Mom and John had to run back up to Mississippi to deal with an issue at one of his businesses there and were supposed to be back today. Since I wasn’t going anywhere, I figured I might as well take them up on the offer to move into the condo. Which made me cry even harder.
“I wanted… hic… to be able to… hic… go with you. My house is gone… hic… and I wanted… hic… to get the hell… hic… out of here.” Sniffling and sniveling, I knew I was being a big, fat baby. Hell if I could help it, though.
Leaning over the console, he gathered me in his arms. Like one of those thunder blankets they made for dogs, his arms instantly soothed me when he wrapped them around me. It was like being close to him made everything right with the world.
After I’d calmed down, he helped me inside and got me settled before going back outside to fill the guys in and call Mom and John. I’d declined his offer of food because all my crying had left my stomach feeling a little sick.
As I dozed off on the couch with a throw pillow tucked between my knees, I hoped he wouldn’t have to be in Seattle long before he could come back.
Too bad no one listened to hopes and dreams.
“Feed the Wolf”—Breaking Benjamin
As I roared into the mic, the crowd went wild. This. This was what we had all been dreaming of. Masses of waving arms and screaming faces surrounded the stage and it was all for us. The music went silent as our first song ended.
“Thank you, Corby! Are you having a good time today?” I gave the audience the mic and they went wild. “Hell, yeah! That’s what I like to see! Maybe some of you don’t know us.” Raising my eyebrows, I held my arms out in question. At their shouts, I grinned. “Yeah, that’s right, we’re Straight fucking Wicked and we’re here to entertain the hell out of every one of you!” More screaming followed my brief speech. “Are you alive out there?” Screams. “I can’t hear you!” The volume escalates. “Are you ready to hear some kickass music? Because we’re here to rock the fuck out of this stage!”
Dominic was behind his drum kit with his arms hyping the crowd as Aiden worked them from the left side of the stage. Once again we’d slid into a sweet-ass slot because another band had cancelled. Our first concert as a signed band and we were in the fucking UK.
When Justin had asked us what we thought of playing in Europe we were all excited. When he said it would be in four days we about shit our pants.
The flight was reminiscent of our flights to deployments except the accommodations were definitely an improvement from a military flight. Poppy had been so excited for us, but I could tell she’d been bummed that she couldn’t go with us.
One by one, Aiden’s fingers plucked the strings, spilling notes through the air, signaling the start of our next number. Logan came to life and the deep tones of the bass rang out of the amplifiers in time with Dominic’s drum beat. Moving effortlessly into the song, we did as we promised and we rocked the fuck out of that stage.
By the time our last chord reverberated from the stage, both Logan and Aiden had tossed their shirts out into the crowd. There were a couple of chicks in heaven somewhere in Corby that night.
Dominic came down from his riser and held both arms up with a stick in each. The audience would never know they weren’t the ones he’d just played with. Those were trashed, guaranteed.
With a big grin, he chucked them out into the crowd one at a time. The cheering and screaming hadn’t let up even as we moved off stage. High fives and infectious laughter combined with Logan jumping in the air and punching toward the ceiling.
“Holy shit! Do you fucking feel that?” It was the liveliest I’d seen Logan in months and fuck if it didn’t make my day. There had been so much negative shit this year and it was finally looking brighter. Lighter. Freeing.
“Fuck yeah!” Aiden roared and it echoed in the back hall as we passed behind the stage to get to our shit.
Dominic ran up behind me and jumped on my back as he whooped. Hyped on adrenaline, I held his legs and ran with him. At the end of the walkway, he jumped down and did a backflip.
Out of breath, I chuckled and took in the faces surrounding me. “We’re fucking doing it, my brothers. This is only the beginning. Mark my words.”
Tired, sweaty, and flying on a natural high, we circled with our arms thrown around each other’s shoulders. Unable to keep the smile off my face, I yelled into the circle we’d created. “Straight Wicked is in the motherfuckin’ house!”
