Madison Johns - Agnes Barton 06 - Bigfoot in Tawas

by Madison Johns

  “Maps?”

  “Sure, I can show you.” She disappeared behind the counter and handed us a few maps. “Trail maps for the most part.”

  “Thanks,” I said. “Are these the same ones you gave to Billy?”

  “Yes, hiking trails and ski trails. There are twelve different trails in all.”

  “Thanks.” When I turned to Eleanor, she was examining the labels of the North Face clothing. “What on earth are you doing, Eleanor?”

  “Making sure these are authentic North Face clothing. There are plenty of fakes out there.”

  Before I had the chance to say a word, the clerk agreed. “Yes, you’re right, but ours are the real deal. We sure wouldn’t have been in business this long if we cheated customers with fakes. We’re an authorized dealer of these brands, and fully guarantee the products we carry.”

  We set out the clothing on the counter and paid for our purchases. “So, you haven’t actually seen Bigfoot in the area then?”

  “Nope, just heard an awful noise at night, sometimes.”

  “What kind of noise? What did it sound like?”

  “It was sort of a whopping noise. I can’t really explain it any other way.”

  I thanked the woman and we went back outside and into the car.

  “See, Bigfoot is real,” Eleanor said.

  “I wish you’d make up your mind, Eleanor.”

  “I’m totally convinced since we were at Billy’s house this morning. What else would be able to crash through his patio door?”

  “A white-tailed deer,” Martha said.

  “I can’t imagine any deer shattering a whole window like that,” I countered. “I’m with El, here. There was blood, too. My bet is that Bigfoot dragged poor Billy off into the woods and possibly ate him.”

  “Oh, and did you find any evidence to support that theory?” Martha asked.

  “Well, no, but we didn’t get a chance to finish our investigation. As it was, the cops were there and didn’t know we had snuck off to check out the woods.”

  “How exactly did you manage that, Mother? I can’t imagine two old ladies could sneak around that easily.”

  “We could when Sheriff Peterson and Trooper Sales were checking out the house. I guess they thought we left as we were told.”

  “Seems like those two would know enough to personally escort you out to your car and make sure you drove off.”

  “I guess they were just too intent on checking out the house.”

  Eleanor shifted in her seat. “Lucky for us you don’t work for the sheriff’s department. You’d tell them all of our secrets.”

  “You don’t have any secrets. Neither of you know how to keep your mouths closed for long.”

  I gripped the steering wheel hard, braking as a man with a rifle on his shoulder crossed the road. “Oh, my. I should call this in. We can’t have some deranged man waltzing all over town with a firearm.”

  “Nope, not until hunting season at least,” El said. She pulled out her cellphone and reported what she saw to the 911 operator.”

  When I arrived at the Cat Lady’s house, it was quite packed with vehicles parked every which way. “I sure hope we get the chance to get on this reality show,” I said. “I’d hate to think that we’d be excluded simply on account of our age.”

  “You might want to use that reasoning,” Martha said. “It sure has worked for you in the past. ‘Selective old age’ I think they call it. On the one hand, you both seem to get mad when someone calls you old, and on the other, you act all-frail like to get your way. If I were you, I’d—”

  “Oh, shut up already, Martha. I knew we should have left you at home,” I said, irritated, although she did have a point.

  “Don’t blame me, Mother. I’m just speaking the truth.”

  “You could do a whole lot less speaking right now. We need to get on that show.”

  “Then act like able-bodied, strong senior citizens like you keep saying you both are. Hold back on the riot act about discriminating against the elderly and only use it if it’s necessary.”

  “Good point, Martha. Sorry for telling you to shut up. I guess we rub each other the wrong way sometimes.”

  “Enough said. Hurry up and park before we don’t get a chance to get in the door.”

  I parked and we walked toward the door. As we did, we saw a familiar face. A short senior-aged lady with kind green eyes came forward and Eleanor hugged her tight. As they pulled away Martha asked, “Who is this lovely lady?”

  “I’m Margarita Hickey, Eleanor’s sister. I live in Bear Paw.”

