by K. E. Saxon
“I should give her a bath,” Julie said as Jason set her on her feet, then placed the box down next to the dresser. She wanted a shower herself. But, good lord, she was bone weary.
Jason put his arms around her and said, “I’ll run a bath for you, if you’d like, but I think the cat’s bath can wait until the morning, don’t you?”
Julie wanted nothing more than to collapse against Jason’s chest. But if she did, she was afraid—even as tired as she was—that she would beg him to make love to her.
And she wasn’t ready for that. Not near ready.
Because all the way here, her conscience had been chiding her. Telling her that she’d just made a very big mistake—again—where Jason was concerned. That she’d opted for what was easiest now, instead of what was best for her future.
“I’ll take care of you, Julie. I won’t ever leave you.”
Her heart melted into a big, red love-puddle. The tears started again, too. “Okay, you can run my bath.”
* * *
Nora Lee’s duplex apartment was not far from the bungalow Jason had rented when he’d first arrived in Buffalo Pass last July.
Julie had been so shaken up the night before that he just hadn’t felt right leaving her once he’d gotten her settled at the one-and-only motel for miles, located just off the interstate between here and the next Podunk town.
And, anyway, it was better this way. Because now his dad and Julie were with him; two people, he had little doubt, Luke would be wanting to see.
Jason pulled up in front of the seventies style duplex and cut the engine. “This is it.”
“She’s in 701 B, right?” Julie asked.
Jason looked at his scribbled note. “Yeah. 701 B.”
Gabe patted Jason’s shoulder. “That boy’s probably still shook up and feeling as low as a snake for setting that fire.”
Jason nodded. “I know, Dad.” He glanced at Julie, then took hold of her hand. “Julie and I aren’t here to lecture him.”
“I didn’t figure you were.” Gabe settled his other hand on Julie’s shoulder. “It’s a brave thing you’re doing, little gal, coming to cheer someone else up after such a devastating experience. I’m real humbled by it.”
Julie’s smile was a little wobbly. “I don’t feel brave.”
Gabe kissed his fingers and settled them on her cheek. “Well, you are.” Then he reached over and opened his door. “Let’s get to it, then.”
* * *
Luke scrubbed the side of his finger hard against his eyelid and put Godzilla back in his terrarium. He had it next to him on the floor in front of the T.V. His mom said, just this once, he could do that, but then it had to go back in his bedroom and stay there.
His mom was bein’ super nice to him—even letting him watch both Bindi the Jungle Girl shows instead of cleanin’ his room, like she usually did. He sighed. Bindi looked like she was havin’ a real good time. She probly never did anything as bad as he’d done.
He jumped when the doorbell rang. It was Mike come over to yell at him for burning down Julie’s house.
His heart started pounding again and his tummy felt icky. He stood up and waited. He tried not to start cryin’ again, but he just couldn’t help it. Mike would probly be mad at him for that, too.
“He’s in here watching T.V. Would ya’ll like some coffee?”
It was Julie, though, not Mike, who walked into the room. “I would love some,” she said over her shoulder to his mom. Then she turned to look at him. “Luke! I’m so glad you’re alright,” she said, and before Luke knew it, she’d swept him up in a real tight hug.
“I’m sorry, Julie! I didn’t mean to do it, I swear!” He squeezed her back as hard as he could, he didn’t even care that it made his burned arm sting.
He really started bawlin’ then.
* * *
Jason took Julie and his dad to Vegas later that day. They’d spent the better part of the morning with Luke, just trying to make the poor little guy feel better. He had a minor burn on his arm, but nothing dangerous. He’d heal quickly and without scarring. Considering the amount of damage to Julie’s property, Jason felt fortunate that neither his dad nor Luke had been permanently maimed—or worse.
The kid was under a serious gray funk, though.
