Magdalene got ahold of Doctor Larsen, and she told her I was awake, and the doctor replied that she’d be here in fifteen minutes.
Waiting was not a strong suit and I was getting angry. I needed to know and I wanted to know right now. I felt empty. Incomplete.
Finally, Doctor Larsen came in, and with sympathy told me how when Mikhail kicked me, and stabbed at my stomach that he stabbed into the baby’s heart and some of his neck. There was no saving the baby. She also had told me, since I was far enough along, if I wanted to know the sex. I said yes of course and she told me the baby was a boy.
A boy? My heart swelled with a love I’ve never had before.
“I know too much time has passed but what happened with him?”
Doctor Larsen looked at Mags and left it to her to tell me the rest.
“I didn’t know if you had wanted to bury him or to cremate and they needed an answer. As your ICE,” I had to make sure, if Mikhail did something to me and left me helpless, that Mags would make the best choice, therefore she was my In-Case-of-Emergency, “I had him cremated. Remember we had talked about names? I went with what you had first chosen. John Christian Carrington. I left out any mention of a father. I have the urn at home. The nurses who had taken care of him brought the few blankets, all the little things they used on him for you to keep and I said yes for a print of his hands and feet. I am so sorry. So very sorry.”
Picking up her suitcase type purse, it was that big, and she took out a little blue laminated paper and passed it to me.
The sight of it didn’t help the tears streaming down my face. There in my hands was the only picture I had of him. His tiny little feet and hands couldn’t have been bigger than a Ken doll. It showed his height, and weight. My little boy, who I would never see or hold. This was the only gift of him I had.
♥
How could I have risked that happening again? I was so stupid. Then leaving without a word? Or a note? I bet he’s going to blow a gasket and breathe fire when he wakes up and sees I’m gone.
Good grief, I can’t concentrate good enough for thinking about consequences right now. I went back to the office and tried opening the safe. It wouldn’t budge.
“Open you little bastard. Stupid thing.”
After about a half hour of trying, I finally managed to open it.
“Damn stubborn piece of-”
“Whoa, sister, watch the language! You seem to be in a bad mood. I’ve never heard you have a potty mouth before. What’s wrong?”
Callie walked in and sat across from me. I made a commitment to myself not to curse anymore. I had nephews and a niece that I didn’t want picking up my bad habits. I made it a point to not curse at all, it took me a good six months to break it after I said it by accident and my oldest nephew repeated me. I figured it wasn’t lady like, anyway. Didn’t mean I didn’t curse in my head. Plenty of that going on, especially now.
I smiled to myself on that. Konner made me break that promise. Figures it would be a man that lead me to curse. Luckily, not in a bad way, much. A lot of it was good, so very good.
Callie, who was not only a good manager, but a good friend since we’re were pen pals in junior high, picked up on my unusual mood. Although she didn’t know about the extent of Mikhail’s psychotic abuse, she knew I was wary around men.
“Are you okay, Sidda? You seem frustrated. Good ole’ lock and key playing hard to get, yet again?”
Callie sat down drinking her mocha cappuccino and handed me my favorite pick me up. Double Chocolate Chip Frappuccino. Drink of champions, I think. And made me think of the day I met Konner.
“Thank God for frap-goddesses like you, Callie. I’ll feel better when this day is over with. I had an amazing but yet shocking evening last night.”
I pulled out two cash drawers and handed one over to Callie. “You know Brianne right? One of our regulars?”
“Yes, I remember the girl. Always gets something. Says our clothes speak out to her unlike others. A lot of customers come because of her. Word of mouth is great. Especially since she says she is a soon to be hair stylist. What about her?”
Sipping our drinks, we counted the cash.
“Well, come to find out, I know her older brother, Konner. We were kind of a little involved about eight years ago. I mean not that anything happened real big because I was seventeen, but I thought I was in love with him. What I felt back then is not what I want to feel now. It couldn’t be. I think its lust. And the lack of sexual activity got to me. He and I met up last night outside the mall and we got to talking, then had dinner at his place and then, well,” I knew my face heated and reddened, “things led to more intimate things and now I’m driving myself up a wall with nowhere to land. Dammit. What am I gonna do?”
