They seemed to fluidly bounce ideas off each other until lyrics or melodies were exactly what they wanted. There was no one dictator of decisions; it was an equal blend with each member being included and vested in the project. The entire interaction was a really beautiful thing to watch. They had strong, captivating undercurrents that I knew would translate to a powerful stage presence.
Levi was belting out a spot-on rendition of 5FDP’s “Gone Away.” His voice wrapped around my soul, leaving me nearly in tears. My heart was beating in time to the drums and the bass Logan spun out as I drowned in the richness of Levi’s vocal talent.
He’d told me they’d been doing mostly cover music when they performed on the weekend at the little bar on the corner, but threw in a few of their own to see what kind of reactions they got from the audience. Hell, there was no way anyone could tell me there wasn’t going to be a cult following of people who absolutely loved their music.
They were simply… riveting.
When they called a break for lunch, Levi set his guitar on its stand, and the other guys followed suit. Then the two brothers walked toward the room where Addison and I were sitting.
“Excuse me, I’m going to go see Aiden.” Addison stood and moved around Levi, heading toward her brother. Once again, a covertly shy glance was thrown Logan’s way as she passed him.
Aiden and Dominic were heading out the door, Addison following along. Before stepping into the corridor, they called out, asking if we were coming.
“Yeah, we’re coming,” Levi answered, but his gaze never left mine.
“Hold up! I’m coming too!” Logan hugged me and left to catch up to everyone else. Levi held his hand out to me, and I heaved my lazy ass off the comfy couch I’d been enjoying. Logan had turned back, on the verge of saying something. I caught a puzzled look cross his face as he zeroed in on where Levi’s hand held mine in a lingering fashion.
Shit, this could get complicated.
Obviously Levi was not one to kiss and tell, which I was thankful for. However, I could see things getting uncomfortable if Logan felt we were insulting Lucas’s memory. I didn’t want to cause problems between the two brothers or the band.
Hell, even I hadn’t come to grips with where the attraction between Levi and I was headed. It was something I battled and grappled with minute by minute. To be truthful, I was planning on letting things flow and then dealing with it as it went along. Thinking about it too much had guilt and self-condemnation rearing their ugly heads.
When I’d awoken alone in my bed that morning, I’d felt the side of the bed where Levi’s pillow still held his indention. It had still been warm, telling me he’d recently left. At the time, it had still been early, and I’d assumed he hadn’t wanted anyone catching him leaving my room. Not that I blamed him.
Truth be told, I was almost a little ashamed of our behavior, especially considering we were in his parents’ home.
And then I wondered what the normal length of time was. How long was it before it was acceptable to have sex after the man you loved died? Was there a rule book on these things? Was it strictly taboo to sleep with your dead fiancé’s brother?
God, I was an emotional mess. This whole situation was a fucked-up mess and for the millionth time since last night on the beach, I asked myself what the hell I was doing.
By the time we exited the building onto the busy downtown street, Logan was leaning against the brick. “You guys care if I go with you? Dominic is taking Aiden and Addison to eat at his favorite Italian restaurant and I’m just not feeling it.” With his narrow-eyed gaze, I had to question his rationale for joining us.
“Yeah, bro, come on. We’re heading over to get coffee and sandwiches.” Levi slung an arm over Logan’s shoulder, shaking him a little. Like a typical big brother, he reached over and ruffled Logan’s hair.
“Stop. You’re fucking up my hair!” Though he tried to look pissy, he couldn’t help but start laughing as he spiked his hair up. Truthfully, it didn’t look any different. It was still a sexy hot mess, like all the guys were fond of wearing.
While they gave each other shit, I walked along the sidewalk with them. The whole way I berated myself for being so attracted to Levi.
In fact, I continued to beat myself up inside to the point I was worried I might actually be bruising from it. By the time we arrived at a little coffee and sandwich shop, I was sure I must be black and blue from head to toe.