But Julie, being Julie, wouldn’t allow Luke to keep his guilt for long. She’d told him that Jason was going to build her an even better house—which, of course, he was—and that she was just so glad he hadn’t been hurt. In fact, by the time they’d left, the boy was smiling again and saying he couldn’t wait to get back to school and tell all his new classmates about seeing the fire engines and the firemen with their hoses spewing foam.
It was one of the many things Jason admired—loved—about Julie. She was just so good.
Nothing like him.
He settled himself more comfortably in the airline seat and then took hold of her hand. It pleased him more than he could ever express to feel that pink-diamond ring biting into his palm. “Wanna drink?”
She gave him a nervous smile. “That sounds familiar.” And then: “Yes, I would, actually.”
Jason flagged the flight attendant down and made their order. Then he settled back again with his head resting against the back of the seat. “Yep. This is exactly what we needed. A little R&R.” He darted a look across the aisle at his dad—he’d dozed off with the inflight magazine in his hands—and then turned his gaze back on her. “Hey—do you want to shop for wedding dresses while we’re there? I think I’d actually get a kick out of it.” His grin turned evil. “Maybe we should take my dad with us, too. What do you think?”
Julie ran her tongue across her bottom lip and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Yeah, sure. Okay.”
Jason could tell she was having second thoughts about the marriage thing—probably because of the whole kid issue—but he was convinced that once they were married he could make her forget about that. Hell, they’d probably be having so much fun she wouldn’t even have time to pine away for the farmhouse and that other stuff.
That’s why, he’d already decided, as soon as he could arrange it, he and Julie were going to get married in Vegas.
And they could still have that big wedding ceremony later, just as they’d already started planning.
But first, he was going to get her sworn promise at one of the many alters there in Las Vegas, Nevada.
Hell, maybe he’d make her say her vows to him at all of them. That way, they’d be good and cemented into her mind before they ever went back to BP.
* * *
Jason booked the same suite he and Julie had shared the last time they were here. It seemed fitting somehow—only this time, he was damned sure going to make good use of that bed—and not just for sleeping.
He wandered out of the bathroom after his shower, scrubbing the towel through his wet hair. “Hey Julie. What do you think of—” He stopped short. “What the bloody hell is that?” But he knew what it was—what he really wanted to know was why the hell it was here.
She was seated in the chair near the window reading a magazine. She lifted her gaze first to his and then followed it to the top of the dresser. “It’s Corporal William Dillon. His mother gave it to me.” She looked at him then. “I’ve got his Purple Heart, too. Do you want to see it?”
“No, I do not want to see it.” He strode over to the dresser and swiped up the photograph. He hauled his arm back to throw it against the nearest wall.
“NO!” Julie threw herself at him and grabbed the thing. She had to use both hands to get it free of his fist, but she managed it only because her squirming body and freshly-washed skin made his brain and body turn to primordial mush.
She turned away and walked toward the window. Her eyes settled on the picture. “You know what she said, Jason? That she was glad you were alive in the world.” Julie turned her gaze to him. “And so am I. You know—have you ever thought that—if it weren’t for this person right here”—she held up the photo for h
im to see it—“you would never have been born.”
“I don’t have to listen to this—I’m out of here.” He grabbed the clothes he’d tossed on the end of the bed earlier and tucked his shoes under his arms. He slammed the door to the bedroom on his way out.
* * *
Julie collapsed onto the chair. Well, what did you expect? It was probably close to time for her to accept defeat. Maybe it was even past time.
But she loved him so much. And, okay, she was selfish, too. She wanted a baby. Specifically, she wanted a baby with him.
And if she hadn’t seen the way he lit up when he saw Luke this morning, how much he’d calmed the boy and lessened his anxiety about what he’d accidently done, she would not be pressuring him now. Because, in that moment, she knew the truth: He wants kids as badly as she does.
But he was bound and determined never to have them. Even if it cost him their relationship. And that did hurt.
But she was still going to marry him. Even if he never could let go of his hatred for Will Dillon enough to give her children. And not just because of her agreement to do so during that moment of emotional devastation, either.
