“Ok, I promise.”
After she left, I walked around doing my normal chores, and all I felt was numbness. My God. I felt my hands shaking with anxiety.
“God, I need you. Hear me this time. Protect this innocent baby.”
Hearing myself saying this prayer, that’s when I knew reality had set in. I was pregnant, and I would do anything to protect this child. I would love him or her as if there’s nothing else in this world.
10
That One Day-Came only Too Soon
In the middle of January, I told Mikhail I was going for a checkup and flu shot with a family doctor. Luckily he said go ahead and I took the bus to the hospital and looked up Doctor Larsen’s name in the directory. Finding where her office was, I hurried my way there. I peeked through the little window in the door, saw she was sitting at her desk, thank God, and knocked.
Opening her door, she seemed half surprised, and half expecting me to show up sooner or later.
“Miss Carrington, it’s lovely to see you. How can I help you?” She led me in her office and gestured for me to have a seat on her little sofa instead of the hard chairs in front of her desk.
“I’m pregnant, and you were right. I’m in an abusive relationship. With no way out. I’m scared to death if he finds out, he might do something really bad and I don’t want to risk this baby in any way, please help me!”
I got that out in one stream of breath and was more nervous than I’ve ever been.
“Siddaleigh, first we’ll take a pregnancy test. Won’t take but a moment. Then we’ll check your weight and blood pressure. Have an ultrasound done as well. I’ll do a pap smear and then we’ll go from there. From my own experience, I could tell that you were in a relationship such as this. Takes one to really see the signs. For now I’ll keep this pregnancy quiet. But you will start to show more, and you might want to get out of this relationship with Mikhail. And fast.”
Figures she would remember his name.
“Yes, my best friend has been helping me get what I need done. Since we haven’t been intimate for a few months, it’s been a reprieve for me but at the same time daunting, because he’s never home, and comes in late when he does. I just don’t know what to do anymore.”
The good doctor sat quietly and thought about what I told her. Just as I was about to voice a concern, she finally spoke.
“When was the last time the two of you had sexual intercourse?”
Thinking back on it, I almost couldn’t remember.
“My birthday, there abouts. Why?”
“I would assume he probably isn’t at home anymore, because he’s getting what he wants from another source. Siddaleigh, you really need out of this relationship before it gets more dangerous. Now that you’re pregnant, men like that won’t let you go. You’ll be on such a tight chain that there’s only one way out. It’s not a pretty out, either.”
The tears fell from my eyes and I felt so lost. What was I going to do?
After we did everything she said we’d do, she did give me a flu shot, to keep up appearances. I left with a business card that she wrote down her cell, and home phone number on and a date to come back in three weeks. And I was the proud owner of a small little ultrasound picture, no sex determined yet but it looked like a bean looking thing. Knowing Mikhail wouldn’t be home, I sat on my bed and looked at the picture. This tiny baby was inside me. The doctor told me we could find out the sex next month. I was scared but excited at the same time. Provided I was out of this place in time.
I had never thought that he’d cheat on me. I had never thought of that as the reason he was never home. Thinking on this made me angry. After everything that’s happened, he’s going to cheat on me?
I didn’t think so. When he came home tonight, he would know that was a big mistake.
Confirming my plan, I made a quick call and met up for lunch with Mags. The guard be damned. She was between classes and agreed immediately. We met at our usual place, Chili’s Bar and Grill, placed our order and she looked up at me in concern.
“What’s going on Sidda?”
I told her about my visit with Doctor Larsen and the insight she gave me.
“Cheat on you? Hmm. Could be come to think of it. Especially if you two haven’t, you know.”
“That pisses me off, Mags. Everything he’s done to me and this is what I get? Him cheating on me? I don’t think so.”
Magdalene raises her hands in the air back and forth trying to dissuade me of my plans.
“No, Sids, don’t even think about confronting him. He’s going to go absolutely ballistic. Don’t do anything stupid, girl. Promise me?”
I knew that was one promise I couldn’t make and I just shook my head.
“That’s something I can’t do, Mags. I can’t do this anymore. I have more than just me to think about this time.”
I saw tears bubbling in her eyes and I made myself steel against shedding my own set of tears. I just kept looking at her and tried to eat my food.
“Just call me after everything blows up. If I don’t hear from you tonight before you go to bed, I’m coming over. I’m bringing the police with me. At least that good looking detective, anyway.”
“Mags, he’s like ten plus years your senior, girl.” Chuckling at her silliness I felt just a bit better.
We finished eating and I went home and waited for Mikhail. I packed up my things, my meager belongings anyway since it wasn’t much. I put them by my bedroom door and then proceeded to make, then eat, dinner. About ten in the evening, I heard the door creek open.
I made sure the lights were all on and waited until he walked in the kitchen. He saw me sitting on a bar stool by the kitchen island with a glass of wine in my hand. Although I didn’t drink any; I mostly did it to piss him off.
“Wine? What the hell are you doing?”
I set my glass down. Took a deep breath and just blurted out what was on my mind.
“Are you cheating on me?”
