by SE Chardou
Estelle’s dark eyes shone coldly. “What makes you think I haven’t?” She placed her arm within mine and we walked through the crowded store together. “Don’t get it twisted, honey. My family isn’t the Waltons anymore than yours was. My father was a good provider and my brother has been too but we don’t play it straight. How can we when my brother is in an MC and my fiancé is in one too? You learn to protect yourself and grow a backbone. I’m no babe in the woods and I don’t need a man to protect me.”
“What makes you think I need one either?” I whispered back though my tone was less than friendly.
“I didn’t say you did but don’t go jerkin’ my brother’s heart around.”
“I’m not—”
“And don’t ask him about where he is when he leaves either. It’s not what you think but just telling the wrong person could get him killed.” Estelle whipped me around to face her as the human traffic diverted around us. “You haven’t gotten close enough to him to ask him about what he does. No woman ever has except for me but I’m not fucking him, and he’s my brother. I deserve to know what he does but you . . . you have to earn that right.”
I glanced at her as we began to walk towards the cashiers. “So you know exactly where he was this morning?”
“Of course I did but if you think I’m going to tell you, you’re dead wrong. He cares about you and he doesn’t cheat. Where he went this morning was strictly business and it has nothing to do with you.”
“So, what are you trying to tell me? I’m good enough to kill a man I know nothing about but I’m not good enough to be trusted?”
“You’re getting paid to perform a service, Mira. The whole ‘Fernando thing’ has nothing to do with where Maarten was this morning. Believe it or not, the MC has a whole lotta fingers in a whole lotta pies. They all have jobs to do, and they are playing a very dangerous game. This isn’t a joke and we aren’t in some hillbilly, backwoods town. This is Vegas, and not only do they have to watch their ass for other MCs but the Mafia and Bratva are very powerful here too. The club’s gettin’ it from all sides,” she explained in a quiet tone.
“I don’t understand what’s going on—”
“Exactly,” Estelle interrupted rudely. “Which is the very reason why you don’t need to know about what Maarten is doing. Keep your head focused on your job and it’ll be better for everyone involved.”
We waited in line the remaining time in silence but the noise around us was so deafening with the constant chit-chat in a multitude of languages. It didn’t feel like I was being dismissed as much as it felt like I was being ignored.
This was a completely different side to Estelle I was seeing. She’d come off as happy-go-lucky yet intelligent and quirky college student but it was obvious that wasn’t her true persona at all. What the hell had I walked into? She knew so much about Pyro but if I was waiting for her to tell me, I’d be waiting a very long time.
Chapter Eleven
Mira
The next few days following my shopping trip with Estelle were pretty ordinary and typical to say the least.
Pyro and I spent time together when we could but otherwise, I surrounded myself around the other old ladies who laughed a lot, and liked to gossip as much as any other women.
Underneath my carefree exterior was a frightened woman who knew I was running out of time. Fernando was still alive, and it was up to me to make sure he wouldn’t be around for much longer.
I racked my brain for ideas on how I could approach him without getting my head blown off but my thoughts always lead back to using my feminine wiles.
It was true, I wouldn’t sleep with him but I could certainly lead him on into thinking I would.
The problem was when was I supposed to carry out this whole seduction scene with Pyro around? He wouldn’t dare go for that for all the money in the world.
The third week of January, I got lucky beyond my wildest dreams.
Naomi, Layla and I talked in the clubhouse as the men walked out of chapel looking slightly pissed off or downright annoyed.
“What’s going on?” I asked Naomi.
She looked at me with bright amber eyes. “Looks like the guys have to go on that run to Southern California after all.”
I opened and closed my mouth, flummoxed by the unexpected news. “What run? When are they leaving?”
“Probably in the next couple of days and as usual, it’s ‘club business,’” Layla responded before she stood, and walked over to the bar where Hardy sat. They exchanged a few words before she shook her head, collected her drink and walked back over to us.
