“Did you tell anybody on the ranch about what you knew of Dr. Rumdab?”
“Yes. I told Drew. I just needed to tell someone. Drew’s been flirting with me and trying to make me his girlfriend. I kept telling him no, but he’s persistent. He noticed I wasn’t talking to the doctor and he wanted to know why. Somehow the story just came out.”
“What happened when you told Drew your story?”
“He was real sympathetic. He said somebody ought to do something to the doctor. Then he came up with this plan to play a kind of joke on the doctor. He had me write a note pretending it was from Betsy. You know who Betsy is?”
“Yes. Go on.”
“The note was kind of a love note, saying Betsy wanted to meet Dr. Rumdab out in the woods at night. I guess the note worked. The doctor showed up that night. I wish he hadn’t.”
“Were you two planning to kill the doc?”
“Oh, no! Drew said we were just going to scare him and make him look like a fool.”
“So how is it you ended up killing him?”
“That was all Drew’s idea. He hit the doctor with a rock. I couldn’t believe it. I ran away, but I didn’t dare tell anyone what’d happened. I was scared Drew would kill me too.”
“That’s not true, sheriff!” Drew shouted. “She’s lying. She killed the old quack. It was Audra’s idea to write the note and all. I just went along with it. I didn’t know she was going to kill him.”
“So it was Audra who struck the doc on the head with a rock?” asked Fish.
“Yes!”
“Why didn’t you try to stop her?”
“It happened too fast.”
“Why didn’t you report the murder once it was done?”
“I don’t know. I guess I was a fool. I guess it was because I was in love with Audra. I was trying to protect her.”
“Let’s see if I’ve got this right,” I butted in. Fish gave me his sour look, but he let me go on. “Audra came to you and told you her sad little tale, then she pouted her pretty lips and jiggled her curves at you and you practically swooned. She wrapped you around her little pinky. You went along with the joke she had planned for Rumdab. You went out into the woods with her.”
“That’s right. I didn’t know she was going to kill him.”
“Why’d she want you along?”
“I guess — I don’t know. That’s just how it was.”
“Yeah? I think you’re lying. Audra asked you to help her murder Rumdab, and you went along with it like a love-struck collie. You were supposed to bash in Rumdab’s skull, but you lost your nerve. You ran away with your tail between your legs. You turned yellow. You didn’t tell anybody about the killing because you were afraid this little girl would hurt you. Big strong cowboy!
“I’ve noticed how you’re dressing more like Hawk. You want to be the manly cowpoke that dame’s swoon over. But you don’t have the nerve or the guts. You’re just a little kid play acting. Nobody takes you seriously. I’m sure even Audra laughs at you behind your back. You’re a pathetic little boy. You ought to be carrying a pop gun.”
“Liar!” said Drew. “I got in a real gunfight with you, didn’t I?”
“Sure, but you misjudged me. You thought I was some puffed-up city dude with a yellow streak as wide as your’s. You thought I’d burst into tears and throw my gun on the ground.”
“You think I was scared of that little doctor? You think I couldn’t have killed him?”
“No. You would have wet your pants first. You couldn’t kill a horsefly with a bazooka.”
“He did kill the doctor,” Audra broke in.
“Liar!” said Drew. “You did it. It was all your idea.”
“You went out into the woods with Audra,” I said. “You were supposed to kill Rumdab. You picked up the rock and then you lost your nerve. You couldn’t do it. You probably started blubbering.”
“That’s not true, you lying little peeper!”
“Sure it is. You picked up that rock and your knees turned to water. No wonder Audra laughs at you behind your back.”
“You’re lying. You weren’t there.”
“No, I wasn’t there, but I know what happened. You picked up that rock, and then you looked at that little runt of a doctor, and you couldn’t make yourself kill him.”
“You go to hell!”
“Sure. You picked up the rock, and then what?”
“I bashed in his head! I whacked him a good one! I killed the little bastard!”
“For Audra?”
“Yes, for Audra!”
“She knew you were going to kill him? It was her idea? You just went along with it like a moonstruck Cub Scout?”
“No! It was my plan. Audra wouldn’t have gone along with it. She — “
He stopped talking. He knew he’d said enough. Too much. I turned to Lathe.
