Aiden’s heart sank at that moment. He gripped the edge of the big desk as he felt his future slipping away from him. Once again, he didn’t know how to read this girl. He was sure of his own emotions, but he wasn’t sure of hers.
“I’m going to the Inn now, and getting a room,” he said. “Please let me know when you find out the funeral arrangements.”
“Do you want me to come with you?” Jordan asked, and Aiden heard something in her voice that he had not heard before. Was she asking for his help? Mentally, he shook it off. He had to be strong. She was so stubborn with herself, she would need to reach her own conclusions, make her own choices, or he could never be sure of her love.
Aiden held up his hand and smiled a little. “For the first time in my life, I’ve been honest with myself and I’m being honest with you now. I love you, Jordan. I love Grace. Why wouldn’t I? She’s part of you. I don’t think you know who you love. I don’t think you know what you want. You have to figure that out for yourself. That first night you came to the Inn, I realized what real love was. Did you feel the same? Or was it sex? Was it sex for comfort or to fill some biological need? Maybe everything happened too fast. Listen to me. I thought the girl was supposed to ask these questions, but I found myself in love with you. I love you so much; I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I know it’s only been a week, but the way I see things has changed that fast.
“If you decide you don’t want to be with me, if you decide you don’t want to give us a chance, then I accept that. Even if it means walking away from here and never coming back. You can handle ChatDotCom with one hand tied behind your back. I’m not worried about that, but you have a lot of issues to resolve. Maybe you should think about taking care of them.
“Find Grace’s family from her father’s side. Find them and tell them about her. She’s the only child of their dead son. Think about that. They need to know her. She needs to know them. Come outside of yourself, Jordan. You’re shielding yourself with what you’re calling your ‘responsibilities.’ You’re hiding. Take real responsibility and include the people who love you in your life. I know you run Chat and its employees, and you take care of your brother’s tuition and your parents’ mortgage and everything under the sun for Grace, but you use that power of being able to do those things. You manipulate your situation and separate yourself from all those people. You don’t work with anybody. You hold the reins; you control things. That’s a safe place to be. Telling people what to do isn’t hard. Cooperating is hard. Sharing is hard. It takes love, Jordan. I love you so much that if somebody told me I had to face the rest of my life alone, without you or any other woman ever, I could do that. I could live on this past week. I let you in, Jordan. Now I’m wondering if that was such a wise thing to do. That’s what’s happened to me this past week. What happened to you?”
He crossed the room and cupped her face in his hand. He kissed her lightly on the forehead, and set his jaw determinedly. “You let me know about the funeral arrangements. I’ll be at the Inn. I always have my phone on me. You take your time. Think about what I said. I have to have all of you, Jordan, because you have all of me. That’s only fair. Sharing a life means just that.”
She was silent as he pulled open the door. Then, he paused and turned. “One more thing,” he said. “My father told me something once, and it’s stuck with me. He said, ‘Do you think your mother and I got where we got by standing around gazing into each other’s eyes? Hell no! We got where we got by looking together in the same direction, putting on the same harness, and plowing forward. That’s love.’ I think he paraphrased some poet, but he was right. That’s what I want, Jordan. I’ll see you later.”
Without looking back, he walked out and shut the door quietly behind him.
Jordan stood, her body leaden. When she felt as though she could move, she turned away from the door and walked slowly back to the window. For a while she just stood, watching the river jump and splash and swirl into frothy little eddies. She wasn’t sure what had just happened. Had their relationship taken a step back, or a step forward? Her mind roiled in chaos.
“I have to sort things out,” she said aloud. “There are priorities.” She looked down at her desk and tried to organize her spinning thoughts. Almost without knowing what she was doing, she picked up her phone and called Ashley.
“Hello?” said a groggy voice.
It was only then that Jordan realized that it was barely seven o’clock in the morning. “Oh, Ashley! I’m so sorry to wake you. I didn’t think about what time it was.”
