by M. J. Scott
I put my vest back on. The leather had three neat slits where the Beast had caught me, but lacking any proper undergarments, I wasn’t going to walk around with just a shirt.
Unlike most females, I didn’t wear corsets and frills beneath my clothes. You can’t fight in a corset, nor are they designed to work with trousers. And, built as I am, along Fae lines and therefore not running much to curves, my close-fitted leather vests provided more than enough support along with their protection.
I felt better with it in place. I wrapped my belt around my waist, made sure my weapons were in place and secure; then, with all my flesh safely covered again, I opened the door to join Simon.
His expression was indecipherable but he merely nodded and said, “That looks better. Let’s find you some food.”
We resumed our progress through the hospital, Simon starting again on his “history of St. Giles.” We had reached the wards, it seemed now, and he paused at each to look through the door and say a word or two to a patient or one of the healers. Inspecting his domain?
Most of the beds were full and most of the patients I saw were human. Which seemed slightly strange. I hadn’t heard of any outbreaks of illness in the human boroughs, nothing to cause patient numbers to be unusually high. Normally one would expect those in the Night World to suffer more of the sorts of injuries that would require a healer than humans.
Curiosity got the better of me.
“Is it always this busy here?” I asked after Simon finished speaking to yet another of the healers. She was another Fae, with dark hair and silvery green eyes, who kept her expression scrupulously polite in Simon’s presence. She didn’t meet my eyes, though, and I added her name—Endine—to my list of Fae to avoid.
“Yes. The City is a dangerous place lately. We’re close to the border boroughs, so we have plenty of custom.”
There was an edge to his voice, the anger he’d swallowed earlier swimming up in his eyes again. “Of course,” he continued, “there are always those beyond our help.” His tone seemed suddenly almost disgusted.
Did he mean the dead or those lost to the Night World? The blood-locked? Did he despise them for their weakness? And if so, what might he think of me once he learned the truth?
Something deep inside me rebelled at the thought of hearing that same disgust aimed at me.
I looked away, back into the ward. How could he feel anything but disgust? Here they fought to heal. How many times had he tried to save someone only to lose someone who embraced their destruction by drinking vampire blood?
As I did. No matter how unwilling, I still did it. As I killed. Simon would never understand that either.
At least, I had never left someone maimed and mangled. I killed fast and clean. Mercy of a kind. The only kind I had to offer.
I looked back at Simon, who would no doubt find out just how costly I was in time. I needed to make him realize I was another of those lost causes if I wanted to spare him that. The thought made me lose my appetite, but I knew I needed food, so I forced the sick feeling away.
“I thought we were going to eat,” I said.
Chapter Ten
“There’s something you’re not telling me,” Lily said.
I looked up from my plate. She sat opposite me, across my desk. We’d returned to my office with our meals. I’d thought she would appreciate the privacy. If her appetite was any indication, she did. Several plates lay empty in front of her—she’d put away a surprising amount of food. So had I.
But between bites, I’d also tried to keep her talking. I wanted her to feel comfortable with me. I’d aimed the conversation toward safe waters but was aware of time ticking away. Bryony’s deadline was looming as every hour passed and the sun grew lower in the sky.
“There are lots of things I’m not telling you,” I said, stalling for time.
I had to ask Lily if she would help us, but I knew it was too soon. I needed time to let her grow to trust me. Time for her to see that she could make a difference to the City. I had taken her around the hospital, shown her the people hurt by the Night World’s encroachments, but a few hours wasn’t enough time to undo the effects of a lifetime lived with Lucius. I knew there was good in her, that she could change, but Bryony was asking too much.
“I imagine that’s true but I meant something specific,” she said. “You’ve been giving me chapter and verse on the history of St. Giles for several hours now. It’s an interesting place but not that interesting. So, what aren’t you saying?” She sounded relaxed but her posture gave her away. She was on alert, ready to respond. Her right hand rested, as it often did, on the hilt of her dagger.
My pistol was in the top drawer of my desk. I refused to wear a weapon within hospital walls. It was against everything I’d chosen to become when I’d set my feet on the healer’s path. My fingers itched, though, wishing I had it to hand. I didn’t know how Lily would react. I thought I was fast enough to beat her if I had to, but the fact was she was armed and I wasn’t.
“Bryony isn’t happy about you being here.” That much, I supposed, she had already realized.
“That’s not exactly new information,” she said.
“No. But she does have power over this hospital.”
“I thought you were a Master Healer.”
“I am. But Bryony runs St. Giles. Final decisions are hers.”
“Are you saying I can’t stay here?” Her hand flexed over the dagger.
“I’m saying there are conditions.”
Her expression turned intent. “Such as?”
I hesitated. Too soon. Wrong timing, wrong place, wrong message. Lily was going to be furious as soon as I spoke, any fledgling bond between us shattering.
“There’s—” My door banged open and Bryony came storming in, Guy close on her heels. Lily sprang to her feet and I rose as well.
“There are Beasts outside,” Bryony snarled.
