by M. J. Scott
“Simon?” Lily’s voice came through the door, soft but definitely annoyed.
“Go away,” I said to her. At least the sun was still shining so she couldn’t just walk through the wall.
Behind me there was a soft rattle followed by a clink. Before I realized what she was doing, the door opened and Lily stalked through, hairpin in one hand.
“I don’t need darkness to pick locks,” she said. She closed the door, then leaned firmly against it, blocking the exit.
“I said, go away.”
“No.” She cocked her head as she shoved the hairpin back into her coiled red braids. “Of course, you could make me but that might be difficult without fighting me.”
“Lily—” I said, warningly
“Simon,” she said in the same exact tone. The same anger that had flared at me across the weapons hall darkened her eyes again. “I’m not going anywhere. You took me from my world. You asked me to put my life at risk for you. Last night you came to my bed. So now I’m asking you to do something for me. Let me in.”
I spun away from her, walking toward the window, reaching for the sunlight blindly. The old glass was thick and dusty under my palms. Familiar. Tied up with everything I didn’t want to remember.
“Simon?” A hand touched my shoulder, light as a feather, then dropped away. “What happened to you?”
I kept my gaze on the window. Everything was blurred and wavy. No clearer than my mind. “What makes you think anything happened?”
“I have a passing familiarity with pain,” she said.
“Damn it, Lily—”
“You told me I couldn’t keep running. What makes you think you can?”
She had me there. Gods and fucking suns. I’d wanted her to let me in and she had. If I couldn’t do the same, then I’d been wrong all along and I had just been thinking with my cock. I turned to her.
“I was a novice here once,” I said slowly.
Her eyes widened. “You were a Templar?” Her forehead creased, then eased. “Oh. That’s what Liam meant.”
“Liam?”
“I asked him why he was a Templar instead of a healer like the other sunmages. He said sometimes people change paths. He was talking about you.”
“Yes. But it’s not that simple.”
She shook her head. “I would imagine not.” She reached for my hand again and tugged me toward the desk, perching against it. “Tell me.”
Two simple words. They shouldn’t hurt quite so much. But it wasn’t the words, not really. It was the memories.
“My powers rose when I was seventeen. Later than some,” I said. “Guy had joined the order a few years earlier, when he turned sixteen. He was my brother, my hero back then. I wanted to follow in his footsteps, so I left school, convinced my powers were a sign I was meant to be a holy warrior. I didn’t listen when anyone talked about being a healer. I thought I knew why I’d been given my power. For a time, it seemed I was right.” I took a deep breath, though the smells of the Brother House didn’t make it any easier to fight the memories.
“What happened?” Lily asked.
“Everything was fine for the first year of my novitiate. It’s mostly schooling and learning to fight at that age. And learning to channel my power. Easy enough, even though I tried too hard to live up to my brother’s reputation. He truly was born to this.”
Lily considered this. “He fights very well,” she said. “But I think the only difference between you and him is that he is more in practice.”
I laughed. She didn’t know how close she was to the truth. “Maybe so. But back then I wanted to be better than him. He was my hero but a rival too. Two stupid, arrogant boys, butting heads as much as we got along. He liked bossing me around a bit too well, I thought. At the end of my first year, he swore his final vows. He knew he had a true calling.”
“And you?”
“I thought I did, back then. I was good at swordplay even though I’d never done anything real. And I knew I wanted to help people, much like Guy.”
“So, what changed?”
Now came the heart of it. My chest ached but I made myself continue talking. “Do you remember the night we met? I told you a little of my family.”
“Yes. Guy and your parents and two sisters. Hannah and Saskia?”
“That’s right. But I had another sister.”
“Had?”
Lily’s voice was very soft now. I didn’t look at her. “Edwina was two years younger than me. Just sixteen. Just being introduced into society. She was headstrong. They’re all headstrong.”
“Why should the girls be any different from you and Guy?” Lily said.
