That I’d never have this. That I’d never have a sweet angel like Izzy stare up into my eyes and call me mama.
But seeing her in Noah’s arms like he was meant for this role as a dad, while still holding on to my hand . . . it’s too much.
My heart can’t handle this picture.
I can’t handle it.
Pressure blooms behind my rib cage from forgetting to breathe, while my skin is starting to feel clammy, buzzing from top to bottom like it’s losing circulation. Which it is.
Do not faint, Chloe. Especially not in front of all these people.
“I . . . I, I’m sorry. I need to sit down for a moment.” I pull my fingers out of Izzy’s grip and step away from the group, unable to look at any of them but sure all of their gazes are on me.
Way to ruin a baby’s birthday party by being dramatic.
I thought I could get through this, but I guess I’m not as strong as I thought.
After half-stumbling back inside, I plop onto the couch and put my head between my knees. Not two seconds later, rushed footsteps come closer, and a big hand lands gently on my back. Rubbing soft circles.
“You okay? What happened?” Noah’s voice is calm except for the small crack at the end of the sentence.
“I’m okay. Maybe it’s just the heat and the nerves.” It is exceptionally hot today, so it’s sound reasoning.
“Can I get you anything?”
“Maybe some water?”
“You got it. I’ll be right back.”
There’s a light pressure on the back of my head. Did Noah just kiss that spot?
And then his footsteps echo through the house, more noise coming from farther away, before he’s back. The couch dips next to me, and he holds something cold against the outside of my knee. Goodness, it feels good.
I turn my head slowly and peek at the full cup in his hand. “Thank you.”
My throat feels as dry as it sounds, and I take as many small sips as I can comfortably manage while propping myself up on my knee with my elbow.
Noah brushes my hair away from my face. “Do you—”
“Uncle Noah.” Two boys run across the room toward us, a small dark puppy hot on their heels.
Alex and Mason.
Mason points at the dog as if there was any way to not notice the fluffy bundle that’s currently trying to jump up my leg. “Look, look. That’s Brutus. Isn’t he so cool? I really want a dog too, but Mom said we can’t have one until we’re older. Can you talk to her? We really want one.”
“Yeah.” Alex’s head bobs in an excited nod. “Please?”
I wish I could buy them five.
Noah shakes his head. “Sorry, guys, but this is between you and your mom.”
They both groan and look at me as if they’re only just noticing me.
Mason stands up a little straighter, a small smile back on his face. “Can you tell our mom she should let us have a dog? I mean, you’re Uncle Noah’s girlfriend, right? I bet she’ll listen to you.”
Thank goodness I drank my water before these two cuties came over, or I’m sure I would have choked on it. “I . . . uh.”
Noah shakes his head. “Come on, guys. You know that’s not okay to ask. Your mom is the boss and the only one who can make decisions like this.”
They both let their head hang. “Sorry.”
Meanwhile, Brutus has taken a liking to me, still jumping up my leg and licking at my hand with an enthusiasm only a puppy can muster.
But goodness, I’d take him if I could. I have no idea what kind of dog he is, but he’s all soft fur and big dark eyes.
“Were you allowed to take Brutus out of his room?” Noah’s met with silence when the boys look anywhere but him.
Busted.
They shake their heads. With a resigned huff, they turn around and head toward a hallway that’s off to the side.
Mason pats his leg. “Come on, Brutus.”
After one more lick to my hand, and a tiny yelp, the fluffball turns around and runs after the boys.
“Those two.” Noah brushes a hand over his face. “I’d better make sure they behave now. Will you be okay for a couple minutes?”
Our gazes meet and I swallow. He’s so close. Almost too close after what just happened. Like my heart needs some space right now between us to function better. To get a breather, so I can clear my head.
“Actually, I need to use the bathroom if you could point me in the right direction.” I hold up my slobber-coated hand. “Need to wash off these germs and all.”
He closes his eyes for a moment. “Damn it, I read about animals and transplant patients but didn’t even think about it just now. I’m so sorry.”
“No worries. I just want to make sure I can wash it off.”
“Of course. Are you okay to stand up and walk?”
“Yeah, I’m good now, thanks.”
“Okay. Then follow me.”
And I do, because frankly, I’d pretty much follow this man everywhere.
Which is still a problem, because while I know what we’re both in for, he still doesn’t know all of it.
And while he deserves the whole truth, I’m not sure I’m strong enough to tell him.
Thirty
Noah
One thing is abundantly clear. Something’s bothering Chloe, but I have no idea what.
When she suddenly turned pale and had to sit down, worry slammed into me so hard, I slumped down next to her. Panic followed, and all I wanted to do was haul her out of here to get her checked out by a doctor.
But of course, she wouldn’t have any of it.
That’s Chloe. Stubborn.
And I clamped my unsettling emotions down hard so she wouldn’t see them.
Of course, after we took that break inside, she said she was fine and is now happily chatting away with Millie, Harper, and my sister on the other side of the backyard where they set up a pink stand with drinks. She’s smiling, laughing. But whenever she thinks no one’s watching, I see how the happy facade slips.