Mike looked shocked and his body tensed at the accusation.
Then he had the nerve to laugh.
“Of course not, Sidda. Why would I cheat on you, babe?”
I got up and walked barefoot (I might need to run) up to him, rested my hand on his chest and ran my fingers down the buttons of his 300 dollar shirt. His face was almost priceless. I never initiated anything sexual and he was surprised. Until I smelled something other than his cologne.
“That’s not your cologne I’m smelling, Mike.”
He reached up and gripped my wrist tightly, and his nostrils flared in anger.
“What did you just call me?”
“You cheat on me, I get to call you anything I want, you sick son of a bitch.”
He made to backhand me, but I was quick this time. I blocked him with my arm and slapped his face as hard as I could.
“You surprise me. I’ll let that slip, because you really don’t know any better, you little bitch. Don’t worry about anything that doesn’t concern you.”
He turned and started walking towards the stairs. I grabbed the vase of flowers from the kitchen counter and walked into the foyer. Then I threw the vase, hard. He saw me at the last minute and ducked. The vase went past him and shattered against the wall. The shards fell to the ground, ruining the pretty flowers.
This, was that one day Mags was talking about. My last stand. Sometimes I think I’d rather be dead than live with this numbness and hate and agony on a daily basis. I might be powerless, but I’m gonna do my best to kick his ass in the process.
He charged me as I ran towards the door. He was quick and grabbed a fist full of my hair. I was so cutting my hair after this. If I made it out alive. Mike dragged me and shoved me down between the sofa and the living room glass table. Shoving up the dress skirt I wore, he ripped my panties and raped me. I tried fighting him, but he was so much stronger than I was. Seeing me frightened turned him on.
Jesus. God, give me strength.
He slammed my head down on
the hard wood floor when I tried breaking away from him. I felt my consciousness going in and out. After he finished, which was shortly after, my body was basically a heap on the floor. All I could see as darkness came over me, was the shine of a pocket knife. It headed right to my stomach. There was nothing I could do. I couldn’t keep myself awake anymore.
Protect my baby, please God.
♥
I was coming in and out of wakefulness when I felt myself being carried. I tried holding on, but I could feel something warm sliding across my stomach.
That’s when I remembered. He had held a knife to my stomach. The only thought going through my head was about the life inside me. Mike took everything away from me. Then I felt myself drift back off.
♥
Coming to, my stomach felt very sore and it took a lot of strength to lift my head just a bit and all I could see was blood. And blood red roses covering me, the bed and the floor around me. It was a major struggle, but I could move only just a little. I could see the bandages around my stomach and the red stains slowly leaking through.
As if a band aid would fix me up. I made myself get up as quietly as possible just in case he was lurking around. I felt a wave of nausea come over me and I had to push the bile that threatened to come up, back down my throat.
My stomach was burning and when I looked down, I saw the bandage seep redder. I knew if I stayed, I’d be good as dead. I grabbed the nearest towel from the seat next to the bed. He must have come in here and dressed it or something.
With strength only God could have given me, I held the towel to my stomach tightly as I could and made it to across the room and out into the hallway. It took what seemed like forever walking down the hallway and there was a thick sheen of sweat running down my temple by the time I took the stairs down to the first floor.
I was able to keep from crying out on the way down. I was feeling dizzy and I prayed for Gods mercy to help me escape this place. I heard voices, and I walked near the wall so my footsteps couldn’t be heard. I heard him talking to someone. About me. He didn’t think I would make it.
Idiot, shows what he knows!
I made my way to my over-the-shoulder purse that was thrown towards the door, thank God, and it had a lot of the things that I needed. Or which was necessary. Maybe I could come back for the clothes, or maybe not. A clean break is best at this point.
I opened the front door as quietly as I could without making much sound. I fortified myself by taking a deep breath. I did the only thing I could do with a towel clutched to my burning stomach and purse thrown across my shoulder. I ran. My head was throbbing something fierce and I was feeling weaker with every step towards freedom.
The door left open in my wake, I ran down the drive, to the street, and turned right and ran as fast as I could, which in my condition wasn’t that fast.
As I was feeling myself struggle with consciousness, I made it about ten minutes down the road to an intersection. I turned another way, not knowing where I was going. I could see headlights in front of me and I waved my arms over my head the towel dropping and the blood loss was nearly my undoing.
The car slowed and the driver rushed out of the car to help. The guy was freaking out by what he saw and the only words I could say were, “Please, Texas Women’s, Doctor, Larsen.” That was the last I could make out. I was too far gone. I heard the guy peel off and I drifted into numbness and nothing.
♥
“She’s strong, Detective Hindrons. She’ll come out of this.”
“There was so much blood loss. We almost lost her. Twice.”
I could hear someone talking above me. I felt something heavy on my chest. I wanted to wake up, but my eyelids weren’t complying. I fell back into the darkness.
♥
“Siddaleigh, its Mags. Please, wake up, girlfriend. I made a promise not to tell your family before but-
“Try not to make her upset. She needs to come out of the coma with no added stress.”