I snorted and the ache eased for an instant. “You sound like Mother.”
“Edwina,” Lily prompted.
“She got involved with a fast set. They did the sorts of things you do when you’re young and stupid. Went places they weren’t supposed to go, mixed with the wrong crowds. The sort of thing most of us scrape through with only the odd hangover or gambling debt or broken heart to show for it. But Edwina—” I stopped, swallowed. “Edwina fell in love with the wrong man. He was a Nightseeker. We didn’t realize at first. He hid his proclivities well. But she followed him into that world.”
Lily made a small unhappy noise. “Go on.”
It took an effort to comply. I’d spent too many years locking these memories away and not letting them escape. But the bonds were frayed now and the images rose, fresh as they ever had been. “It was Mother who realized something was wrong. She caught Edwina in a lie about where she’d been and told her she was not to be allowed out for a month. Edwina seemed to accept it at first, but she ran away two days later.
“Mother sent for Guy and me and we looked for her. It took nearly two weeks to find her. When we did it was obvious she’d drunk from one of the Blood by then. She was locked.” I paused, sickened. “She refused to leave with us. The Blood threw us out of the Assembly.”
“You left her there?”
“I thought we’d come back for her. That we’d go to the order and they’d help us rescue her.”
“But she was locked. It was too late.”
My eyes burned suddenly. “Yes. That’s exactly what Father Cho said. But I couldn’t accept it. I was determined to try. I thought Guy would help me.”
“He didn’t?”
I shook my head. The edge of the desk bit into my palms. I tried to loosen my grip. “He followed orders. He was young and full of his calling, I know that now. The Templars believe the locked are lost. They also believe in the good of the many, not the one.”
“So, what did you do?”
“Me? I was full of my own particular brand of righteousness. I knew that I could save her. That she would listen to us if we could just get her back. I talked some of the other novices and some of Edwina’s friends into joining me and we staged a raid on the house where she was kept to try to take her back.” I turned, letting myself look at her for the first time.
Her eyes were bright with sympathy. “Don’t tell me the rest. Not if you don’t want to.”
“No, you should know. And I need to tell you.” I paused, seeking the right words. “Needless to say, it didn’t go well. We got in, got to Edwina, but she wouldn’t come with us. Screamed the place down. There were Nightseekers and Trusted guarding the locked. Too many of them. There were only six of us. We fought but we were losing. I’d never fought a real fight before and I was so angry . . . something just took hold of me. I didn’t know who I was anymore, I just knew I had to fight them. Kill them. I liked doing it. Gods, Lily. I liked it. I went crazy. For a while I was even beating them. But then one of them got through my guard, sliced my side open, and before I realized what I was doing, I called sunlight, called fire.
“What happened next was like a nightmare. The house caught fire. Smoke and fire and screaming, that’s all I remember. I still don’t know how I got out but I did. But three of the boys who’d come with me didn’t.”
&n
bsp; “And Edwina?”
“Edwina was killed in the panic. Or that’s what they told me. Her body was found amongst the others. For all I know, I killed her myself.”
“No!” Lily’s hand closed over mine. “No. You wouldn’t do that, Simon. You wouldn’t hurt someone you loved.”
“But I did. She died because of me.”
Lily looked away for a moment. Then her voice turned fierce. “She died because she chose to do as she did.”
“Maybe.” I had heard that argument countless times. Nearly enough to make me believe I agreed with it. “Anyway, the three of us made it back to the Brother House in the confusion. Father Cho—well, let’s just say I was surprised he didn’t kill us himself, he was so furious. I don’t know exactly what happened—I was at St. Giles being patched up and then, once I knew Edwina had died, I was . . . lost for some time—but there were no repercussions. Maybe only the locked ones died and the Blood didn’t think it worth pursuing. After all, no Blood were harmed.”
“Just humans,” Lily said, voice cracking. “I’m sorry, Simon. I can’t imagine what it must be like to lose someone like that.”
