by Sarah Webb
I gulp, trying to keep it together. ‘It was a bit. But now that I’ve found Declan . . .’ I tail off. ‘But please excuse me.’ I spot Danny talking to someone on the balcony outside, so I walk quickly through the door before anyone else has the chance to grab me. But as soon as I get there, I wish I hadn’t. A whole team of Lainey’s batty aunts would be better than this.
Because standing there, bold as brass, is Noel Hegarty.
I can feel blood rushing to my head and whooshing past my ears, and for a second I think I’m going to either vomit or pass out. Then I hear Danny’s voice and feel a hand on my arm.
‘Jules, Jules, are you OK?’
‘Maybe she’s coming down with that virus thing Clara has,’ I hear Noel say.
Just then one of Lainey’s aunts calls Danny from the doorway. ‘Danny, where are people to put their presents? Is there a special room?’
‘Excuse me a second,’ he says and walks off, leaving Noel and me alone.
‘Maybe you should sit down, Jules,’ Noel says, calm as anything.
I say nothing, just stare at the floor and shake my head. I can’t bear to look at the man. How dare he act as if nothing happened between us? I turn to follow Danny inside when Noel grabs my arm. I’m glad I’m wearing a jacket, I couldn’t stand his fingers touching my bare skin.
‘We’re all right, aren’t we, Jules?’ he says in a low, loaded voice.
What’s he talking about? Of course we’re not ‘all right’. Is he deranged? I shake his hand off, still unable to speak, and run inside. I push through the crowds gathering in the bar and manage to find the toilet. Locking myself in a cubicle, I sit down on the closed seat and lean forward, resting my head in my hands. I’m too shocked and disgusted to cry. And angry, seethingly angry. At Noel for daring to speak to me like that, but most of all at Ed for inviting him. What was he thinking? He promised he’d take care of everything, so what the hell is Noel doing at his bloody wedding? I feel humiliated, betrayed, but, most of all, furious.
I sit up and stare at the closed cubicle door, my blood still pounding through my veins. I can’t stay here all day. But I’m in no state to go back outside, not with him out there, ready to grab me again. I have to do something, but what?
I pull my mobile out of my bag. I consider ringing Pandora, but then stop myself. There’s nothing she can do and talking to her might just make me cry. Arietty too. Jamie? I shake the idea out of my head. I’ve burnt my bridges there too many times. Then it comes to me, Clara. She’s always hated Noel; maybe she’ll understand. I know Ed told me to keep it to myself, but right now I’m so hurt and angry I feel like storming his precious radio station, hijacking a studio and broadcasting what happened to the nation.
I find Clara’s number and ring it.
‘Hello?’ She sounds nervous. ‘Jules? Aren’t you at the wedding?’
‘Yes. But it’s not going so well. Can you talk?’
‘Sure. But I’m supposed to be off with flu. Please don’t say anything to Ed or Danny about speaking to me. Or Noel if he’s there. Especially Noel.’
‘Are you bunking off work?’
She sighs. ‘It’s complicated. I have a doctor’s cert all right, but it’s not flu. I’ve been having panic attacks. The doctor thinks they’re stress related, brought on by work.’
‘You do put in incredibly long hours, Clara.’
‘It’s not the hours. It’s something that keeps happening, something . . .’ she stops abruptly. ‘Look, I’ve already said too much.’
She sounds anxious and upset. Something occurs to me. ‘Clara, it doesn’t have anything to do with Noel, does it?’
There’s silence for a second. ‘Has Ed said something to you?’
‘No, nothing.’ I take a deep breath. It’s now or never. ‘Clara, Noel attacked me. In Dicey Reilly’s. Put his hand up my skirt. I managed to knee him and run away. And now he’s here, at the wedding.’
‘Oh, Jules. It’s all my fault. I should never have left you there in that state, knowing what he’s like. I’m so sorry.’
‘What he’s like? You mean he’s done it before?’
