I only called her that if I was really serious. She hated her full name and I at least respected that. So I called her Magda instead, I thought her full name was pretty, but she somehow hated it with a passion.
She just sighed heavily and sat down next to me. She sat with our shoulders touching and she jerked the spoon out of my hand and took a big scoop for herself. What’s better than having a best friend whose comfortable eating off the same spoon? One who’s just as chubby as you, or close to being chubby as you are. Where I gained, she stayed the same size twelve.
She looked like a 1950’s pin up girl, even with her jet black hair that hung to her waist. I wouldn’t even call her chubby. Back when I was a fresh freshman, people thought I could resemble Marilyn Monroe except I had waist length hair. With the weight I’ve gained, I just felt-bleh.
“Sidda, let him go, babe. There will other guys out there. Hello! Not even twenty years old and you’re resigning yourself to a life as an old maid! Let’s live! Just a bit, girlfriend.”
I couldn’t help it. I laughed. Probably the first laugh I’ve let pass my lips in over ten months. It felt refreshingly good.
“Alright. It is time. I’m gonna go out and get a new perspective.”
I got up, passed her my ice cream and retreated to my room.
I printed and then deleted his e-mails from my laptop and went to the last place we were together. I knew this was the best place to lay my memories to rest. I realized my heart was breaking, with a deep painful ache making itself a home inside of me.
Konner told me that he always came to the lake when he needed to think and be alone. It gave him a calming peace and let his mind rest. He said that although the lake wasn’t private, I was the only woman he brought here and that I was special to him.
He would speak the language of his Irish heritage, Gaelic, to me all the time when we had been together. Whenever he spoke it to me, I would ask him to explain what he was saying. Instead, he would just smile, wink and told me one day I would know what it all means. He had wanted to teach it to me and take me to Ireland. He had a lot of family and wanted me to see ‘true beauty, besides yourself’.
Luckily for me, the lake was deserted at this time of evening. I found a nice quiet spot to sit down and taking out the e-mails, I began burning them with a lighter I brought with me.
“Kon, my love, I know waiting for you is what I should do. It just feels like I can’t do it anymore! I don’t know how much longer I…I thought I could wait it out. I hav-haven’t heard from you in over a year! It hurts so much. I don’t think I’m ever gonna see you again. I hope and pray you’re alright and safe. You, Nathan and your brothers in arms. Wherever you are. I pray to God, He keeps you safe from harm.”
I couldn’t help the tears that begged to be released. My voice was ragged and I continued my bantering.
“Oh God, Konner! I don’t know. I miss you and the time we shared together. All the…the long conversations and walks on the lake. And those tender kisses you gave me. I know you did not want to rush me. I know you’re the one for me, Konner. How do I go on without you, Konner!? Tell me! I wish I knew how to forget you!”
I buried my face in my hands, and let go of all the hurt and pain I’ve felt over the last year. I hated that I let myself get like this. All stupid and crazy over a guy. Even though I knew he was my one, I never expected to become this shell. This ghost that I’ve made myself into be.
“Maybe you can, sweetheart,” at the sudden dark male voice, I screeched and whipped my head around to the mysterious voice. When I looked up, the man was of average height, maybe 5’11 or six foot, but very handsome. He walked towards me and sat down beside me, even in his suit, tie and what looked to be expensive shoes.
“I didn’t hear anyone out here. I’ll leave.”
I made an attempt to standup when the man reached gently for my hands and rubbed his thumbs over my knuckles.
“I’m sorry I scared you and interrupted you. When I heard crying and shouting, I thought someone was in trouble and decided to investigate. I got here and you were alone. Are you alright?”
This stranger didn’t know me but came to my rescue just the same. It was really sweet of him.
We talked for a few minutes when he asked me, “There’s this little cafe about ten minutes from here around Kemah. If you’d like, we can go so I can cheer up that beautiful face. We can go separately and we can stay as long as you like.”
