Every time the door opened, I looked up, annoyed to find myself disappointed when it wasn’t him. Finally, at a little after three in the afternoon, there he was, strolling in with freshly washed hair that was still wet, wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Even though I’d been watching for him for the last couple of hours, seeing him still made me jump, made my heartbeat pick up a little.
He walked in casually enough, but his gaze searched the café until he found me — and in that moment, I knew he’d been looking for me too.
“Ciao, Julien!” Gianna went to greet him while I stayed behind, still able to watch through the pass-through space between the kitchen and the bar.
“I was wondering where you were,” he said to me when I was within earshot.
“I had to buy new clothes,” I said, nodding to Gianna who took the plate and left us alone.
Julien grinned and I felt a sudden need to confront him about Angela — which was completely stupid.
“You had left me the note and the money.” I didn’t thank him. If he hadn’t torn my things, I wouldn’t have needed to buy anything.
“I expected you to be back at the house once you’d finished.”
I shrugged my shoulder and turned to slice a piece of bread even though all the lunch orders had been filled. “I guess I don’t read minds. Besides, it’s not like you tell me who you’re meeting at night,” I added, flicking a glance at him before slicing the sharp knife through the bread.
Julien paused, then, when I heard him cluck his tongue, I set the knife down and turned to him, wiping my hands on the apron.
“Make me a sandwich,” he said, his eyes narrowed a little, his lips in a much too comfortable smirk.
“Make your own sandwich,” I said, untying the apron. “I’m on break.”
I walked out of the kitchen then but when I passed the bar, he stood, grabbing hold of my hand and pushing me down hard onto the stool he had just vacated.
“Ouch.” My butt still hurt when it made contact with anything, but he kept me there anyway, his eyes on me as he held me in place.
“If you’re on break, you should sit,” he said calmly, then smiled. “Remember what rude behavior gets you, Mia?”
Gianna walked behind the bar then and I wasn’t sure if she hadn’t watched the entire exchange. “You must eat, Mia. You are too skinny. I will make you both sandwiches you can take with you. I think the rush is over, Mia. Thank you for helping me.”
Rush wasn’t exactly how I’d have described the last few hours. There had been customers, yes, but I still felt like Gianna was happy just having the company.
“You’re welcome, Gianna. Maybe I can come back tomorrow if you’d like the help? I could use the pleasant company,” I added, casting a sideways glance at Julien.
His grin widened and he gave me a wink. “Let’s get those sandwiches and we’ll go on a picnic. I didn’t realize you were feeling lonely.” He laid his hand over mine where it rested on the countertop.
Gianna mumbled something, but went behind the counter to work. Within a few minutes, Julien was escorting me out the door carrying a basket with a picnic blanket, sandwiches, two bottles of water, and a bottle of wine.
Chapter Fifteen
Julien
Something was up with Mia, and when she grabbed the bag with her new clothes from Myra’s, I had an idea what it was. If she’d gone into Myra’s shop, chances were she’d met Angela. And I knew women like Angela. But to actually consider that Mia might be jealous?
Well, that was a whole other can of worms.
We walked in silence through the village, ducking into an alley where Charlie and I had found a path out into the surrounding countryside many, many years ago. I was glad to see it was still there, that same hole in the fence, even if it was overgrown with grass and weeds.
“Here,” I said, pointing. I handed the basket to Mia while I climbed up, holding back a few of the branches and reaching out for the basket. She handed it to me and I set it down, then I offered her a hand.
“Where are we going?”
“Out here.”
“Obviously. What is out there?”
I gestured for her to give me her hand. “A meadow where I used to come to when I was a kid.”
She studied me for a moment and I wondered yet again why I bothered answering her questions, why I didn’t just tell her to shut her mouth and get her ass up here.
Mia held on to my hand and I pulled her up the two steps. I then picked up the basket and walked the overgrown path. I still remembered it like it was yesterday. Familiar trees marked the way; a broken down, abandoned shed; stone fencing that had fallen apart centuries ago — all as if nothing had changed in the last twenty plus years.