“My Immortal”—Evanescence
Early December
It had been over a month since I’d seen Levi. When he’d left after they finished with the cleanup, we both hoped they would get everything recorded quickly—but hopes and dreams don’t count for shit. He was here now, and I was going to enjoy every minute of it. After all, I only got him for five days this time.
“I saw the videos of you guys in England. Oh, my gosh. This is really happening for you guys, isn’t it?” They had looked amazing. The whole time I watched it, I couldn’t believe the guy on stage was mine. Yeah, jealousy had briefly reared its head when I watched the women flashing their tits at them and touching his pant legs. But as he stood on the edge of the stage, I realized that was his gift. Making all those fans feel like he was singing for each of them individually. He was a showman and he worked the crowd like a pro.
A brief tip of his lips was the only sign what I said made him happy as hell. He tried to act unfazed and modest, but I knew him. It wasn’t long before he couldn’t hold it in anymore. “It was pretty wild. Fuck, babe, it was a bigger rush than any mission I was ever on in the Army. I can’t even begin to tell you what it was like on that stage. Unreal. That’s what it was. Fucking unreal.”
Laughing at his unbridled enthusiasm, I smiled as I watched the seagulls taking off from the dunes as we passed. “I’m so happy for you guys. I’m really proud of you, too.”
“Thanks, Poppy. That means a lot. Oh, before I forget, Mom said to give you her love and she can’t wait to come down for the arrival of the munchkin.”
His mom and dad had taken the news better than I thought they would. Thank God Levi had insisted on telling them, because I honestly had no idea what I would have said. Saying it without bawling my eyes out would have been an issue in itself. My hormones were still all over the place.
“I can’t wait to see her too.” Smiling, I squeezed his hand where it rested on the center console, leaned my head back and enjoyed the ride. The silence was comfortable and easy.
My blood pressure was now only slightly elevated, but so far it was manageable, according to Dr. Evans. At least the headaches weren’t as bad. It was probably once every couple of weeks that I would get one. If I took Tylenol and laid down with a cold pack on my neck and head, it helped.
I kissed his hand before I let it go to turn up the radio when I realized it was Straight Wicked playing. Though he loved what he did, a sheepish smile preceded his face flushing in embarrassment at hearing his voice carrying across the speakers. Biting my lip, I didn’t say a word, just enjoyed the music.
The windows were rolled down since it was a beautiful sunny Florida day. Even though it was early December, it was unseasonably warm. Long strands of dark hair whipped across my face as I gazed out the windshield at the blue sky. I could have braided it and it wouldn’t have gotten as tangled, but it made me feel so free with it down and blowing. Almost like I was flying.
Resting my head on the headrest, I glanced at Levi from the corner of my eye. It still threw me for a loop when I caught sight of him in my peripheral vision. My mind was easily fooled at first glance. It was getting less frequent and the reality settled in quicker now, though.
“What are you thinking over there, gorgeous?” Sculpted arms stretched out to the steering wheel. They had me momentarily mesmerized. The bunching movement of his toned muscles under the ink was a beautiful thing.
“You look good driving my car.” Though his eyes only flickered toward me briefly, he caught my smirk and laughed.
“Well, it’s a sexy car. Kind of like its owner. You sure you want to get rid of it?” The corner of his mouth quirked up as he reached his right hand over to rest possessively on the ever-growing curve of my belly. Just his light touch sent ripples of awareness through me.
I shrugged at the thought of getting rid of my car. It was just a car, after all. At one time, I almost cried at the thought. Now, not so much. Now, what was important to me was driving the car and kicking me in the ribs.
Sometimes I would look at him and wonder if my time with Lucas was just a dream. But I had loved him. I knew that was real, but so was what I felt for Levi. Maybe people would judge me for falling for my fiancé’s twin and getting pregnant only a couple of months after his death. Truthfully, I didn’t care anymore.
“Levi?”
“Yeah, baby?”
“I’m glad you’re here. I’m not gonna lie and say I don’t still miss him, but this… what we have… it’s so much more. And it seems crazy.”