“Let me guess—something to do with that asshole, Erik?” Naomi wondered as she rubbed her growing belly.
“Yes and no. Apparently, Erik has found a way to insure he has both the Lucifer’s Saints and Raymond Jackson’s protection. The nerve of that little shit. We never wanted that kind of connection with the Bratva, and we can’t afford to go through another Koslakov situation, Nomes. The club wouldn’t be able to handle it,” Layla responded before she sipped from her whiskey and Coke.
Naomi’s face pinched with anger. “Don’t tell me we’re somehow beholden to the Kitaev Bratva. Ronan is gonna have a shit fit.”
“All the Cox and Jackson men are having shit fits, Nomes.” Layla stared past me, her bright blue eyes focused on Naomi. “That piece of Russian scum, Erik, eloped with Moira Cox-Jackson.”
“Tell me you’re joking with me!” Naomi sipped from a bottle of water. “Looks like the chickens have come home to roost—”
“Not if the club gets to him first.” Layla looked away. “It was unanimous. Dizzy and Raymond both wanted Erik in a body bag but they’re giving him an option. Either he does both men some very special favors or he will end up dead. The guys are doin’ a run to drop the news to Erik . . . and bring Moira home—if they’re lucky.”
“What if she’s in love with him?” I asked out loud.
Both Naomi and Layla glared at me as if I’d grown another head. “She doesn’t know what love is, and it’s obvious he’s just using her to get deeper into the underworld, and fill the void Koslakov left. It ain’t gonna happen. We’ve dealt with enough traitors over the years. Between the Italians and the goddamn Russians, we’ve had our fill of mafia-related violence.”
“She is an adult though,” Naomi offered. “If she entered the marriage because she loves him then both men are gonna have to deal with her decision. She can’t become another lost cause like . . . Lacey, Cricket’s sister. She made her bed when she chose Carlito Navarro and the cartel over her own family.”
“No offense but that bitch was only an Original’s daughter. We are talking about Raymond and Dizzy’s niece—uniting the families through blood to a notorious gangster. Erik’s tryin’ to wield power he can’t even begin to control. He’s a live wire, and extremely dangerous. They won’t stand for this. No way will they be beholden to some Russian pimp, especially one half their age!” Layla exclaimed as she waved her hands in the air to prove her point.
Pyro walked directly toward me, and I stood up before he reached me. “You ready to go home?”
I nodded my head as he slid an arm around my waist and we left the clubhouse silently.
We were almost half way home before he attempted to make any sort of conversation.
“I have to go to L.A. in a couple of days—”
“I know. The old ladies have big mouths and seem to know almost as much about what’s going in the club as the guys,” I replied as I looked out of the window at the passing traffic.
“Two Worlds” played on the radio, and I couldn’t help but feel like it pertained to my life at this point.
“Listen, some of the guys trust their old ladies, and they know a lot about what’s going on in the club. Naomi is an ex-Federal Agent and practically Ronan’s confidante other than Hardy. Layla grew up in the club; her father was a member of the Saints, and she’s practically Kink’s old lady—”
“Doesn’t he
still reside in Birch Tree?”
“Technically but he comes to Vegas a few times a month to see her and she goes up to Birch Tree to see him. Somehow, it works although to be honest, I don’t think I could ever do a long distance relationship. It probably works for him though—what with losin’ Miranda last summer and all. He’s not ready to be in a fully committed relationship yet but that don’t mean the guy’s dead.”
I turned to stare at Pyro’s profile. “Do you think we’ll have that kind of relationship eventually? I mean, where you can trust me with your secrets.”
He looked over at me as I looked away and glanced ahead. “Maybe but we’re just getting to know each other as a couple. We haven’t been together for a month, Mira. Trust is something that has to be built up and earned. Believe me, it takes time and patience. I want us to be that kind of couple but we aren’t anywhere near that point.”