Scowling, I stood up and put the drawer to my hip, grabbed my frap and walked to the registers. Opening them up, we both heard Cambria walk up to us to punch in.
“Hey chicas! Sidda? There’s a hot, hulk of a man outside asking for you. He says it’s an emergency. I told him he had to wait ‘til we opened. He is hot and so massive! I saw dog tags, so it looks like he’s military. Makes me think of Craig. They sure make ‘em good in the armed forces, don’t they?”
Cammy came around me and asked which drawer was hers.
Whipping my head up, I saw Konner pacing back and forth outside the gated entrance. He was shaking his head from side to side with a fierce scowl on his face. This was not what I want to deal with at the moment.
“Looks like he woke up on the wrong side of an empty bed this morning, doesn’t he, Sidda?” Callie whispered with a chuckle.
When I saw Konner trying to look through the slits of the gated fence, I ducked underneath the counter and dropped it like it was hot. Cammy looked at us in confusion.
“Is everything ok? Oh man, is he bad news?” she said in a frantic tone.
“Yes to the first and no to the second. I just need to leave and fast. We have a half hour before opening at ten thirty. Barnes and Nobles is open. I’ll hide in there for a while and be back by eleven. Maybe he’ll be gone by then.”
I went out the back entrance to the service hallway. I made my escape with grace. Maybe not with my dignity in tact but grace all the same.
I walked into B&N, as I’ve been known to call it, and weaved through the stacks of books. The smell of a paperback was strong and for some reason it comforted me. Books were always a getaway for me.
I began reading Harlequin Blaze in college. Then someone from work gave me a historical romance and I was hooked. Then when Mags and I had gone to look in Border’s, a book store chain in smaller malls, we saw a book cover with a man wearing military fatigues by Lora Leigh, and I never looked back.
I loved all things romance. Then last year, while looking through my Amazon kindle book recommendations, a few Young Adult and New Adult books looked interesting to me. Mags had sung their praises for so long I ended up buying one and since then I’ve been on a kick of YA/NA books like a one-click criminal.
I didn’t really buy paperbacks anymore. The eBook had to be like AH-mazing for me to buy the paperback. I didn’t have enough bookshelves. I had figured one day, when I decided to buy a home, one room would be like a mini-library. Filled with my favorite authors, a chaise and a bay window to overlook a nice country side.
Daydreams aside, I picked up the pace and headed straight for my favorite section. Romance.
21
Gotta Love the Simple Pleasures in Life
..::Konner::..
I waited, paced back and forth until I finally saw a woman in her mid-twenties approaching the shop entrance.
“Excuse me, ma’am? I’m looking for Siddaleigh. I thought she would be here by now.”
As the woman unlocked the gate, I grabbed the base and helped her push it up the rest of the way.
With an obvious knowing smile the woman finally responded. “Sorry sweetie, but you just missed her. Went to go run some errands before we opened. And you are?”
I approved of this co-worker. She asked questions before letting people see her boss. I liked her immediately.
I replied, “My name is Konner O’Brian, ma’am.”
“What do you need her for? I’ve never seen the likes of you around here. This is a women’s boutique shop.”
“I mean no disrespect to you, I see you’re trying to protect your boss and I assume your friend, but the matter I need to discuss is of a very personal matter. I need to speak to her urgently.”
The way she was shooting daggers at me, I figured a different approach might soften her up to me. After a moment of awkward silence, I was about to figure out how to re-angle my approach when she laid into me like hot coals.
“Do you know her? Because if you’re even thinking about harming her in any way, shape or form, I’ll call the security real quick and in a hurry.”