No, it was because of the way he’d been there for her the past couple of days, the way he’d shown her in a very real way that he cared very deeply for her—well, it had made her re-evaluate.
Yes, it was a painful thing, this giving up a dream. And, lord knew, she had moments of serious vacillation.
But he was her mate, and he was her family.
They were meant.
* * *
Jason was just about to take his second swig of hot coffee when Gabe sat down across from him at the table he’d chosen against the wall of the coffee shop. “What’re you doing here—I thought you and Julie had plans for this evening.”
“The plans have changed.” He was still feeling shaky as hell. What she’d said to him—what she’d told him the old lady had said—well, it was as if his world had spun off its axis. Again.
And he had only just begun to feel like he was getting control from the last time.
“Did you have a fight?”
He shook his head. “Not exactly, no.”
“What happened, then? I can tell something did. Tell me.”
“She…” He crossed his arms and leaned on the tabletop. “She’s in possession of—God, I still can’t believe it!”
“What? What’s she got?”
“A picture of that rapist.”
Gabe sat back. He nodded his head. “Oh.”
“You don’t care? You don’t care that Julie’s betrayed you and me? It means nothing to you?”
“It’s no betrayal, Jason. If anything it’s one of the most profound proofs of loyalty I’ve ever heard of.”
Jason bristled. “Really, and how do you come by that piece of logic?”
“Because she’s not giving up on you. She’s trying to force you to see reason.” Gabe sat forward again and placed his hand on Jason’s arm. “Look, I know we haven’t spoken about your meeting your grandmother—”
“She’s not my grandmother!”
“Okay. Mrs. Dillon, then. Well, in any case, I’d hoped that once you met the woman, learned Will’s history, saw for yourself that the boy wasn’t a waste of space—that he was actually a pretty good kid who went down a very wrong path before he turned himself back around—well, I’d hoped that you’d finally find some peace about the whole thing.”
Jason jerked away from him and sat back. He couldn’t get enough air in his lungs. “I can’t believe I’m hearing this from you! How do you think your wife would feel if she knew you were consorting with the mother of her rapist? That you thought he was a—God! How’d you phrase it?—‘pretty good kid’?”
Gabe didn’t say anything. His eyes studied Jason’s face for a long moment. Then he blinked and said, “I’ve thought about that a lot, actually. And the answer is: I just don’t know. But I do know that she wanted grandchildren. It was one of the last things we spoke of before she slipped away from me, the fact that she wasn’t going to be around to see them.”
Jason’s throat closed up. He gritted his teeth against the moisture that threatened in his eyes.
“Jason, she would not want you to do this to yourself.” Gabe rested his forearms on the table and twined his fingers together. He looked down at his clasped hands and cleared his throat. “About the other. Your mother—she was one of the kindest, most giving, open-hearted people I’ve ever met. And I think that if she’d ever had the courage to tell me what happened, that if I’d been able to find that kid, she would have recognized how badly he felt about what he’d done and, I think, maybe…it’s possible she would have forgiven him.”
“I don’t think so. I think she would have hated him still. Just like I do.”
Gabe sat back and sighed. “So this is it then? You’d rather let hatred for a poor dead Marine color your decisions for the rest of your life than open your eyes and have it all. It’s right there, you know. All you have to do is reach out and take hold of it.”
Jason’s throat filled with tears. It was a goliath struggle, but he managed to keep from breaking down right there in the restaurant.
Gabe got up and stood next to him. He patted him on the shoulder and said, “You’re my kid and I just want you to be happy. You can do this.” And then he leaned down and kissed him on the top of his head, just like he used to do when Jason was little. “I love you, son,” he said, and then he walked away.
Jason’s chest ached. The tabletop grew blurred and out of focus. His dad hadn’t told him he loved him, or called him ‘son’, since before he’d shown him the diary. It was painful how happy—how relieved—he felt.