“I know that. Your sister has already given me a little pep talk about it.” I turned off the radio. “I’m just asking you how you feel about it? I know we need to become closer and our relationship needs to grow and develop but I hate you feel like you can’t tell me anything. How do you keep all that shit bottled inside without another person knowing?”
“Easy, I don’t,” he replied flippantly. “Estelle knows everything. She’s always been my confidante for as long as I can remember. I suppose it really shouldn’t surprise me how she ended up becoming part of the club, being Chemist’s fiancée and all.”
“Oh.”
That one word was the only response I could think of. It surely explained why she almost tore me a new one almost three weeks ago while we were out shopping.
I instinctively knew I had nothing to be jealous about over their relationship. Pyro loved his sister with all his heart, and I had no doubt in my mind he wouldn’t take a bullet for her.
Irrationally, I struggled because I wanted that closeness with this man. He was a fantastic lover who shared his body freely and openly with me as I did mine but that’s all he seemed capable of willing to share. As much as I tried to rationalize our situation with every excuse I could think of, it still hurt like hell.
A lot.
Too much.
How would I be able to stand by the sidelines and watch as my lover had his nice, tight clique who knew him inside and out while I knew nothing but a handful of war stories, and a past that couldn’t come back to haunt him? He was unwilling to share the present or the future with me in any way so what exactly did that make our relationship?
Pyro might as well have branded my heart because I could never imagine feeling this much for another man ever again. Love was trouble, plain and simple.
This game we were playing was a dangerous house of cards that could crumble any day now because when all was said and done—when he tired of me—he could leave. He’d never ventured or invested emotionally in our relationship so there was nothing to lose when he let me go.
Perhaps that’s what had my heart aching most of all.
I felt like I’d put everything on the line for him but he wasn’t willing to reciprocate. The pain was like having my hands held over hot coals but I couldn’t tear them away no matter how hard I tried. The absolutely terrorizing feeling of the unknown killed me to no end however there was nothing I could do but play the waiting game.
How long would it take me to earn his trust?
Months? Years? Decades?
Who knew because I sure as hell didn’t, and he wasn’t giving me a fucking clue either.
“Don’t take this the wrong way but I feel like you’re purposely shutting me out of your life.” I didn’t bother to gage his reaction before I continued, “I’m not some club whore. I don’t spread my legs for any man I meet on the street. I know we just started all of this but you have to be willing to tell me something. I know pieces of your past and that’s it but it’s almost like you don’t want me to understand the real you. I may trip over my feelings and fall in love. Is that it?”
Pyro pulled into the driveway and shut off the engine. “What do you want from me, Mira? If I could tell you everything about me, believe me when I say I would but I can’t. Not now because we don’t know each other well enough. We barely just met, and we have only been sleeping together for a few weeks. That’s certainly not enough time for me to spill all my dirty little deeds.”
“I know that but when will you truly be able to tell me anything at all? I’m not gonna bail if that’s what you think. You’ll have to let go of me.”
“I don’t want you to leave, babe, but it would be nice if you could at least practice a bit of patience. I’d be willing to give you the world entire but it’s gonna take a while. I know you’re hurting, and you feel like I’m a lousy old man but if anything, I’m trying to protect you.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really. How can you be so naïve when you grew up in this lifestyle? Please don’t make me choose between keepin’ and losin’ you because you’re feeling insecure about our relationship.”
I glared at him coldly then, my heart suddenly chilled over. “Maybe I don’t know how to act like the perfect old lady because I’ve never been one. Hell, I’ve never had a relationship before. All of this is new to me so forgive me if I ask too many questions or make too many demands. I don’t know what to do except follow your lead and frankly, you’re not all that great at this either yet I’m not your first relationship so what’s your excuse?”
Pyro’s eyes softened as he looked away from me. “I’m not used to all of this, Mira. You had me from the moment I saw you dancing in my room in your underwear singin’ a goddamn Amy Winehouse song. What more do you want from me? I’m much more of the love ‘em and leave ‘em type. No one has ever come close to making me feel as much as you do. Hell, if I have your heart then you have mine too and I’m terrified.”