Gods and fucking suns, this was all I needed. More ammunition for Bryony to use against Lily. “On Haven grounds?”
“No. But I can feel them testing the wards.”
“How do you know they’re not just passing by?” I extended my own senses to the wards, hoping like hell that Bryony was overreacting. But she wasn’t. There were too many Beasts registering around the hospital boundaries. This was human territory. The Beast packs didn’t venture here often.
“They’re after her,” Bryony said, ignoring my question. She jerked her head in Lily’s direction. “If they try something, we’re putting everyone here at risk by allowing her to stay.”
“Lucius isn’t going to risk attacking a Haven. You said I had until sunset to ask.”
“Ask me what?” Lily demanded.
“How about we talk about that part later?” Guy said. “We can solve this by taking Lily to the Brother House.”
Lily took a step back. “I don’t think so.”
“Guy,” I said warningly.
Guy, in true pigheaded, I-know-best, Templar fashion ignored me. “It’s the safest place for you,” he said to Lily.
“Easiest place for you to lock me up, you mean,” Lily retorted.
“Don’t be paranoid. How exactly are we supposed to keep you locked up?” Guy said.
“You would if you could,” Lily snapped.
“Of course we would.” Bryony joined the argument. Exactly what we didn’t need.
Gods and suns. “No one’s locking anyone up.” I tried to look calm and sensible. Not that any of the three of them appeared to be in the mood to listen to calm and sensible.
Bryony looked like she was about to launch into one of her lectures. I held up a hand. “Lily, Guy’s right. The Brother House might be the best option.”
“So I should just let you lock me up there for the rest of my life? No, thank you.”
“Just until Lucius loses interest,” I said, trying to reason with her.
She shook her head. “What makes you think he’s going to lose interest? It would be better for me to
leave the City.”
“No!” The denial came as an unbidden roar. I was not going to have this discussion yet again. I knew in my gut she wouldn’t make it alone. Plus, there was this inconvenient longing I felt. If she left, I’d never get to do anything about it. Nor was I at all sure that it would go away if she did.
Everyone was staring at me. I cleared my throat. “I’d like to speak to Lily alone. Please.” The “please” came as an afterthought. Guy looked at me for a long moment, as if he could see exactly what was going through my head, but then finally he nodded. Extending his arm to Bryony, he escorted her out of the room.
The door shut behind them and I wove a quick aural shield. Just in case Bryony was tempted to listen in. Once I was satisfied the doors were secure, I crossed to the window to check the wards there, then, planting myself on the windowsill so I could soak up some of the light to replace the power I’d just used, turned to Lily.
“This isn’t exactly how I planned this.” The sun soaked through my skin, trickling down to the part of me that fueled my powers. But for once, the flow of light didn’t calm me.
“Planned what?”
“Helping you.”
Anger flushed her face. “I don’t understand.”
“Before I tell you, I want you to remember something.”
“What’s that?”
“That I do want to help you.”
Her lips pressed shut and she looked away. Damn. She was going to hide from me. Perhaps Bryony was right and I was crazy. Lily was a creature of the Night World. Shaped by Lucius into a weapon. I doubted she’d ever trusted anyone in her life. Did she even know how?
Could she learn? There was only one way to find out. “Would you look at me, please?” I asked.
“Why?
I was starting to think why was her favorite word. “I prefer to see who I’m talking to.”
This made her frown slightly. “You know who you’re talking to.”
“Lily, I doubt anyone who speaks to you knows that.”
That made her frown deepen. But she didn’t reply, so I continued on. “Do you really want to run?” It seemed we were going to have the discussion again whether I liked it or not.
“I . . .” She hesitated, one hand straying to her thigh again. Seeking the comfort of her weapons. What did it say about her life if cold metal was what she turned to for reassurance ? “I still think it would be better if I did.”
“Better for who?”
“Everyone.”
“Why?” I threw the word back at her.
“Because it’s dangerous with me here.”
“It’s always dangerous.”
“They don’t want me here,” she said accusingly.
They being Guy and Bryony. “I think you’re underestimating Guy. His offer was genuine.”
Bryony, I didn’t bother defending. The Fae didn’t generally acknowledge their half-breeds. And wraiths were the worst of them. “Try thinking about it from their viewpoint. They know about you. What it is that you do for Lucius. But they don’t know you.”
“Neither do you, apparently,” she said bluntly.
The accusation stung. More than I liked. But that was the part of me that wanted her in my bed talking. I had to ignore that part and use my head. Try to break through to her. “I could. They could too.”
“For a price,” she said. “That’s right, isn’t it? You want something from me. You have an angle after all.”
She sounded disappointed. My stomach twisted. “It’s not that simple.”
“Just tell me.”
Time to be honest. Lance the boil, so to speak. One quick stroke to deal with the problem. “Lucius is dangerous. He’s been pushing for more territory, more power over the last few years. He’s succeeding. We need to stop him.”
“ ‘ We’ being the humans.”
“Being anyone who wants a decent life without the Blood—without Lucius—running the City,” I shot back.