“You getting all this down?” I asked him.
“Every word,” he said.
Fish took over.
“Drew, are you admitting to the murder of Karl Rumdab?”
“I’m not saying nothing more. I got my rights. I want a lawyer.”
Fish turned to Lathe.
“Deputy, put the handcuffs on this boy. We’re going to town.” He turned to Audra. “You’re coming too, miss.”
The deputy cuffed Drew’s hands behind his back. Fish and Lathe led Drew and Audra off to the sheriff’s car. I watched them go. It was well-past lunchtime. I’d really worked up an appetite.
Almost as soon as the sheriff’s car disappeared down the dusty road, folks started coming out of the woodwork. Sissy Dell and Panhandle did their best to save the delayed lunch. Walter and Betsy came out of their cabin and joined me on the patio. Tracy, still looking mad, came and sat down by me.
“How’d it go?” she asked.
“Duck soup. You were a big help with this case, cactus blossom. We’ll work together again in the future. Just don’t get shot up like I always do. Drew’s a chump. He let me trick him into confessing. The boy makes a lousy killer. You hungry?”
“You bet.” She was smiling now, her anger at Fish gone.
I went back behind our cabin, took off my shirt and washed the blood off my arm. My gunfight wound had stopped bleeding but I left the bandage on. Then I went into our cabin, said hello to the cats, and put on a clean shirt.
Panhandle and Sissy Dell served us our lunch. The trout was a little cold, but not burnt. We all ate our fill. The cobbler turned out to be peach, my favorite. I had a second helping. Breedlaw appeared out of nowhere and came over to me and Tracy.
“Mr. Roan wants to see you two,” he told us. “The sheriff called him from town.”
“Does Primus have a check for us?” asked Tracy.
“I imagine so,” said Breedlaw. “I’ll drive you folks up to the big house when you’re ready.”
“I know the way,” I said. “We’ll drive up there ourselves.”
“Suit yourselves.” Breedlaw went into the grub house.
Betsy came over to us, all excited.
“Did you catch the murderer?” she asked us.
“Sure,” I said.
“All in a day’s work, for detectives,” said Tracy.
“I’m so glad! I feel safer now. Guess what? Walter’s working on a new invention. It’s a saddle with a big bladder under it. You can fill it with water, like a canteen, and it also cushions your ride.”
“Sounds swell,” I said.
Tracy and me walked over to our truck.
“Maybe Primus will give us a big bonus since we solved the crime so fast,” Tracy said.
“Maybe. Or it could be he’ll at least buy me a new hat. I’ve now got six bullet holes in it from three bullets. It’s nicely ventilated for summer.”
“You were wrong about Audra. Don’t forget you told me you’d buy me a string of pearls if Audra turned out to be innocent.”
“I haven’t forgotten our bet. I’ll go to the pawn shop as soon as we get home.”
“Are you going to pawn something to buy my pearls, or are you going to buy the pearls at the pawn shop?”
“Both.”
“Don’t worry about it. You can owe me. Maybe you can give me the pearls for Christmas.”
I parked the Studebaker in front of Roan’s little palace and we went and knocked at the door. Sadie answered, smiling like a loon, and led us into the great room where Prime was pacing back and forth in his wheel chair.
“Mr. and Mrs. Hatchett,” he greeted us. “I’ve taken the liberty of providing us with some libation. A fifty-year-old bottle of Happy Grampus scotch. Will you join me?”
“Sure,” I said. “I guess you’ve heard the news.”
“About Drew? Of course. I can’t thank you and your charming wife enough for handling things so well. I’ve got a check ready for you. It’s for a little more than what we’d agreed on, and you’ll be getting your money back for the Carefree Buckaroo experience.”
He wheeled his chair over to the sideboard and poured out three drinks in big shot glasses. “You’ll have to come get your drinks. I can’t carry glasses and wheel my chair at the same time.”
I went over and fetched me and Tracy’s scotch. It smelled like Sheepy’s horse liniment.
“I really can’t thank you enough,” Prime told us, while he sipped his scotch. “If there’s anything I can ever do for you — “ He left the sentence unfinished.