“Charlie and I used to come here,” I said, pausing to get my bearings before continuing. “Used to swim in the lake over the summer.”
“There’s a lake?”
“A little farther. It was huge to us back then. I wonder how big it will look now.”
“Your grandmother said you’d gone to the cemetery.”
If she felt me stiffen, she didn’t say a word. “She has a big mouth.”
“She’s lonely. And you’re right, she has some guilt.”
I turned to her, pausing. “Are you two best friends now?”
“No, but I like her. And I can see she’s trying to do the right thing.”
Her green eyes stayed level with mine until I had to look away, tugging her behind me. “Too little, too late.”
We walked in silence the rest of the way. It was another mile to the spot and when we came upon it, it was exactly as it used to be. I had to stop, a smile spreading over my face. This place was good. The memories were good.
“Wow, it’s beautiful,” Mia said.
I nodded. We were nearly to the top of the mountain. It was cool now, but in the summer, it was perfect. Charlie and I would swim for hours here. We’d pack some food and spend whole days like this.
Red poppies dotted the lush, green grass and Mia followed me closer to the lake where I lay the blanket out and sat down on it, turning to her.
“Sit.”
She did.
“The dress is nice.”
She looked down at it. “Thanks. Angela helped me pick it out.”
Her tone said it all.
“That’s what this is about?” I asked.
“That’s what what is about?”
I shook my head and leaned in close to her. “What did Angela say to you?”
“You mean did she tell me you were with her last night?”
I watched her face closely, her neck and cheeks reddening a little, her eyes darting every which way but toward my own.
“Mia.” I took her chin in my hand and made her look at me. “What did she say?”
“She suggested you’d spent some time together with her and if you want to do that, that’s fine. I mean, I’m not… we’re not…” She pulled out of my grasp and picked at the grass, then turned to me. “How many women do you need to fuck in one night, anyway?”
I laughed. I couldn’t help it. It was the way she looked — angry, but trying to act like she didn’t give a shit.
“Screw you!” She tossed the handful of grass at me and got up, looking around as if for an escape.
“Sit down, Mia.”
“Fuck you, Julien!”
With that, she turned and ran.
“Don’t make me chase you.” Really, where was she going to go? She’d get herself lost, if anything. “Mia! Come back here!”
She didn’t even look over her shoulder. Instead, she ran toward the wooded area beyond which was a cliff.
“Christ.” I got up and went after her. I could catch up with her easily, but I enjoyed the chase. Enjoyed listening to her trying to catch her breath, to find her way.
But she didn’t tire as easily as I thought she might, and she led me in fucking circles for longer than I wanted.
“Mia!”
She sna
pped her head back to look at me.
“Don’t make me come get you.”
I’d have to punish this little show of defiance and my palm was itching to do it. Plus, I was hungry. I hadn’t eaten since yesterday.
“Go away!”
“There’s nowhere for me to go. Or for you, for that matter.” She resumed her run and I followed, determined now to catch her. “There’s a cliff, Mia,” I called out from behind her. “I’ll give you one chance to stop.”
She didn’t reply but picked up speed and at that, I did the same. This time, I caught up with her just as she neared the rocky ledge, the sudden drop surprising her. She tried to catch herself, but the grass was damp and slippery. I reached out a hand to catch her, gripping hold of the neck of her dress, hearing it tear just a little before I managed to grip her arm and drag her backward.
“Let me go!” she yelled.
“Let you go where?” I yelled back, dragging her to a fallen tree, bending her over it, holding her down with one hand while tugging her dress up with the other. “Over the fucking cliff?” I tugged her panties down while she struggled and as soon as her ass was bare, I smacked it hard. “Did you want me to let you go over the cliff, Mia?”
“Ow! Stop! You jerk!”