I could hear a firm voice. Sounded like Doctor Larsen. What were they talking about? Coma? How long has it been?
“Patti, it’s been a month. What are we going to do?”
“I believe it’s her mind that’s keeping her under. She’s trying to protect herself from everything that’s happened. Just have faith. She’ll come out of this. Trust me. I’ve seen this many times. She’ll come out of this and be so much stronger.”
I didn’t know if the doctor was right. I could feel the darkness closing in once more. I wanted to open my eyes. But darkness surrounded me, and I gave into it willingly.
♥
“Siddaleigh Carrington. Wake your beautiful ass up, girl. It’s your bestie here. Mike’s ass has been sent to prison. Attempted murder, and everything else that he did to you. I made sure they had all the evidence they could ever want. Now it’s time for you to come out of this haze. It’s a new day, Siddaleigh. Let’s grasp it for everything its worth. Your free, baby-cakes. Totally free.”
Something about hearing Mags fierceness as she was telling be about Mikhail’s imprisonment and about me being free seemed to help me struggle with opening my eyelids. I could feel them trying to stay closed, but I resisted the best I could. She was right. I was free. Free to be me, and make my dreams come true.
Yes. There it is.
My eyes opened to a brand new day.
11
Finally Living the Dream
Five years later
..::Siddaleigh::..
The purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences.
Well, no offense to Eleanor Roosevelt, but this girl has not had a new or rich experience in let’s say FOREVER!
I walked out of my weekly yoga class feeling energized but emotionally off. Our instructor gave us the quote to think about over the week and that one made me feel funny. Usually yoga would balance me, but I just figured today was just one of those “Monday” feeling kind of days. Since it was Monday that made it even more-blah. A kind of day that trouble usually followed in its wake. I could just feel it.
Being me, trouble is closer than chalk on a sidewalk.
Walking to my ’05 black, shiny Ford Mustang, I opened my gym bag to seize for my car keys. Growling for not getting them out ahead of time, I started muttering a curse.
“Always at the bottom, aren’t they?"
Finally getting into the car, I was seriously relieved when I turned the ignition and the A/C was like a cool breeze wafting across my face. I drove towards the Houston Outlet Mall, to my very own shop, Pyro-Princess Design and Style. Which was approaching its first anniversary in a few short months. So far, to my peace of mind, the shop was making great profit and the sales seemed to be showing a good steady increase. Thinking back, I knew I had accomplished quite a lot for my age of twenty-five. I was eternally grateful from the support of my family and closest friend, Mags, who went in on the store with me as a silent partner, to sell her own design of shoes, purses, and belts. Between Mags and me, it was a perfect set-up.
The last seven years working towards a Fashion Design degree has kept me more than occupied. Even those two short years of misery with Mikhail, didn’t deter me from plowing straight through those classes. Luckily I had been able to retake those classes and I doubled up on classes during the next few years.
I took night classes for Fashion Design and late afternoon courses for a small business degree, plus working full-time as the third shift, which was overnight, assistant manager at the nearby twenty-four grocery store. I almost couldn’t believe I had got done what I set out to do.
Mags insisted I move back in, and she said since she had money, I didn’t need to pay for anything. I tried refusing but then she said, ‘my dad pays for the apartment, so get over it.’ She also bartended her way through college, so she made a killing when I barely scraped by. Suckie for me, but she had no problem with me being a mooch so I could save money. She
knew I was determined after everything I’d been through.
That helped loads for my ability to save the amount I needed to open a retail store in the Outlet mall. Plus, the shipping costs from the warehouse I ended up having to have for my designs to be made and it was almost bank breaking. I did it though, with my conviction and passion for clothing I wanted to prove myself totally independent. I was driven to succeed. I would have loved to have built my own boutique, but I only had enough to rent out a retail space at the mall. Yet, hoping one day, after a few years, I would have enough to achieve that dream. I am thankfully still young enough, to not worry about that just yet.
Nor did I worry about dating. That was a problem I so did not want to deal with anytime soon. I needed to be myself and that meant freedom and independence. One man ruined me for a future happily ever after. Mikhail Donald Thompson; person personified as disaster, pain, catastrophe, plus a heavy dose of utter total misery. That was all that was associated with that louse. I seriously learned my lesson, the tough, brutal way.
Owning my own business was a major step in owning my own independence as a woman. Knowing that I was doing exactly what I wanted with so much conviction made me feel happy and free. It’s been eight years saving money, with almost two of those years hiding behind Mikhail’s back, that I was finally able to open my store last year. Now I had by three employees, and a section where my best friend Mags put her own retail of shoes, belts and purses.
I had no time for a lover or a husband crowding my way. Not that I’m planning on getting married anytime soon or getting close or intimate with anyone. I figured I just wasn’t made for marriage and would rather be alone. I am not going down that road of romantic-mayhem again. Besides, if I wanted pleasure so damn bad, I can do it with my own Rabbit Vibrator named Rabby.
Love Came Back (a Pyro-Princess Design and Style novel Book 1) Page 6