be really proud of all of us. Even dad. And you'd like Meia and Ben." She paused, and I thought she was about to add something, but she let go of the lantern, and we watched it float, in a zig-zag pattern, up into the sky. "I love you, mom," she said.

  We stood silently for a few minutes before Hammer spoke. "I know I don't say it enough, but I should say it a hell of a lot more. I love you guys."

  I smiled as MacKenzie hugged him. "You too, dad," she said. "And not just because you got me a horse."

  "Oh yeah?" he asked, rubbing her hair with his knuckles as she squealed in protest. "Okay, smartass."

  "Dad! You're going to mess up my hair!"

  He laughed and let her go. "Let's go get some barbeque," he said, sliding his arm around my shoulder as we walked.

  I looked around at the crowd gathered together in the parking lot of the clubhouse. For a moment, listening to the music in the background, the chatter of the brothers and their families, kids running around in the California sunshine, it was just like old times. I reminded myself that it wasn't. It was better now. The club was better, no longer poisoned by Mad Dog. With Blaze at the helm, things were good. Working with Benicio was a solid gig, and the club was the kind of place I'd imagined before that it could be.

  It was clean. Not legal clean, exactly, although having Dani on our side was making things a lot more above board in that department. She had passed the bar, was the club's attorney now, working for us and Benicio. She didn't care that we weren't ever going to be totally above board, but she was keeping us out of real trouble. Keeping Blaze on a semi straight-and-narrow path.

  There were new faces now, new blood. But the old guard was still here, the brothers who still remembered what we'd gone through with Mad Dog. I thought that was important, remembering what happened. In life, you had to know where you came from. You had to know your history. If you didn't, you were lost.

  Beside me, Meia slid her arm around my waist. "Look at them," she said, pointing toward Ben and MacKenzie running around with the kids of the other brothers here. "They're really happy."

  "They are, aren't they?" I said. "And what about you?"

  She leaned against me, and I pulled her in tight. "I thought I was lost," she said. "But all of this, it's beyond what I could have ever hoped for."

  "I know exactly what you mean," I said.

  "Okay!" I said, loudly. Then I yelled it. "Listen up!" I waited a moment until the chaos subsided, and motioned for Dani to join me. Pausing for a minute, I soaked it all in, looking around at the sea of faces, the brothers and their families. That's what all of this was about. Family.

  "Got an announcement, and then you all can go back to eating and drinking," I said. "I want to thank Axe and June for coming by, all the way from Colorado, giving us a chance to see the kids and all. If you haven't seen what Axe can do, make sure he shows you some of the paint jobs he's doing now. He's hot shit." A couple of the brothers that knew what I was talking about hollered.

  "Anyway," I said, looking at Dani, then back at the group. "Here's the news. Wanted you all to be the first to know that I knocked up the old lady!"

  Amid the chaos from the crowd, Dani laughed as I drew her in close to me. "Classy as fuck, Blaze," she said.

  "You know me, baby," I said. "Nothing but class here."

  I grinned, listening to Blaze's announcement that Dani was pregnant. It was good being here, back with the club. It was a whole different kind of vibe now, with Blaze at the helm. Lighter, somehow. Calmer.

  It probably had a hell of a lot to do with the fact that I was calmer now, with the kids, June at my side. I was taking a ration of shit here now for that fact, but not too bad. Everybody knew I was doing custom paint jobs on bikes now, had gotten a pretty good rep for it. So it wasn't like I'd just walked out of here and donned a suit or something.

  Even if we drove up to the clubhouse in a goddamned minivan.

  I watched June from across the parking lot as she scooped potato salad onto Holly's plate. I couldn't shake this feeling of satisfaction - pride- looking at her.

  It was nice coming back here. The club was part of my past, and I'd do anything to help any one of them. But June, my kids over there? They were my future.

  And th
at was exactly how it should be. If my dad were somewhere up there, looking down on me, I knew he'd be proud.

  Of all of us.