‘Remember Antonia? The researcher before Mickey? He used to say things to her, how hot she was looking, how she must be a real goer in bed, that kind of thing; then he started sending her porn links, disgusting stuff, then asking had she watched them. She reported him for sexual harassment but he managed to wangle his way out of it. She was moved to another show but he used to follow her into the car park. She was so freaked out she left the station altogether. Well he’s started to do the same thing to me. It’s more subtle, he’s covering his tracks this time; cornering me in the office when no one’s around, whispering things at my back. It’s revolting. And I can’t cope any more. He’s never going to stop. I didn’t think he was capable of actually attacking anyone, but after what you’ve said he clearly is. I can’t stay there, Jules. I’m going to have to leave the show and maybe the station.’
‘Clara, that’s appalling. And you can’t leave, you’re brilliant at your job. Can’t you say something to Ed or one of the others? Danny even?’
She gives a dry laugh. ‘Ed? I told him what was going on, asked for his help and he told me he’d have a word with Noel. But nothing changed. Ed is Noel’s lapdog, Jules. Sorry, but it’s true. And Danny’s just as bad when it comes to Noel. Thinks the sun shines out of his ass. I’m afraid the close-knit Danny Delaney team is all a sham. Just a bunch of egos all looking to claw their way to the top. It’s the biggest show on the whole bloody network and Noel has the powers that be in his pocket. Even if I did report him, they’re all so hungry to keep the ratings high, I doubt if they’d do anything about it even if they did believe me.’ She sounds so bitter and so unlike the Clara I know that it makes me shiver. ‘And frankly I’m not prepared to throw my own career away by being branded as a telltale. I saw what happened to Antonia and it wasn’t pleasant. I’ve worked too hard to be spat out of the system like that. No, I think I’ll start looking for a job on another station and until then keep out of the bloody man’s way.’
‘He can’t just get away with it,’ I say strongly. ‘I’m going to say something to him. Tell him if he doesn’t resign and leave you the hell alone I’ll tell everyone what happened in Dicey Reilly’s.’
‘Be careful, Jules. Noel’s clever, he knows exactly what to say to get himself out of bad situations. It’s probably best just to steer well clear of him.’
‘No! That’s exactly what he wants me to do. You too. Someone has to stand up to him, Clara. And I don’t have as much to lose as you do. I’m going to confront him, right now, before I chicken out.’
‘You’re amazing, Jules. I really admire you, but please be careful.’
I give a wry laugh. ‘Clara, I’m a mess. But he can’t get away with this.’
‘Ring me later, Jules, OK? But mind yourself. And make sure there are people around when you talk to him, understand?’
‘I will, I promise.’ I click off the phone and walk out of the cubicle. I check myself out in the mirror and take a deep breath before swinging the door open. I make my way down the corridor, through the bar and back outside again. My palms are sticky with nerves but I steel myself. I’m not doing this for myself alone any more, I’m doing it for Clara and Antonia too, and for all the other girls whose lives and careers Noel might destroy in the future. I focus on how disgusted I feel – Noel, Ed, Danny – they’re all the same. I’ll need all the anger I can muster to confront Noel. He’s still on the balcony, finishing a cigarette. He stubs it out rather aggressively under the sole of his boot and then turns, sees me and smiles. But his eyes are flat.
‘Everything OK, Jules?’
I look around. There’s a couple lighting cigarettes down the far end of the balcony which makes me feel a little less afraid. For a second, I’m dumbstruck, then his lips curl into a sneer.
‘No!’ I snap.
‘What is it now, Jules? And why the serious face? Go and knoc
k back a few drinks. You’re really boring when you’re sober. Go on, have a vodka and show us your tits like you used to.’
I blush deeply. Unfortunately he’s right. But it only happened once. Ed made me stop, got a bit jealous I think.
‘Don’t be so crude,’ I say. ‘And what the hell are you doing here?’
He laughs again. ‘Ed invited me. What’s it to you?’
OK, now I’m bristling. ‘You fucking attacked me, you pig!’
He puts up both his hands. ‘Whoa, there, Jules. You can’t go around making accusations like that.’
‘But it’s true.’
‘Says who?’
I stare at him. ‘You apologized, Noel. I still have the email.’
He shrugs. ‘We had a brief affair. I broke up with you. You didn’t take it so well, Ed had a word with you, sorted everything out. That’s what happened.’ He lifts his eyebrows at me. ‘I think if you re-read the email you’ll see that’s all it says. Yeah, I tried it on, big deal, but you can’t prove a thing.’