She put her hands on her hips and snickered. She could put any drill sergeant to shame. I looked her over, and noticed her nametag said Callie B
“Miss Callie, I assure you, that’s not the kind of man I am. I am nothing like that little fucker, excuse my language, who tried to ruin her. Trust me when I say, he’s being located and will be taken care of. If he even moves or breathes in Siddaleigh’s direction, he’ll disappear, permanently.”
I had already planned on making that happen anyway. After squaring away with Siddaleigh, I was going to meet up with Nate so we could start making our connections and things in order to get this guy. Prison or not, he would not step a foot near Siddaleigh again.
It might not have been a smart thing to say but thinking about that bastard raised my hackles. I squared up my shoulders so she knew I meant business, she nodded with that smile she had when we began this interrogation.
“Well then, since I run with those same sentiments, as well, I’ll tell you. I know who you are, I just had to make sure you’re intentions were true. If you’re being straight with me and with that look of love I see all over your face, I’d have to say the woman in question is catching up on her reading. In the romance section.”
With that, she turned around and walked back into Pyro-Princess Design and Style.
“Romance section? What?”
I walked away from the store, confused as all get out. I turned around the nearest corner, and found my answer.
Walking through the book store, I headed towards the romance section. I spotted my girl running her ring-less, dainty fingers through the paperback novels, stopping at a few in each row.
She picked out one from the shelf, and turned it over to read the back summary. Watching her face go into a slow smile did things to my body. My chest tightened in this overwhelming emotion I could not describe and my cock stirred in appreciation at the sight of her.
Instant hard-on, again. Damn but watching my woman take simple pleasure in looking at books made me hard. Then, she caught her bottom lip between her teeth.
Jesus, everything she does is making me hard.
Her mouth was a dream come true. Especially if she would put it around my aching dick. God, no, don’t think about her mouth. Wrapped tight and sucking me deep to her throat.
Think about something else. God, anything. My truck needs new tires. Nope, thinking about that makes me think about how I wanna take her in it. Hmmm, tools. Nope, makes me think about hammering, but not nails. Mother giving me condoms and the ’sex’ talk’ when I was a teenager. Yeah, that’ll do it every time.
I started to advance when I heard her sigh with trepidation. She surprised me by saying, “I can feel you watching me Konner Patrick O’Brian. Remember I was followed before? Is there something you need?”
When she finally looked at me, I stopped just to get a good long look at her. She was so beautiful. Grinning, I strode up beside her.
“So, banphrionsa, you felt me watching you? I was watching you for at least ten minutes. Why didn’t you say something? I would’ve come straight over to admire you more closely. However, watching your reaction to those books gives me great pleasure. I dinna think reading could have that effect on anyone. Seeing your face like that made me enjoy the experience even more, leannán.”
She rolled her eyes at me but ended up smiling, too.
“Does it now? Well, grab a romance novel and you’ll find out how effective it can be. Sorry about this morning. I didn’t want to wake you, especially since you looked so good sleeping. I shouldn’t have told you what I did. I am sorry. I don’t do “morning afters” real well. I don’t have “morning afters” at all, but I didn’t want anything to be awkward between us. Especially after everything I told you.”
She placed the book neatly back and walked past me to try to escape. Catching up with her easily, I positioned a hand at the small of her back and turned her towards me. Looking in her eyes, I caught a slight flicker of unease and confusion in them.
“Listen to me very carefully, Siddaleigh Mare, I’ll be damned if you turn to regret over last night. I for sure don’t regret a damn thing. You’re not just some quick fuck and get out of there to me.”
Bad choice of words but they needed to be said. Even with the severe scowl she turned my way at the mere thought of her as just some easy lay, wouldn’t have made me think differently. I didn’t like being made into someone she needed to compare to. I could see the cogs turning in her brain. Knowing something so deep about her, scared the living hell out of her. If she thought I’d pack it in and leave because of some baggage, she had another thing coming. Stubborn ass woman. God love her.
“I am glad you told me about what happened. I needed to hear it, just as much as you needed to tell someone. Everything that happened last night was pure magic and bliss. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way between us, mo féin.”