I didn’t want her sympathy. It might just break me. “It was a long time ago.” I stood, wanting to be gone. “And in some ways it turned out for the best. I gave up the order and joined the healers. It’s who I am now. Who I was meant to be.”
“But—”
“Story time is over,” I said. “I need to be alone. You should go back to your room.”
It was several hours before I summoned the courage to knock on Simon’s door. I spent the time alone in my room, wishing I hadn’t pressed him to tell me anything. His pain had filled the air of the room like a living thing. Dousing me with an icy dose of reality. Behind his words were other truths. I knew now that the disgust I’d heard in his voice when he’d spoken of the blood-locked was real. As was his determination to defeat Lucius. The Night World had broken part of his world. He wouldn’t stop trying to mend it. His search for a cure was a search for redemption, in a strange sort of way.
And I’d learned one other thing. He could never learn the truth about me. Or anything he’d ever felt for me would disappear faster than a blown candle. And now I cared what he thought. Not just because I wanted his cure or wanted his protection. Because of him.
The thought of him knowing what I was burned like acid in my throat, a painful fear I couldn’t swallow away. It even swamped the need, dulling its roar.
When I finally rose from my bed, to wash and change out of the clothes I’d fought in, I knew what I had to do. Get back to Atherton. See if he could think of anything else to try to conquer the need. Anything to keep Simon from knowing.
Simon answered my knock, which eased my fear a little. I thought that he might not be ready to speak to me. Nor was I sure how to convince Simon to take me back. What excuse did I have, after all? Simon wanted to keep the ward and Atherton a secret, so he was hardly going to take me there without a good reason.
Simon sat on his bed, back against the rough stone wall, a book lying facedown on the blanket beside him. He looked up as I entered but made no move toward me. Nor did he indicate that I should join him. I stayed near the door, hesitating.
“Did you want something?” Simon asked.
His voice was polite, his eyes distant. Angry. That much I could decipher. But unlike the males in the Blood Court, keeping his anger tightly leashed. I hoped that Atherton had some alternatives for me to try, because I didn’t think Simon would be joining me in bed again anytime soon. “I think I should start looking for the informant,” I said, coming straight to the point. The truth seemed safest for now. “I should go back to St. Giles.”
“Right now?” He sounded tired and I wondered what he’d been doing in the hours that had passed. Working at St. Giles? Pushing himself hard as usual.
“There’s nothing else pressing for me to do, is there? I can’t just sit around here while I wait to talk to the Fae. I need to do something. If we can find out whether or not Lucius knows about what you’re doing down there, then we may learn something about whatever it is that he’s plotting.” We might even work out whether it was me or Simon he was after. If it were only me, then that might make any choices I had to make down the line easier.
My words seemed to get his attention. He straightened on the bed, gaze sharpening. “Father Cho would want you to be escorted.”
“You could take me, couldn’t you?” Surely once we got there and Simon was distracted by his patients, there would be a chance for Atherton and me to talk.
For a moment I thought he would refuse. But then he rose. “All right. We need to tell Bryony anyway. The ward’s the best place for that.”
Simon took the lead as we headed back to the tunnels. We didn’t pass any Templars in the tunnel from the Brother House, and when we passed through the gate, Simon dealt with the possibility of anyone seeing us by pulling a charm from his pocket.
“Can you shadow here?” he asked, twining the leather thong that held the charm through his fingers.
“Yes.”
“Good.” He nodded once, then disappeared from view.
I blinked. An invisibility charm. That took strong magic, but magic was hardly in short supply around St. Giles.
“Come on,” Simon’s voice came from thin air.
I shadowed, then followed the soft sound of his footsteps through the tunnels. Once we were through the first of the doors, he disabled the charm. I followed his lead and stepped out of the shadow.
“What are you doing here?” Atherton asked as we greeted him. He stopped whatever it was he was doing with the racks of glass tubes spread before him on his desk.