‘You bastard! But Ed knows the truth. I want you to re- sign from the radio station or he’ll tell everyone what really happened.’
He snorts. ‘You don’t get it, do you, Jules? Ed’s on my side. I’ve just recommended him for the producer’s job on the Drive Time Show. He’s not going to jeopardize his career, not for you. And for feck’s sake, stop with the long face and the moaning. You and that Clara are just the same. Can’t take a joke.’
‘Being attacked is not a joke. Neither is being sexually harassed at work.’
‘What do you expect? Clara’s boobs are massive and she wears those tight tops, what’s a guy to do? And you’re a right cock-tease yourself. Look like a slut and people will treat you like a slut.’
He has such an ugly expression on his face, tears spring to my eyes. Clara’s right, he’s a pig and if what he says about Ed is right, he’s won.
‘And for God’s sake stop the flaming waterworks, woman. This is supposed to be a wedding. Our conversation is over. Keep away from me, understand? Jesus wept, women. You’re psycho, the lot of you.’ And with that he walks back inside, leaving me a wet rag of frustration, anger and exhaustion.
I flop down on one of the wooden benches and stare out to sea. It’s a beautiful day, crisp and bright. I watch the water for a while, allowing my breath to slow and trying to blink back the tears that are flowing down my face. My make up must be ruined but I don’t care. I’m going to wait here until the tears have stopped, then slink home. It hasn’t been the wedding experience I was hoping for, but I’m done. With Lainey and most especially with Ed.
Ed put his career over me. Simple as that. And he didn’t protect Clara, even when she begged him for his help. What kind of person would behave like that? Not someone I’d ever want to end up with, that’s for sure. I am totally, 100 per cent cured of Ed Powers. In fact, I’m starting to feel sorry for Lainey.
‘Budge over.’ Danny appears beside me a few minutes later. ‘I’m being chased by mad Anderson aunts and it’s not pretty. I’m dying for a fag.’ He slots in beside me and offers me the box of Marlboro Red. ‘Want one?’
I shake my head.
Only then does he notice the tears.
‘What’s up, Jules? Finding today hard, is that it?’
‘No. Danny, I quite honestly wouldn’t know where to start.’
He pulls on his cigarette. ‘Try me.’
I look at him. He seems genuine. And for Danny he seems pretty calm and, more importantly, sober. This may be my only chance. I jump straight in.
‘It’s Noel,’ I say. ‘He attacked me, in Dicey Reilly’s that night I was out with you all. But he’s denying anything happened.’
‘Noel? Noel Hegarty? Attacked you?’ To my dismay he gives a laugh. ‘You’re having me on, right? That’s a good one.’
Then he sees my face. ‘You’re not serious, Jules?’
I nod. ‘And he’s making Clara’s life hell. That’s why she’s off. She doesn’t have flu, she’s having panic attacks. The poor girl’s terrified of having to work with him.’
‘They’re pretty serious accusations, Jules. Do you have any proof?’
I sigh. ‘Not really. He’s smart, he’s been covering his tracks.’
Danny thinks for a second. ‘Hang on, there was something, a few years ago. That girl Antonia said he was sending her dirty pictures or something. We all thought it was a bit of a joke.’
‘Being sent porn by your boss isn’t very funny, Danny,’ I point out.
‘Guess not.’ He shrugs again. ‘But unless you can prove any of it, not much I can do I’m afraid.’
Now my blood is boiling. ‘You’re all such cowards. Don’t you care about Clara? She’s going through hell right now.’
He doesn’t look pleased. ‘’Course I care about Clara. But Noel’s the backbone of the show. Without him—’
‘Grow up, Danny. It’s a radio show. People are more important.’ I go to stand up.
‘Jules?’ I hear someone calling me from the doorway. ‘There you are.’ Jamie’s standing there looking rather out of place in jeans and a grey hoody.
He walks towards us and thrusts an open laptop and headphones into Danny’s hands.
‘Listen to the voice clip, mate,’ he says. ‘It’s that Noel guy making a confession. I have a hard copy in case you need it for an employment tribunal or something. Jules is right, I think the dude needs to resign or it might end up all over the internet. You know how these things go. Wouldn’t reflect too well on the show, employing a scumbag like that, or on you for that matter.’