  “How nice,” Martha said.

  I smiled kindly, a tad nervous. I’d never met Eleanor’s sister before, but she had a similar facial structure as Eleanor’s. “Hello, I’m Agnes Barton.”

  Margarita gave me a hug. When she pulled away, her face had lit up. “I’ve heard so much about you. It’s like we’re old friends already.”

  That sure made me relax. “Thanks, but what are you doing in town?”

  “I came with them.” She pointed out a fiery redhead holding an archery bow and a blonde-haired woman with wilder hair than Martha. She then went on to explain, “The one with the bow is Tammy Rodrigue, and the blonde is Dixie Perriloux. They’re from Louisiana and have been here since last winter when Tammy won the Tournament of Trouble in Bear Paw. We’ve become good friends and they’ve even helped me revamp my restaurant, Hidden Pass. I now serve Cajun food. We’ve even done a bit of investigating, too. Didn’t Eleanor tell you?”

  El shrugged. “It slipped my mind.”

  Did it really slip her mind, or didn’t Eleanor want me to know that we’re not the only ones in the state of Michigan who dabble in investigations? “So, why are you here?”

  “Tammy wants to audition for the reality show.”

  I motioned to her bow. “You do know that it’s not a big game hunt, right?”

  “Of course I do, but no way am I tramping out in the woods without my baby here,” Tammy said. She locked eyes with me. “So, you’re Agnes Barton. I almost thought you were a myth the way Margarita went on about you and her sister. You seemed larger than life.”

  I smiled at what sounded almost like a compliment. “Thanks, I think.”

  “Why are you here? Is there a major crime wave that I can help you out with?”

  I shook my head. “Nope. We’re here to compete in the show, same as you. If we get picked, that is.”

  “Is it safe for you two to be tromping out in the woods like that? I’d hate to see legends like you get hurt.”

  I tried to figure out if she was kissing up to us for a reason, or just wanted to get rid of us so she’d have more of a chance. “Thanks, but we’re used to the rugged life.” I held up my bags. “We just need to change, is all. We have everything we need in this bag.”

  The door was opened and we were instructed to come inside. El and I walked in first and spotted Bernice, who offered us a place to change. When we came back out donning our camouflage clothing, more than a few snickers were heard in the room from a group of men near the corner of the room.

  A man dressed in jeans and a plaid shirt introduced himself as Brent Hunter, obviously not his real name. There had to be a pun in there somewhere. “We’re forming two teams. Each of you will have an opportunity to show us what you got.” He walked over to Tammy and said, “You don’t need a bow, sweetheart. You already have my attention.”

  “The last man that said that almost wound up with an arrow in his crotch,” Tammy calmly stated.

  “Playing cool. I like that. But seriously, there’s no need to carry that with you on this hunt.”

  “Oh, so you’d have me believe there’re no wild animals in the woods?”

  “Just me,” he snickered.

  “That’s so not true,” Eleanor said. “There are coyotes and bears, and Bigfoot. I, for one, would feel comfortable knowing that we’d have some protection.”

  “Not to worry, ladies,” Brent said. “I have plenty of
protection.” He winked suggestively at Tammy, who tightened her grip on her bow.

  “Just so we’re clear. I’m here to hunt Bigfoot and no other reason.”

  Brent moved in closer, Tammy kicked his feet out from under him, and Brent landed with a thump on the floor. “I want her on my team,” Eleanor announced.

  “Stop, Eleanor. She never said she’d even want us on her team.”

  “We sure don’t want you on our team,” a man near the patio door said with a sneer.”

  My hands flew to my hips. “Who’d want to be on your team anyway? Do you plan to pay off your child support debt with the prize money, Barney?”

  Tammy and Dixie chuckled. “Gee, Barney. How much do you owe?” Dixie asked.

  He shuffled his feet, silenced at least for now.

  Brent turned to Eleanor and me. “Aren’t you two kinda—?”

  “It’s so important for your safety not to finish that sentence, young man,” I interjected.

  Brent gulped. “I’m sure surrounded by a bunch of bad-assed women. What’s a guy to do?”

