"I'm so sorry you got dragged into that, Max. This is all my fault."
"This is not your fault at all. Besides, I'm fine."
I take the used cotton swab from his hand and toss it to the trash. He kept assuring me he was fine and I felt as if we traded places. Our roles reversed from earlier in the evening when he was the one worried about me.
"Look, I...I really need to take a shower." I break the silence.
I desperately need to wash myself of David and assess the damage downstairs. I feel a worse ache than I had after my first time and there's a real possibility I might be seriously hurt.
"Ok." he agrees softly. My stomach growls and he looks back up at me. "Are you hungry?"
Unable to deny it I nod. "I haven't had dinner. I think I lost my appetite though. I probably should just go to bed."
"Why don't you shower and get dressed. I have to walk back to get my car. But I can drive back and we can get something to eat?"
I hesitate.
Not because I'm scared of him anymore but because my emotions are frazzled. I really need to lie down and try to process how I feel. But, as if on cue, my stomach growls again. He glances to my stomach-again-and gives me a pointed look intended to make me laugh.
It works.
"Look, I know a really good place we can go that's quiet. Right in the middle of town." He offers as if knowing exactly what I need. Quiet but not entirely alone with him. My rumbling belly convinces me that self-reflection and planning out what to do from here can wait until I get something to eat.
I couldn’t get much processing of emotions done on an empty stomach anyways.
"Ok." I agree with an ease that surprises me. It seems as if Max is full of surprises. I'm so intrigued by him and I don't want my time with him to end just yet. His presence is calming and soothing. "I'll be ready in about twenty minutes?"
"Sounds good. I'll be back by then. Meet me downstairs."
"Ok."
"If you don't come down in the next half hour I'll know you changed your mind."
He’s giving me an out and my heart clenches in affection at the gesture. He isn't being pushy about spending the evening with me. I can't even begin to imagine why he would want to after I acted like a frigid bitch and then got him punched in the face in the same night. But his interest and concern seems so genuine.
He seems genuine and I can’t quite form the words to send him away just yet.
✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧
I go inside my bathroom as he lets himself out of my apartment with a solid plan to meet back in the parking lot in under thirty minutes.
I strip off my clothes, deciding to throw my panties in the trash. They're stained in blood and semen and the sight makes me queasy. I could never stand to wear them again after the memories they’re tied to.
I turn the water on scalding hot and wait for the mirror to steam up before climbing in. I let the water burn my skin as I carefully clean myself from head to toe, relishing in the burn.
Thankfully it doesn’t look like I’m bleeding anymore. My washrag no longer comes back with blood on it so I must have scrubbed the remaining dried blood from my skin. I scrub harder into my skin one more time, still feeling dirty and used. The soreness between my legs seems as if it's going to linger for a day or so, constantly reminding me of what happened.
As if I could ever forget.
I stand under the hot spray of water for so long my fingers and toes prune. I’m hoping the steam can clear his touch from me, to cleanse my pores of his scent. I know I have to get dressed and head downstairs soon to meet Max so I reluctantly turn off the water, wrap myself in a fluffy pink towel and riffle through my dresser for the ugliest period panties I own and a plain grey sports bra.
I decide on an oversized RVU Bears sweatshirt and simple black leggings, wanting to cover myself completely. I don’t want to be remotely attractive. Don’t want to risk drawing the slightest bit of attention to myself.
I take the time to blow dry my hair so I don't get sick and check the time on my TV, already feeling like an invalid without my phone. By now I'm sure David has found my purse on the floor of his apartment and smashed my phone to pieces. I’ll have to buy a new one tomorrow if I have enough in my checking account to cover the replacement. I didn’t have insurance on the phone despite my mom insisting I needed it because I wanted to save the fifteen dollars a month.
My cheapness was coming back to bite me in the ass.
Max is already waiting for me by the time I get outside. I'm surprised to find him leaning against the passenger side of his black Dodge Charger. I hadn’t paid much attention to his car the first time I saw it. I had been too concerned with whether or not he was a sadistic, kidnapping murderer to take the time to admire it.
When I get to the bottom step he offers me his keys, giving me a meaningful look. "You want to drive?"
I receive his unspoken message. He doesn't want me to feel trapped in the car with him. Out of control. He's offering me the ability to take back control of my night and I gratefully accept.
"Thanks." I smile, taking the keys and hopping into the driver’s seat.
His car is spotlessly clean inside with slightly worn black leather seats and the faint scent of new car smell. I smile as I notice the air freshener hanging from the a/c vent. If he saw the inside of my car with its thin sheen of dust covering the dash and discarded fast food bags littering the floorboard he might have thought twice before letting me drive his.
I can tell he takes good care of the car. He’s probably one of those guys that loves his car more than any of his friends or family. More than any woman. Meticulously cleaning it and waxing the paint every weekend. The rims are clearly custom and I notice hints of custom additions as I look around inside too. The gear shift is a chrome skull and a touch screen radio.
"So…Where are we headed?"