“Jordan, is everything all right? Where are you?”
“I’m at my office. Look, I know it’s Sunday morning, but if you can, could you come down and help me with a few things? Would Kyle mind?”
“Kyle? Ha!” snorted Ashley. “He’s at some fireman’s muster or something down at the firehouse. I think they’re washing the trucks. He’s oblivious to me today. I’ll be right down.”
“Thanks, Ashley.”
Jordan sighed deeply. She would work this out. She would have to.
Jordan marveled when, twenty minutes later, Ashley walked into her office, neatly dressed in jeans, a white ruffled tunic, and bright red flats. Her raven hair was down, brushing her shoulders in a long pageboy. Not one hair was out of place. Ashley’s makeup was as it was every day, far too much for Jordan’s style, but impeccably applied. It was early on a Sunday morning and Ashley was camera ready.
Jordan shook her head.
“What’s the matter?” asked Ashley.
“You look like you just stepped out of the pages of Style Magazine!”
Ashley laughed. “Well, I didn’t even stop to get a coffee. I was hoping there was some here.”
Jordan rolled her eyes and handed Ashley her own cup.
“I don’t want to take yours,” protested Ashley.
“Don’t worry about it,” said Jordan sarcastically. “I’ll drink Aiden’s.”
“He was here?”
“He just left. After giving me a lecture.”
Ashley sat down on the sofa. She took a sip of coffee, staring thoughtfully out the window. “I guess I just don’t understand you two. Jordan, do you love him? Do you want to pursue the relationship? If you don’t, then end it right now.”
Jordan let out an audible groan. “Oh, but I do love him. I do. And how can I even say that? Maybe I only love the sex. Maybe I just caved in a weak moment. We haven’t even dated, really. And how am I going to juggle everything? One minute, I want to spend the rest of my life with him, and the next minute, I’m seeing that it’s just impossible.”
“As long as you two love each other, anything is possible. That’s the truth.”
“Ashley, I told him about Grace. He thought Mr. Palmer was Grace’s father, and that made me so mad I nearly swore I’d never speak to him again, but I had to tell him the truth.”
“Well, that’s a step in the right direction,” said Ashley. “It had to come out sooner or later. It’s nothing to keep hidden, for Grace’s sake if nobody else’s. How did he take it?”
“Like he takes everything. He’s so logical and laid back. I feel hysterical in comparison most of the time.”
Ashley gave a little laugh. “You have to learn to relax, Jordan. You’re wound so tight, some days I expect to see you unravel right before my eyes.”
“Is it that obvious?”
“Not to most people, but I know you pretty well. Where’s Aiden now?”
“He went to get a room at the Inn. He’s staying through to the funeral. After the funeral, he wants to meet the employees and make sure everybody knows him and knows that things are staying pretty much as they are.”
“What have you heard about funeral arrangements?”
Jordan sat down next to her friend. “I expect the wake will be tomorrow night and the funeral will be Tuesday. I’ll close the company except for essential personnel. Everybody should at least get a chance to pay their respects. Ashley, there’s som
ething Aiden said…” Her voice trailed off.
“What?”
Jordan sighed. “Aiden said that I should find Mark’s parents and tell them about Grace.”
Her friend paused before she commented. “I can’t say that I disagree with that, Jordan. Grace is your daughter, but she doesn’t belong to you. Grace is a person in her own right, and she has the right to know who her father was and the right to know his people.”
“Why is everything so complicated!” Jordan stood up quickly and returned, agitated, back to the window.
“Life is complicated,” snorted Ashley.
“It isn’t for you,” retorted Jordan. “You’ve got Kyle. You’ve got your job. You’ve got a pretty little house. Everything seems to go like clockwork for you. You never mess up.”
Jordan was looking out onto the river as she spoke, her back to Ashley. When she made no reply to Jordan’s comment, Jordan turned to look at her.