  Shut up and get on with it, was my thought. “So are we planning to start today or next week when all the big game hunters show up in town?”

  “This is not a big game hunt.”

  “I’ve seen a man carrying around a rifle not half an hour ago,” I said.

  Brent climbed back to his feet like nothing happened. “I’ll have to talk to the director if he wants to risk having one of you older gals on the show. I’m not sure if viewers would care to see that on a reality show.”

  “Why not? If they can have those guys from Duck Dynasty on the tube, or those swamp people, they certainly can handle a few senior citizen ladies who happen to solve crimes in their spare time.”

  Brent’s attitude changed. “I like that angle. Like what kind of crimes … purse snatchers?”

  “Nope, we’ve solved mostly murder cases. We’re what they call ‘amateur sleuths.’”

  “Like Jessica Fletcher?”

  I was so getting sick of the references to that Murder, She Wrote character. “Sort of, except that we’re real and she’s not.”

  “Of course. Sure you are.”

  “You could always check with Sheriff Peterson if you don’t believe me,” I said.

  The Cat Lady entered the room. “Show my friends some respect, would you?”

  “I thought I told you to stay out of sight,” Brent said.

  Gasps were heard and Tammy’s eyes narrowed to slits. “Of all the nerve. How have you gotten this far insulting your elders? If you lived back in Louisiana, someone would have fed you to the gators by now. Show your elders some respect. They’ve lived through some pretty hard times, and are wise beyond their years.”

  Brent ran a hand through his thick brown hair. “Fine, but what do you ladies possibly know about Bigfoot?”

  “I know Bigfoot smells like a dirty dog and dirty socks. I know he makes a lot of noise when he tromps through the woods,” I said.

  “He also makes a whooping noise,” Eleanor added.

  “You … how do you know that?”

  “Because we’ve smelled and heard him in the woods. Why else do you think we’re here? We’re just as capable of hunting Bigfoot as any of you.”

  A portly man with a bald head approached us and gave us a waiver to sign. “Just in case you ladies try to sue, we’re not responsible.”

  I examined the form and Eleanor and I signed, as did the rest of the would-be hunters. When Tammy handed back her paper, she announced, “Don’t even think about asking me to surrender my bow.”

  “Not at all. I love a sexy woman with a weapon,” Brent said as he walked away.

  “Wow, Tammy. You’re sure a standup gal. I haven’t met too many women like you in my lifetime. Not at your age, anyway.”

  “Thanks, Agnes, but I can see I’m probably gonna have to put a hurting on that Brent before long.”

  “Besides the one you already did, you mean?”

  “He should mind his manners. It’s not healthy for a man to approach me like that.”

  Dixie giggled. “I didn’t even get a chance to stop you this time. She can’t help herself. Tammy’s just not the type to stand for any bull from a man, and I can already see that Brent character isn’t going to change his tune.”

  “Nope,” I said. “He seems pretty full of himself.”

  Margarita was in the corner, observing us. “You girls sure know how to shake it up. I need to be more like you.”

  That surprised me. “You’re sure not a thing like Eleanor. Are you positive you two are related?”

  “We sure are and I have to admit that we’re much different. I could use more of her spunk, though.”

  “You’re spunky enough when you need to be, Margarita. It takes plenty of spunk to start dating at your age, or allow Dixie and me to remake your restaurant the way we have,” Tammy said.

  “You’re dating, Margarita?” Eleanor said, surprised. “I’m glad I’m not the only one. I got engaged to a Mr. Wilson not long ago. I still haven’t learned his first name.”

  Eleanor and Margarita laughed over that one.

  “See, Tammy? If these ladies can find a man, you can too,” Dixie said with a nod.

  “The difference is that I don’t want one.”

  “You’re way too young to decide something like that. I’m sure you’ll find a great man when you’re ready. One who admires your spunky nature,” I assured Tammy.

  Chapter Eleven

  We filed out the door and I pulled the Cat Lady, Bernice, aside. “So what gives?”