“Well,” I said, “I have one favor to ask of you.”
“Ask it.”
“It’s my hat. I’ve been wearing it for several years. But now it’s got a bunch of bullet holes in it. Drew’s responsible for a couple of them. I guess I’m lucky it wasn’t my head. That’d be harder to replace.”
“What’s your hat size, young man?”
“Seven-and-a-half.”
“What color would you like?”
“Gray, like this one.”
“And the same style?”
“Yes. A fedora.”
“Son, give me your address and I’ll send you the best gray seven-and-a-half fedora money can buy.”
“It doesn’t need to be fancy. Just something to put on my head to keep the flies off.”
“Whatever you want, son”
“I think brown would be better,” said Tracy. “Axe has brown eyes.”
“Brown it is,” said Prime. He reached into his cowboy vest and brought out a check. I stepped over to him and took it. It was for five-hundred-dollars.
“This is way too much,” I said.
“No it isn’t,” said Prime. “You’ve saved me a lot of trouble. I’m thinking I should keep the dude ranch, maybe fix up the buildings, find some better horses, and hire some new buckaroos.”
“Will you keep Panhandle?” I asked.
“My nephew? Yes, of course. I understand he’s a good cook. He has a somewhat questionable past, but I’m a forgiving man. I’m thinking of keeping him on for the winter. We’ll make a real cowboy out of him.”
“It’s been a real pleasure working for you,” Tracy told the old man.
“Thank you for that. Now, if you don’t mind, young lady, I have a favor of my own to ask.”
“Ask it,” said Tracy. “The answer’s yes.”
“Would you mind letting a broken-down old cowboy kiss your cheek? It would mean more to me than you can imagine.”
Tracy colored up like a boiled lobster the way she does when she gets a compliment. She stepped forward and let Prime plant a wrinkled kiss on her cheek. Then she kissed him on each cheek.
“You’ve made my day, young lady,” said Primus, with a goofy grin. I was almost jealous.
We thanked Primus and made our way back out to the truck. Tracy was as happy as a newborn filly.
“Think of all the money we have,” she said, as we headed back to the Carefree Buckaroo. “There’s Prime’s five-hundred-dollar check, the money we’re getting back from the Carefree Buckaroo, and the cash you still have from Miss Weatherby. We’re rich. We can go on a second honeymoon.”
“It’s a little early to talk about anything like that,” I complained.
“I don’t think so. Maybe we can book passage on some swell ocean liner. If we’re lucky, we’ll get caught in a storm, the ship will sink, and we’ll end up stranded on a desert island. Just the two of us, for weeks or months. Doesn’t that sound romantic?
I shook my head. Sometimes that’s all you can do with Tracy.
19
Our honeymoon was over. I drove us back to Quartz Quarry and almost fell asleep at the wheel. That’s the mountains for you; the high altitude makes you tired but it doesn’t catch up with you until you get back home.
The cats immediately fell asleep on the couch, a favorite toy between them. Tracy and me unpacked everything from the truck and carried the stuff up to our apartment.
“A nap would be nice,” I said. “We’ve earned it, partner.”
“A real nap.”
“Listen, I’ve got a phone call to make.”
Tracy dragged herself to the bedroom and I grabbed the phone in the living room. I figured Drew had been the guy who’d shot at us at the dude ranch, but I had another shooter to deal with now. I dialed Agnes Weatherby’s number. She answered the phone herself.
“This is Axe Hatchett,” I said.
“I’m so glad to hear from you, Mr. Hatchett. Are you back from your honeymoon? Did you have a good time?”
“Sure, it was swell. Very restful. Listen, is that goon Ned still living with you? I’d like to have a few words with him.”
“Oh, dear. Dear me. Ned’s not here. He’s been incarcerated. Sometimes he drinks too much. Two days ago, a police officer pulled him over for speeding. I didn’t even realize Ned — and Billy’s old truck — were capable of any kind of speed. Ned was inebriated. He struck the officer, knocked him down. Then he took his pistol — the one he kept from the war — and shot out the tires of the police vehicle. He drove away, crashed into another car — a lawyer’s — and tried to leave the scene on foot, after knocking down the lawyer with his fist. Ned’s in trouble. Who knows how long he’ll be in jail. I have refused to post bail for him. You see, Mr. Hatchett, I’ve finally learned how to say no.”
