I heard them talking quietly in the other room and closed my eyes, letting the softness of the moment wash over me. Never in a million years did I think I would be sitting somewhere like this, feeling so at peace with what was going on around me. It would have seemed impossible if you’d asked me just a few months ago—hell, even a few days when I felt as though taking on the enormity of a whole family would have torn me apart. I wondered how Ant was going to take the news—I had a feeling she’d be pretty happy about it when I told her all about my change of heart and where it had come from. Hell, I would finally be a real part of her family, and I knew how important family was to her.
Eventually, the pair returned from the bathroom, Erin dressed in a pair of cute pajamas with a butterfly caked in glitter stitched on the front. I couldn’t get over how little she looked in those things; like I could have just scooped her up in my arms right there and then. I remembered what Samantha had wanted to do to her earlier, and I had to clench my fists by my sides to keep from screaming out in anger. To think of how she could hurt her—to think that she’d actually believed that the best place for her own daughter was removed from the man who had raised her. But that wasn’t the point right now. The point was that she was here, she was safe, and we were all together.
“I’m going to make some dinner,” Logan told me. “Pancakes, we thought, if that works for you.”
“That sounds amazing.” I grinned, my stomach grumbling at the thought of the delicious food. “You want to show me some of your books, Erin?”
“Yeah!” Erin seemed excited; I knew that she would be fine. It wouldn’t be easy for her to get over the stuff that Samantha had tried to pull today, but for the time being at least, she seemed alright. Perhaps she was young enough that she hadn’t really taken in what was happening. I could hope that, at least.
She led me to her bedroom, and the two of us went through her bookshelf novel by novel; she spoke so effusively about them, and it was clear that reading was the main thing that kept her going. Maybe she would write her own stories one day—she had a way with words, that was for sure, especially for someone so young.
“Dinner’s ready!” Logan called out after about half an hour, and I stepped out of the bedroom and inhaled the gorgeous scent of pancakes, the vanilla, and the sweet eggy smell. I was starving. It had been a hell of a day, after all.
“Come on, let’s get something to eat.” I took Erin’s hand, and she squeezed it tightly as though she never wanted to let me go. I remembered that first morning we had spent together, all three of us when I had been trying to sneak away from the situation and escape before it got serious. And to think, I had really believed that was the best choice. I hadn’t even given the thought of something more serious real consideration, which seemed so ridiculous in retrospect.
I sat down at the table, and Erin hopped up into her seat, and without thinking, I leaned forward to brush a strand of hair that had fallen into her eyes back from her face. She smiled and pulled a face, and I felt my heart fill with—well, it might not quite have been love yet, but it was the knowledge that I was open to it, to being loved by this little girl, and loving her back.
“Alright, here we go.” Logan began to serve up the pancakes. “I already ate the first one … they always turn out funny.”
“Yeah, like you weren’t just being greedy,” I teased him, and he nudged himself against me as he served up. It was just the slightest of touches, but it was enough to put a smile on my face.
We ate together and talked—not about what had happened that day because that all seemed too raw and rough right now, but just talked. And it was nice. More than nice. It felt perfect. I had never believed I could find satisfaction in something so simple, and yet here I was, feeling full and warm and happy, filled up by the people around me. I was beginning to understand where Logan was coming from when he told me how frightened he’d been when he found out that he was going to have Erin, and how it wound up coming easy to him at the end of the day. If he could do this, maybe I could do. He had to change when he became a father, and I was more than happy changing myself to fit this new dynamic.
After dinner, Logan put Erin to bed while I washed up; I put on the radio and hummed along absently to the song that was playing, moving my hips back and forth a little, enjoying the beat. Suddenly, I felt a pair of hands wind around my waist from behind, and I grinned and continued shaking my butt to the beat.
“Mmm, you look really good like that,” Logan murmured against my neck, his breath warm.
“What, doing your dishes for you?” I shot back, finishing up and putting the last one away.
“Well, what else do you think I meant?” he replied teasingly, and I couldn’t help laughing.
“Yeah, alright … I’m not just going to do the whole barefoot-in-the-kitchen business,” I reminded him. “You’re meant to be the cook, aren’t you?”
“Sure.” He pressed a kiss just below the nape of my neck, and I felt my knees begin to tremble a little underneath me. Just the feel of his body against mine got my heart racing.
I turned to face him and wound my arms around his neck, grinning, remembering the way he had kissed me earlier on the couch—that had been less to do with sex than it had with love, but I knew that I didn’t crave the same kind of tenderness right here and now. No, I wanted him rough and hard and here and now.
He kissed me again, and I knew at once that he understood what I was craving; he sank his fingers roughly into my hips and pulled me against him, so I could feel his cock stirring against me. He flicked his tongue over my bottom lip, just briefly, just for a moment, and I felt as though I was going to swoon on the spot.
“I think you need to take me to bed,” I murmured in his ear.
“I think I do,” he agreed, and he hitched me off my feet. I clung on to him, unable to stop myself bursting out in laughter, and hooked my legs around him and planted kisses up his neck as he carried me to the bedroom.