As we stood in line, Logan suddenly told us he would catch us back at the loft and rushed out the door. We saw him catch up to a petite redhead and watched them embrace briefly before they walked off around the corner. Levi looked at me with raised brows that matched my own before he laughed and shook his head.
“He must have a different girl on every street.”
The pretty blonde barista took our order and wrote Levi’s name on our ticket. It was impossible to miss how she’d been gazing longingly at Logan as he rushed out the door. He was going to have a lot of fans as soon as they got things off the ground.
Levi insisted on paying, then we found a seat at a back, corner table. Relaxed for once, we made small talk until his name was called and he collected our coffee and sandwiches. Picking up my cup, I took a drink before moving on the delectable toasted goodness of the sandwich he’d recommended. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until I polished off my food and looked up to see Levi smirk as he finished his. Heat burned across my cheeks and up into my hairline.
“Don’t be embarrassed.” He chuckled. “It’s refreshing to see a girl actually eat and not just push her food around her plate or order a salad.” That honest, bright smile had me warming in a totally different way.
Appreciating the view, I sipped my latte as I gazed over the rim of the cup at him. He was sex personified, and I literally could not keep my heart from skipping a beat each time I looked at him. Self-recrimination continued to chip away at me.
“Well, I was hungry, but I didn’t mean to inhale my food.” Shoving the embarrassment down, I felt my lips tip up at the corners as I tried to keep my smile from breaking loose.
“So what did you think?”
Man, I was glad he was changing the subject to one that didn’t point out my gluttonous food intake.
“You guys are amazing. I cannot believe you haven’t been swooped up by a label already. Then again, most of you have been gone, right? What are your ambitions? Do you guys want to be ‘rockstars’ someday, or are you happy to just play clubs around here? Lucas talked about you guys a lot, but I’d love to hear it from you.” Speaking Lucas’s name out loud caused a dark, hovering cloud to descend on the conversation. For a split second I regretted saying it, but I really was interested in their band.
Levi had been staring somberly into his coffee cup. Appearing to shake off his melancholy, he glanced up at me. “First, thank you. Everything is still in the learning phase. Dominic, Logan, and I haven’t really played together since high school. Dominic has been home a few months because his contract ended a little before mine. We all just got back together and now we’ve added Aiden. So far, it seems like we click well together. And as far as our ambitions, I guess it depends on what happens over the next few months. As you know, we’d been desperately trying to get Lucas to be our guitar player, but he adamantly refused.” Pausing to finish his sandwich, he wadded up the paper.
“Aiden’s like me and Logan. He’s had some family obligations that are kind of tying him down, so practice has been limited. Travel has eaten up a lot of his time because he’d been trying to help out his mom and his sister. Ever since his dad died, his mom has been struggling emotionally, and it’s been years. When he followed in his father’s footsteps, his mom didn’t talk to him for a long time. So he’s been dealing with all his family stuff as well as trying to play with us. He actually just moved them up here last month from Austin, Texas. Hopefully he’ll have them settled and his mom will be able to find a job to get on her feet within the next few months. I’ve been able
to come home on the weekends, but that also limits our practice time, until I start my terminal leave. Then I think we’ll finally be able to devote more time to working on original music and getting noticed.” Levi appeared thoughtful for a minute.
“Lucas was a huge motivator for us. He was the one who pushed me and Logan to start the band back in high school. He knew then it was where our hearts lie. Dad taught us all to play and we used to sit around the house jamming. If we were lucky, Mom would join in and sing with us. Lucas could play his ass off, but I guess it wasn’t a passion with him like it is us. You know?”
“Yeah, he used to play for me. That was one of my favorite things to do, sit and listen to him as he played.” I grew silent as introspection consumed me. That would be one of the things I would miss the most. Before I had left for Seattle, the silence in my house had nearly smothered me. Levi’s hand reached over and covered mine.