“Does that make you guilty or something? Because I promise you, I loved him more than anything in my life. But I also know he loved us both enough that he would want both of us to be happy. Fuck, some days I still can’t believe he’s gone.” His jaw clenched, and I watched him take a deep, fortifying breath. “The day I left for basic training, he was so upset with me. He made me promise him I would follow my dreams, even though I was taking what he considered a detour. At the time, I was sure he meant with music. Now I think maybe he had a subconscious understanding that his time would be short. I’m following my dreams, just like I promised, and babe, you’re part of that dream.”
Oh God, could he hold my heart tighter in his calloused hand?
“Yeah, sometimes I feel guilty. Guilty that I’m here with you and happy while he’s gone. What I wouldn’t give to be able to see him one last time. Just to tell him thank you for every second we had together. To tell him I regret nothing with him. With everything that I’ve experienced in my life so far, I’ve learned regrets are the worst thing you can live with. It’s made me want to grab each and every moment and savor it. Because days like these? Damn, they go by too fast, and we’ll be missing them before we know it.” Turning my head to fully face him, I felt my mouth curl in happiness.
“Trust me, baby. I know guilt. Wishing he was still here, yet knowing that if he was I wouldn’t have you. Fuck.” He shook his head. “Yeah, I have guilt too. But I have to tell myself Mom is right. Everything happens for a reason, even the bad shit. It might suck and hurt like a motherfucker, but there’s a purpose behind every single thing that happens in our lives.”
Closing my eyes against the tears, I could only nod. There would always be a part of my heart that would forever belong to Lucas. He had brought my soul to life. The difference between him and Levi was that Levi made my soul blossom. Unfurl like a big, white sail in the wind. Made my heart explode with emotion.
I set my hand over his where it still rested on my baby bump, and he wove our fingers together. Pulling it toward him, he pressed his lips to the back of my hand. Chills raced up my spine at his kiss.
“I hope you realize how much I love you, Poppy. Not just because you’re having my kid. You had my heart before I even met you. Your letters, emails, and packages while I was over there? You have no idea how much that meant. How excited I got every time I saw your handwriting on those damn bright-colored envelopes. How much it meant to the guys when you sent extra stuff for them. You became my best friend during those months. You captured my heart and soul with every word, every sweet thought—every kind action. Thank you. I just wanted you to know.” The heartfelt spiel brought tears to my eyes, and I bit my lip to keep the sobs that wanted to slip out.
I was pretty sure I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. Even though I had told him I didn’t want to get engaged or married, I wanted to be his wife in the worst way.
Losing my home and having that brush with death as the tornado came at me was an eye-opener. It made me realize how short life could be in a way that losing Lucas hadn’t. For whatever reason, I couldn’t say it, though. The thoughts stayed stuck in my throat.
What I did do was lean over to kiss his jaw, right under his ear. Resting my forehead against his shoulder, I inhaled the intoxicating scent of his cologne. “Thank you. Thank you so much. I love you, too.” A single tear slipped free.
We parked the car, got out, and headed toward the beach, walking hand in hand.
I kicked off my shoes, then held his arm as I pulled my short socks off and stuffed them into my shoes. It was getting increasingly difficult to bend over to pick things up, and as I maneuvered myself down to grab them, I lost my balance and fell on my ass. As embarrassing as that was, I couldn’t help but giggle. Falling back into the sand, arms flung out to my sides, I couldn’t stop laughing.
“You’re crazy. You know that?” Instead of trying to help me up, Levi dropped to the sand next to me, a beautiful grin on his face. My chortles faded away as I simply smiled up at his gorgeous face.
“I like the hair.” I reached up and plucked at his windblown, messy hair. He’d been sexy as hell when he had the short military cut back in April, but this last month it was even better. Now it was sexy as fuck. Now he wore it grown out several inches on the top, but still shorter on the sides. Sometimes in a faux-hawk, sometimes this messy just-rolled-out-of-bed look, sometimes slicked back, or styled to the side.
“Well, thanks. I’ll tell my stylist you approve.”