Chapter 4
Max
I give Lacey directions to the twenty-four hour diner we're heading to and check the radio stations for a decent song. I haven't sat in the passenger seat once in the two years I've had this car. I'll admit it feels strange.
I’ve never let anyone drive it, not even my brother, but it's worth it to see Lacey visibly relax. To see a small fraction of her fear melt away.
She slows to a stop at the light and the red reflects from her bright blond hair, glowing like a halo. It looks soft and natural. Not cheaply bleached and fried like the girls I’m used to being around.
She’s angelic.
And angels are sure as hell out of my league.
I shake my head and settle on a song by Dustin Lynch, letting his voice fill the car as he croons about cowboys and angels. I smile to myself at the irony of my thoughts aligning with the lyrics of the song and let it play. I’m no cowboy but the lyrics somehow fit.
The smooth melody fills the car.
“You like country music?” She sounds surprised.
“Sometimes. Depends what they’re singing about I guess. I’m not really into twang-y crying and banjos or anything.”
She giggles. “I’m surprised, that’s all.”
“I’m a man full of surprises.”
“You sure are.”
She begins softly singing along with the song, knowing every word. I gesture for her to take a left but remain silent, enjoying the soft sound of her. Her voice was amazing and I found myself staring at her profile, entranced.
The song ends and another that I’ve never heard starts playing. She reaches for the radio dial and skips through stations until she lands on Adele. Lacey turns up the volume and begins singing again, this time at full volume and intensity.
When that song ends she turns the volume back down to a decibel that allowed us to speak without being overpowered by the music.
“Sorry. I don’t know if you like Adele. Most guys don’t. But I love her so I guess I just got carried away.”
“Well I don’t usually admit this...but I have a few of her son
gs on my phone.”
This earns me another giggle and I smile victoriously at being able to draw it out of her.
“Besides I like listening to you sing. You have a beautiful voice. Like an angel.”
She blushes. “I don’t do it much anymore.”
“Sing? Why not?” I ask, gesturing ahead. “Take a right at this light.”
She switches on the blinker and lets out a sigh. “I just...don’t have time I guess.”
It was a lie. I don’t call her on it but she must’ve sensed my disbelief because she shifts in the seat uncomfortably and spares me a side glance.
“Ok...that’s not true.” She started. I fought the smile at how quickly she took back her little white lie. “I guess I stopped because...because David thought it was a waste of time. My parents thought it was a waste of time. And then I started to believe it was a waste of time too.”
I stay quiet for a while weighing what she shared with me. I could sense it took a lot for her to open up about it and I don’t want to say the wrong thing.
“Does it make you happy?”
“Yes.”
“Then there’s no way it could be a waste of time.”
Silence fills the car as she reflects on my words. The radio host chats away in the background about a concert ticket giveaway but neither of us speaks.
When the fuck did I start spouting such inspirational, Dr. Phil advice? Life was shit sometimes. Sometimes you had to do shit you didn’t want to do, or give up shit that you didn’t want to give up.
I knew that concept well. I lived it.
But I didn’t like the idea of Lacey learning that harsh lesson. I didn’t want her passion to be snuffed out by anyone. I was already silently plotting ways to coax another giggle from her or even get her to crack a small smile. It was hard to believe I felt so drawn to a girl I just officially met today.
Lacey had a quality about her that had me mesmerized, a connection I couldn’t quite explain yet and didn’t want to try. No sense in ruining it by trying to analyze it too deeply.
She asks a question but I was too lost in my thoughts to hear what she said. “Huh?”
“What Adele songs do you have on your phone?”
I pull my phone from my pocket and scroll through the music until I find the three Adele songs I downloaded from iTunes. “You ready?”
“Ready.”
I hit play on the first song. Someone Like You. She sings along once again.
“Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.”
She finishes the last line, her eyes closed as she loses herself in the song. When the closing instrumentals end she turns back to me, blushing when she finds my eyes glued to her profile as I listen intently.
“You ready to go inside?” She asks. “I’m starving.”
Chapter 5
Lacey
“Who’s your favorite lyricist?”
Two hours had passed since Max and I sat in the diner booth. Time passed by without notice from either of us. We ate our burgers and fries in companionable silence, occasionally commenting on the meal.
It was delicious.
As soon as we both finished we fell back into discussing music. Sports. General likes and dislikes.
I had never felt so at ease with anyone else and the fact that I had to find a stranger to listen to me with such interest and respect my passion for music should have been a depressing thought. Reina didn’t even care to listen to me carry on about music. Our friendship revolved mostly around parties and studying. Nothing too deep.
But with Max it just felt natural. He seemed genuinely interested in what I thought and words flowed from my mouth without pause.
“Don’t laugh.” I warned him, pointing a finger across the booth playfully and holding back a laugh of my own.
He covers his heart with hand as if hurt, grinning the whole time. “Laugh? Why would I do that?”
“You’re already laughing and I haven’t even told you yet!”
“Ok, ok. I’m not laughing, angel. Out with it.”