“Hey, I didn’t bring him up to bring you down, babe. I’m so afraid of everyone packing his memory away and never talking about him again because it’s so painful. I’d rather keep his memory alive with all the great things about him. Even though music wasn’t his passion, he was definitely a performer. I think that’s why he loved to work the bar. You know he worked as a flair bartender even while he went to college, right?” At my nod, he continued, “Yeah, every bar he worked at was filled to capacity on the nights he worked. He was good at it—really good. It was one of those things he just fell into. But of course, you already know that.” This side of Lucas I had definitely known. He’d been our top-paid bartender at Flying High and his tips tended to be more than the waitresses brought in all together. Lucas was generous though, and he’d always made sure the bar tips were split with all the bartenders and wait staff. He’d had such a good heart.
God, I missed him.
“Yeah, he was like that at Flying High. Everyone loved him.” My voice cracked. Dammit, my heart ached at the thought of the love he and I had shared for the brief time we were together.
“Shit, babe, I’m fucking sorry. I honestly didn’t mean to upset you. I really miss him and it helps me to talk about him.” Clearing his throat, he absently spun the wadded-up sandwich paper on the table. “Are you about ready? We can take off and head back to the music loft. It will be a while before the guys all get back, but we can chill there.” At my nod, he gathered up our trash and dumped it in the can by the door.
Like his brother had always done, he placed his hand on my lower back as he guided me out the door and down the street toward the loft they practiced in.
Damn, I needed to stop comparing everything he said or did to Lucas. It was so fucking hard, though.
As we walked along the street, he pointed out different places of interest. When we were only about a block away from the loft, a striking blonde stepped out of a shop in front of us. She was wearing expensive heels, the kind that only a woman would recognize as expensive, and designer clothes that fit her like they were made just for her.
“Fuck.” Levi whispered as he tensed slightly just as she looked up from her phone to see us walking toward her. The hand that had dropped to my hip at some point gripped me tighter for a moment. She’d obviously caught the motion, and I watched as her gaze took in his arm around my waist. Dark brown eyes narrowed as she ignored me and spoke to Levi.
“Levi!” She oozed his name like it was a dirty word.
“Angelica.” He sounded less than enthused to see her, and his hand dropped from my hip. The brief exchange, paired with the space he created between us, had me wondering what was going on. Her next words were enough to knock me to my knees.
“Levi, baby, I thought you’d headed back to Fort Lewis. I’ve missed you. I have this weekend off, so I can drive down to see you, if it’s easier than you coming back up here.” Moving closer, she placed the flat of her hand on his chest before turning her head in my direction.
“Excuse me! Sir, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking, but I just realized I forgot to have you sign your credit card slip!” The blonde from the shop was calling from outside the coffee shop. Appearing reluctant to leave us, he clenched his jaw and headed back down the sidewalk to sign the slip.
“And I’m sorry, who are you? Ohhhh, you’re Lucas’s girlfriend. I’m so sorry for your loss. Levi mentioned you. It’s so sweet that he’s taking you under his wing while you’re here, I agreed with him when he said he wanted to spend some time with just you and Logan.” Saccharine sweet, the smile she turned on me was fake as shit as she held out her hand. “I’m Angelica. Levi’s girlfriend. I’m sure he’s mentioned me.” She shot me another big-toothed smile, dropped her hand, and tossed her hair over her shoulder. Stunned mute, I could only stand there with my lips parted.
My stomach was churning as the world “girlfriend” echoed through my head. I’d pulled out my phone and called an Uber when Levi returned to us nearly out of breath.
“Sorry, the pen was out of ink and I had to go back in to sign it. Angelica, we need to get going. I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine, sweetheart.” Boldly she leaned in to place her red lips against his and ran the backs of her fingers up the front of his shirt, stopping at his chest. What the fuck?
“Angelica….” Stepping back, Levi sounded exasperated as he whisper-yelled at her, then turned to me with his hands held up. “Poppy, it’s not….”