“Congratulations.”
I got off the phone as quickly as I could. Then I started laughing. I couldn’t stop.
“What’s going on out there?” Tracy called from the bedroom. “I’m trying to sleep. What’s so funny?”
“The vagaries of justice,” I said, and headed for the bedroom.
END
If you have enjoyed this book, please go to its Amazon book page and leave a short review. It will be most appreciated!
OTHER BOOKS BY THIS AUTHOR:
DEAD MAN LIMPING
[ISBN: 978-1-940469-00-3]
When 1950s private eye Axel Hatchett is hired by a delectable redhead to turn up her missing husband, Hatchett discovers that the man is not only still alive, but is armed, probably crazy, and is on a killing spree that may include Hatchett! But something stinks about this case — big time — and it’s not Hatchett’s pet skunk, Ambrosia.
GLIMMER IN A GLASS EYE
[ISBN: 978-1-940469-02-7]
After 1950s gumshoe Axel Hatchett is hired to protect a used car dealer from a threat of murder, Hatchett finds himself in a nest of rattlesnakes — literally! When the car dealer is bumped off, and Hatchett’s prime suspect is murdered, the sleuth is forced to sift through a deck of also-ran suspects to solve the two killings before another corpse is added. And to make matters worse, he’s falling for a mouthy waitress who works in a sleazy diner….
SLAYER IN A GRAY TOUPEE
[ISBN: 978-1-940469-01-0]
Rumpled 1950s sleuth, Axel Hatchett, is summoned to the Flinders Mansion to prevent a millionaire’s threatened murder. After a fierce blizzard knocks out the power and closes the roads, Hatchett is trapped in the candle-lit mansion with an eccentric array of terrified guests and servants. The detective is determined to so
lve the case, but his only clue is a sinister gray toupee.
THREE CURSING BIRDS
[ISBN: 978-1-940469-03-4]
When thieves snatch a statue of the bird-headed Egyptian god, Thoth, and drop its owner from a third-story window, 1950s private detective Axel Hatchett is set on their trail. But wait! – there are actually three statues, and one of them may contain a treasure map! Hatchett enlists the aid of his hash-slinging fiancée and a snake-handling English professor to help solve the case of the three cursed birds.
KILLER BEAR FOR HIRE
[ISBN: 978-1-940469-04-1]
In all his years of sleuthing, snarky 1950s private eye Axel Hatchett has never faced a case like this: a bear trained to kill. Hatchett finds himself hunted by a deadly two-legged predator whose bullet comes unnervingly close to Hatchett’s new wife, and that has Hatchett seeing red! Armed with a revolver and his caustic wits, Hatchett is out to solve a grizzly killing, or die trying.
JACK THE ROPER
[ISBN: 978-1-94046905-8]
1950s private sleuth, Axel Hatchett, is looking forward to a relaxing, belated, honeymoon in the high lonesome at a dude ranch. But before it can start, Axe tries to solve the disappearance of a purloined bunny, ending up with a cracked skull, and it’s not the rabbit’s! When he and Tracy finally arrive at the dude ranch, Axe expects nothing worse than bad beans and bucking broncos. Instead, bullets and a hangman’s noose await the newlyweds.
FLICKERING TORCH SINGER
[ISBN: 978-1-940469-06-5]
When 1950s detective, Axel Hatchett, steps up to help his friends with their failing night club, he has no idea that he’s embarking on a twisted, flickering road that will lead him to put his life on the line to protect a smoldering torch singer from a murderous stalker. And that’s before he tangles with the infamous gangster, Pennsylvania Dutch!
BOOK CLUB DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
(For People With Discerning Minds and Exquisite Taste)
How did you experience this book? As a dude, or as a buckaroo?
Describe the main characters — did you meet similar outlaws at the last dude ranch you stayed at?
What was particularly engaging about the plot, and why?
What passages struck you as funny, and why?
Jack The Roper (Axel Hatchett Mystery Book 6) Page 17