I gave up any pretense of keeping a safe distance, leaned in and kissed her roughly before letting her go again.
“I know it was something that would have happened eight years ago had fate not fucked us over. Don’t make me to be a saint, Iómhara. Because I never was, and I never will be. I’ve seen too many bad things to say I didn’t come out of it without scars.”
I gripped the nape of her neck gently and guided her lips to mine in a soul-sucking kiss. I let up just a bit to let it turn tender. Letting go of her luscious mouth, I whispered against them.
“And trust me, amanchara, you will not have anything to run from me again. Don’t even think you can just fuck me and run. Don’t be a coward, leannán milis. I’m not going anywhere.”
♥
..::Siddaleigh::..
When he whispered those words to me, I felt the hurt of what I did in them. I caused him pain and I just couldn’t bare that.
“I don’t regret it, Konner. I just don’t jump into things like that. I wouldn’t have given in if I really hadn’t wanted to. I really wasn’t thinking straight last night. This kinda stuff doesn’t happen to me. What I went through? It’s going to take me time. Even after the past few years, I still feel weak in some ways. You. You could make me so vulnerable. And you weren’t just some fuck, Konner. So don’t even go there. I haven’t been with anyone since Mike. The few dates I’ve had over the past few years, didn’t really inspire me to be intimate with any man. Especially given my plus size, I think they just wanted to see if they could get an easy piece, but for the most part, it’s like men make it a point to avoid me. Which is fine for me, you know, the avoiding part.”
I was frantically gesturing with my hands, trying to get through this insanely awkward explanation.
“What do you mean, thinking straight? Tell me so I understand fully, Siddaleigh. Because me heads spinning like a wheel. I’m glad men stayed away from you. You dinna have any need of them anyway since you will have me by your side. All that independence you think you crave so badly? You got it in spades, stubborn woman. You think a man will take that away from you? I won’t be tha’ man. I am here for you. I will stand in front of you, to protect you, when I have to. I won’t fight your battles unless i
t’s something dangerous. I am a good smart man with a precious woman to look afta’. Tá tú mianach, mo chailín Iómhara. Is tú mo ghrá. Go deo. Mo féin, m’anam, mo chroí. Mo anamchara. I just found you after all this time. I don’t plan on letting go. Not now, not ever. How much time do you need? I want us to marry, Siddaleigh Mare.”
I couldn’t believe he just said that. My response was slightly terrified and a little angry at his possessiveness.
“What did you just say me to me in Gaelic? Marry you? Are you completely off your rocker? What’s going to happen after your rehab? Leave off for parts unknown while I wait for you? Been there, done that, remember? You didn’t come back to me. I don’t have time for that game this time. I have school to finish, and an anniversary runway party coming up for PPDS. I don’t want a relationship. I won’t be tied down. Not again.”
I looked in Konner’s eyes and saw his refusal to back down. Before he was able to persuade me otherwise, I had to let him know by putting my foot down.
“Look, I am sorry Konner, but last night can’t be repeated again. I have to get back to work. Please, if you feel anything for me, let me be. Don’t come to me or try and talk to me again. I am not ready. I might never be ready. Just let me go. I am just too damaged.”
Before letting the tears fall, I backed away from his embrace and charged out of the bookstore back to PPDS.
Now that that’s over, I can get back to my normal life. My normal miserable life. Going back into the store, I made the mistake of looking back. I saw Konner walk in front of the shop, and stop at the entrance. He turned to look straight into my eyes. My heart was pounding in my ears and I knew this would hurt us both, but I just wasn’t ready. Seeing him shake his head in resignation, he looked away from me and strode away. How do I tell the one man I thought was meant for me that I was broken? That there was nothing left inside me to give. I wasn’t what he deserved. He deserved someone who wasn’t ruined. Someone who was whole.
Love Came Back (a Pyro-Princess Design and Style novel Book 1) Page 12