Ashley still sat on the sofa, but her face under the makeup was drained of color. Her jaw was set in a peculiar way, like she was trying not to cry. Surprised, Jordan said, “Ashley, did I say something? What is it?”
Ashley held up her hand. “I’m going to tell you some things. You haven’t known me all my life, Jordan. You and I weren’t close in high school. You were a couple of years ahead of me, and besides, I was one of those kids you wouldn’t have hung out with.”
“Ashley! I—”
“Just listen to me, Jordan. My mother was a drunk. She drank herself to death when I was twelve years old. My brothers were nine and ten. You know where we lived? We lived in that big house across from Chandler’s Market that they cut up into low income housing units. My father got an apartment there. He had one bedroom, and my brothers and I shared the other one. There was one teeny bathroom. He was out of work a lot of the time. Sometimes he tended bar at MacTavish’s or the Inn, and in the winter he always tried to get a job as a lift operator at the Mountain. We had nothing. I did the best I could taking care of my brothers. My father did the best he could, too, I guess, but to tell you the truth, I didn’t see him much through my whole teenage years. Oh, he came home every night, and brought in groceries so I could feed my brothers, but he was always out working this job or that. Like I said, I think he did the best he could.
“And Kyle? Kyle’s father knocked him and his mother around pretty good, and a lot when Kyle was little. If it hadn’t been for his uncle Tom Cochran, Kyle said he doesn’t know where he’d be now. He used to go to Tom’s house and stay with Tom and his aunt and his cousins. That’s why he’s so close to them now. You think things just happened for Kyle and me? You think we just sing and dance through our lives? When Kyle and I got together in the seventh grade, we just had this bond. That was real special, and I don’t really know why. We just clicked. We could trust each other, and we wanted the same things. Kyle and I worked real hard to get where we are, and we work hard to stay there.
“We want things, too, and we’re working to get them. For instance, I want a baby, Jordan. I want a baby so bad, and so does Kyle, but we want to be able to afford the baby. I want to stay home with my baby, at least for a while. Sometimes, when I see you with Grace, I’m so envious. Such a beautiful little girl with those red curls! I think, how lucky is Jordan to have a baby like Grace? Then I get scared and think, what if I can’t have a baby? So, Jordan, you can’t get away from the complications. They’re everywhere and everybody has them!” Ashley stopped and gave a shuddering sigh. “I’m sorry I went on a rant, but that’s what I think.”
Jordan opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. She felt awful, as though she had hurt this gentle and loyal person who had waited on her, run interference for her, guarded her secrets, and become her friend. She crossed the room slowly. Finally she spoke.
“Ashley, I am so, so sorry. You’re right. I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’ve been selfish. Aiden said the same thing.”
“You need to let Aiden know that you trust him, Jordan. You need to believe that you two can make it together. Otherwise, don’t even bother. I’m not saying you have to be with Aiden. I’m only saying you have to be sure. And don’t make the mistake of thinking you’ll compromise yourself with a partner. No, that’s not how it works. Love can only make you stronger. Kyle and I don’t have a dependency, Jordan. We have a commitment. We’ve been married—married—since we were eighteen and nineteen. We know we can depend on our love for each other. Love makes everything easier. Even when Kyle and I lived in that three room apartment above MacTavish’s, and we didn’t know from month to month whether we’d be able to pay the rent, it was easier because I could reach out and touch him in the night. That’s how you know you love somebody. We knew together we could do it. And we are doing it. Every day. We make it happen for each other. I never get tired of seeing his face, Jordan. If you don’t feel that way about Aiden, then that’s the reality. But if he lifts your heart, if you feel stronger with him than without him, then give in to that strength. Stop sabotaging yourself.”
The two sat silently for a while. At last Jordan said, “I’m going to go to the Inn and see Aiden. I think I need to talk to him.” She stood up.
Ashley looked up at her as she walked toward the door. “Did you hear what I said, Jordan?”
“I did.” Jordan began to smile. “You’re a dear friend, Ashley. Thank you for that.”