But the other—was his dad right? Was he letting hatred—for Will Dillon and for himself as his progeny—diminish his life? It hadn’t really seemed like it until recently—until Julie.
Julie had nailed it, too. He did like kids. It’d only been since the diary that he’d changed his viewpoint.
But, God. The thought of continuing that guy’s bloodline made him physically ill. How the hell could he have kids then?
His right leg started to bounce. He had to get out of here. Now. He flagged down his waitress and tossed a twenty on the table. He didn’t wait for her, though. He was out on the Strip again in three seconds flat.
* * *
An hour later, Jason took a long swig of his beer at the bar near the blackjack tables. He was calmer now, after his long walk up the Strip and then back over to the Hard Rock, but he wasn’t ready yet to deal with Julie and that photograph.
What he needed was relief. Relief from the pressure that had been building, like an H-bomb in his chest, since he opened that letter from the old lady, and relief from his thoughts.
He figured a few games of craps, maybe some blackjack, oughta do the trick.
The bartender came back over with his bar cloth and wiped up the moisture rings that the two guys who’d just walked off had left on the top of the bar.
The man gave him a quizzical look. “Hey, weren’t you here about a month ago?” He grinned and pointed at him with the hand that held the cloth. “Yeah, yeah. You were with that dark-haired chick—you two were on a real heater.”
Jason perked up. “Yeah, that’s right.” He leaned toward the man slightly. “We ended up having a drink with a guy named Lou—you don’t happen to know him, do you?”
“Hell, yeah, I know him. In fact—” He snapped his fingers and pointed at Jason again. “You’re that guy that that actress accused of rape, or something, right?”
Jason was shocked to realize that old story didn’t raise his blood pressure anymore in the slightest. “Yeah, I am.”
“Did you really do it?”
“Dude, do you really think you’d ever get the truth out of anyone who had actually done that, just by asking him?”
The bartender laughed. “No, I guess not. But your answer tells me right there that you didn’t.”
Jason
shrugged. He didn’t give two shits what the guy thought. He took another swig of his beer and then said, “So—Lou. Do you know where I can find him? Some stuff happened that night that I’ve got a total blank on. For my own peace of mind, I’d like to at least know what all happened.”
“Oh, I can tell you that. Lou needed a story real bad. He owed his bookie thousands and it was at the point where he was going to be ‘swimmin’ with the fishes’—know what I mean?—if he didn’t come up with the money fast.”
“Hold it. We’re not talking about the same guy. My guy was a retired postman.”
The bartender shrugged. “Nope, Lou lied to you. He’s a reporter, man. And he recognized the two of you.” When Jason just shook his head at him, the man sighed and said, “Medium height, right? A little overweight, dark hair with a bald spot in the back.”
“Shit.”
“He gave you a roofie, man—in fact, he’s been in jail since the day after for possession of narcotics. Seems he tried to make a few extra bucks at one of the casinos by selling one to an undercover narc.”
“What else happened?”
“He took you to some clubs—he told me that he thought he would get some real good stuff off you two once you were looped, but neither one of you had any juicy stories to tell.” The bartender shrugged. “So—when you started proposing to that dark-haired chick—the sister—”
“I proposed to her?”
The bartender chuckled and patted him on the shoulder. “Yeah, man. Lou said you even got down on one knee at one point. Man! You two must have been really out of it.”
Jason’s mind reeled. He couldn’t focus for a second. “Yeah, must’ve been.”
“Anyway, it was like, two or three in the morning by this time and too late to get a license, so Lou called in an old favor and got one of his buddies to perform a mock ceremony.”
“Don’t tell me: dressed as Elvis, right?”
The guy actually cackled. “Yeah, that’s right.”
“Course, it was sans the license, but with a certificate. Lou figured that by the time anybody found out you two hadn’t really done the deed, he’d have been paid for the story and be out of here. Plus, there was a good chance he could break that part of the story, too.”