He laid me down on the bed and slid between my legs, kissing me again, this time harder; I could feel that his cock was already full, and the thought of it buried inside me made my head spin. But I didn’t want that yet. No, I wanted something more—something different.
“I really need to go down on you right now,” I breathed in his ear, and I was rewarded with a groan of pleasure for my trouble.
“Well, I’ve been thinking about eating you out all damn week,” he replied, and I felt my stomach tense with need for him. Fuck, that sounded so good. Of all the ways he teased me, oral sex was the one that got me closest quickest.
“Seems like we have a dilemma, huh?” I replied, brushing my mouth over his neck, enjoying the way his stubble scratched against my skin, the contrast of sensation delighting me.
“I don’t think so,” he replied, and he kissed me once more but this time began to undress me in the process. I grinned as he stripped me down, moving quickly as though he just couldn’t wait to get me naked. I knew how he felt. I had been craving his strong body against mine for the longest time, the feel of his muscles, his skin; I unbuttoned his shirt with shaky fingers as he undid my jeans, and soon enough we had both stripped naked. He lay down next to me on the bed and ran his hands over my waist, tracing the shape of me.
“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured, and he spoke with such sincerity that it took me aback a little. I had never heard someone say those words when I’d actually believed them. They had always sounded like a line, a trick to get what they wanted, more than anything else, but I knew clear as day that there was no doubt in his mind about what he was saying. He meant it, and he saw no reason to hold back from saying it.
“So are you.” I smiled, running my hand through his hair and fisting my fingers in it—I pulled him close to me, and he was on top of me once more, our bodies intertwined, my heart pounding fast against his as I held on with every fiber of my being to this moment, this feeling.
“So, about that dilemma,” he purred in my ear.
> “I’m listening,” I replied playfully, and just like that, he flipped me up on top of him.
“Turn around,” he told me, and I blinked at him for a moment, trying to make sense of what he was saying to me.
And then it clicked. I giggled again. “I’ve never done that before,” I confessed.
“Let me show you how,” he suggested, and he shifted my body, maneuvering me gently until I was in the right position; I was straddling his face as he lay down, and I planted one hand on the bed to hold me up while I wrapped the other around his rock-hard cock.
“Mmm, you look so good like this.” He sighed as he ran his hands over my ass and spread me apart; I flushed a little, not used to letting anyone get this close to me, but then he planted a kiss on the crook of the inside of my thigh, and I forgot all about my inhibitions. How could any of them matter when he had me like this? I took a deep breath, leaned down, and took his cock into my mouth.
He tasted so good, of clean skin and him, and I swirled my tongue around his head and took him as deep as I could. In kind, he leaned up to press his mouth to my pussy, stroking my clit a few times up and down as though getting used to this new angle, and I felt my legs begin to shudder at once. I groaned against his cock, the sound a little muffled, but I could tell he knew how much I was enjoying this. I was already soaked just from what we had done so far.
I focused my attention on his cock, stroking him up into my mouth so I could take in as much of him as I could; I let my fingers stray down a little, stroking his balls as I coaxed him into my mouth, and I felt his fingers tighten approvingly against my ass. I moaned softly again, knowing that the vibrations would run through his entire body, and he sealed his lips around my clit and began to suck on me softly, teasing me with his tongue as he did.
I had been sure doing it like this would be awkward, but before I knew it, I was able to lose myself to the sensations; the focus on his cock kept me from coming too quickly, and I was able to actually enjoy and revel in the pleasure. I loved this feeling, the two of us giving ourselves to each other in this way. I could have done it all day—but soon I realized I was getting close; my legs were trembling and my body beginning to clench on top of his. He slipped two fingers inside of me and lazily fucked me with his hand, and the mesh of feeling had me gasping for breath. I pulled back from his cock for a moment, chest rising and falling rapidly as the air tore in and out of my lungs, and then, lips pressed together to make sure I didn’t make a sound, I came. Hard.
He kept his mouth on me for a long time after I came, moving his mouth softly over my pussy, lapping at my engorged lips and my aching clit. I could hardly keep myself upright—my knees felt as though they were going to tremble out beneath me.
“I think I need to be inside you right now,” he murmured, his breath tickling my pussy. I groaned.
“Fuck me,” I panted back, and he lifted me off him easily and reached for a condom. His cock was swollen and ready, and I shifted so that I was nearly straddling him, watching as he tore open the condom and slipped it onto his cock.
“I love you like this,” he remarked, as he took hold of my hips and guided me down on top of him. And the way he was looking at me, I believed it—I really believed he wanted me that badly. The look in his eyes was dark and heavy, and, as I took him into me for the first time, relief passed across his expression as though this was all he had been waiting for.
“Mmm,” he groaned, tipping his head back and closing his eyes, and I planted my hands on his chest, so I could feel the beat of his heart as I started to ride him.
He felt so fucking good inside of me. The feelings that I had for him that ran deeper than anything I’d felt for anyone before, it would have been hard for me to give up the sex. He just seemed to fit into me so perfectly, so neatly, as though the two of us were always meant to come together in this way.