I stare at Jamie. ‘What? I don’t understand.’
‘I recorded your conversation with Noel,’ Jamie says.
I glare at him, appalled. ‘What? How? Have you been following me or something?’
‘No! I bugged your dress.’
My mouth falls open. Is he deranged? ‘You what?’
‘Jules, let’s just deal with this first, all right?’ Jamie says.
He turns to Danny again, leaving me seething beside him. ‘Will you listen to it? Please?’
Danny who’s being uncharacteristically quiet, nods, sits down with the laptop on his knee, puts the headphones over his ears and presses play on the screen. As he listens his face goes paler and paler, his eyes sparking with anger. A few minutes later he takes off the headphones and looks at me.
‘I should have trusted you, Jules, I’m so sorry. You were right. I need a good kick up the ass. Noel’s so out of there. I knew he was a bit sexist but his attitude towards women is clearly off the scale. If they don’t fire him, I’ll walk. Plenty other stations who’d be happy to have me. I’m gutted for you and for Clara, genuinely.’
He hands Jamie back the laptop and then roots in his wallet for a business card. ‘Can you send me the voice file? I’ll make sure Noel Hegarty never produces another radio show if I can help it. Or goes anywhere near you or Clara ever again, Jules. I promise.’
‘Sure.’ Jamie takes the card and puts it in his pocket.
‘Is there anything else I can do?’ Danny asks. ‘Anything at all.’
‘Ring Clara,’ I say. ‘She’s very upset.’
‘Of course. And for you?’
I look at him for a moment. I could tell him about Ed’s lack of action after Noel attacked me, how he refused to help Clara, but something stops me. It’s certainly not love for Ed. I think it may be residual love for Lainey, or certainly loyalty.
‘No,’ I say firmly. ‘Just look after Clara.’
Danny nods. ‘I will. And I really am sorry.’
Jamie holds out his hand. ‘Come on, Jules. I think it’s time to get out of here.’
I refuse to take his hand, but follow him out reluctantly, feeling faint with relief, but still practically frothing at the mouth with rage. Jamie’s been listening to all my private conversations – with Declan, with Clara. He could even hear me pee! I’ll kill him!
Chapter 25
As
soon as we step off the balcony and into the bar Jamie asks, ‘Where is he?’ and looks around the wedding party manically.
‘Who?’ I ask sharply.
‘That Noel guy? I want to punch his lights out.’
‘You’ve caused enough trouble already, Jamie. Let’s just get out of here.’ I spot Ed and Lainey lingering in the main doorway, talking to guests arriving. There’s no way out of it, I’ll have to speak to them, unless . . .
I look at Jamie. ‘How did you get in here?’
‘Round the back. Climbed over the railings.’
‘Do you think I could get over?’
He shrugs. ‘They aren’t that high and I could help you.’
‘Good. Which way?’
He points down some stairs to the far left of the hallway.
I look at Lainey and Ed one last time. Ed’s laughing at something Harry is saying. I watch him for a second but he doesn’t turn towards me. But Lainey does. Our eyes lock. I raise my hand and wave at her.
‘Jules, don’t go,’ she calls, breaking away from the group and walking towards me.
‘I have to,’ I say. ‘Have a fab day, Lainey. I mean it.’ And before I know what I’m doing I hug her, tightly. She’s wearing her favourite Chloe perfume and I sniff it in, trying to remember how things were before Ed came along and ruined everything.
‘I’m so sorry, Jules,’ she whispers in my ear. ‘For everything. I wasn’t a good friend to you.’
I draw away and give her a teary smile. ‘That doesn’t matter now. I hope you and Ed are very happy together, really. Take care of yourself, you hear?’
She nods and smiles back.
‘Lainey,’ Ed calls her.
And then Ed’s eyes rest on mine. And I feel exactly nothing apart from a ripple of disgust and loathing. I think about saying something to him about Clara, calling him a lying, self-serving, heartless pig, but at the end of the day it would only hurt Lainey. Plus it would make me look like a shrew. So I keep my mouth shut. Instead I say, ‘Goodbye, Lainey. Enjoy your day.’
‘Bye, Jules.’ There are tears in her eyes and I turn away before I well up myself.