I crossed my arms against my breasts. “Why? What do you have to be afraid of when you hold all the cards?”
“I don’t hold anything and we’re not playing Poker, babe. I’m just as lost as you at this whole . . . love thing. Yes, I have loved before but I have never been in love and you, well you’re taking us to the next level at a pace I’m not comfortable with because I want you to know all of me but I can’t. Not now. Not when my heart and head can’t even fuckin’ get in sync with one another. Logic wins out every time, and all I can think about right now is before all this is said and done, you’re gonna break me and leave like I meant nothing to you.” He ran his hands through his blond-streaked hair before he opened the door, stepped out and walked inside.
Fuck a duck.
I’d caused all this drama, and for what? Just because I wanted to know he felt the same about me? What the hell was wrong with me?
I loathed apologizing but it looked like I would have to bite the goddamn bullet and eat a huge helping of stir-fried crow. I hated feeling like I was the bad guy—or girl, technically—in this situation but I was, and he would never let me live it down if we both went to bed with so much still left unsaid.
My heart beat like a jackhammer as I climbed out of the truck and walked inside. It was dark except for the lights coming from the stove and microwave’s digital clocks. The absolute quiet became a noise in itself, the rushing of an imaginary ocean in my ears as I climbed the stairs and slowly walked to Pyro’s room.
The door was left ajar, which I took as a good sign. Maybe he wouldn’t make this too hard on me after all.
I walked inside and closed the door softly, tossing my purse on the floor. My breath came in short, sharp bursts before I was grabbed behind, and pressed up against a hard body that was strong, lean and belonging to the man I loved.
He was naked. I could feel his hard cock pressed against my clothed body but I still responded regardless as my heart began to double time it, and I almost felt like I was suffering from heart palpitations.
“This is what you want, isn’t it? Me, emotionally naked for you so you can pick at the scabs over my scars and wa
tch them bleed all over again? I won’t let you do that, Mira. I can’t let you do that and live with myself,” he whispered in my ear.
“Then fuck me,” I said out loud. “If you can’t share yourself with me in any other way then do what you’re good at.”
Pyro laughed though it felt wicked and almost devious to the point of coming from a place inside of him seeped with sadism. “You think it’s gonna be that easy to get my cock tonight, babe?”
I couldn’t help myself from goading him on. “I don’t see why not. It’s been easy every other time to get it.”
He whipped me around to face him but the dim light only showed the outline of his beautiful body and not even a glimpse of those gorgeous ice-blue eyes. “You’re gonna beg and plead for me to fuck you like you should have done from the beginning. I hold all the power in this relationship—not you. You’re nothing but a pawn in a game you can never win. It’s your bad luck for allowing me inside your heart but I will make you pay for the sin of forcing your way into mine uninvited.”
I tried to speak but my words lodged in my throat while I could barely breathe. He ripped the black lace top I wore, buttons scattering across the elegantly tiled floor with an echo. The next casualty was one of my favorite pair of jeans when his sheer strength ripped the metal button right off and ruined the zipper. I could hear the ping of the metal objects hitting the floor as well.
“Take everything off or I’ll ruin your sexy undies and bra too.”
I stripped quickly, the tears I assumed would quickly follow never did. In fact I was dry-eyed and had never been so turned on in my life. What the hell was wrong with me?
Once I was naked before him, he grabbed my shoulders and forced me to my knees. “You’ve wanted to worship my cock with that beautiful mouth of yours, don’t you? I’ve been inside your pussy—and eventually, I’ll claim your asshole too but that gorgeous mouth of yours will do . . . tonight.”
I grabbed Pyro’s dick, the girth alone giving me food for thought. He wasn’t massively oversized but he wasn’t exactly small either—in length or thickness. I’d always hated giving blowjobs but this was for the man I loved so it should have been different.