He let me ride him for a while, opening his eyes and watching me, his gaze traversing over my body, and then he pushed me back an inch or two, so he could watch himself inside me. His mouth parted as though he could hardly comprehend how hot we looked together, and I knew how he felt. This was impossibly good, our bodies working in perfect harmony as he began to thrust shallowly back up to meet me. He took my hand and guided it to my clit, and I began to play with myself—I had been so focused on him and his reactions and how he was taking this that I had almost forgotten how good this felt for me, and I let my eyes drift shut as the pleasure took control once more.
He moved up, wrapping an arm around my waist so he could hold me steady as he pushed back up into me; I circled my hips down against his cock and took him in deep, and he sank his teeth into my shoulder, forcing me to swallow a cry of pain to keep quiet. But the pain mellowed to pleasure in my nervous system, and soon I was getting close again, close, closer, closer until I felt as though my entire body was focused on one goal and one goal alone, every single part of me working in unison to draw me to—”
“Fuck,” he growled, and I felt his cock twitch inside of me as he came and knowing that I had been enough to push him over the edge got me there too. My pussy clenched tight around him, sending shockwaves throughout my system. I buried my face into his shoulder and tried my best to keep myself quiet, letting his body absorb the pleasure the way mine was absorbing his. It was intense, more intense than anything we’d shared before, maybe because I knew, for once, that this wasn’t the end—this was the start, the beginning of what we had to share together in the future. And I couldn’t have been happier.
We sat like that for a long while, eyes closed, and heads tilted down into each other until our breath fell in step and he finally pulled back from me. He swiftly disposed of the condom as I collapsed onto the bed, a big-ass smile on my face.
“Oh, my God,” I breathed as he lay down next to me, smiling, brushing the hair back from my face. His own hair was messy, and it looked cute—it suited him. And as I looked into his eyes, I knew that I had to say it. I knew there was no choice but to come out with it, once and for all. There was no coming back from it, but I had to say it to him. I had to have him hear the words leave my mouth. There was no single doubt in my mind at that moment, even though I might have tried to talk myself out of it before. I owed him that much.
“I love you,” I breathed, and for a split second, I was sure that I had overstepped the line and that he wasn’t going to return it—and then his face softened, and he kissed my forehead.
“I love you too,” he replied, and the words hung in the air between us for a long moment. I couldn’t believe they were out there. I had never said it to someone so quickly before in my life, but I knew it was wrong to keep it in. I needed him to hear it, and now that he had said it back to me, I felt so at peace, so comfortable, so happy. I knew I meant it, for the first time in my life—for certain, for real. For him, and for Erin, and for all of us together.
He wrapped me tightly in his arms, and I knew there was nothing more I needed to say to him tonight. Sure, I would have happily stayed up all night talking to him if I could, but the exhaustion of the day was setting in, and I wanted nothing more than to go to sleep and to wake up tomorrow morning in his arms and spend the day with him. He planted a kiss on the back of my neck, just like he had when I had been doing the washing up, but this time there was no carnal intent; it was just him and me, safe and happy together. And I closed my eyes, and for the first time in a long time, I found myself drifting into a deep, restful sleep.
Epilogue
Logan
“When is Ant meant to be getting here again?” Nina asked as she scurried around the apartment, a couple of Erin’s books tucked under her arm.
“An hour,” I reminded her. “So you don’t need to be running around in such a panic.”
“Yeah, alright, sure.” She rolled her eyes at me playfully. “I’m going to let this be anything other than perfect.”
“It’s going to be perfect no matter what,” I told her. “Because we’re all together. Right, Erin?
”
“Right!” Erin called out, from where she was enthusiastically icing Christmas cookies at the dining table. Nina closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and finally came to a halt for what felt like the very first time that day.
“I’m sorry,” she apologized, pulling a face. “It’s just the first Christmas we’ve spent together as a family. I want this all to be perfect.”
“I totally understand,” I assured her, and I went and gave her a big hug. She let out a long sigh against my chest, one that felt as though it had been held in since she got up this morning.
“But you have nothing to worry about,” I murmured. “It’s all going to be fine. You just have to sit there and look beautiful, remember?”
“And get some of my studying done before she gets here,” she mumbled. “I don’t want to fall behind.”
“Why don’t you take it over to Erin?” I suggested. “You can keep each other company.”
“I can quiz you if you want,” Erin piped in, and Nina smiled and pulled back from me.
“Actually, that sounds pretty good,” she conceded. “I’ll go get my books.”
I smiled as she headed to the bedroom to grab her stuff, running her hand through her hair and pushing it back into a ponytail. Her ring glinted in the light as went, and I found my mind drifting back to the day I had given it to her.
It had been about three months before when I had taken her out to celebrate her getting her into college—she had been so excited that day she almost seemed giddy, as though she was going to burst out laughing at any second. She had suggested the three of us going out together as a family, but I knew I wanted her all to myself for that evening. I had picked out the ring—with Ant’s help, of course—a few weeks before, courtesy of my promotion, and I knew she was going to love it. It was a yellow diamond fixed in a platinum band, a classic piece, and it would look so perfect on her. If she accepted it, of course.
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