A red sedan matching the description of my Uber pulled up to the curb. “Ummm, I’ll just see you back to the house, Levi. You know, uh, so you two can talk. Or whatever.” Remorse for my behavior with Levi last night rose up in my throat like bile. Betrayal crushed me in a broiling, bubbling magma-like wake.
Even worse, I felt like a fool. Levi had a fucking girlfriend, which he neglected to tell me. Jesus. We’d spent the last week together, had sex twice, and not once did he say anything about Angelica. I’d been fighting the heavy burden of guilt and betrayal of Lucas’s memory, and he not only betrayed Lucas, but Angelica. And he’d used me.
What an asshole.
Disgusted, I just wanted to get the hell away.
“Poppy, wait. Please.” Levi spoke as I headed to the Uber, but I waved him off.
Muffled through my overwhelmed senses, I heard Levi call out my name again, but I rushed into the car and slammed the door. Quickly, I gave the address to the driver so we could get moving before the tears that welled in my eyes could escape.
The last thing I needed was to make an even bigger fool of myself.
Levi had just run up to the car, and I met his frustrated gaze for a split second before we pulled away and I faced forward.
Despite my valiant attempt to keep them back, one by one hot tears spilled over. Trailing down my cheeks, they dripped to my lap.
Holy shit, let me tell you, I was pissed. I was such an idiot and he was such a dick. He obviously wasn’t the guy I thought he was. All those months while he was overseas and we communicated, he never mentioned her one single time.
How could he screw me, his dead brother’s fiancé, when he had a girlfriend himself? And there I was feeling guilty for what we’d done. Not to mention, I’d seriously thought I had been developing feelings for him all this time. I thought I knew him.
Shit, I’d been foolish. Realizing I’d spent enough time crashing with a family I no longer had ties to, I decided I needed to get the hell out of there. The memorial was over, I’d followed through with bringing his things to them, and it was past time for me to go. Lucas’s family was not mine and there was really no reason to stay.
It was time to move on with my shitty life.
When I arrived back to the MacKenzies’ home, I was thankful to see there were no cars in the driveway. My heart shriveling, I hoped and prayed that meant everyone was out. Feeling like shit, I really didn’t want to see anyone. After my crying bout in the Uber, my eyes were puffy and my throat felt raw.
As I entered the silent house, I arranged for another Uber to take me to the airport. It was going to c
ost me to change my flight, but I didn’t care. I felt like a fucking dumbass and I wanted to go home. I also didn’t want to wait around and have someone come back before I could leave. My heart disintegrated all over again.
I put the key they’d let me borrow on top of the note I wrote to Linda and Mac thanking them for everything and for making me feel welcome. It also apologized for me running off, but explained that something had come up with work and I needed to leave right away. It was bullshit, but I needed to get away from Levi and all his shit. It was just too much for me to handle.
My bags were ready in record time, but I hadn’t really unpacked much. While I was shoving the last of my things in the smaller suitcase, my phone rang but I ignored it. There was no one I wanted to talk to. Stuffing the smaller suitcase inside the larger one, I zipped it up and headed out.
It was a struggle to get the big suitcase downstairs by myself, but I did it by sheer willpower. Praying continuously that the Uber arrived before anyone came home, I was relieved to see the car pull up out front.
I descended halfway down the stairs of the deck before I had to pause. The middle-aged man took pity on me and helped me bring it down the rest of the way and put it in the trunk.
Nonstop tears coursed down my cheeks as I looked out the window and watched the house disappear from sight. Once again, I cried for the loss of Lucas, but I also cried for the mess I’d made of my life.
My phone rang again on the way to the airport. Looking at it with disinterest, I saw Levi’s name on the caller ID. Silencing the call, I shut my phone off. I didn’t want to talk to his lying ass.
At the airport, it was easy to change my flight to one that was leaving in about an hour and a half. It gave me just enough time to check my bags and get through security. It had cost a pretty penny to change my ticket, but at that point I would have paid every cent I had to get the hell away from there.
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