“You don’t really get it, do you?” My cock was hard at the sight of her bent over like this with her panties down around her knees. The marks of the belt hadn’t fully faded yet and her ass bounced beneath my hand, the red deepening after each slap.
“Stop, please!”
I gripped her hair and yanked her head backward so she looked at me while I slapped her ass again. She cried out, tears streaming down her face.
“Listen up, Mia,” I said, tugging once more, landing one more spank before I gripped her ass. “This right here,” I said, squeezing one cheek so she shut her eyes against the pain. “This ass belongs to me until you pay me that half million I’m more than earning here.”
“More than earning—”
I smacked again, silencing her.
“When I tell you to sit, you fucking sit. You don’t go on a fucking run through the forest to the edge of the cliff!” I moved my hand lower, gripping her pussy. “This here—”
“Please.”
“This wet little cunt also belongs to me, just like this asshole does.” My thumb pressed against her back hole, making her squeeze her eyes shut when I pushed in. “We could have had this conversation in a grown up manner, but you chose to act like a fucking child running away like that.” I let go of her hair but kept my fingers inside her. “Stay down. Don’t fucking move, or you’re going to get more than a finger in your ass.”
“I hate you.”
“No, you don’t. If you hated me, you wouldn’t care who I fucked.”
“I don’t care who you fuck—” she snarled, squeezing her ass cheeks together when I tried to pull them apart, pushing my fingers deeper inside both holes.
“Soft. I want your ass cheeks soft. I’m going to watch my fingers disappear inside your cunt and your ass.”
Her breathing pattern changed. It was coming fast and ragged, but there was more to it than fear. She was aroused. The wetness of her cunt already told me that.
“I’ve got your full attention now, don’t I?”
She wouldn’t open her eyes.
“Finish your sentence, Mia. Tell me that you don’t care while I finger fuck you.”
“I… I don’t care who you fuck. I just care how many you’re fucking while you’re fucking me.”
“First of all, I’d just like to clarify that we, and by we, I mean you and I, did not fuck last night. You sucked my cock and I ate your pussy. There’s a difference. And I think you do care.”
A moan she obviously tried to suppress slipped from her lips when I rubbed my fingers over her clit.
“I didn’t fuck Angela,” I said, pulling my finger out of her ass and unzipping my jeans. “Stay just like you are.” I positioned myself behind her, gripping her ass with both hands and pulling her open, looking down at her pretty, glistening pussy, her dark little asshole. I’d fuck that soon too, but right now, I wanted that dripping cunt. “I didn’t touch Angela in fact.”
I thrust in to the hilt, her passage too tight at first, the noises she made sounding as good as her pussy felt squeezing my cock. “What I’m doing now though”—I pulled all the way out and thrust in again—”that’s fucking. And while I’m fucking you or eating your pussy or anything else I choose to do, I promise to only do it to you. Better?”
But by then, she couldn’t quite speak because I wrapped one hand around her hip and reached for her clit, rubbing the swollen nub.
“You feel good, Mia. Your cunt feels good and tight.”
“Julien… I…”
“Come, Mia. Fuck. Come on my cock.”
She called out as I said it, her walls contracting around me, squeezing, milking me as I came, thrusting hard one last time before I stilled, buried to the hilt, my cock throbbing as I released inside her, her juices squeezing out from around it.
I stayed inside her for a while, just feeling her, her warmth, her softness. She turned her face to watch me, her breathing still ragged.
I took off my t-shirt and wiped her clean before pulling her panties up and dropping her dress down to cover her ass.
Her legs trembled as she straightened and we walked quietly back to the meadow.
“Sit down.”
This time when I said it, she obeyed and sat quietly. I joined her and reached into the bag to hand her a sandwich, which she took and began to slowly unwrap.
I twisted the corkscrew into the bottle of wine and popped it out, pouring a glass and inhaling. “My grandmother must like you. That, or she’s hoping to get us drunk. This is the good stuff she bottles herself.”
I handed it to Mia and she took it, inhaling and almost cracking a smile at my joke.