“Go,” said Ashley, returning Jordan’s smile. She waved her hands, and Jordan closed the door behind her, walking with renewed energy out of the building.
Aiden drove to Inn, parked in front, and glanced at the car’s clock. It was seven. The desk wouldn’t open until eight, so Aiden got out and walked slowly down the green. It was a sunny morning, warm for May. The lilacs were in full bloom now and, as before, Aiden was reminded of the house where he grew up. Pansies made a splash of color in the railing boxes on the town gazebo, and lily of the valley grew along the stone wall of the old cemetery across the street. The earth was waking up, and suddenly Aiden felt lonely. He reflected on how his life had changed in just a few days. Nothing was the same or, for that matter, could ever be the same again. He was seized with panic. He knew he could never go back to the way he had been before. He could never be the cavalier young man he had been, sleeping indiscriminately with whomever caught his eye. He could never again go back to the carefree days of juggling one, two, three girls at a time, sending them flowers or calling just because of the ego boost it gave him to know how much they wanted his attention.
Aiden ran his hand through his hair. “Shit!” he said out loud. Could he have ever been that shallow? Now, he felt his future was on the line. He knew Jordan loved him; he could feel it every time they were together. But she was stubborn, and she was still punishing herself for her past. If Jordan didn’t give in, if she didn’t capitulate and open herself honestly to their love, they might both end up facing a future marred by an insurmountable void.
“Stewart!” The voice cracked through the morning mist and startled Aiden out of his reverie. He stayed composed, as though he hadn’t heard, and continued to walk down the street. He hadn’t recognized the voice, but he could hear jogging footsteps bearing down on him. The voice barked again. This time he could hear the runner’s breathing. “Stewart! Aiden Stewart!”
Now Aiden turned, slowly, cautiously, but curious to know the owner of the voice. His shock must have shown in his face when he saw who it was.
“Stewart!” said Christopher Fenton again, slowing to a walk as he approached Aiden. “Surprised?”
“Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.” Aiden was surprised to see Fenton when he had assumed the man had left the town after he had lost out on the deal with ChatDotCom. Aiden was also surprised at the man’s physical condition. Fenton, dressed in sweat pants and a T-shirt and running shoes, was obviously a fitness enthusiast, his arms and chest characteristic of somebody who spent a fair amount of time in the gym. It was an odd contrast with his thin, pointy face and small
features. There was an air of something about the man—Aiden couldn’t quite put his finger on it—that was a little scary.
“Just out for a morning jog,” Fenton said in explanation. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you, Stewart.” He was grinning broadly.
“What about?” The last thing Aiden wanted to be doing was talking to Christopher Fenton. The man was odious.
“Let’s go get a cup of coffee,” said Fenton. “The Inn is open for breakfast.”
“I just had my coffee,” lied Aiden, wishing he hadn’t abandoned his cup at Jordan’s office.
“Well, then, we can just walk.”
Aiden headed back in the direction of the Inn. “Look, Fenton, I’ve got to book myself a room. With your network, I’m sure you’ve heard that Gene Palmer has died.”
“Yes, I heard. Too bad. Too bad. A real old time entrepreneur.”
“What do you want?” Aiden was beginning to feel irritated.
“It’s simple,” Fenton said. “You and I got off on the wrong foot. We were stupid. We should have done this at the very beginning.”
“Done what?”
“Pooled our resources. Gotten together. Why were we fighting over this company? We should have just joined forces, taken the company over, and spread out from there. Nothing could stop the two of us.”
Aiden couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “What are you talking about?” asked Aiden tersely. “Fenton Enterprises never approached Trade Winds. You were willing to do anything to keep us from getting Chat.”
“And that was my mistake,” Fenton replied jovially. “Yes, I do make a mistake here and there.” He laughed at his owned presumed joke.
Aiden felt compelled to get away from him. “And now you want to buy an interest in Chat from Trade Winds, is that it?”
Corporate Affair Page 19