Eyes narrowing, irrational, angry jealousy sparked that he’d maybe found a hot stylist. Also worrying she may be more than a “stylist.” Damn stupid hormones.
“You have a stylist?”
“Yeah, several. Me, myself, I, and the wind.” Smirking at his own humor, he shook his head at me. I tried to keep my lips from curling by pressing them flat. As he sat looking down at me, his expression turned serious. “Jesus, Poppy, you’re so fucking breathtaking.” Then his gaze moved to my belly, followed by his hand.
When he leaned close to the bump that sheltered our baby, he spoke. “Hey, sweet girl. Daddy’s here. You doing okay in there? Mommy feeding you enough? If she’s not, I’ll spank her for you.” A devious quirk of his lips as he glanced at me had me chuckling. “Hey. Quit laughing. This is a serious moment between me and my peanut. Besides, you’re shaking her all up.”
“Oh Lord.” Rolling my eyes, I continued to laugh.
“Mommy is so inconsiderate. Don’t worry, when you come out, we’ll get ice cream without her.”
“You are completely ridiculous. You know that, right?”
Looking quite pleased with himself, he kissed my belly before dropping to his elbow next to me, his face inches from mine. He leaned closer until his breath feathered across the corner of my mouth.
Turning my head slightly was enough to line my lips with his. So soft, his skimmed along mine as he moved back and forth. Tingling at the whisper-soft touch, my lips parted.
Without a care for witnesses, he took that as an invitation and really kissed me, slipping his tongue in. It tangled with mine. Tasting of mint and smelling of heaven, he made the world fade away. Before I knew it, my fingers clutched the back of his neck, pulling him closer. The world around us ceased to exist.
Groaning, he broke the kiss. “Sweetheart, unless you want to get arrested for public indecency, we may want to get up.”
My face flamed at the fact that he had to be the one to bring me back to reality. “Yeah,” came out in a breathless gasp. The sounds of children squealing and dogs barking resumed in my ears as the rushing sound dissipated.
He stood, helped me to my feet, and brushed the fine sand from my back and ass. Sneaking a quick squeeze in as he dusted my butt, he innocently asked, “What?” when I raised my brows at his covert groping.
Shaking my head at his silliness, I walked to the edge of the water. “Help me cuff my pants? Pretty please?”
Obligingly, he knelt and cuffed the bottom of my
jeans up to my knees. Once he stood, I stepped out into the chilly water. Sand squished up between my toes, and I sighed as a small wave wrapped around my ankles. Tipping my head to the sun, I basked in its warmth. Worshipped its brightness.
Inked arms wrapped around my middle, resting on the top of my protruding belly. He kissed my cheek, then rested his chin on my shoulder. Together we gazed out over the water. I watched a sailboat skim past that I pretended was my dad passing by to show me he was there.
The wind blew my hair across my face, but I ignored it.
Carried on that same gust were voices from down the beach.
For a moment, I could have sworn I heard Lucas’s voice floating on the breeze from a distance. “Never forget, I’ll always love you. My time is up, though. Now love him as much as he loves you.”
Brow furrowed, I turned in the direction the voices were coming from. But except for a family with three small children and a puppy, a lady jogging with a dog, and an elderly lady sitting in a beach chair, there was no one else there. No Lucas, that was for certain, but not even someone that could have possibly spoken the words. Blinking, I gave myself a mental shake.
“Come on. Show me this incredible beach that you’ve bragged about.” Stepping to my side, he left one arm draped over my shoulders. I grasped his hand that hung with his fingertips barely grazing the top curve of my breast, and we set out.
As we walked along the water’s edge, I glanced back once more at the family. Would that be us one day? Could it be?
I sent out a prayer begging for nothing else to go wrong.
“Eternally Yours”—Motionless in White
Early January
The last couple of months sucked monkey balls. Yeah, things had been going great for the band. We were able to get the first album recorded and it was set to release tomorrow. We’d had the first single, “Echoes of Memories,” release within a month of recording.
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