She shook her head at me but didn’t argue.
“We need to stop him,” I repeated. “To do that we need to limit his power. Which requires the Fae to help us. They hold the balance of power at the treaty negotiations. They could check him. But they won’t without proof that he’s actively violating the treaties.”
“Proof?”
“I want you to give evidence against him. Tell them that he sent you to kill me. Under oath.”
The color drained from her face. “You want me to betray Lucius?”
I tried to make my voice gentler. “I want you to do the right thing.”
She looked as though I’d slapped her. “You might as well just let Guy cut off my head. It would be a more merciful death.”
“I’ll protect you.”
“No.” Her hand sliced through the air as she shook her head again. “You wouldn’t be able to. Not for long enough. I won’t do it. It would be suicide.”
“I can keep you safe, Lily,” I said. How the hell could I convince her? “If you do this, I promise I’ll keep you safe. You could have a life here.”
Her face twisted. “You should let me go.”
“Go where, back to him? Is that really a better option than trying to stop him?”
“You don’t understand. I could . . . just leave the City.”
“You really think you can outrun Lucius? If you think we can’t protect you here, then what makes you think you’ll survive on your own?” I moved from the window, not fast, not enough to scare her, but I needed to be closer. If I could just make her see . . .
“I can try.”
“You’ll fail.” You’ll die, was what I should have said. That would be the price for failure. But I couldn’t say it. Didn’t want to speak the words and maybe conjure them to life.
Her whole body twisted now as she half turned to the door, then back to me, the leather of her vest creaking ever so faintly against the brush of cotton from her clothing. Fighting her instincts again. The soft rustles sounded like leaves breaking under the hooves of a deer about to flee a hunter.
“So it’s better instead to be locked up by the Templars? Trade one set of bars for another?” she asked.
She’d spent enough of her life chained to Lucius. I wasn’t going to see her forced again. If she chose, she would do so willingly. “I wouldn’t let them do that. We can help you. If you help us.”
“Why? Why do you even care?” Her voice almost cracked.
I moved closer still. “Because it’s the right thing to do.”
She actually stepped back at that, chin snapping up defiantly. “I told you I didn’t need to be saved. Find someone else to die heroically for.”
Another half step forward. “It’s not just you who needs saving. We’re talking about the City itself. Anyway, who says I’m going to die?”
“Who says you won’t?” She retreated. Much farther and she’d have to turn herself into a book and slot herself onto a bookshelf to escape me.
I paused. Free choice. I was no better than Lucius if I used intimidation. But gods and suns, I wanted to take hold of her and either shake some sense into her or—No. Not wise to think about alternative activities. “What does it matter if I die? Why do you care about that?”
She looked away. “I don’t.”
Liar. Certainty burned in my gut. She did care. I also knew she didn’t want to, but that wasn’t important. She did. I could work with that. Maybe I was going about this backward after all. Maybe I should try to use that tiny flame of emotion, that vulnerability which had to feel brand-new for her and make her feel even more.
Hook the heart—or suns, at this point, even the body would do—and perhaps the brain would follow. “There’s another reason.”
Her head turned. Slowly. Forever hung in the few heartbeats it took for her eyes to meet mine. “What?”
Just do it.
I stepped, reached, caught her hand with mine, tangling our fingers together and squeezing so my palm pressed to hers, flesh to flesh. Nothing in betwe
en. Nothing separating. Heat flared at the contact, tore through me. Made me want to do far more than hold her hand. But I kept watching. Waiting. And I saw what I was looking for.
Her pupils went wide and black, and she swayed toward me, just a little. A little was enough.
“That,” I said roughly.
She tried to pull her hand free, but I held on, tightening my grip. “You feel it too. Don’t bother denying it. I could feel it in you when I healed you.”
Her hand jerked under mine. “That isn’t worth dying for,” she said in a voice not entirely steady.
“How do you know?” I couldn’t look away from her mouth. Her lips were a deep, deep pink against that pale skin.
“I—”
No. I wasn’t going to let her protest and deny. Not anymore. I was going to show her I was right.
Even if she stabbed me afterward. My other hand reached, found her, pulled her close. And my mouth came down on hers. Settled there. Tasted her. Salt and life and warmth.
At first she stiffened in my arms and I thought she was going to pull free. But then her mouth opened beneath me, and she sank into me, her free hand reaching up to grab my head and pull me closer.
It felt like swallowing the sun.
Pleasure so intense it seared rushed through me in a burning wave and turned everything else to ash. There was only Lily in my arms, only the taste of her and the smell of leather and cotton and female and the need to burn even hotter.
It felt as good as the first time my power had quickened to the sun. Or perhaps even better.
I groaned against her mouth, pulled her closer, wanting to climb inside her. Where? Desk? Floor? Suns. Who cared? Just more.
My fingers found the top button of her shirt without thought, flicked it open.
And suddenly she pushed me away with a gasp that sounded as though it tore her throat. The sudden lack of her made my head spin, and by the time my vision had cleared and some vestige of sanity returned, she was halfway across the room.