The man let go of my hands and waited for an answer. I didn’t know what I was doing when I agreed, but I felt a calm settle over me that made my heartache fade somewhat.
“My name is Siddaleigh Carrington. What’s yours?”
“Hi, Siddaleigh, sweet. My name is Mikhail Thompson.”
He reached his hand out to shake mine and I took it.
“It’s nice meeting you, Mikhail.”
His face lit up and he reciprocated. “Trust me, the pleasure is all mine.”
2
Dirty Laundry
Six months later
It was during the end of spring semester when Mikhail asked me to move in with him. He was not a fan of Mags, who was outspoken and always spoke her mind. She never filtered the filth in her words.
When walking into our apartment for the first time, she was all, ‘I’m taking the master bedroom. Love you, girl, but I got way more shit than you’. That was fine for me. I think that’s why I loved her. We became besties immediately. I never really had any real close friends in high school. She dealt with all the bull crap that happened between me and my dream guy like clockwork. She took really good care of me throughout it all.
Konner. Even that day when I met Mikhail and I came home late, Mags hadn’t asked me anything except, “Did you exorcize that demon that’s been weighing you down?”
I hadn’t wanted to let go of him, he meant everything to me. In a small part of my heart, I would always belong to him. As ever, Mags had a point. It was time to live my life, and thinking back, Mikhail made it bearable. Fun. Worth living again.
Mikhail, who was the heir of a large fortune, told me he worked for his dad in a major bank in New York City. He came to Houston to build an empire for him. As he went back and forth from NYC to here, we met, had gotten together and our friendship grew quickly. Over the course of the past few months his return to NYC had dimmed with only one or two monthly visits.
He was only twenty-three. His parents, or really his father, he said, was loaded. Like, seriously loaded. I didn’t think he cared for his socialite mother much. He rarely talked about her. Or really anything about his life in NYC but that was okay. I wanted his now. Not his past.
He was so sweet to me. Catered to my every need. Although I didn’t really have many needs, he told me all he wanted to do was take care of me. That I shouldn’t want for nothing when I am with him.
For Christmas this past year, he bought me an iPhone. So my old flip phone was taken back to the retailers to recycle. I loved my new smartphone.
New phone; fresh flowers were sent to the apartment every week. Fresh tulips. Purple colored tulips. My favorite color, if not flower. Mags would gag at them every time they were delivered. I thought it was a tad over kill but it was a sweet gesture. He gave me money to have mani-pedi’s. Which secretly I loved because I’ve never had it done before, not even when I went to prom. That enabled me to put a good amount of money in an account so I could save up for my dream.
We haven’t had sex yet, much to my relief. Our kisses were easy, and playful. I’d only ever really kissed Konner and his kisses that made me beg for another. Strong, deep and soulful. Something to behold and often like a day dream. Like it could be our last, every time.
Thinking about Konner always brought a burning sting to my eyes. That constant deep agony weighing on the depths of my soul was slowly fading though. That night at the café, I told Mikhail all about Konner. He knew there was a place in my heart for the man that stole it that fateful summer. He assured me that it would ne
ver be a problem. ‘First loves will always have a place in your heart’, he told me.
Over the past months, Mikhail became a more permanent fixture in my little world. He was here. That was what was important to me. He called every day to ask how my day was going and between classes and work, we texted constantly. He said he couldn’t get enough of me. Made me feel like a giddy middle school girl on her first crush.
When he asked me to move in with him, I said yes. He made me happy. He helped me let go of Konner. I was a work in progress, Mikhail liked telling me.
I suppose living with a man would be different, but with Mikhail, it was like I was learning about a totally new person. Mags made me promise to call or text her every day. She always told me Mikhail was creepy, manipulative and I was acting like a doormat.
After arguing about this with her over the course of the next few weeks of me living with him, I blew up.
“Shut the hell up, Mags! He isn’t manipulating me. I think I would know the difference. God, lay the heck off. You’re just jealous.”