  She stared at the ground. “I’m not sure what you mean, Agnes.”

  “I’ve never known you to allow anyone to belittle you like that. Where’s all your spunk gone to?”

  She raised her head and said, “Well, Brent told me to say out of sight. He seemed so nice when I met him, but he’s turned out to be a real ass. When he showed up here today he started spouting out orders, and you can imagine how that went. I’d rather have shot him with my shotgun,” she said solemnly. “I should have kept one of my tomcats here to scratch his eyes out. I sure miss my babies.”

  “I went to Elsie’s and they seemed just fine. When we find Bigfoot, this will all be a distant memory.”

  “Do you think you can really find Bigfoot?”

  “I’m not sure if this is the right time to find him, but I figure it might be a great time to search, or find Billy Matlin.”

  Her brow shot up. “Find Billy? Why?”

  “I probably shouldn’t say anything since nobody seems to know what happened.”

  “Please, Agnes. I promise I won’t tell a soul. I certainly wouldn’t tell that Brent anything.”

  “Okay, but you better not tell anyone.”

  Bernice did a motion of zipping her lip and throwing the key away.

  “We went over to Billy’s house this morning, and he’s missing.”

  “Where do you expect he went?”

  “Not sure, just yet. All I know was that his truck was there and his door was wide open.”

  I fell silent then until Bernice asked, “What else aren’t you telling me?”

  “That Billy’s patio door was broken into from the outside and there’s blood all over it.”

  “Do you think it’s Billy’s blood?”

  “Not sure, just yet. I’m sure going to con either Sheriff Peterson or Trooper Sales to tell me if it is or not.”

  “No way will they tell you anything.”

  “I’ll have to wait it out, is all.”

  Bernice scanned the tree line. “Do you think there really is a real Bigfoot?”

  “I’m not sure, but Eleanor and I did hear some strange animal noises, like nothing I’ve ever heard before.”

  “Did you search for Billy in the woods?”

  “Yes, but there wasn’t a trace of him anywhere.”

  “So, that’s why you came here?”

  “Yes, it’s another opportunity to s
earch for Billy. He might just be hiding out in the woods.”

  “That, or parts of him are,” Bernice said. “I’m glad you and Eleanor are here. I’ll feel so much better now. I love that Tammy, whoever she is, too. I met her outside before you came. She sure will put that Brent in his place if he gets out of line again.”

  “I just hope she doesn’t go too far. I’d hate for Brent to exclude her from the show.”

  “Not on your life will that happen. She makes for a good reality show character. Who wouldn’t love a kick-butt type of girl for a change from all those airheads you see these days.”

  * * *

  I waited outside with Bernice until a man with gray hair and amber eyes approached me. “I’m the director,” he announced. “Peyton Daniels. I hope you don’t mind Brent. He’s a bit of an ass. I really love that you and Eleanor decided to audition for the reality show, but it will be quite demanding. Do you have any health issues that would exclude you from doing the show?”

  “No.” I was totally excluding my nagging hip from the equation, but it’s been doing much better the last few months. “What exactly will it entail?”

  “We’ll be out in the woods shooting most of the day tomorrow, with one overnight. There’s a hunters’ camp behind the airport, and word has it that there’s been some suspicious activity that might directly relate to Bigfoot.”

  “Is there really a ten million dollar prize offered if we find Bigfoot?”

  “Yes, but the show is Hunting Bigfoot, remember? We don’t need the Animal Channel suing us.”

  “Who’s offering that prize, exactly?”

  “That’s classified,” he said with a chuckle. “So far, nobody has found anything near being a Bigfoot, but I’m hopeful with all the reported Bigfoot sightings near here, we might just catch a lucky break.”

  I shook Peyton’s hand and he left. “If I weren’t already engaged, I’d sure be interested in him,” I told Bernice.

  “He’s a real looker for sure, but I’m thinking he’s just grayed prematurely. He doesn’t have a wrinkle on his face.”

  “Of course, what movie director would? Most of them get facelifts these days, and Botox.”

  “Isn’t that the poison that freezes your face?”