Am I obsessed with her? Pretty much, yes.
After the history we have, and after seeing how she’s turned into this strong, independent woman and reacquainting myself with her. How could I not be? Reconnecting with her fascinating mind. Relearning every curve of her perfect body.
“Hey, man.” Ryan snaps his fingers in front of my face. “You okay?”
Begrudgingly, I pull my gaze away from the woman who has my stomach in knots and face the birthday girl’s dad. Dang it, I’m one rude ass, sitting here with my friends and ignoring them. Especially since they wanted to talk to me about something important.
“Yeah, sorry.” I hold Ryan’s gaze, even as his brows pull together tightly. “Just distracted.”
“No worries.” Jace shakes his head. “You’ve had a lot going on lately, and we can talk about our offer another time.”
This time, I shake my head. “No, I’m good. You already wanted to talk to me last time and it didn’t work out, so hit me.”
I can give my best friends a few minutes of sole focus. It’s already bad enough I haven’t been around a lot lately.
Ryan nods. “You’re still not sure what you want to do going forward, right?”
Easy answer. “Nope. Not a clue.”
I haven’t even really had a lot of time to think about things. Chloe has fully infiltrated my life and brain.
Even though I’ve been wondering lately if she ever actually left?
My thoughts wander again, but I push them aside for now.
Jace shifts in his patio chair, stretching his arms above his head before leaning forward and fixing me with a serious gaze. “We want you with us.”
I blink. My mind going utterly blank for a moment.
They want me? With them? “For your swim school?”
They both nod in unison.
“Seriously?”
Ryan cracks a smile. “Of course. Why are you acting so surprised?”
I shrug. “I
don’t know.”
Jace pops a piece of donut in his mouth before washing it down with water. “You love swimming and you’re good with kids.”
He’s got a point.
Ryan and Jace’s plan to open a swim school close by is still fairly new, but I know they’ve already been able to rustle up some reputable sponsors. It will take a while to get a new aquatic center built that offers more than the local one does.
My brain’s on fire, imagining what life would be like with a coaching future. Would I like it? Sharing my knowledge with the young ones and making them better swimmers? “And the plan is still to use the current aquatic club for lessons until the new building is done?”
Ryan’s head dips in a quick nod. “Yeah. We just got all the details finalized after we figured out a schedule that works for everyone. But we need more people to help. You’re clearly at the top of that list.”
“Thanks.” My thoughts wander back to Chloe.
I take in all the info. Weigh the pros and cons in my head. Am I ready to give up my own career? I definitely had a good run. A really good run. And coaching would also allow me to be more flexible with my time. To be able to spend more time with my family. And with Chloe. To use the time she has left.
Fuck. Don’t think about that.
She’s okay for now. Strong and healthy. Taking good care of herself.
Unable to help myself, my gaze flickers over to her. Now playing with the kids on the lawn. Her ponytail swinging around as she chases Tanner, who’s become a carbon copy of Jace in so many ways. With his blue eyes, his easy attitude, and affinity for water.
Ryan clears his throat. “We know you have a lot going on, so take your time. We still have a long road ahead of us until we can offer the whole schedule anyway. We’ll need a lot more hands on deck for that. Until then, we’ll rotate with the classes and different ages. See what works best for all of us.”
Jace tilts his head toward our women. Our women—like Chloe’s already a part of the group. “Em and Harper have been helping too, making suggestions about classes that can be more than just a sport for kids. Something that can help them, either with their health, or to get them off the streets. Offer them an alternative. We’re in contact with local charities and organizations to see what we can come up with together.”
My chin dips in approval. “I like that.”
Hunter drops down next to me on the two-seater. “Hey, man, is Chloe okay? Daisy said she didn’t feel well earlier.”
That’s Hunter. Dropping in at a party and cutting straight to the case. “How do you—”
“I ran into Daisy inside when I got here.” He looks away from me to the other guys and holds out his fist for them to bump. “Sorry for being late. That dang campaign will be the end of me. How many ways can you possibly hold a sports drink toward the camera for it to look good?”
I stare at him as he lets it all out, because that’s Hunter. He’s not a quiet guy. Sometimes he drives us all crazy with his antics, but he’s a part of us and always will be.
“Anyway.” He faces me again. “So she’s okay? She looks like she’s having a blast.”
“Yeah.” We both look in the direction where Chloe is sitting in the grass with Izzy, blowing bubbles for her and being rewarded with delighted squeals. “Just a dizzy spell I guess. She ate something and said she was better.”
“That’s good.”
My gaze is still on Chloe. She’s so good with Izzy, and all the other kids too. Exactly how I always pictured she’d be as a mom.
“What’s going on with you two anyway?” Another thing Hunter doesn’t do: beat around the bush. Ever.
I let out a long breath. “I don’t know, man.”
“You can barely keep your eyes off her. I think you do know.”
“Smart-ass.” I punch him in the shoulder and we all chuckle. “And you can hardly blame me.”
“Never said that.”