After that, the arguments stopped. She still told me to call her every day because with our schedules so different, it would be hard to see each other. She was still my bestie, so I ended up apologizing for snapping. I knew she really cared about me, but I knew what I was doing. Everything would be fine.
God, how wrong I ended up being. So horribly wrong.
♥
After living together for a month, Mikhail had started asking me to iron and starch his laundry. He told me he hated going to the dry cleaners, because the only ‘good one’ was out of his way. I was eager to please him, because I believed I was falling hard for him.
However, I didn’t really know how to iron or starch because I’ve never done it before. I never wore clothes that required it. He just chuckled and told me to try it. He needed me to pitch in and do my part around the house.
I told him I would be more than happy to take them to and from the dry cleaners and he just looked at me with surprise.
He said, “It’s not hard, just starch using the spray and move the iron until the clothing is smooth and just ‘slightly’ stiff. I would really appreciate you taking care of this yourself, Siddaleigh Mare. It shouldn’t be a hassle.”
He even went into detail about when I was through with that, how he liked his clothes a certain way. All facing the same way; shirts-long sleeve then short-then his jeans, slacks and then pant suits folded like the way you see at stores. Folded at the crotch and back instead of folding them from side to side. Which was really weird for me since I hated pants that looked like that. Made them seem like a person, namely me, was fatter than I really wanted to look. But for him, I’d give it my best. Wanting to please him, I gave him a shy smile and nodded happily.
Wash. Dry. Starch. Iron. What could go wrong?
Evidently, everything.
♥
That Sunday night when he came back, he smiled and kissed me a little bit rougher than what his normal kisses were like.
“How was your weekend, baby?” Mikhail asked me as he walked to his bedroom. I followed him into the room and sat on the bench at the end of the bed. He ventured into the closet, I assumed to change.
“It was good, went to get mani-pedi’s with my mother and sisters,” I told him cheerfully. It wasn’t often I got to see them, with school taking up so much time and the other time spent with Mikhail. He stopped in the middle of taking his suit jacket off and I noticed the way he tensed up and his jaw tighten. He looked back at me, tilted his head and smirked.
I thought that was a little strange but just added it up to him having a long day and was tired. I told him about spending the afternoon with them.
“Glad you had fun, sweetheart. Did you do as you were told before you went gallivanting with your family?”
There was an edge in Mikhail’s voice when he said this and his eyes focused on my face, hardening in subtle fury. His total reaction to me leaving the house was confusing.
“What? Your clothes? I took care of all that this morning,” shaking my head, I laughed. “It was quite a lot I admit, but it only took me a few hours and it’s all finished and in the closet.”
He nodded, then turned to look at his side of the closet. It looked like he was inspecting something, but I knew I did as he asked. After about five minutes or so, he pointed to me and turned his finger to crook me over to him.
“Come here, now.”
The steel in his eyes and voice made me feel nervous.
“Yes, Mikhail? What’s wrong?” That’s when I see the disgust on his face.
“Do you see a problem here, Siddaleigh? Tell me what it is.”
I looked from him to his clothes and just shook my head in confusion.
“Nothing. I washed, ironed and put them back. Just like you said, Mikhail. What could possibly be wrong?”
3
First Hit is the Hardest, Right?
Next thing I felt was my cheek blazing, and I was bracing myself on the floor on my knees cradling my cheek. “Mikhail, why-”, he stopped me mid-sentence by grabbing my hair and twisting it in his fist.
“Ah, Mikhail, that hurt.”
He brought my face close to his and leaned in to whisper harshly in my ear.
“I asked you to iron my clothes until they are slightly stiff. You see me with starched shirts. These look as if you didn’t care enough to even bother. They are like card board. You’ve seen my closet before, Siddaleigh. I color coordinate my shirts and suits.”
Color coordinate?
“But, Mikhail, you didn’t-ah!”
He stood up and I had to grab a hold of him as he dragged me up with him. I whimpered but it didn’t seem to register to Mikhail that he’s hurting me in the fury, fogged state he was in.