“You okay?” I asked. I didn’t like hurting her. In fact, I saw something in her that was like the thing inside me that I tried to keep buried deep, down where it would never see the light of day. Where I’d never have to look at it. But to see it in someone else — no, to see it in her — that was different. And more difficult than I liked.
Her eyes reddened and she looked down, picking at the bread on her sandwich. “Just… confused.”
“About Angela?”
“No.” She looked right at me then. “I want to hate you.”
I watched her. God, she was so fucking different from anyone I knew, anyone I’d ever known. She was honest — and she was innocent.
And it scared the shit out of me.
“Just eat.”
“I want to hate you, but I don’t. And I think I understand you, in a way.”
Now it was my turn to avoid her gaze, because if she kept looking me in the eye, she was going to see things I wasn’t yet ready to face.
She shook her head, as if having a conversation with herself, and drank down the rest of her wine. I picked up the bottle and refilled both of our glasses.
“How cold was the lake when you used to swim in it?” she asked.
“Freezing.” I laughed at the memory, how Charlie and I would dare each other to jump in.
She picked at her bread, but didn’t eat a bite of it. “Jason raped me. I was thirteen. That’s why the file was sealed. That million? Samuel paid my sister to shut her up, to send me away — and she did. They sent me off to the best boarding school money could buy and told me not to say a word, that no one would believe me. That it wouldn’t be good for me. Wouldn’t be smart.”
“Your sister told you that?”
Fuck.
I knew the first part — it had to be something like that. But her sister’s actions?
“No, that was Samuel. But my sister went along with it. She didn’t intervene, didn’t speak at all. She wouldn’t even look at me. I’m not sure she could…”
Mia grew silent, absently making crumbs out of the bread in her hands. When sh
e met my gaze, her eyes were red and when she brought her finger to her mouth to bite the nail, I saw how her hand trembled.
And when she tried to smile, to somehow make light of it, she fell apart.
I watched her for a minute. I just sat there like a fucking idiot watching her cry.
“Mia,” I finally said, tentatively touching her shoulder.
She shook her head and pulled away, taking a handful of the napkins my grandmother had packed and wiping her face, her eyes, and her nose. I tried to pull her to me then, but she pushed me away and stood, sucking in a final, shaky breath and forcing herself to look at me.
“I’m tired. I’m just going to go back to the house, okay? You stay here. I know the way. I won’t go anywhere else, I promise.”
I stood, but when I reached out to touch her, she backed away.
“No. Just… please. I need to be alone.”
I nodded. Like a coward, I nodded, and I watched her nod back and look around, lost, before quickly turning, and, without another word, disappearing back down the path.
Chapter Sixteen
Mia
I didn’t tell him the half of it.
Jason’s attacks began within a few weeks of him having come home for the summer. The rape wasn’t a one-time thing. I’d been thirteen and he’d just turned eighteen. He should be rotting in jail for what he did to me, but instead, he somehow got out — and I was the one being punished for his sins.
I’d been so scared of him, so scared of what he’d do to me, to my sister, if I told. I wasn’t even sure Samuel knew what his son was capable of. I wondered if he ever learned the truth of what happened to Tanya, now that she was dead. But when I found out I was pregnant at fourteen, everything changed.
When Julien had asked me if I was protected, I meant I couldn’t have babies, not that I was on any sort of contraception.
It had taken me two weeks after taking the test to tell Jason. With what intention — given my limited options — I didn’t like to think about right now. I didn’t want to know what I was capable of. But he took care of things himself. I never even had the chance to make the decision. I’d barely finished my sentence when I’d felt a blow to my stomach so hard, I’d fallen to the floor, clutching my belly in agony. But he hadn’t stopped there. He’d wanted to make sure it was done. That was how my sister had found out. When she’d come home to me bleeding in the bathroom, my stomach a landscape of purple and blue, the pain of my beating, of the resulting loss crippling.
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