I’m quiet after that, still watching Chloe with the kids, while the others chitchat around me.
I can’t get over how easy and right this feels. My friends never excluded me, but there have been many times lately when I’ve felt like the odd man. But not today.
“Did you have fun?” I click in my seat belt and look at Chloe, who’s overtaken by a yawn.
A soft chuckle raises the corners of her mouth. “I did. But those kids wore me out.”
“Yeah. Kids are no joke. Whenever Daisy works and I have the boys for the day, I’m exhausted by the time she picks them up. I don’t know how she does it. Being a single mom must be super tough.”
“She seems to be doing well though. Happy. I talked to her for a bit.” Chloe finally buckles in too, and I start the car.
“I saw.” I maneuver us out of Ryan and Harper’s neighborhood. “You were really good with the kids.”
She mumbles a quiet, “Thanks.”
Is it too early to talk about kids with her? I don’t know why but I have this sudden urge to go after everything I want with her. Maybe it’s because there’s this constant feeling in the back of my head that time’s running against us.
Or is she not feeling well? Now that she’s not at the party anymore, is she letting her mask drop fully like I saw inklings of earlier?
“You okay?” I look over to her when we’re at a red light.
“Yeah.” She clears her throat. “Just tired.”
But I can’t help notice the slumped posture, or the fact that she seems to be avoiding me by staring out the window. I don’t think she’s lying, she’s tired, but I have this gnawing feeling in my stomach that there’s something more happening.
When we get to our street, and I park in my driveway, she unbuckles and reaches for the door as soon as I shift the car into park. “I better head to bed. Thanks for taking me. That was fun. Have a good night.”
And then she jumps out of the car like something’s chasing her.
Does she really think I’d just let her go like that? What sort of lame goodbye was that?
“Chloe, wait.”
She turns around but keeps walking backward, already in her driveway. She shakes her head and waves her hands around in front of her. “I have to go, sorry.”
What the fuck is going on? And did her eyes look shiny?
I go after her in quick strides. I need to know what the hell is happening.
I need to make sure the knots in my stomach are from confusion, and the bad vibe they give off is wrong.
Because nothing bad can happen with Chloe.
Nothing bad can happen with us.
I don’t know if I could take that.
Not now when our future is only just starting.
Thirty-One
Chloe
What the hell was I thinking?
Meeting Noah’s friends was nerve-wracking enough. There’s never a meet-the-friends situation where your head isn’t spinning. Are you somehow lacking in his friends’ eyes? Do you measure up to who they think Noah deserves? Or do you get a big, fat thumbs-down?
Especially if they know how much hurt I caused him.
Gosh, I remember it like it was yesterday. Typing out that message, telling him we would be better off to live separate from each other . . . to pursue our dreams independent of each other. I could barely see the phone screen by the time I pressed send.
After getting my diagnosis, I was fairly numb. I didn’t cry much then, but what tore me apart was knowing that deep, deep inside me I had to let Noah go. That I couldn’t distract him.
He was destined for greatness, and I didn’t know if I’d live to age twenty.
I hated myself. I hated life.
And now? Have I just done the same thing again? Given him hope when there may not be a reason to have any?
I take the steps two at a time, the urge to do something I should have done a while ago pushing me. My brain can’t focus on anything else right now. I don’t even know what just came out of my mouth when I all but ran away from Noah and left him st
anding in his driveway.
Today pushed me over an edge I shouldn’t even have come close to. The edge where I ignored one warning sign after the other when it comes to Noah.
Don’t let him come too close.
There’s no future for the two of you.
He deserves better than you.
You can’t destroy his dreams.
He deserves the life he’s always dreamed of, and you can’t give it to him.
And I can’t.
I really fucking can’t give him the future he wants so desperately. His dream future.
I still can’t.
The fact that none of this is my fault doesn’t really make it any better either—or easier. Quite the opposite. It makes me mad. So damn angry.
Yes, I guess it’s one of those things that I have to place into the category of “Life sucks and isn’t always fair,” but that still doesn’t change how I feel about it. Regardless, that’s what it boils down to.
But just because my life veered off the path I thought it was going to be on—the way my therapist liked to phrase it instead of my usage of “my life is ruined”—doesn’t mean I need to pull others down with me.
I know I probably shouldn’t have let things go as far as they did with Noah, but I couldn’t help being drawn in by him.
By his presence and his addictive personality. His bewitching sense of humor and his captivating looks. And of course, his seductive bedroom skills.
I’ve never been able to resist this man. Not then, and certainly not now.
In my closet, I sink to the floor and push boxes away that I still haven’t unpacked. Things I don’t need right now but don’t want to get rid of either.
My focus is on the box in the very back, my memories box, as I like to call it. The one I have mixed feelings about because it equally fills me with happiness and sadness.
In less than a minute, I create chaos all around me. The boxes I pushed away to make room are strewn around me, while half of the contents of my memory box are laid out in front of me.
So many family photos. Gosh, my dad. My fingers brush over his face.
Second Dive: A Second Chance Sports Romance (Kings Of The Water Book 3) Page 19