I pause briefly at the pet name, not expecting it. “Ok. I have a top five.”
He nods and waits quietly, hazel eyes sparkling from the light that hangs over the table. Both of us lean forward across the table and I find myself looking closely enough to make out the flecks of green and gold in his eyes.
“Of course Adele.” I hold up my fingers to count each artist. He nods his approval and encourages me to go on. “Luke Bryan. Eminem. Lil Wayne.”
“Wasn’t expecting that.”
“I’m full of surprises.”
“That you are, angel. That you are. Number five?”
“Taylor Swift.”
He lets out a chuckle before he can stop himself and I’m holding back a laugh in anticipation. Honestly I love her romantic lyrics that range from angst ridden to swoony but doubt Max is going to let this choice slide without some ribbing.
“Taylor?”
I nod.
He looks at me carefully, gaze drifting from my eyes to my lips and back up almost too fast for me to notice. Almost. I wait for more laughter but it doesn’t happen.
“That fits you. You’re a romantic.”
My heart speeds up. “How would you know that?”
“I can just tell. All the songs you sang in the car were about love. All the books you had stacked up on your coffee table back at your apartment were romances.”
Observant.
It made me uncomfortable that he could see through me so clearly and easily. Because he wasn’t wrong in his assessment. I change the subject from myself, deflecting the attention he was giving me.
“My turn. What lyrics describe your life?”
“My life? I don’t know.” He takes a long drink from his glass. “Numb.”
“By Linkin Park?”
“Yeah. I used to listen to that shit all the time back in high school. I guess that was my teenage anthem.”
“Ah. A tortured soul.”
“Something like that.” He grows quiet and seems to be lost in thought. When I finish chewing a stray fry leftover on my plate I ask another question.
“Do you like being a finance major?”
“I know it sounds boring. But numbers don’t change. It’s black and white and you just have to work through the problem. The answer is always there and it doesn’t change. You just have to find it.”
“I never thought of it that way. That’s pretty deep.”
He eats a fry from his plate, dipping it in ketchup. When he finishes chewing he takes his turn to ask something.
“What’s your major?”
“Social Work. I want to work with kids. Maybe CPS.”
“So you like kids?”
“Love them. And I really love helping people.” I steal one of his discarded fries and nibble on the end. I’m really full but can’t seem to stay away from these fries. There must be crack sprinkled over the top instead of salt.
“Are you close to your family?”
He tenses almost imperceptibly and I worry I pissed him off. Maybe I just overstepped a boundary I didn’t know was in place. We were just two acquaintances having dinner. Barely even that. Family shit was personal. I regret asking but the question is already out there so I wait quietly, stirring the lemon in my iced tea.
“Sort of.” He answers tightly.
It’s a vague response and I find myself more curious than ever. He reaches for his glass and slides it back and forth between his hands leaving a trail of condensation over the wooden table.
I decide to save him the awkwardness of making up a bullshit answer and tell him something about me. “My parents are cool. I’m an only child so they worry about me more than I’d like. But we’ve always been pretty close.”
“I have an older brother. Chris. We were close as kids. He’s only a year older than me so we were always partners in crime growing up.” He smiled to himself, as if laughing at an inside joke but it morphs into a small frow
n. With furrowed brows, he slides his glass across the table again between both hands.
“That sounds nice. I wish I had a sibling sometimes.”
“He’s not too happy with me right now. Dad either.”
“Why not?”
“They didn’t want me coming here to college.”
“Was there a different school they were pushing for?”
“No. They didn’t want me to go anywhere.”
“I’m sure they’re proud of you.”
He huffs out a sarcastic laugh and grows quiet again for a moment. He seems to choose his next words carefully. “They want me to help with the family business. College doesn’t really fit into their plans.”
“What kind of business is it?”
He hedges. “You know…marketing, sales…that sort of thing.”
I look at him curiously as he shifts in his seat. Why does he look uncomfortable? Does he not like talking about himself?
“Wouldn’t having a finance degree be great for that?”
Just as he was about to answer the waitress returned with an apologetic smile. “Hey guys, we’re getting ready to close up for the night. Anything I can get you to go before we shut down the kitchen?”
Max looked to me. I try to ignore the visible relief at the distraction.
I shrugged. “Cheesecake?”
Chapter 6
Max
“You ready to head home?” I ask Lacey as I unlock the car using the fob. I climb into the driver’s seat while balancing a to-go box with two slices of cheesecake. I had offered her the keys before leaving the diner and she simply shook her head and followed me across the lot.
“No.”
I turn the heater on low in an effort to cut the chill in the car. “I know a place we could go...if you trust me.”
I wasn't saying it to put her on the spot or make her feel pressured. I genuinely wanted to make sure she felt safe before taking her somewhere alone. I had the perfect spot to take her if she wanted to continue our night in peaceful company. My favorite place to go when I need to think or clear my head and regroup. She seemed like she needed a place like that. Maybe she would find it to be as blissful as I did.
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