Simon joined him. “I’ve sent Bryony a message, asking her to meet us here. She needs to know about Lily’s theory. Is everything all right here?”
I hoped Atherton would say something that would make Simon go into the ward itself, but no such luck.
“Everything is normal,” Atherton said. His head swiveled toward me. “What’s happening outside?”
“So far, so good,” Simon said. He reached out and lifted one of the racks, studying the pale liquid in the tubes. I resigned myself to biding my time as they started to talk medical things I didn’t understand. My chance would come.
Or maybe not, I thought as the outer door swung open and Bryony joined us.
“My apologies,” she said. “I was in a consultation.” She looked at Simon, not at me. “What’s so important that I had to sneak down here during daylight?”
“Lily has a theory,” said Simon. “One you’re not going to like.”
He filled Bryony in quickly, starting at the very beginning. She stayed silent until he came to the part about someone selling them out to Lucius.
“There is no informant!” She spoke indignantly, ring glinting as she gestured to emphasize her point. “Our staff are trustworthy.”
I resisted the desire to roll my eyes. Of course, none of Bryony’s perfect Fae would ever do anything untoward. “Can you think of another reason why Lucius would try to kill Simon? Have there been any other attempts on other sunmages?”
Bryony did her own more elegant version of a head toss. “Who knows why Lucius does anything? There could well be other reasons.”
Simon looked like he wanted both of us to grow up. “If there’s even a possibility, we can’t ignore it,” he said. “It puts too much at risk.”
“You think she’s right? She knows nothing about St. Giles,” Bryony said.
“She knows a lot about Lucius, though,” Simon shot back.
His defense of me brought a bubble of relief. My stomach eased for the first time in hours. “Obviously it was a mistake to think you would see reason about this,” I said as Bryony opened her mouth to argue. “Simon, I’m sure we’ll manage without her.”
“Why, you—” Bryony broke off, her expression shocked. “We have to go,” she said, and whirled toward the door.
Chapter Seventeen<
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Simon and I followed, hastening our steps as Bryony broke into a run.
“What is it?” I asked as we sprinted through the tunnels and up the stairs.
Simon didn’t slow. “Someone triggered the alarm wards.”
Some sort of emergency? What? The first thing that sprang to mind was an attack. Lucius. Lords of hell, he was never going to leave me alone.
Bryony didn’t even look to see if we were following as we reached the domed entrance hall of the hospital. A group of healers, both Fae and human, were clustered near the front door. I spotted Harriet and the Fae healer—Chrysanthe, that was it—amongst them. One of the men stepped forward as Bryony came to an elegant stop. Simon and I skidded to a less coordinated halt behind her.
“What’s happening?” Bryony demanded.
The man pointed toward the front lawn. “Out there.”
The three of us turned in unison, looking out through the glass-paneled doors.
“Gods and fucking suns,” Simon muttered.
As curses went, it hardly seemed bad enough. Beyond the doors, beyond the marble tiles that marked the boundaries of the Haven, stood a line of Beasts in hybrid form. Thirty or more of them. Their choice of form was a clever disguise, but that wasn’t the problem here. No, the problem was the fact that they each carried a burden in their arms.
A still form of a human.
Too still. The bodies—that seemed the right word—appeared too limp even for blood-locked. I couldn’t see any movement at all, though that might be the slightly wavering view through the thickened glass door.
I stepped closer, fury spiking through me, warring with the fear that made my mouth taste like ash.
“Lily, stay back,” Simon barked.
“No.”
I shook him off, pulled open the door, and strode out onto the marble stairs.
To my surprise, Bryony came with me. And it was she who spoke first, addressing the Beasts.
“What do you want?”
“The soulless one.” The growling words came from the tallest of the Beasts, the one who stood at the center of the line. His fur was a dark ominous brown, almost black. A Rousselline if I had to guess, though other packs shared those darker tones.