“Now, I have to take them to the cleaners. What a waste of time! You didn’t even fix them as I told you. You said you did. You lied to me, Siddaleigh. I must be asking too much of you too soon.”
His body relaxed and softened, but when he embraced me, I felt the stiffness in his groin. Did he enjoy being angry with me? That was really strange and made me feel embarrassed and awkward. I did my best to hide the strange feeling so it wouldn’t anger him further.
“I’m sorry, Siddaleigh. I didn’t mean to hit you so hard. Luckily for your face it was an opened handed slap or it might have left a bruise, or a black eye.”
I felt the terror creep into my body, but did my best to not to let him see. When he stated he didn’t mean so hard, did that mean he would’ve ended up hitting me someday? No way. I couldn’t believe it was true. He never acted but as a gentleman.
“I promise not to get so angry, baby. Look at your sweet reddened face,” he gently took my chin in his grasp and turned my face to see it better. “It’s only a little red. You might just want to call in tomorrow to let the sting and redness cool and fade a bit.”
Never had I ever had someone smack me before. Girl or guy. Not even my parents. I caressed my sore cheek as I looked at Mikhail meekly to see if he was planning something else.
“Go take a hot bath, babe. I’ll call in some dinner.”
“Thank you, Mikhail.”
Moving quickly, I walked away to the joining bathroom. Maybe this would be a one-time thing anyways. He changed his attitude when he saw the red of my cheek. Maybe.
♥
About a month after he hit me, was our first time being intimate.
I loved reading romance. Any kind of romance; teen, YA, NA, contemporary, erotica and historical. I pictured my first time to be sweet and gentle with Mikhail. I thought he would love my body but in reality, I think in the end, he only wanted his own gratification.
Mikhail took me out to dinner at a very nice restaurant. He was all things sweet just like before. So maybe all that hitting business was in the past. When we got home, he steered me into the bedroom first thing.
“Siddaleigh, we’ve been together for over seven months. I’ve clearly respected your wishe
s to remain a virgin until marriage and I’m so glad you waited this long. All nice girls should wait until they are with the one to make love.”
I went still as deer caught in headlights. I knew this would come up eventually. He had been very patient with me. He hasn’t hit me again. I ended up being nervous and shy.
In my heart, I didn’t think he was the one. He knew it, and I knew it, but I wanted to experience intimacy and Mikhail has been wonderful the last few weeks.
“You don’t want to let me suffer anymore, do you? I’ve been dying to have you, Siddaleigh.” Mikhail smiled his sweet, tender smile at me and started caressing my hips with firm hands.
He tugged me towards him and rubbed himself on me. This was a foreign feeling to me. Feeling a man’s hardness. When I tried moving away, his grip tightened and his eyes flickered with menace.
“You’re not rejecting me, are you?”
His yanked me back close to him and pumped his hardened jeans over my stomach.
“No, Mikhail. I’m just nervous. Feeling that part of a man when I’ve never felt it before just scares me a little.” I see his eyes sparkle when I mentioned being frightened by a man’s erection. No way was he happy when I was nervous and afraid.
His eyes gleamed and his smile was just a little bit sadistic looking. He quickly covered it up though by relaxing his features and told me not to worry.
“No worries, babe. It only hurts for a moment and then it’s very good.”
Mikhail proceeded to unzip my sundress in the back and stripped it from my body. My body was what some would say fat and unattractive. I was back to a size twelve though, with D-cup breasts. I hated society’s view of soft, full-figured women. I’m a short girl, only five foot four with a little more flesh on my bones. Nothing I was ashamed of. Mikhail never voiced any issues with me being the way I was so I figured who cares?
This was my first time and Mikhail was actually going to see me naked as a babe. But I guess me not caring was too pre-conceived, because Mikhail just had to comment on my body.
Love Came Back (a Pyro-Princess Design and Style novel Book 1) Page 2